- Member Since 19th Aug, 2020
- offline last seen Nov 20th, 2023
Max Ksenofil
We are soldiers in white gloves.
Max Ksenofil
Joined 19th Aug, 2020 ·
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Will this story have villain songs in it?
11287898
No.
Alright! Just finished reading even if I should well be asleep by now...
...and I'm kinda lost. Is the apparent lust every mare that lays eyes on Arhip simply because of Estrus, or is this guy just that fucking hot? It just seems weird that every female mentioned in this chapter has the hots for him (in varying degrees, Luna swung her flanks around for the guy about 20 minutes into meeting the guy while Twilight seems on the usual experimentation route).
I also looked over Minuettes part like 3 times before realizing she's supposed to be a nurse or some sort of medical official for the prisoner (Who was arrested on sight for being...an immigrant?)
Maybe I missed a few things since I'm tired as hell, but just curious. Other than those things the read was pretty good and funny.
11288011
The lustful, or still playful mood of these mares is quite justified, but all these details will be written in the next chapter. And besides, at the beginning of the plot it is mentioned that three months have passed, but then the main character has to tell what happened to him from the very beginning. Of course, I will not describe 90 days of his life over hundreds of chapters. I will only describe the more important points. And it is quite logical that these mares can behave in this way.
As for Minuette, she is not a medical professional. She's just temporarily working as a maid in the palace. In addition, I plan to describe the history of this mare in great detail in order to reveal this character. Anyway, what I've written about Octavia at the moment, it looks very interesting. But this chapter is not yet finished.
Security near the club called the main character "emigrant". I also intend to explain in detail why such a status was applied. But first of all, this is due to the fact that this same security officer did not know what kind of main character belongs to. But emigrants, these are all those who decided to move to Equestria to spend their working time, and then get the status of "citizen of Equestria".
I hope that the reader will still be able to understand such details. Otherwise, this chapter could have been much bigger. Approximately 30,000 words.
Yes, and thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment.
11288045
ahhhh. OK! See now it makes more sense. (Also, I'm more awake now too as well)
I'm liking so far where this is going. The playfulness of all these princesses is quite refreshing. Not that it doesn't happen in other stories, but all at the same time is a rare read. Trust me I have searched! Well except Twilight which is still her bookworm self as usual and is last to get any subtle hints ... even as princess.
I have questions tho. Why does he see the only medicine for hangover to be more booze? There are far better ways to get over it. Also there were princesses when he first came. Don't they have any spell to fix someone else's hang over? The last question was never even touched in the show. But logically they should know something!?!?
Why is Minuette shy/embarrassed to see him naked? Aren't everyone around her, including herself naked too? She said half of the days she is outside the castle around others. There is no chance she hasn't seen at least one stallion outside .... with erection or not. Is it just that she has never seen it in such intimate settings?
Which brings me to the most important question. How has Arhip.not gotten erection yet ... being alone with a sentient naked mare ... in a bathroom? I know you say things will get more heated next chapter, but why is he not hard in his bathroom story? I know he is used to working with horses, but she isn't one. Just look at her!!! :P Is it his drunken state?
11289679
Greetings, my friend.
First of all, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for the fact that you are often an inspiration for me for the idea of a new story. And I want everyone to know that if it wasn't for you, this story might not have existed. It was you who suggested to me the character who will have to play the main role. We are talking about Vinyl Scratch. And it was because of this mare that I was able to come up with the basis of the plot. As a result, it began to grow into something more than just a porn story of 5 thousand words.
I'm proud to have a friend like you.
Yeah! I didn't let the plot go in the trash. And as a result, I already have a good plan, which is slightly corrected during writing. But it must be a difficult story, in the truest sense of the word.
Maybe I'm not writing the perfect story... But I'm trying! And with your comment, you just gave me your bonus to acceleration and fantasy.
And now the answers to your questions.
Firstly, the story of the main character begins with "real time" (according to the plot plan).
The main character himself is exactly that formed Personality, with his manners, level of intelligence, and other capabilities. And he knows that there is exactly the way to eliminate his problem, which is written in the plot. (all people are different, for many reasons)
Let's imagine a situation where the main character is a researcher. Then the story would have developed according to a different scenario. And it would be another "Alternate Universe" and they are not counted! (I have the corresponding TAG). And one more thing! He had not seen any other princesses except Luna at that time, according to the plot. And we also need to take into account that even a princess is not omnipotent. Otherwise, any world building, in any plot, will fly under the tail of Fleur Dis Lee!
