This is a crossover with the game Lunar Dragon Song
In the forest Jian gets lost while delivering a parcel for Gad's Express and winds up in the Everfree forest and fights a Hydra and barely defeats it
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 7th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen April 4th
butterfield pancake
I have been a MLP fan fro about 2 Years and my real name is Andrew [My Fav MLP character is Rainbow Dash and Applejack]
butterfield pancake
Joined 7th Oct, 2012 ·
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It could be just me, but I have absolutely NO idea what you are talking about, I know it's a crossover but still, this is just sloppy.
Wait What?
There are so many things wrong with this sentence, I don't even want to start
TOO... MUCH.... GOING....ON.... IN.... ONE..... SENTENCE!
images.wikia.com/dragonage/images/2/2a/Anchorman-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg
One Tip:
Don't try again, Please Don't.
FRITS OUT! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
1568162 The game wasn't a very good game it was kinda crappy but still fun nnonetheless
1568186
Never played it, Guessing it's a decent game, This story however is not.
1568196 Well the game had a lot of terrible faults in it for example you lose HP if you have the character run which makes no sense
and the fact Jian can only use magiuc if he has the correct ring on his body at the time
1568162 and also the story will get better in later chapters when one of the evil monsters from Jian's world enters Equestria as well to hunt Jian
1568207
Well it's not really the plot that is the problem, I'd say it's the writing.
It's too sloppy at points, the action is poorly written.
And well Just stuff happens waay too fast to be enjoyable to read.
What I'd suggest you do, find a editor, or atleast someone in your family/neighbourhood/friends who has had experience
with writing stories, or even someone who will check you're spelling/writing mistakes for you.
That would really help, though this story I'm afraid is not really enjoyable to read.
That's all I have to say for now, I will leave you to the rest of fimfiction.
FRITS OUT! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
1568196 also the battle system was broken in it [You had to choose between getting items and experience points]
1568227 Yeah I guess you got a point I edited it slightly to explain why the portal opened in the first place
You know I happen to like your story so far, but it's sad to see just how many people just see it as a just a terrible story which to be honest are just plain rude, and mean.
6681159 thank you that means a lot to me
6682213 No problem I for one had the game before I lost it, and I happened to like it since it was the game in its game origin that I played never got to the last part of the game because I had no idea what to do at all.
But my favorite item was the Final Counter, the bell shoes, and that all I can remember like I said I played before but I lost the game, and some other games that I had which I should stop because it's opening some bad memories for me. 
6682256 currently I am planning a chain chronicle story but I'm not sure if I should have it in the same universe as MLP
Though it is possible if I have it that Equestria is one of the foreign continents so far they have two main continents Yggdra and one that name isn't released yet...
6682361 Now that sounds interesting actually.
So this is just a suggestion how for each chronicle it takes place in a different area like in the Griffin kingdom, or a different place it might make things interesting. 
6682463 it's an app game and I made a pretty odd main battle party
I have
Passionate Battler Rondo she is of the sea breeze tribe and they bond with a certain animal and gain features
2. Stonewall champion San-San he is an earth Sprite meaning hes small but powerful
3. Magical sweets Warrior Schele
4. Priestess of the Blossoms Arietta
5. Colourful archer Lucrezia ( an assasian who wears custom made super flashy clothes
6. Flame swords woman Sonya
6682508 Oh I never heard of that app sorry I was still think on the lines of the Lunar saga.
My bad.
6682523 the app game is actually produced by SEGA
6682537
Well that's cool I happen to like one Sega's game series known as Sonic haven't played all of them but only a few of them.