Building Walls, Burning Bridges

by MonolithiuM

[ARC II] Chapter 23- Gem of Rages

[I'm getting rid of the Law and Order doink-doink because it's pretty pointless.]

"In human history, the desire for revenge and the desire for loot have often been closely associated." -John McCarthy

The ponies watched Mono fume at the dragon, his green fists swinging about wildly while he described how he would cook and eat it. The dragon’s wide eyes stared down at the puke-covered chibi giving the tirade. Mono never even took a breath while he described the exact things he would do to prepare the dragon’s intestine’s for a dish called haggis, going as far to spell out in detail how he would remove the organs.

“Should… should we stop him? Fluttershy’s looking kinda sick to her stomach…” Rainbow’s question went unanswered while Mono explained the term flambé and its relation to the dragon’s testicles. Rarity had her magic enveloping the young fillies’ ears, a look of abject horror plastered on her face.

“…and then I’ll heat the oven to three-fifty and bake cupcakes out of your fucking kidneys! I’ll use your stomach and lungs as balloons, because this has gotta be festive! Oh! Don’t forget to bring chips and dip, Pinkie! I’ll use your empty goddamn skull as a swimming pool and use your scales for various household items and tools!”

“Whew-wee, Mono is really getting into this, ain’t he? I ain’t never seen anypony so mad before.” Applejack used her hoof to prop her hat back, whistling at Mono’s description of culinary vengeance with an awed stare.

“…after that I’ll dash your occipital lobe with some paprika and salt, soufflé your temporal lobes, and serve them in your own massive fucking kneecaps! I’ll make a side out of your pancreas, maybe stir-fry it too so that the guests don’t get restless, and throw some lemon juice on it and leave a bowl of salsa and guacamole out as dip!”

“He is quite… vivid with his descriptions,” Twilight said. She really needed to inform Celestia about this, as Mono most likely needed a psychiatrist. The level of violence he had described so far greatly eclipsed even Sombra’s intentions as the King had outlined in his secret journals.

While Twilight pondered why Sombra even bothered to keep diaries about day-to-day events, the inner bully had begun to emerge from Mono’s very soul.

“Furthermore, I’d like to bast you in your own goddamn life juice, you oversized, scaly, leather-winged, shit-snouted, yellow-clawed, fuckwit, ass-munching bullshit fucking excuse for a dragon! A frail little pegasus just scared the shit out of you with her eyes! Her eyes, you jackass! If I were you I’d kill myself out of embarrassment on the spot! I mean, goddamn man! Who the fuck gets scared from being stared down by this wimp?”

Mono thrust a thumb in Fluttershy’s direction with a deadpan on his face before jumping back into the ass-tearing with renewed vigor. Rarity stayed completely silent the entire time, while Pinkie played with a paddleball off to the side.

“And you know what?” Mono suddenly zoomed into the cave, a trail of dust following his path. A hulking monstrosity began to lurch out of the cave, completely taking up the entrance with its bulk. Pulling it was none other than Mono himself, tugging the bag along. He left it right in front of the dragon and pointed at the sack.

“I’m taking your jewels, dumbfuck! You don’t deserve these, especially not this one…” Mono pulled the diamond twice the size of his head from within his jacket, letting it catch the sunlight and throw its dazzling prismatic light show around the plateau.

The ponies stared at it in wonder, while Rarity nearly salivated over such a gem. The dragon grew a look of despair on its face, its claws even reaching out slightly. “Say goodbye!” Mono shouted, somehow pocketing the titanic jewel inside his jacket.

Twilight deadpanned at the scene, the memories of Pinkie’s antics flashing through her mind as the Law of Conservation of Mass was shattered before her very eyes by a two-foot tall alien. Quoting said alien, she shrugged and murmured, “Fuck it.” Mono had indeed begun to wear off on her.

Mono turned to face Fluttershy and nodded once. “A’ight, let’s bounce, bitches.” The ponies hardly reacted to the degrading insult, simply shrugging much as Twilight had previously. The long trudge out of the Everfree became punctuated by Mono’s singing.

“Diamonds are forever~ They won’t leave in the night, I've no fear that they might desert me...”

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“Spike, take a letter.”

“Why is Mono telling me to write a letter?” Spike asked his surrogate sister with a confused look and a thumb angled toward Mono.

