Building Walls, Burning Bridges

by MonolithiuM

Chapter 3- I Keep My Real Name in My Other Pants

"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." ~Albert Einstein

"Mono?"

I smiled brightly and nodded my head furiously. "That's correct." I could live as a character. As my character. Not the paragon of the oppressed or the hero of high school. I could live as the cynical, wacky, ruthless bastard known as Mono.

I should explain what, or rather who, Mono is.

All of you know what an alter-ego is right? Of course you do. We use them as scapegoats into our fantasy worlds where we can be whomever or whatever we want to be. Mono is my very own. Mono doesn't care about how society would react to his outbursts. Mono doesn't bat an eye when he hears that the end of Greece's economy is approaching.

Mono simply doesn't give two shits unless it pertains to him or someone or something he deeply cares about. Simple as that, really.

The creation of Mono came from my suppressed stress and release of it through music and art. Playing my trumpet, I could let out quick, short bursts of high-pitch sound. It actually sounded like aggression and bounciness mixed as one.

The music inspired me to draw. So I drew him. I modeled it after myself, the little character. Same winter coat and Peruvian hat. The mittens were added simply because I was too lazy to draw the individual fingers.

His existence started as a way to relieve stress, but quickly evolved into a fun persona to use every once and awhile. The little swearing maelstrom of insults and abuse wouldn't tangle all that well with the ponies.

And I wanted to see just how far I could push it before they grew tired of me.

Standing up, I slipped my miniature from out of the chains and cuffs, stretching my back and cracking my joints. "Oooh, that's the stuff!"

The guards warily had already brought their spears to bear, holding them in their mouths rather than magic. "You've been holding them in your hooves, and you think that it's okay for you to transfer them to your mouths? That's fucking disgusting..." I approached the throne and smiled, my eyes closing.

"Can I have my stuff? I'd be glad to share some things with you." My eyes opened and my stare hardened. "But leave the Elements out of any business of mine. Especially you-know-who."

Celestia looked troubled by this, but Luna smiled. "Yes, Twilight can be… excitable. I am sure that this time would be no different. You have my word, Princess Twilight Sparkle will have no business with you or your quest to return home. Where, may I ask, is home?"

I looked around the throne room, gazing at the simplistic textures and fantastically impossible architecture.

"Not of this planet, I'm afraid."

Every pony in the room dropped everything they were doing and gaped.

A royal guard received my shoe to his face for that. "I want that back."

\\\\||||////

Princess Twilight Sparkle shuffled some papers around on her mahogany desk. Writing papers to her professors and Princess Celestia was second nature to her, but to write laws and govern a kingdom of her own was a bit much to ask at the moment.

So for the time being she was simply learning. Writing down all of the new and more powerful spells she could weave, and taking flying lessons from Dash. She smiled to herself. Being a Princess had perks, too.

"You got me tickets to the Wonderbolts?" Rainbow Dash had squealed in glee. Twilight had shook her head, and responded with, "I got you a free pass to fly with the Wonderbolts."

Rainbow Dash looked so adorable when she fainted.

Twilight shuffled some more papers, before nodding primly and trotting to the balcony of her beach house. As a newly-formed Princess, she had to isolate herself from time to time to better control and release her abilities. She was taking off the training wheels, so to speak.

Just then, a little note appeared on her recently-organized desk. A faint purple glow flashed from it, and then settled down. Twilight levitated the scroll to her, immediately recognizing the seal upon it.

"Shiny!"

She opened it up hastily and read the message.

Hey Twily,

Are you okay? Thing have been crazy over here, and this thing threatened you and Cadence. Luna and that little monster both assured me that it was an empty threat, but i just want to make sure.

Every since this alien's popped up at the castle, we've been keeping an eye on him. The guards hate him already, and he won't stop insulting Private Shade Flight's mother. I just hope Celestia and Luna can get him back home before he causes more of a ruckus here in Canterlot.

