Even with coltfriends to back up their claims, both Applejack and Rainbow Dash must deal with rumors circulating around Ponyville that they are in love with each other. To prove that she isn't scared of what others think, Rainbow Dash kisses Applejack outside of the bathroom at a Wonderbolts' race. She thinks that, at most, only a couple of ponies passing by will see them.
She is wrong.
This is a "sort-of" sequel to "Sex, Fillies and Crayon-made Drawings", but you should be able to follow this story without reading that one. If not, here's the link to the previous story:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/52447/Sex%2C-Fillies-and-Crayon-made-Drawings
Chapters (1)
Not bad, im not done but so far i see no major grammar mistakes.
Technically, there's nothing actually wrong with this fic. The grammar is nearly perfect and the plot flows nicely. It's just that it's so... boring. I can't figure out specifically what this story's problem is, but I just can't get into it. It's a different take on AppleDash, sure, but it's carried out in such a bland way... plus, the ending is rather cheesy.
Didnt really like the ending, and i personally dont care, but it was a stupid move to reveal appleblooms cutie mark. It wasnt too bad thoigh, there were a few parts i liked.
1377731
Thanks for the criticism. I'll be sure to work on making my stories more interesting.
1377833
I'm glad you enjoyed some of it. And yeah, sorry about the bad ending .
I don't see anything wrong with this. It's exactly as it describes itself.
I'd like to actually read a sequel to this. There is so much that needs wrapping up
I'm guessing though that you don't have actual AppleDash planned huh?
1377976
No, sorry.
I am working on a longer, action/drama fic that involves shipping, though. (not saying if its AppleDash or not, you'll have to wait and see)
1378051
You're a quite decent writer and AppleDash from you would be glorious 
It better be
1378058
Thanks for the compliment man
This is funny, bit straightforward but entertaining nonetheless. You should stretch it into a series where they (AJ and RD) have to figure out a way to show everyone that they're actually straight. That would make for some good stuff and hilarious shenanigans. Either way, nice job!
I'm going to try an keep my dislike for AppleDash out of this.
Ponies don't have hands.
Not really an error, but breaking the fourth wall is usually looked down upon.
Similar to the 'hand' issue, ponies don't have arms.
Ah should be capitalized, as AJ is referring to herself.
Missing quotation mark after lover.
Personally, I didn't like it (AppleDash notwithstanding). This was mostly due to the ending, which failed to wrap up the story. I would have much preferred AJ and RD to spend some time trying to convince everypony that they still aren't gay (not that there's anything wrong with that
), and maybe a bit of conflict between them and their coltfriends. Then again, that could drag it out into a big multi-part story.
1377731
I think it's just you. I found it entertaining, and it flowed pretty well. I agree with you on the ending, though.
1378597
Yeah after what everyone's been saying I might do that down the line (write a longer fanfic with the premise of Applejack and Rainbow Dash trying to convince everypony that they aren't in love)
Dat ending!
Dang it. I thought this was going to be an AppleDash fic. >.< Guess not. :/
Stallions! So predictable and so one-dimensional. At least there won't be any difficultly getting them in 'the mood' for the comfort-sex that I have no doubt that Applejack and Rainbow Dash will be needing after this fiasco. Unfortunately, I'm figuring that both Rainbow and Applejack will be fielding hints from their respective coltfriends for a private repeat performance but taken a lot further. I also think that both stallions in question will be doing couch time, if they don't end up in hospital, especially after they confirm that the other is "okay with this" so long as they get a "return engagement" in due time.
As for the mares themselves? They are going to have to deal with endless congratulations from friends and acquaintances as well as a semi-serious query from Trollestia and Trolluna about whether or not there should be a state wedding for two of the Elements of Harmony.
Tracking this one, and a thumbs up just because. Feels a little
stiffawkwardly worded in places, maybe a little unevenly paced. What's more important is that it's a fun read. I can imagine a couple more chapters like this - one where RD has everything go wrong (her version of chapter 1), another one like chapter 2 where everything backfires for the two of them, then maybe a wrapup chapter where it's all concluded... preferably with AppleDash (and both still in denial!).Awesome reactions all around
This story is awesome, please continue
1377861
OMFG that was good, even if there isn't a sequel, keep it in your time-line of fanfic's, though the aftermath would be HAWT (Probably cloppy, Dash and AJ making out while thunder and caramel watch would be fucking hot)
So this is what an episode of Seinfeld with ponies would be like.