“Because I need to send an update to my associates and none of your goddamn business, that’s why.” Mono’s explanation earned a flat look from Spike until the human tossed four sapphires into the dragon’s claws.

“Dear Fancy Pants and Fleur Di Lis!” Spike began in earnest.

\\\\||||////

Dear Fancy Pants and Fleur Di Lis,

What’s good, my negguhs nigas negas neggaes compatriots? After some intense bullshit fanfare, I have procured a fucking huge diamond of generous size. I will be hocking it donating it selling it putting it in a museum keeping it giving it up stashing it returning it to its rightful owners fuck you Twilight, it’s mine now no Mono it belongs back in the hooves of the Goldshod family go eat a cock Twilight I stole this from the dragon fair and square stealing is wrong, Mono, it’s not fair at all you’re right I am pretty beastly so it wasn’t really fair for the chump that’s not the point Mono, the diamond belongs with its proper holders fuck the proper holders, it’s finder’s keepers Mono, don’t you dare!

With love,

Mono N.

Fancy Pants looked over the letter, his eyes squinting in confused scrutiny. “Hmm. How strange…” A blue glow lifted up the preposterously large diamond, a note attached to it written in a language unintelligible to him. The addition of a small figure resembling Mono with its central fingers raised, however, was evidence enough that it was a warning of some sort from its author.

Sighing, Fancy Pants tossed the stone in a safe and smiled, shaking his head while imagining the antics back in Ponyville.

\\\\||||////

“Dammit Mono! That gem didn’t belong to you!” Twilight seethed at the smug human, his arms crossed and a mile-wide smile alighting his face. Spike choked and coughed after having a diamond bigger than his head thrown into his mouth while the Elements watched the argument between the cocky chibi and the enraged alicorn play out.

“The gem belongs to me now and I’ll be getting filthy rich because of it. Just wait till I auction that puppy off for some serious fucking bits,” he gloated, wagging a gloved finger in Twilight’s face. The purple pony frowned deeply and stamped a hoof.

“I’ll use my position as Princess to confiscate the diamond as royal property.” Her friends gasped at this bold claim. Never before had Twilight pulled rank to achieve what she wanted.

Mono’s smile defused her victorious celebration in a flash. “Ah ah ah, Twilight. The gem originally belonged to the Silvershod family, being handed down to the Goldshod family after the last Silvershod died of salmonella; he had decided to experiment with meat because it was on his bucket list. The document for the rights of ownership never left Hornglow Silvershod’s tomb, and so the diamond is now up for grabs since there is no proper heir.”

“What?! How do you know that?” Twilight demanded of the human. Mono pulled a book from behind him and tossed it into Twilight’s magic field.

“I read it in that textbook three minutes ago.”

Setting down the copy of ‘Obscure Filial Connections to Gems and Jewels’, Twilight exhaled a pent-up breath and shut her eyes tight. “Fine. Sell the gem.”

Mono thrust his fist into the sky, hopping from foot to foot victoriously. “Yes!” Reaching within his coat, Mono retrieved two radiant rubies from within. “Rarity, I have a proposition,” he began.

Rarity, her interest slightly piqued due to Mono’s closeness with Fancy Pants, leaned down to Mono. “Yes?” she asked him, prodding him to go into detail.

“I need you to find a seamstress, preferably a foreign one; maybe a zebra or griffon. In fact, yes, definitely a griffon. I need you to use your connections in the fashion world as well as your title as an Element to net me a griffon tailor. ‘Throw your weight around’, so to speak.” Mono tossed the rubies at her, both being gingerly caught in her magic mid-air.

Her eyes sparkled at the sizes of the rubies. Each was larger than her eye, catching the light of the room and recycling it into a red, soothing glare. “That’s the first payment for the favor. Convince that griffon to get here personally and I’ll owe you a small debt.”

Rarity stared at Mono while he rapidly dried off his clothes, soaking and squeezing the coat over and over again. “…first payment?” she whispered in disbelief.

While Rarity pondered this strange development, as well as why Mono sounded extremely professional when handling business, the other mares talked amongst themselves.

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“There are strange happenings going on, dear sister,” Luna stated simply to the Princess of the Sun. Celestia had her eyes closed while in the candlelit room, the scented wax had a great soothing effect on her troubled nerves.