With love,

Shiny

Something was written beneath it, but Twilight couldn't read the script. She had never even seen the writing before, but-

"Wait. Did Shiny write about an alien?"

She read the letter over again, and her heart nearly stopped. Then it went into overdrive as her magic gusted about the room, snatching up bags and supplies for her imminent researching.

She practically skipped about the house, her regal clothes snapping to her form. "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!!"

"AN ALIEN! WHAT DOES IT EAT? WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? IS IT MALE? FEMALE? DOES IT HAVE WINGS? OR A HORN? MAYBE NEITHER? HOW MANY LEGS DOES IT WALK ON? HOW OLD IS IT? WHAT'S ITS NAME?"

She thought quickly about the fact that it had insulted the guard. With an excited hoof in the air she screamed, "IT CAN SPEAK EQUESTRIAN!"

Then, in a bout of excitement, and noticing that her things were ready to go, she teleported to Canterlot.

In her haste, however, she took a good portion of her home with her.

\\\\||||////

"So can you scrape your fecal matter off the ceiling, or does your mom clean that up every once in awhile?"

Shade Flight covered his head with his grey hooves. "Please stop…"

"When you have sex, do you actually squeal like bats? I bet you do. You bat ponies and your cute echolocation. So it wasn't a rusty door to your mother's room?"

Flight curled up on the bench.

"So do you guys eat moths and shit or what? I mean, I know they've got tons of protein but goddamn son. That has to taste like crap. Well I mean, of course it will, I asked if you ate shit, right? Does your ma cook it up with vegetables or does she just eat that raw?"

Flight buried his head between his hooves. "But Momma said…"

He was cut off once again by the little alien, who smiled mischievously. "…that life is like a box of chocolates? My dear Flight, are you slow?"

The bat pony whimpered, then looked at Mono, extremely confused. "Wait. That's exactly what she used to say."

Mono seemed stunned. "That you were slow?"

The guards shook his head. "That life is like a box of chocolates."

Then Mono and Flight said at the exact same time, "You never know what you're gonna get…"

Mono's smile seemed to take up half of his face.

\\\\||||////

Shining Armor sat morosely in the dining room, his head resting on the table. What had appeared tonight was most assuredly a stroke of insanely bad luck. Not only had it shown up the entire guard with that chase, but it had incapacitated several guards that had it at spear point, and had caused two guards to lose their cool.

And on top of all that, it was resistant to magic. And Shining Armor knew that it wasn't actually an 'it', he just felt more comfortable calling it that because it was a little bastard and should burn in Tartarus for threatening Twily and Cadence.

He thought for a minute. "Why was I worried about them at all? They're both alicorns!" He puffed his chest out proudly, but then slumped again, thinking, "They're both alicorns…"

"WHY DO GIRLS GET ALL THE BEST JOBS?!"

\\\\||||////

Princess Celestia put her teacup down on the immaculate wooden coffee table, her horn shimmering slightly while she brought a book up to her face. Smiling delightedly, she leaned back, reaching for her cup with her magic.

~CRACK~

Turning to her left, she was greeted by the sight of an over-excited purple alicorn dressed in full regal uniform, and bits and pieces of light wood that were not native to the palace at all.

"That carpentry looks familiar…" Her thought process was caught up in a flurry as Twilight wrapped her in a massive hug.

"Princess Celestia! It's so nice to see you!" Twilight dropped the much larger alicorn, looking around giddily. "Where is he?"

Celestia blinked. "He?"

Twilight snapped back to her mentor. "Yes! The alien!"

Celestia saw the maddened look in her student's eyes and backed up a step. "Of course, him... "

\\\\||||////

Princess Luna joined Celestia and Twilight on their walk through the castle. "Where are you two going?"

Before Twilight could speak, Celestia summed their situation up. "We're going to find Mono. Care to trot with us?"

Luna accepted and moved with them.

