Why hadn't she told her she loved her? If only she had told Twilight how much she meant...but she hadn't, and now it was too late.
Cover image by *mysticalpha @ dA.
[not a shipfic]
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 11th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen May 5th, 2023
fallen starr
How can I be home and still feel out of place.
fallen starr
Joined 11th Jul, 2012 ·
Offline
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Wow. That was... beautiful. Very nice.
oh...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_sad.png
This is quiet nice, really touching.
I really liked this. It's short, but heartbreakingly sweet and touching, and beautifully sad. Wonderful work!
Hnnnnnnnnnng
-snap- that was the sound of my heart breaking. 
Everything I thought it would be. Great job man. Excellent story.
Poor Celestia.It must be sad to see everyone you know and love die.
You hear that my friends? That's the sound of my feels being obliterated and crushed into oblivion.
Here. Have them. All my feels.
My feelings
this is sad but at the same time heartbreakingly sweet 
It is so sad and beautiful, good job
First Impressions Review
Based on the entire fic because it is fairly short.
Starting with the image, it is nice and fairly generic, a good choice for a small one-shot such as this.
In regard to your description, it is short and to the point, which is a positive when you're trying to write something like this (also, thanks for adding in that it is not a ship-fic, or many a reader would have been mislead by the description) and I could tell before even reading the story that it would be a very emotive piece.
Now onto the actual story. Usually when you start by seeting the scene like you do, you should aim to put in a nice description of the surrounding area, especially if the entire story is going to take place there. I would recommend tying the description into the emotion you are trying to convey, especially the weather, whether it be through pathetic fallacy or contrast. If you are going for the pathetic fallacy you could try and write something that ties in with sadness, which in terms of wear is usually associated with an overcast day with cool air. On the flip side, you could go with a contrast have the weather antonomous with the emotions, so you may have a bright, sunny day. If you go for contrast it would be recommended to link it to the emotions with a sentence or so like 'The bright sun was at odds with the prevailing mood that hung in the air' or something to that effect.
In terms of character dialogue and development, I think you did a great job. While nothing where Celestia is sad can ever really be a canon-esque description of her, I believe youve managed to capture her essence perfectly. That sort of benevolent feel with a hint of hidden emotion beneath it that keeps her seem like a real character and not just a robot.
In terms of spelling and grammar, you seemed mostly spot on. There were a few mistakes here and there, such as 'princesses' when it should be 'princess' '. Though overall it was pretty decent.
So overall, this piece was very emotive and you have great character development. Perhaps a bit more on the imagery front but nothing really major. I believe this fic has a great first impression and I've given it a like. (N.B. Sorry this is so short, I'm writing this on my iPod and it takes ages to type anything, also, I'll review the other one tomorrow, I'm kinda beat at the moment.
Dan - First Impressions Reviewer
Short and sweet.
I like it!
I felt like the feels grabbed a baseball bat and wacked me in the face.
Awwwww!
I laughed when she said that she won't be a princess because she actually did become a princess.
The feels
wow
I am not a big fan of one-shots or sad fics but this is just beautiful
You know what would be horrible? If Twilight was a mortal alicorn. Celestia would let her guard down, thinking that Twilight wouldn't leave her like everyone else, and then BAM! One day, this happens. That is literally the worst possible thing I can think of to happen to Celestia. Either way, this situation sucks for someone. If Twilight is immortal she has to watch her friends die. If she isn't, Celestia has to watch her die.
6300523 Well that's the thing. I'm saying it would be horrible if she didn't know Twilight would pass on.