• Member Since 19th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Prane


Aspiring writer, self-proclaimed hardcore gamer, adept of human psychology. Does not consider excessive pride for a vice.

T
Source

There is a Dark Knight who tirelessly fights against injustice in Gotham City. But how would he react knowing that there are colorful ponies on his side, as well as among criminal scum? Can he take it? Of course he can. Why?
BECAUSE HE'S BATMAN!

This fanfic is based on a 2011 action-adventure video game developed by Rocksteady Studios. It tells a story of a DC Comics superhero Batman and his neverending quest for justice in Arkham City, a prison district recently created in the heart of Gotham. Throughout the story, Batman learns more about this superprison's manipulative warden, Hugo Strange, and his mysterious plan called Protocol Ten...

Some information worth mentioning:
- ponies are NOT replacing iconic Batman characters here - they are independent individuals;
- this is NOT a replay of the game - it follows the game's events, but with a pony twist, modyfying the story and adding new content;
- there ARE spoilers of Batman: Arkham City inside - you have been warned.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 46 )

I never though I'd write a crossover. But here it is: thanks to Steam Sale I got my hands on Arkham City and got... inspired.
Few important things to save your precious time (worth mentioning in every crossover in my opinion):
- ponies are NOT replacing iconic Batman characters here - they are independent individuals;
- this is NOT a replay of the game - it follows the game's events, but with a pony twist, modyfying the story and adding new content;
- there ARE spoiler of Batman: Arkham City inside - you have been warned;
- Trixie is best pony - not really relevant, but hay.

I don't know whether or not I'll put more effort into this fic - I just wanted to write it before my Bat-hype level falls. In other words, I might cancel it right away, depending on the feedback I'd hopefully get. I got some... loose ideas for possible future expansion, like glamorous Batmobile ride through Gotham City, certain dual-natured pony expressing herself in a brand new way or even cool cats, awesome loot and radical thefts...

tl;dr: I don't know if this fic is good. Tell me!

Hmm... not bad.

Having never actually played Arkham City, I can't say for sure how well you pulled off the characters, but, from what I can tell, you did okay. My only complaint is that it moves along too fast. Hardly one thousand words go by before Twilight and Batman are investigating the city together. Don't you think both of them would be a bit more cautious of each other, seeing as they've never seen a creature the likes of them before?

Anyway, still looks pretty good, so it's a thumbs up from me.

~Gherkin8088, the self-proclaimed Crossover Guy

Comment posted by MLP BRONY 27 deleted Dec 14th, 2012

I think this is a really good story so far, I haven't seen that many batman related crossovers, so I think that the idea is very original. but I have to admit that the story hasn't really explained much on Twilight and Rarity's part so far. (How did Twilight and Rarity end up in Arkham City? When did the Penguin kidnap Rarity? are the rest of the Mane 6 in Arkham as well? and if so, what happened to them?) I apologize if my review is a little too critical, because as I said I think this is a good story and I'd like to read more.

Good beginning. Can't wait for the next chapters. Thumbs up from me

1798406 I agree. I think it'll probably be explained later though.

This isn't a bad setup, and so far I think it's OK. The only real issues I see here is that you are falling into the fanfic writer's most common trap.

You're writing in cardboard instead of prose.

Here's an example:

‘Stay where I can see you, Batman.’, a short, chubby man yelled. He was wearing a tuxedo underneath an expensive coat, and had bottom of a bottle lodged in a place around his eye which looked like a monocle. ‘You wouldn’t believe the fight old snow man put up. Still, I got what I wanted.’, he said, admiring a frost gun he was holding. ‘That’s all that matters.’

It does the job of describing something, but it doesn't do what writing really should do: it should paint a picture in the mind of the reader. Sure, Batman's already seen the Penguin millions of times now, but what about Twilight, who has never seen him before? Let's take a moment and analyze how Penguin might appear to a unicorn who's never met him.

Twilight: intelligent, snarky, analytical, resourceful.
Penguin: delusions of grandeur, slimey, voice sounds like a dead bird with an accent.

Thusly, we can now rewrite the above quote as:

"Stay RIGHT where I can see you, Batman!"

The Caped Crusader and his new unicorn ally looked across the water. A short, chubby man in an expensive tuxedo and heavy overcoat glared at them with beady little eyes. At first, Twilight thought he was wearing a monocle, but upon closer examination, he merely had the broken bottom of a bottle shoved into his face. His general shape, size, and unpleasant air reminded Twilight of the Diamond Dogs she once fought.

And then there are little things. Like, why doesn't Twilight just teleport past all the doors? Howcome you skipped the gladiator battle room? Why does Victor Fries do as Twilight asks with very little reason as to why he should?

1795672
I agree, meeting a human should never be easy for a pony. I imagined Twilight (as the most open-minded) would just go for it, unlike other ponies that I'll hopefully introduce in upcoming chapters. Thank you for your opinion!

