Spike has finished his chores for the day and has nothing to do. He decides to go for a walk and buy a snack from SugerCube Corner, which he takes to the park to enjoy, when he finds a rather sad pegasi.
Will trying to cheer up this pony turn into something more for them?
One-shot, First fic.
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Go on...please!
Not bad.
One of the most rushed one shots I've ever read.
How could any-pony make fun of Derpy? She's my favorite background character, and I would love to have a three foot live Derpy in my home.
the only thing I didn't care for, was the fact that she was a mother... but having said that... it was the best derpy-romance fic I can ever remember reading
This ship lingered in the back of my head as a concept for the longest time. About time someone brought it into existence! Props to you.
Dinky: "Mom's new boyfriend is only a few years older than me." The definition of awkward.
Regardless it was adorable and let's be honest in terms of shipping Spike is the most shipped male character, rivaling only Rainbow Dash in terms of shipping in general; this fic was bound to happen sooner or later.
The Good: It was pretty sweet, and well written. It doesn't suffer from any dumb dramatic shit that a lot of ships do either. I like how simple it was. It just goes to show that a well written fic will be good regardless of how long it is.
The Bad: That being said, it is damn short. That isn't inherently a bad thing, but it also feels just a bit rushed. Next time (or if you continue this story) make it more of a build up. Have a few days of anticipation, or some kind of misunderstanding. Very rarely does it work out so perfectly.
The Ugly: The age gap is pretty gnarly. Plus Spike is a dragon. But ya know, I read stories about cartoon ponies falling in love and having sex (and sometimes other things...), so its not like I can judge that
Basically, you are a natural shipping writer. I cant write shipping to save my life. I write horror and tragedy. It's cool to see the other side of the genre spectrum. Hone your talents, and you will go somewhere on this site.
1535345 Thank you, for the good and the bad. As for the ugly, I believe that the age gap isn't that big since Twilight hatched spike when she was a little filly, making him only a few years younger then her. But, he is still a baby by dragon age/standards.
This is a nice little fic, I really enjoy fluffy one-shots with spike a lot.
That being said, I have to agree with everyone else, the pacing is just a little too fast. If you stretch the events between the two of them out then it allows the reader to become more and more interested in seeing where the relationship goes and increases the excitement when the sparks finally do fly.
Either way this was a good read if a little quick. I wouldn't mind reading more of your works!
1552319 Thanks, this is the first story I've written ever. Not perfect, but I liked writing it. If you like fluffy spike stories, you and me will be the best of friends, as it is my hope to see spike shipped with a lot of different, never before shipped with spike, mares.
1552980 I have a feeling we will be the best of friends! If you want to see an unusual ship check out my CheeriSpike Fic! (Ugh, Self-plugging...
)
Every story can be improved, no matter how much experience you accumulate! Having flaws in a story isn't anything to be ashamed of, all you need to do is just make sure you make an effort to not make them next time! I like your mentality!
Ok i like this fic. Now if only you could continue this fic I could help you if you want.
1682209 Not sure how I'm going to continue this atm. If you would like to help I would welcome it.
1682263 Of course. Do you have the following?
Skype
Steam
Xbox live?
1682271 I have Skype and Steam but not Xbox Live.
1682333 send me in PM what they are please then I will add u
Well, that escalated quickly. Good fic though!
Pegasi is plural, don't you mean pegasis?
2375489
Pegasus
I'd love to see this continued, its probably not too late to take off the one-shot status and add more, because there arent too many good derpy x spike stories with lots of story to them that i can find
MORE PLEASE!
Straight forward vanilla flavored muffin lovin', enough said.
On a curious note, how many fillies would envy Derpy and how many colts would envy Spike?
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
This was completely ADORABLE!!! More please
nice story, i really enjoyed reading it. also, scales and muffins you say? WE'LL CALL THEM SCUFFINS
Just a small detail, it is Pegasus in singular.
Oh, and I do love Derpy quite alot as well.
Edit: give the chapter an actual title as well, even if it is a One-Shot
Short and sweet. Most interesting,
Cute. 9/10
I read this awhile back. I still love it. Short and sweet.
Derpy
Ponies may hate you here
But in our world
You are loved more than you can imagine