As Rainbow get's onto the top of the snow with me. It was a barren wasteland. luckily in the house i found some tennis rackets and strap them to my feet before i get outside. I dont know how cold it was. Too cold way too cold for me. I brought some water bottles with us and when I glanced at them they were totally solid.
"Well so mutch for water" I say
I found an old compass in the house aswell, I pull it aout and look at it. The glass was totally fogged up. I throw it at the ground in dispair and tell rainbow to fly down south. I had no idea where south was. That way this way, i had no idea. Infinate choices.
"Rainbow are you sure you can lift me?"
"Yeah yeah yeah, im sure i can hold you up. Im the fastest flying pegasus in equestria anyways."
Rainbow put me onto her back. As she slowly but surely took off I looked down, bad idea. I started to waver on Rainbows back and she yelped because of the unexpected surprise.
"Sorry Rainbow didint mean to do that"
We continued to fly in any direstion possible. As i was on her back i realized how small her figure really was.
she was not scrawny or too big. She was just right. As i put my face into her back she giggled with delight.
"Calm down there two legs or i might just drop you"
Last night before we took off i created a saddle so i could sit on her back. Im not that heavy for a seinor in High school, I think i was about 160lbs? Rainbow started to cough. We got farther and Farther and then i started to see that there were some trees poking up from the surface of the snow.
"Hey Rainbow do you see those trees?"
"Yeah what about them?"
"I think we got closer to the ground the snow is not as deep as it was when we were back in NY."
Rainbow veered into the ground and stopped. I got off of the saddle and we took a break.
"Here have some rasins"
I pass Rainbow some rasins i found in the kitchen cubbord. I thought since we were going to leave that i would ransack the house and bring as mutch food as rainbow and I can carry. Rainbow starts to eat the rasins and i start thinking. Thinking of the time i was with my parents in a nice house. Warm cozy and homeley, my mom always cooked jinger bread men and my dad was wrapping presents. My sister was doing something with dolls, and me? I was in the living room looking at the TV. I loved Charlie brown, classic. Every day before christmas I watched my sister lay cookies near the chimney for Santa. Now i think of it as a dream, a dream so far away from reality it just barely touched the brim of my thoughts.
"We better get going. It's getting dark and i dont want you to be tired at the end of the day."
For a few more hours we walked. It started to get dark, And not just dark very dark. I layed out the sleeping bags and put mine next to hers. We saw the moon and the stars in perfect shyncronization.
"Two legs, when's the sun going to come out?"
"I have no idea Rainbow i have no idea at all."
Rainbow comes closer to me and we start to sob in each others arms. I kiss her on the forehead and say.
"You need your sleep Rainbow. I cant take the risk that your going to fall out of the sky and crash into the snow hurting your wing again."
Rainbow turn over in her sleeping bag and I hug her.
"how are we going to be togeather if i go away? I mean back to Equestria... I cant have that happen Nick I just cant have that happen. Weve been togeather and i want to be with you forever."
"I dont know Rainbow we need to manage somehow. Maby i can come with you and trollesti..... I mean Celectia will turn me into a pegasus."
We were looking into each others eyes now. And then it happened again. She kissed me on the lips. Holding me tight tighter than ever before. Like she might loose me to the torrential snow that's falling on our heads. I grab her mane and kiss her back untill i cant give anymore. Every second im with her i feel like the universe is with us, watching over us in eternal peace. I fall into an eternal rest. She stops moving and passes out to exaghtion. I kiss her on the forehead again and fall into a deep sleep.
-----------------------------------
The next day we eat some breakfast. Nothing much but it was substantial. I climb back on her back and we fly. All i saw was snow and more snow. The white plains of nothingness just seem to go on forever, prolonging our adventure into a painfull raw shock test. I cant belive why people loved snow so much. I always hated it, I never liked the damn stuff. It's way to cold, but you get used to it after a while.
--------------------------------------------
It's already getting late, im starting to worry about Rainbow. Her cough, it got worse as we proceeded through the day. First she coughed i dont know 5 times an hour? now she's torrentially coughing in wheezing gasps. We pulled off to the ground, i dont know what were going to do i have no idea. We walk for a few hours and it seems like it's already late in the afternoon. I look at the ground and think nothing of it. I remember watching discovery channel and large snowy tundra's with mountain tops and large.... i remember something very targe in the frozen tundras. I think it was? I dont know cracks in the snow? We continue to walk for a few more minutes.
"Can we take a break Nick? please?" asks Rainbow
"A few more feet and we can rest. Here we will go over to that small drift of snow." I say
When we reach the snow drift i hear a sound. It sounded like someone took a hammer and hit glass. Then a large thud, I lokked at the ground and saw it.... Cracks.
"RAINBOW STOP WALKING!!!"
Rainbow looks at me like im insane and stops walking.
"What is it Nick?"
"Do you see those cracks? if you move even a single bit we could fall.. Very very very far into the snow. I saw something on discovery channel about these cracks. Oh i remember! there crevaces!!! now if you even move a bi-"
I was cut off by the sound of the cracks and I looked at the ground. *BOOM* like a gun shot the cracks traveled up to our feet and we fell. Even though Rainbow can fly she was totally exaughsted from flying, we fell and fell and fell and *THUD*. Luckily i hit a snow bank that broke my fall but i look over to where Rainbow landed. She hit several rocks and her head was bleeding.
"RAINBOW! HOLD ON RAINBOW!!!"
I ran as fast as i could over to rainbow i saw her head had a large gash in it.
"oh shit, oh shit oh shit!!!!!"