Discord stood not too far away, glancing nervously at the walls, as if expecting one of the many dancing shadows to come out and devour him. “Lulu, Celly, I can’t hear them anymore… We can’t hear them anymore! The coins… they’ve… disappeared.” Discord resumed his frantic searching shortly afterwards.

Celestia exhaled and turned to meet Discord properly. It was true, the sounds of falling coins had stopped, yet fluctuations in the stars and winds had hinted at a tampering with the very essence of Equestria and the other nations. Whatever had been dropping bits had wised up and concealed its actions, however subtle they may have been.

“It means nothing Discord,” the Princess said plainly. This only frightened Discord more.

“No, Celestia, no! It means everything! The coins stopped shortly after we mentioned them to one another. Right after I returned from…” Discord’s voice dropped and he mumbled the rest of his sentence out. “…I can’t accept that that was a happy coincidence.”

“Happy coincidence or not, I agree with Discord: this means that something or somepony is aware of our world’s workings and fates. It has been molesting my stars and tainting the winds with its gentle touch. Ever so slightly does it shift my night sky and redirect winds to carry fate elsewhere. To believe this is nothing is foolish,” Luna stated adamantly.

“Luna, I never said that the tweaking of destiny was nothing, I said that the lack of coins was nothing. Furthermore, I-“ Celestia was suddenly cut off by a clap. After another clap, a candle went out. A second candle fell victim to the third clap. A chorus of rampant clapping and cheering wiped the light from the room, even snuffing out the horns of the alicorns before suddenly going silent.

Lavender, huh? A gently glowing blue mist levitated a smoking candle in front of it, a wispy grasper keeping a strong grip on the wax stick. Are you trying to fall asleep? Is that how’ll you deal with me? The mist’s question was sincere and its asexual voice held a lingering tone of curiosity. Are you going to dream me away, then?

A short chuckle made the mist’s core strobe slightly, the brightly-shining light within expanding and contracting as it spoke. Discord’s eyes went wide and his blood-red pupils shrunk to pinpricks within their seas of yellow. “You made it back…”

The cloud of ethereal energy slowed its spinning, its voice simmering down to match its more somber state. Ah yes, I almost forgot… The candle was set down upon the floor gently, the spirit taking care with the action. …I’m back, the mist growled with its genderless voice. The candle exploded into melted wax and quickly solidified into a coin.

Floating into a ghostly appendage, the mist let a vague impression of a toothy smile appear before tossing the coin into the air. All three physical beings watched the coin flip during its descent, keeping their gazes locked on the newly-crafted wax tab.

Upon hitting the ground, nothing happened. The three looked back up at the cloud, which levitated passively in the silent darkness. Well, my work here is done, the final coin has landed. A slight tear in the scenery behind the mist began to pull the mysterious being through like steam through an open window. I hope you enjoy what’s in store, it laughed quietly.

The rift closed and the candles ignited, shedding light upon the wax coin on the floor.

“Heads,” Discord said quietly.

“What significance does that hold?” Luna asked the spirit of Chaos.

Discord examined the coin with a curious expression. “I do not know, but I do believe that we should keep our ears, eyes, and minds open to anything regarding the term or concept of ‘head’.”

A scandalous smirk from Celestia made Discord and Luna glare at the Princess. “Be serious, Tia! This is a very important matter,” Luna chastised her sister with a disgruntled look.

Celestia held a hoof to her mouth and giggled. “Oh, I’m sorry I got ahead of myself!”

“Tia!” Luna trotted up to her sister and stared up at the taller alicorn, her eyes narrowed threateningly.

Celestia struggled to hold back a snicker. “Oh look… Lulu…” Luna noticed her folly just as Celestia took her first pause to giggle.

“…no… No, Don’t you dare!”

“I’M A FULL HEAD TALLER THAN YOU, DEAR LULU!”

The room soon descended into maniacal cackling from Celestia and unintelligible rage-filled shouting from Luna. All the while Discord examined the coin, floating upside down and eating cotton candy.

Author's Note:

I apologize for the insane wait. I had no access to a computer for a time since my laptop's power cable busted. It cost me eighty dollars to get a new fucking cable and that's just preposterous. Anyway, expect new chapters to begin flowing again, because you know what they say...

Spice must flow.