• Member Since 29th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 17th, 2017

PonIver


Midwest Brony. Really appreciate critiques, especially if you catch grammatical errors. I'm far more used to prose and poetry than narrative, so any advice, hate mail, etc. is appreciated.

E

Rainbow Dash takes Fluttershy to get her license renewed.
Bossy government employees. Speeding tickets. License photos.
There's only one way for this to end:
Hijinks and hilarity.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 25 )

To be honest, this is a deleted scene from my series 'Gravity'. No link to that since it's a mature fic.
This scene felt too funny for me to destroy, but it wasn't right for the story. I lost focus while writing that story and cut this from it.

omg polnver! HOW DID YOU DO THAT WITH THE TEXT??? (referencing the fact that your pic with this story looks surprisingly real, even though the building's text has "cloudsdale" in it)

Oh, the DMV. Ironically, I was thinking of the FAA at first...

Liked it! Good charecters, good speeding ticket joke, and a dmv photo that is, well, a dmv photo. Solid story!

Haha, pay up Rainbow, that is what you get for breaking air traffic laws!

Awh, just a one-shot? It'd be fun if ya follwed up a little. XD

The whole premise raised a few more questions that probably don't have answers.. I would have liked it more if the entire situation was played for comedy. Definitely picked up towards the end. Still, got some chuckles out of me, so congrats.

The only one who disliked this story already had his/her Flying license yanked! :rainbowwild:

1535622
Agreed. This scene was pulled out of another feature of mine since it didn't offer enough character development. I didn't want to throw away that much work and enjoyed the comedy bits enough that I thought it should just hit the board as a one-shot.
At least now I won't have to worry about what could have been and can concentrate on my main series.

She passed with flying colors, literally.

This line made me laugh much more than it probably should have...

“Sorry,” Rainbow snickered as she handed the card back to Fluttershy. ‘Worth it.’

I'm pretty sure "handed" is not a thing that ponies are able to do.

Anyway, nice story, I thought it was fairly funny. Also, this bumped up Gravity on my read later list.

This was a pretty decent one-shot. Kind of confused me towards the end with Rainbow and her license, but other than that, nice job.

This has to be more than a one shot, I want to see RD at remedial flight camp! :rainbowdetermined2:

Particularly liked the ending. I think this works well as a oneshot, too - doesn't feel like you clipped it from something bigger at all. And it's nice to see a little itty-bit more of Cloudsdale, which is very underdeveloped.

“Are you crazy? I haven’t gotten a single speeding ticket in my life!”

“Of course not, nopony could ever catch you, and that darn mailmare in Ponyville kept losing the notices we sent you."

Supersonic Dash + Derpy being Derpy = no fines ever received. That is the funniest bit of the story so far.

Loved it.

I understand where you were trying to go with the premise, but it just fell flat with me, probably due to unreconcilable logic versus meh comedy. Why would a naturally flying species have a license to be? Yeah, just can't get that through my head.

1538811
I thought so too. :pinkiehappy:

Great story. I couldn't even tell this wasn't originally a one-shot! Great comedy, and though Kagitaar's doubt is logical, this is too funny for me to care. :rainbowlaugh:

Hilarious one shot, what a fun story. :yay::rainbowwild:

1534549
One of the members (and my close friend) in the brony group I admin is a graphic designer and tossed that together when I said I need a cover for 'FlutterDash at the DMV'
1535573
To be fair this should have hit the cutting room floor and been forgotten. I only submitted this deleted scene as a one shot because some of the gags were too good to throw away.
1535914
Fixed that error. Thanks for pointing it out. Also keep in mind that Gravity is a very different story compared to this. It has comedy as a central element but is more about the feels than anything else.
1535919
Yeah it was a slight mess. This was written without much thought as to the premise and more of the process centralized around the impending gags.
1536901
You should write a story about that. RD surrounded by the rejects and class pyros lol. Suffering through flight lessons... could be hilarious.
1537596
Glad it doesn't feel like a cutting room scene, since I hardly changed anything besides some dialog at the end to tie the story back to romance and character development.
Writing Cloudsdale was my original goal. There aren't many stories that feature it since it limits the characters you can use. When I knew the next chapter of my series was going to be Flutterdash, I knew I had to make Cloudsdale happen. This did the job, but it didn't connect well with the central plot or offer any character interaction and development. I ended up replacing this with a scene at the hospital where Fluttershy gets an inoculation for Feather Flu, but she's afraid of needles.
1538811>>1544463
Thanks. I don't do much comedy (ironic because I'm quite funny IRL), so knowing there was at least something worth a chuckle makes me happy.

I really liked it. Especially the ending twist.

Ending was cute; Dash still helps Fluttershy after things go pretty bad for her. Could have used some resolution on the consequences for Dash, though.

THIS was a very great job, really well thought of and seriously detailed, funny as buck, poor Dash but it's what she deserves, Gods...the things a friend does for others, eh?:pinkiesmile:

DND, the worst burcracitic branch of the goverment in all universes.

FINALLY FOUND IT! The first ever story on fimfiction I have ever read!

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