For all other questions, I just ask you to wait for patience. It is necessary for each to go their own way, to get what they want. Minuette is no exception.
Кейденс - Не забудь рассказать нам о своем первом опыте с кобылкой.
Архип - Я вырос на лошадиной ферме...
С козырей зашел, ничего не скажешь
Кстати, поздравлю с попаданием в избранное!
11289943
Да! В этом и есть прикол, про имя перса, и то где он вырос, и потом где оказался.
Но, я не долго пробыл в "Горячке". Меня уже скинули.
I'm very surprised how these mares lived all their life together without a stallion or without being naughty with each other! I guess they tease each other, but I seriously doubt that's enough. I guess they can help themselves on their own in times of heat.
I like that you mentioned Lyra as another musician that can be interested in this male. Hell I imagine there might be many others that might be as well.
If they really haven't done anything naughty between each other. I feel like Arhip has to help them overcome THAT problem! They just need a little push to start seeing each other as more then just friends!
11289793
I'm glad you didn't let this plot go in the trash. It was too good to abandon! Granted it's slightly different in some aspects. But things that are cut might end up in another story someday. Who knows.
Still the main character is destined to deal with quite a few VERY sexy ponies! Hope he is able to make them all happy!
A selfish question due to my naughty mind. Did they rut with Spark Ignition? I know you often tend to leave things to be explained in future chapters However it seems they most likely never did.
Speaking of things left to be explained later. I like how you fit Minuette in the story, both the past and present. Hopefully at some point a certain alien helps her STOP running out of time!
Also can't wait for Derpy to come back. :)
What is arhip a reference to? I googled it an all I got was a rugby player.
11292281
Try to find this option here. ( Archippus )
It's like a full name that is written in English and German (style). Take my word for it, this name is much more years old than "rugby".
cs5.pikabu.ru/post_img/big/2015/07/22/1/1437518796_1628744723.jpg
Всего несколько дней не смотрел, а ты вон уже сколько накатал.
А мне ведь еще про Харта читать.
Это ошибка переводчика или Винил по русски могёт?
11297303
Да, братан. Бывает вдохновение. А че Винил по русски заговорила?😆 Ну че крутяк! Давай ее к нам сюда. Мы ее научим плохому.
I underestimated how long it would take me to get through the first chapter, turns out 9k words is quite a lot, especially when using the text to speech to help keep me focused
Although I have only read the first chapter so far, this story has impressed me. I don't usually like this kind of HiE story, but the way you've written it really does intrigue me. I look forward to seeing what will become of Arhip as he gets accustomed to equestrian life. The standout scene to me was the bathroom, where the differences in culture really shine.
The fact that the bathtub was made of wood immediately stood out to me, as I could never imagine using something like that in real life, although that may just be because I default to assuming it's some old, makeshift thing. If it's in Canterlot, let alone the royal castle, it's probably very well kept. The fact that it is large enough to contain five ponies is also interesting to me, as it makes me think that ponies tend to bathe in groups, or at least, more than one at a time. Though, I suppose the exceptional size could also be justified by it being in the royal castle. One of my favorite things in a story like this is worldbuilding, and seeing how the life of ponies differs from our own. Using the bathroom scene as an example again, the machines made with the pedals, levers, and crystals all come together nicely to make a really interesting system. I hope to see more of little things like this in future chapters.
As for the characters, I'm compelled to compare them to one of my guilty pleasures, an anime called Monster Musume. On the surface, all of the princesses and Arhip seem to be driven very heavily by sexual desires, but I can absolutely feel real character in their behavior. For example, Luna and Minuette's kindness toward the human, even through his rather unpleasant introduction, show that they're selflessly caring as well. Twilight and Celestia also show a bit of this depth, as they don't seem to be quite as attracted as the others, allowing their personalities to shine through a little more with the inclusion of Twilight's note taking and Celestia going through three cups of tea as the story progresses. Once again, I do hope to see some more of this as things continue, giving the characters more time to show their personalities and a little less being horny for the protagonist.
I can't promise that my next comment will be as long as this, but I will be leaving a new one with every chapter I read!
11300222
The most invaluable comment. Thank you, bro! It really lifted my spirits.