1798406 1799246
I saw Batman crossovers on FIMFiction, but they were rather 'Batman comes to Equestria' than 'Equestria comes to Batman', so I chose the latter for this story. And yes, those questions you asked shall be answered, just like Bronyman1995 is predicting. :twilightsmile:

1799656
I'm going to print your post and hang it on the wall. :heart: Seriously, big thanks, I always seek opportunities to grow as an author, and you just gave me one! :pinkiehappy:

1799810

Just promise me we'll get to hear Hugo Strange tell Twilight Sparkle, "I'm going to enjoy dissecting your brain, Miss Sparkle."

I rather quite enjoyed this, it's crossed over with the arkham city game (which was boss!) but at the same time has a way to veer off the path and change the story line around for example: When batman and Mr.Freeze see each other in the game Victor is without his suit. But when we see him meet with Batman here it's something new and refreshing but still stays on track with the game's story line, Victor still gives batman the scramble frequency.

All in all a VERY good fic. I would love it to continue, which i'm sure it will since you have 14 likes and 0 dislikes so far! :pinkiehappy:

Oooooo that's cold Batman
but true Twilight much better than Robin :twilightsheepish:
:yay::yay::trollestia::trollestia::pinkiecrazy:

Nicely written and with well explained plot changes. I really like your story. :pinkiehappy:

I love superheroes and I love MLP thank you for combining two of my favorite things plus Arkham City is a good game I give your story two thumbs up.

Delightful!

It probably helps that I just finished replaying AC for about the seventh time, so have a nice clear memory of the scenes and characters, which made imagining the pastel ponies in the midst of the game's grimy, dark environments laugh-worthy in itself.

You might do well to expand a bit more on descriptions for those readers who don't know the game at all (and I do agree with Gherkin8088 that even for a couple of sharp minds like Batman and Twilight, they adapt to each other's presence pretty swiftly), but I for one had a good time here and rather hope you'll choose to continue. If not, I might just be tempted to pick up that ball and run with it...

Have a Batmustache. :moustache:

First of all, thank you all for the amazing support! Now I am certain to continue this story... you don't believe? Have a Chapter 2, then! :twilightsmile:
I think I managed to adress some of your question (as it has been foretold! 1799909), make my writing more vivid, and take into consideration your thoughts! Putting it simple: hugs for everyone!
Now, to the more important stuff; the next chapter of Marekham City won't be sooner than late February. Sorry! :ajsmug:
I scheduled another project for the upcoming weeks, which actually started almost year ago with a one-shot. For all you Trixie lovers, have this and everything that links to it.

Enjoy some more Batman universe, because I can't say there's a lot of Batman himself in the chapter...

A few errors in spelling here and there but definitely a good chapter.
I'll be looking forward to the next chapter

There is some improvement. The writing style still has ways to go before it becomes fully engrossing; right now it goes simply for stating things as they are. Not necessarily bad, but not all that gripping, either. It's especially odd that there is little artistic description or whimsy from Rarity's point of view, since she is an artist herself. Take, for example, her description of Robin's costume:

The man’s costume was composed of a red vest-like armor with a letter R embroidered on it, pair of black pants with red stripe going along the legs and a cape with a hood. The cape was black on the outside and yellow on the inside. He also had a small mask covering only the area around his eyes.

I would have thought that if Robin's costume would really wow her, she would have described it a bit better. As another example, she described Barbara's hair as "as red as Sweet Apple Acre's finest", which was a good description. We don't get a similar description of the colors in Robin's costume, and it strikes me as kind of awkward. So really, it could have been more like...

Rarity's eyes traveled the man's unique costume, picking up every detail and marveling at how well it managed to convey a sense of danger and mystery. The shadow-black and raspberry red complimented each other like lovers, and the cloak and mask he wore (both as pitch-black as the carapace of a changeling) projected the image of a romantic thief. What stood out more was the royal 'R' emblazoned upon his knightly chest.

There we go. A description befitting an artist of Rarity's caliber.

But that's another thing I think you're missing in your writing: a voice. Catwoman's segment this chapter should have sounded sarcastic and snarky, but instead it came out dry and calculated. It's tricky to get the tone right for each character, and it takes multiple tries to get it right. But everything that's any good takes lots of time to make.

Looks really good! :pinkiehappy:
So we have...
Batman - Twilight & Rarity
Catwoman - Rainbow Dash (for now)
Two-Face - Fluttershy (presumably)
My guess for Pinkie would be Joker, or more likely Harley.
But Applejack is the wild card. Is she even in Arkham?