Rainbow was coughing blood. I never thought anything like this was going to happen. I take off my jacket and wrap it around her head. Not aware of hypothermia at the time, nothing felt cold, everything felt so lucid at the moment like time was slowing down. As i cover Rainbows head she smiled and looked at me.
"Im sorry Nick i dont think ill make it"
"NO YOUR GOING TO MAKE IT HOLD IN THERE!!"
Rainbow closes her eyes and she passes away. I cried, I had never thought that Rainbow Dash would ever die. As she slowly passed away i looked up into the dark crevace and screamed hoping someone would respond to my cries of help. Was it a minor concussion? major! I had no idea. All i could do was look at her disfugured stance, I cradled her in my arms, and cried.
And once again, I have to admire how much he wants to die. Otherwise he might just call for help or something smart like that.
You know, I really don't know how to respond to this bit. Couldn't he have just, I don't know, wiped it off or something? What he did would be the same as me throwing a brick through a window because it had fogged over leading me (in a fit of temporary insanity) to forget that I could just wipe it with something.
That also would have had the added benefit of showing him which way south would be. Though considering the way this guy has been acting so far in this story, maybe it's a good idea he decided to just give up. Otherwise he probably would have started going north instead of south.
1934323 fortunately i don't appreciate trolls. First of all i don't wright a whole ton. I like the community for what it is. And if you put reinforcing criticism behind that and i truly appreciate that. But then there's a point in time when you just put some one down and i find that sort of sad. Im not saying anything, this was my chance to give back to the fandom.... And you putting that down makes me re-think why I did this in the first place. English is my first language... Not only that i speak Russian fluently, I cant describe the frustration your giving me... /) no need to fight.
1934380
Not sure what that has to do with anything, but that's fine.
Alright, so English is your first language. And you speak fluent Russian? That's really impressive. Going from something like English to languages like Spanish, German, etc. is usually made easier by how related the languages are, but I'd imagine it'd be much harder for Russian, considering they aren't related as much. Anyway, let me just respond to your other points.
It's perfectly fine that you don't write much. I know I certainly don't. While I am sorry for making you feel put down, I think you might be taking it more personally than you should. I always point out mistakes I find in a fic, but the only reason I do that is to help the author improve. Yes, I'm blunt when going over something, but that's just how I am, for better or worse. None of my reviews should be seen as an attack against you. Sure I'll attack the characters if they're acting in a way that doesn't make sense, but that's the character, and not you. If you felt insulted by me asking you if English was your first language, then I'm sorry. I wanted to make sure if it was or not before talking about grammar and such (English is a crazy language, that's for sure).
Alright, let me make something clear. I don't want you to quit. I don't want you to give up and feel like you didn't accomplish anything. What I want is the complete opposite. I want you to keep writing since you seem to enjoy it from what I can tell, but I also want you to get help. When I suggested finding a proofreader to help you, I was being completely serious. There is no reason you should ever feel bad about letting someone else look over your story for errors and to have someone to bounce ideas off of. In fact, most authors I've seen have proofreaders who go over their work, and there are plenty of people you can find on the site who would be happy to help you.
In fact, a quick search in groups using the word author turned this group up at the top of the list:
Struggling Authors
The description:
Why not go here and ask if someone would be willing to proofread your stories? Or ask for constructive criticism. In the end, your stories will greatly improve, you will come up with new ideas which you can bounce off of others, and all the help will just make you a better author in general.
That said, don't feel frustrated. Yes I sound harsh, and yes I sound blunt. However, I just want to help you. Go to one of the many groups made to help new authors, find someone who can look over your story, and develop your story by bouncing ideas off your proofreader.
Anyway, this message is long enough. Good luck with the rest of your story.
1934679 Thanks for that... I may get a little critical if something just pops up on me. Im going to check out the proof readers as-well. Thanks for the advice, oh and I also laughed a bit at the part you think Nick is crazy also with the I's i know they are supposed to be capitalized, i just had no time to proof read it :D
1934877 i know lol first i did your and i was like wait why am i doing you contractions? and then I changed it to I, I probabally missed that one
1934736
Thanks for taking my advice. If you have troubles with finding errors, proofreaders will be helpful. In fact, even if you didn't have issues it would still be useful, since you can bounce ideas off of each other in order to come up with new ideas. A quick search brought up another group which I think would really help:
Proofreaders and Those Willing to Proofread
The description:
My advice (and the advice of nearly any author you'll ever talk to)? Once you finish a chapter, don't put it up right then. I can imagine why it'd be tempting to put it up right then, but it would be better wait. Take a break for a few hours, and then go back and look through the chapter for errors. One thing that helps is reading it outloud to yourself, because that way it will be easier to tell when a sentence sounds wrong. Doing the editing after a break is also helpful because you'll be refreshed and able to notice things you would have missed. If you feel that there are still mistakes (and there will be, because it's very hard to find small mistakes in something you wrote which is why having a proofreader is so helpful), then don't be afraid to hold off on posting the chapter until you've had time to look it over.
Basically, you should never feel like you have to get out a chapter as quickly as possible. Having that mindset might lead to quick updates, but almost always at the cost of quality (more errors missed, less time to dedicate to developing characters, rushed plots, etc.) which is never good. When writing a story, quality should always come before quantity. Updates might be slower, but quality will usually be much better.
If it makes you feel better, reading the part where he throws the compass because it was fogged over makes me imagine throwing a brick at a window because it's fogged over .
Anyway, like I said before, good luck with the rest of the story, and good luck with finding someone to help you with it.
You gonna finish this? Cause you need to I'm in love with it.
1963524 I will soon when this week is done it's outta here just need to proof read it and it's a ok
i this story but it is not finnished