But I can't promise anything about driven sexual desires, especially from one of the princesses.
I don't mean to cross a line, so tell me if I am, but this is a genuine suggestion. (Also, I should mention that I haven't finished reading this chapter yet, but this part stuck out to me)
This section would sound infinitely better if you just made a few small changes. I understand that this still gets the message across, but something like this flows much better:
All I did was trim out some of the unnecessary words and change things to sound smoother, like turning "So all the dancing guests will have the opportunity to learn to dance better" into "Every dancing guest will have a chance to improve their dancing skills". It still has the same meaning, but I find it a bit easier to read.
Even ignoring that, the main thing I want you to consider here is using proper terms. Specifically, changing "numerous crystal sensors are able to adapt to the rhythm of the music and create color effects" into "numerous crystal sensors are able to create a magical audio visualizer". What you wrote still works, but by using the proper term, you make the character look like they really know what they're talking about, and you make yourself look more knowledgeable.
11301548
This is a really awesome suggestion to replace some words. I have made changes to the text. Thank you for taking part!
This chapter finished right before Arhip is about to get raped by the mistresses of the night!!! At least 2 of the servants of the night! xD
At least that's the vibes I was getting at the end and I liked it.
On another note he really needs to tame Minuette and make her not so in a hurry. She already had her chance in the 'rape' area! :P However he also needs to willingly participate in it and be aware what is happening. I foresee enjoyment all around from such wiling rape! xD
11302327
Yeah, bro... Today I will finish describing this scene, with these two "courtesans". I promise, it will be interesting and sweet as their names.
Thanks for the comment.
11291414
Hahah! Of course, I understand that I am writing a story with detailed porn content, and frankly mature, lustful things. But at the same time, I'm still writing a story in which I pay attention to other details. I wouldn't be interested to know about how much progress Octavia and Vinyl have made with this stallion. It was during their youth, where every pony (this also applies to Human) was still trying something new in his life.
And yet, if such revelations and detailed descriptions are present in the plot, then first of all it concerns the main character. Although, I do not rule out that I can write something similar in the first person of other characters. First of all, it still concerns Vinyl Scratch.
P.S. And again I express my gratitude to you for supporting my inspiration while writing this particular part of the plot.
camo.fimfiction.net/BwvhccL2wShXVcZo88FjfRK9dRkg5h6RFs6zvJ5ggA0?url=https%3A%2F%2Fs.mediasalt.ru%2Fimages%2F287%2F287186%2Foriginal.jpg
Went a little overboard with the lovie dovie. It almost comes across as a bad soap opera. Breaking into tears because it was sex and she wouldn't be his. Don't get me wrong, I liked the chapter, but I think you went a little too overboard with it. In my opinion it would have come across better if you had kept things a little bit more down to earth.
Monk
11304181
He still did not burst into tears, but at that moment he thought about someone else. Just didn't clarify it in front of Cadence. She understands everything perfectly well herself. But if Cadence said the name of this mare, she was afraid that it could only worsen the situation.
My fault is that I didn't specify who he was thinking about at that moment. Although at the same time he said something that could play an important role for him. Playing a love affair with Cadence is useless, but she forgives him. But what I showed in this scene is one of the variants of realism. Provided that I myself have gone through such moments in my life. So, these are quite ordinary things.
And yes, you must forgive me, but I am also a former theater actor, although it was in my younger years, but I still have a penchant for such scenes.
A drop of a tear, it's always a small detail. But even this does not appear just like that. It is important to feel this on an emotional level.
I have yet to show the different sides of the character of the main character and his psyche.
Zealot and Protector, Fourteenth Landgrave of the Sword without a Name. Max Ksenofil
Finally finished chapter two. I think this was a bit better than the first one! I always appreciate good character depth, and I can tell something great is starting here.
11304648
Thank you for taking your time to read. You're really right. Here the Great begins!
Imagine, if his crotch was naked at that moment! :P Fight between naughty udder and a penis!!!
She disrobed. He should have too! xDI know he undressed later on, but naked dancing sounds qute fun. Why should just the mares be constantly naked? :P
How come here Cadance is depicted pretty when disrobed. Yet Amira in the other story has to have her trinkets to look pretty. I think they both are pretty with nothing else on! xD
I wanna see that!!! Experiments are fun like here with Cadance! It needs t happen! I'm speaking from the lence of not having read chapter 6 at all yet. Just from chapter 5 I got that .... desire/hope for it!