Turning the corner, they were met muzzle to muzzle with a huge crowd of rioting stallions. Guard stallions. With Shining Armor making a passionate speech atop a table.

\\\\||||////

"So what you are saying, Captain Armor, is that you and your troops feel that the male's position is undermined in Equestrian society?"

Shining Armor stared down his sister and the Princesses with anger he didn't know he had before. "You're damn straight that's what we're saying! Mares get the leading positions in government, communities, and public occasions. Us stallions get to fight for you and do the heavy lifting! Bull. Crap."

Shining Armor crossed his hooves defiantly, while the still-armored guards whooped and threw trays into the air. Luna held the bridge of her nose, struggling to stifle her laughter. Princess Twilight looked stunned, and Celestia groaned in frustration.

"We don't need this right now…"

"I beg to differ, princesses!" Mono strolled in from an adjacent hallway, grinning widely and walking with a slight skip in his step. "It's the future of Equestria! A new princess! Stallions getting the respect they deserve! In fact…" He spun to lean on Shining's foreleg.

"Make our dear Shining Armor an alicorn. That should certainly even out the control of power, wouldn't you agree gentlecolts?"

It was quiet, and then loud roars of agreement and cheering rose to shake windows and the Princesses themselves. Mono's smile only seemed to take up more of his face, his eyes squinting to fit more of the cocky expression.

Twilight was absolutely enamored with him, staring slack-jawed at the small creature.

Celestia sighed deeply. "I am sorry, but that is impossible to do-"

"Wait a minute! Let me get this straight, " Mono hopped onto a stool, getting into the alabaster alicorn's face. A finger sprouted from his fist, the mitten morphing to allow such a digit. "Are you denying Prince Shining Armor the respect and position he deserves? You keep calling him Captain, when he is clearly a prince!"

Mono turned his huge head to the stallions. "You stallions hear that? She's undermining a prince! If you read about true royalty, the prince actually outranks a princess. Thus meaning that Prince Shining Armor should be next in line to dominate Equestria!"

The room went dead silent, many stallions looking from one to another. Mono became confused and looked at them quizzically. "Haven't you read that before?"

A few stallions raised their hooves, but the rest shuffled uncomfortably. Mono's jaw dropped. "No. Damn. Way."

He glared at Celestia and Luna in turn. "YOUR GUARDS ARE ILLITERATE?"

The two sisters shrugged. Mono facepalmed so hard he flipped off the stool, landing in a little pile on the floor. "Ugh… Equestria is so goddamn moronic…"

\\\\||||////

Celestia, Luna, and Twilight sat around a small coffee table in Luna's room. Luna and Celestia sipped whiskey from two glasses, while Twilight drank some tea.

"In one night, an alien arrives in the palace, makes a joke of our guards, causes several of them to lose their nerve, and then strikes up a suffrage movement in their favor." Celestia knit her brows. "Luna, some more relief."

The sixth bottle of whiskey floated out, pouring two glasses for them both. Luna downed hers and growled. "This Mono is going to be a royal pain in the ass."

Author's Note:

I made that picture myself. With Whifi's vector of course. I couldn't see Celestia saying that any other way honestly.

I take so long to update because I have another story happening, and I edit everything myself. The next chapter is prewritten, and should be out by Friday the soonest and Sunday the latest. Enjoy the chapter, and I promise that everything will come full circle in due time.

Comments

[Weirdguy]

i think shining will like our world i mean look at this...
media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/01/11/wu92xv0us9.jpg
(i am not sexist, please dont hurt me.)
Go MONO
static.tumblr.com/pgafmci/XNclzroma/poster_cheguevara_big.jpg

[Argo Invid]

Great chapter, sir. And I just **SECRET**. It was fun.
You give an idea - you keep it secret.

[MonolithiuM]

2477781 I think you just gave me an awesome idea.

[MicNight]

LETS FO MONO.

[PaxMano33]

i swear, every other word is a gale of laughter. keep it up!