The Study

Source

After her curiosity gets her in trouble, a young Twilight is summoned to Celestia's study.

Special Thanks to editors Luna_gamer, VampDash, and Izanagi.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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Shadowmane PX-41

Shadowmane PX-41 #1 · Mar 3rd, 2015 · · ·

Ooh... What's Twilight done wrong?

Flint-Lock

Flint-Lock #2 · Mar 4th, 2015 · · ·

5694404
It's kind of explained in the first few paragraphs.

CassandraMyOCisBestpony

CassandraMyOCisBestpony #3 · Mar 4th, 2015 · 1 · ·

I'm curious to see what kind of a sad story this is. We've never seen Princess C get mad about anything short of trying to destroy the world or enslave ponykind

howard035

howard035 #4 · Mar 4th, 2015 · · ·

I would love to see Celestia actually make some naughty child march through the streets of Canterlot with a sign saying "I'm a bad filly." This is probably what traumatized a young Blueblood.

Michael Hudson

Michael Hudson #5 · Mar 5th, 2015 · · ·

Hmm. I don't know wether or not to like this story or roll my eyes at it. While very good in atmosphere, it is definitely concocting the incorrect atmosphere, at least from what we are told. I am told it is sad. Well why is it sad? Because Twi is going to get punished? Well sure that can be sad if the punishment comes and it makes her have a break down, but even then with how this whole thing presents itself I suspect dark fits infinitely better then sad. By the time the 'end' came around I thought Twilight was possibly not only a nutcase, but possibly going to lose her horn. The dichotomy you had going between her filly voice and descriptions reinforce this feeling of a horror story, not a sad one.

For a more general point, the grammar was decent. I have no idea why you used a page break when you did, but it worked I suppose. I would have just kept the scene going personally.

I suppose I have one final complaint that really drags this down and would stop me from ever favoriting a story like this or even tracking it. It isn't finished. By this, I don't mean it is incomplete. No, I mean that you could have actually finished the scene or written the next thousand or so words to take care of this plotline, but you didn't. Instead, and I'm guessing for the sake of tension which could have simply come from a chapter break between the two chapters of the story, we get a cliffhanger that feels unnecessary and cheap. You build this moment up and what do you give, nothing. I have this small bit of anxiety that gnaws at me but literally no way to fulfill it and that isn't because the writing is fantastic because though quite descriptive and passable on grammar, all she did was walk down a hallway. I kind of want more from a story then that.

So, no downvote, but definitely no upvote.

Flint-Lock

Flint-Lock #6 · Mar 5th, 2015 · · ·

5700094

The dichotomy you had going between her filly voice and descriptions reinforce this feeling of a horror story, not a sad one.

Were you ever sent to the Principal's office as a kid? If so, you know how nerve-wracking it can be- you're not sure what's going to happen to you: are you going to be suspended? Is the principal going to call your parents? Are you going to be banished to some hellish dimension for all eternity?

I wanted to recreate that feeling in this story.

Looking back on it, though, perhaps I should add the "Dark" tag...

Michael Hudson

Michael Hudson #7 · Mar 5th, 2015 · · ·

5701151 The thing is you are entirely right. You feel uneasy, like you have no idea what is to happen. That is good, atmospheric horror. Sad should be like blanket that covers the characters, shown less through thought and more through the fact that they are slowed, that something bad has happened and we are seeing the effects, or at least that is my opinion. You currently seem to be setting up that bad thing that happened to make this sad, which has a very dark feel to it. If you go beyond that, I would say a sad tag is worthy, but if you don't, I'd just stick to the dark tag as it fits the tone better.

the dobermans