1377976>>1378051
I can see it now, the master plan: Thunder and caramel DO eventually convince the pair to kiss again, make out, and further. AJ and Dash eventually get into it so much that they decide the stallions are lame and not worth it, and dump them. They then continue as a happy AppleDash ship!
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/8/28/_9PQWuSVDUuWkwZdJRHO1Q2.jpg
Fantastic story
You somehow have managed to write a story like this where I don't feel too incredibly awkward to continue reading. I call it the Doug Funny Effect...
I just noticed something.
I believe you meant to say in progress.
1387561
This idea
arch.413chan.net/I%27m_Liking_This_Idea-(n1309917639647).png
This was good, and funny. I really liked it, however I noticed one issue (aside from what's already been pointed out) :
When using quotes inside of quotes, the quotation marks should be single, not double. Should look like this:
That aside, good work.
Hands = Humans. I see what you did there.
Also the ending ... priceless.
Good story. Fav and watch.
That was so incredibly awkward. But I liked, so have a
.
1530679
The voyage continues?
1530692 Of course. Your stuff's pretty fun to read
Also
Funny take on hetero shipping really, it's really quite funny to see it play out from non "marefreinds" POV. Though i dislike caramel for his only screen time as a grump (though i cant really recall what he did i ought to look for that exactly so i can clarify on later points), He and thunderlane keep to a male POV quite well in the end though it was really odd reading that particular dialogue.
Now i avoided the original story on my own bias of disliking Caramel as a character but with this story in mind i do believe i owe giving it a shot and shall.
Also quite liked Pinkie playing matchmaker so intently it fits quite amusingly.
The story progression ought to be quite interesting now, i look forward to the reception their friends will have for AJ and RD, especially Rarity i love me some love obsessed rarity going over the top.
I will watch for the next part, and thanks for the laugh!
1608263
Np. I am still thinking about doing a third part, and your review makes me more determined to do so.
I heavily suggest "Sex, Fillies and Crayon-made Drawings" if you liked this. To this day I still consider that story my funniest (then again, that's just me. comedy is up to the audience, not the author lol)
I love how you're in the AppleDash competition, and this is basically the anti-AppleDash. You write a lot of different things.
1833290
Yeah I do lol. I also have a TwiXDash fic. Each of my stories occurs in a different reality unless mentioned otherwise
My stories are eclectic, to say the least.
AHAHAHA, no. Leave.
At the end i can just imaging that song playing in the background while Thunder and Caramel get their Wing-/Boners.
Man you got me laughing again. Though deep down I really wanted them to get all appledash and discover they did love each. I guess its just funnier this way. Also the ending was priceless. Nice job
I loved "Sex, Fillies, and Crayon-Made Drawings." This, however, rubbed me the wrong way.The forced shipping pisses me off. Pinkie Pie should know better than that, and I think even in her craziest moment she would have enough respect for her friends not to try to force them to kiss.
I'm also extremely put off by any act of betrayal of one lover toward another, but in this case it's a minor issue because Caramel and Thunderlane don't mind and they'll probably be very understanding of Applejack's and Rainbow Dash's explanations. Much more-so than everyone else, at least.
Finally, I don't buy that Rarity would get the shipping bug about Rainbow Dash and Applejack while they deny it vehemently, when she's already got excuses to make wedding dresses anyway with the relationships that Rainbow Dash and Applejack actually admit to being in. Fluttershy not believing the two comes completely out of left field. I'll concede that Pinkie Pie can jump to conclusions easily, such as her failure to properly investigate the culprit behind damage to Sugarcube Corner's prize-worthy cake, but she normally has uncanny understanding and knowledge, and she should have known the truth behind the rumors and RD and AJ's real love interests.
Props to Twilight for not buying into the rumors. I'd feel better about this if AJ and RD actually managed to clear up the rumors, and maybe Pinkie Pie seeing the wrong of her basically trying to ship-rape her friends. Maybe learning a lesson in actually listening to one another. I realize I'm taking this a bit seriously for a story with such a non-serious tone, but I really can't help it.
Brilliant, just brilliant!
~ADG
Pinkie Pie.... don't let me hate you for forcing a shupping they didn't like...
1378216
Like fuked their boyfriend in public ?
That's a good idea i think
1482979
You too you search stories with that inestimable ship
the "taste the rainbow" part had me dying haha