1915154 I must use my prophetic powers for good!

And this was a nice chapter. I love the idea of thinking that there's a subspecies of human that live in caves.:rainbowlaugh:

And Rainbow Dash and Catwoman are stuck together? THIS PLEASES ME

I like the story, but you need a prologue or a plot dump 'cause I have no clue what's going on here. :rainbowhuh:
Why are they in Gotham? Why do they know about it beforehoof? Why aren't they worried about being separated in a whole new (and dangerous) universe? Why does Rainbow know about Bats when Twi didn't know, considering the catwoman thing happened earlier and the ponies have no way to contact each other? WHERE'S AJ?:applejackconfused:

2413279
Those are all valid and important questions, thanks!
However, they will not be answered in a prologue way. Instead, I'm gradually dropping hints in chapters that will eventually lead to answers. For now, I hope that instead of confusion, you'll find a touch of mystery in the story!
(also, I feel bad for digging up your comment from before, like, billion years, but I felt it important to let you know) :twilightsheepish:

Psst... I have a secret. I have found a perfect formula for success:
1. Write a somehow well-received crossover story about Batman and ponies
2. Abandon it completely for a few months
3. ???
4. Profit.

Well, I'm not sure about Step 4, to be honest. But I observed no massive unfavoriting here, so I'd count that as a success! :raritywink:
Anyway, here's Chapter 3 - and I blame Arkham Origins trailer for that. What's more, I learned that you should never estimate when the next chapter arrives, cause you really don't know what would happen to that moment. For now, go and enjoy some more TwiBat crime-fighting duet... and more depth into the coolest character around...
Next chapter: when it's done. :)

I can't believe I have to post this after seeing Robin talk like that:

What drives me crazy regarding this fic is how you write the dialogue.

"When you write dialogue, it ought to look like this," said Fife.

"Unless you make an exclamation!" he added. "In which you wouldn't need the comma." He cocked his head. "Or perhaps a question is in order?" he asked.

You are certainly improving on your descriptions, though. I'll give you that.

Not a bad story at all, Especially, since it has the famous game known as Batman: Arkham City in the storyline. So, good job!

Awesome story! The Batfamily, NICE!

Btw, dialogue is " not '

(Sees title and art) Already love it :ajsmug:

First Arkham City/MLP crossover I ever seen. Then again, I have seen X-COM crossed over, so I'm not gonna judge.

I won't go into detail of the story, except that despite what you say, this does look like a retelling of the game main plotline, only with the ponies assissting. It looks that way so far. But mostly, I wanna point out your grammar. Do you have an editor? Yes or No? Here's a fault:

I now have a trial right to him.

A trial? What, you mean Bats' gonna take Ras to court? The word you're looking for is trail.

Another problem I seem to have noticed is how they talk. So far, Barbara and Alfred seem fine, but Batman sounds a bit... OOC when he's talking in the lines that you write. Doesn't sound right. He comes across as an optimistic fellow and highly enthusiastic. Robin comes across as too much sceptical when he talks about Twilight. A few replays of the game might help you get the hang of how they talk. It tends to work.

No comment on Fries. He is a scientist, first and foremost and he seems to accept that if Twilight is standing there and is talking, then of course he takes it and doesn't question it. Guess that works.

I'm gonna fav this just to see where you're going with this.

if Alfred was a pony...


He'd be best pony.:twilightsmile:

3200966 He's already best butler. Now's he be best pony. Which would also make him best butler pony!!!!!
Heh. Went a little :pinkiecrazy: there for a sec.:twilightblush:

3199029 Here is the name of another one "My Little Arkham".

I am canceling Batman: Marekham City. Reason: the story was fueled by my bathype from the games and this fuel has burned out a long time ago. If anybody feels like taking the story forward, I am willing to give my permission to continue it, and provide new author(s) with some general ideas I had for the characters. I apologize all those who were waiting for new chapters.

3711602 why not just put it on hiatus until you get some more bathype Bat-Hype

4311798
Because it is unlikely I'm going to get any. With Nolan's trilogy over and Arkham Origins being rather disappointing (at least for me) there was nothing to inspire me. Writing this fic has really taught me a great deal, but at the moment I've created enough original content to hold on to, thus making Batman obsolete.

4312676 BUT WHAT IF I TOLD YOU... I AM BATMAN :rainbowdetermined2:
da da da da - dada

JK
Though should bath-hype return to you. please do continue

WHY?!?!!? WHY IS THIS CANCELED? :fluttercry: This story is so awesome and well done!

5505466
Hi, I'm glad you liked these couple of chapters! :yay:
Unfortunately, the decision of canceling it still stands. It was certainly fun while it lasted, though!

5508521 Maybe you could at least think about letting someone else take up writing this story? That would be awesome! :rainbowkiss:

5514435
By all means, yes! The moment I canceled it I said I was alright with somebody else taking over, but no one seemed interested in it. If you're willing to continue it, or know someone who's interested in the setting, let me know and I'll do my best to share what little I remember about the grand scheme I had for the heroes and villains of Arkham! :raritywink:

Why was this cancelled? Is someone else restarting this story?

8337311
Hello Starlight, thanks for dropping by!

Crossovers are like a bike's training wheels - it's good to have them when you're starting to write in a new setting, but eventually you have enough own ideas about said setting that you can detach them without the fear of falling. That's what happened with this story: at some point I decided I'd like to write purely pony stuff, plus I wasn't that hyped about Arkham games anymore.

No one has ever approached me with taking over the story, but if they did, I would be more than happy to give them my blessing and share what little ideas for the plot I remember. :raritywink:

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