Building Walls, Burning Bridges

by MonolithiuM

Happy Belated Hearth's Warming

It was a quiet Hearth's Warming
And all through the night,
Not a fucker was stirring,
Not even Shade Flight.

Princess Celestia laid passed out,
Her face stuffed full with cake,
While a certain foul-mouthed human
Had a dream of steak.

The dream woke him from his slumber,
And Mono quickly sat up.
"I want some goddamn steak," he said.
"And from where I don't give a fuck."

Mono stumbled into the candle-lit halls,
Struggling to find his way.
"I just want some meat," he whined.
"I'll even friggin' pay!"

His wishes went unheard,
And he began to brood.
After walking for hours, he decided,
"Everyone is screwed."

Mono went back to his room
And tucked himself in bed.
He smiled by the firelight
With twisted thoughts in his head.

Mono laid in bed, snuggly warm
While harboring a minor case of Psychosis
"I'll teach these vegetarians," he vowed,
"Not to fuck with Mono Nucleosis."

The next morning came
And Mono was all smiles.
The ponies were still unaware
Of his ill-minded wiles.

Mono spent the day plotting
And took care to strategize.
As to what he was planning,
The guards could not surmise.

At 8PM exactly,
When ponies used their gifts again,
Mono grew a smirk
And flipped a switch within his den.

At first there was a rumble,
But then there was a crack!
Canterlot gave a groan,
Its supports had just been snapped!

Ponies began to scream
As Canterlot started to slip.
Mono laughed hysterically
And the two Princesses flipped.

"Mono!" they both shouted,
"What have you done?"
Mono turned and said to them,
"Just having my own brand of fun."

The city on the mountain
Began to slide down the slope.
You should have friggin' seen it,
'Cuz that shit was pretty dope.

A chaotic jingle-jangle
Permeated the town.
Mono had put bells everywhere,
Even on Luna's crown.

With a deadpan on her muzzle,
Luna crushed the bell.
Her nostrils flared and her eyes shone
With the fires of Hell.

Mono shrugged and looked outside,
The forest fast approaching.
"Don't worry girls, we're almost there,
And then I can get to poaching."

Before the Princesses both could pounce,
Canterlot came to a grinding halt.
Mono leapt outside with glee
And soon procured a catapult.

Mono launched into the forest,
His smile showing his teeth.
As he flew, he said as loud as he could,
"I'll bring back fresh Roast Beast!"

The Princesses stared after,
They didn't care anymore.
"I'm going back inside," Luna said.
"It's a cold even I can't ignore."

After so long of being with Mono,
Celestia's anger was no longer storming.
She retreated back inside while I
Wished you a Happy Hearth's Warming.

Author's Note:

I butchered Christmas.

Comments

[R-A-B-G]

yes... yes you did

[MonolithiuM]

3714689 thebuzzonhr.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Obi-Wan-Kenobi.jpg It is my speciality.

[hs0003]

I feel like you were holding back.

[Emo Rainbow]

well well well look what the chibi human dragged in. So you decided to give us 400 words or so? well better than nothing. I take it the strike is far from over?

[MonolithiuM]

3715738 The strike is just about over, with the mysterious blue mist returning and the Harmonious Sports Championship looming just over the horizon.

[MonolithiuM]

3714910 Because I was.

[hs0003]

3717106 ... Don't.

[MonolithiuM]

3717116 I'll remember that while I'm writing the Championship Chapters. No holds barred, all out ridiculousness. It'll be like a firecracker-stuffed turd hitting the ceiling fan and exploding in prismatic sparkles of magic and feces. You won't know whether to be amazed or mortified.