Lastly, I love the bite mechanic towards the end. This is what most horses do anyways. Just rarely see it done to princesses in stories. It's just normal for them.
PS: Go udder play all the way!!! Every mare needs to experience that. Pretty sure normal stallions don't care about that. They are missing so much potential
Edit:
At first when I was reading this chapter I was debating with myself about Cadance being only his mare and nobody else's? Then I realized. He has many mares. Why shouldn't mares have several stallions too!?!? If a mare can have more then just one .... they definitely just should! :)
11305139
Thanks for the comment, my hyperactive friend.
I don't even know how to answer the first part. But you know that Amira is almost always wearing erotic accessories. Personally, I think that the more precious metal (gold or precious) stones a girl or a mare (princess alicorn) wears, the less beautiful she is. It looks repulsive on a psychological level. (I could explain in more detail, but I won't do that).
1) Sometimes experiments can bring obvious traumatic results.
2) Yes, I like to bite in both stories. In my opinion, this adds new sensations during intimacy.
3) I could not answer the last part of the comment. This puzzled me.
I'm all for erotic massages on Twilight's back. Primary wing muscles are very erotic and especially sensitive. In fact I think every winged mare deserves one!!! Especially princesses and certain MAIL mares!!!
All hail the war horse!!! He definitely definitely needs to let it free when riding and even sometimes when dancing. I imagine tons upon tons of very fun moments, if that happens. Definitely needs to happen sooner or later. Why only they can be naked? In Equestria the weather is nice. Except when it rains, but that's not often the case. It just needs to happen!!! :)
Did I ever mentioned, I fear for Arhip's safety among these temptresses? Not just talking about the fruit ones!
I picture him at some moment finding THEIR rope and tying them. Using their words "Don't worry girls. I'm just going to torture you!" Then showing them HIS bigger fangs! Love bites with them to leave at least a light mark.
For torture of these temptresses. I would really love fisting. Something no stallion can do. As deep as cervix penetration. It might be just me, but I think they deserve such ... love torture! They have definitely earned it!!! Also definite abuse/pleasure for their primary wing muscles as they are most definitely very sensitive too. Duct tape ... optional ... maybe?
By the way since this is their way to train him for his life in Equestria. It means, whatever he learns and whatever ideas come to his mind. Are ok to be applied in this land with other mares! Learning new culture and habits is often fun! Yes I do realize it's their duty. However it's his duty to show them he learned the lessons. Fangs on penis can be replace with canine teeth on labia for mares! True only lightly, but it will be similar effect to what they did to him. Not exactly sure if fang or canine teeth would be better for that situation. It definitely won't be that malicious, just the same level they did it to him!
....Fuck, if I survive, I'll whip you both! I'm not going to... mmm... I personally like more my version, but both work!
By the way. During such 'torture' he definitely needs call them horses! Not just Luna! :P
PS. I do remember a mare that in the previous chapter. Made it a point to show everything in her depths up to her cervix. She also needs fist torture lessons to said cervix! Many mares keep torturing him. He needs to return the 'favors'!
PS2: We saw what a fruit tincture does to a penis. Now I really, really, REALLY wonder what it will do to a cervix!!!
11308349
What have I gotten myself into? 🤣
I have to admit that for the first time in a long time, I feel a sense of complete confusion!
Why did you reveal all my plans for the future?
But still, thank you for your invaluable comment, although I have already understood your specifics and special attention to the specific details of this story. This is also good!
However, I want to remind you, my hyperactive friend, that such a story cannot consist only of all the details you have listed. Otherwise, I'll go crazy before the main character of this story does.
I still think there are a bunch of stories on the site where all your fantasies can be realized. I can't promise the same for this story. Of course, I'm still trying to surprise readers with something by showing this world with a first-person description. Including scenes of intimate passion and dancing.
11308388
Well those are ideas. Granted I like all of them, but you can take as much or as few of them that you decide. :)
Also it's your fault that you have planned to do the ideas that came to MY mind while I read this chapter! xD
I like how happy Derpy is when she is granted a leave. She is just like a little filly! I love it!
I want to express my doubts towards Flawless Tango. It's most likely my bias against characters that come out of nowhere. However go Rainbow Dash coming out of nowhere and spreading cutie marks. .... ya, definite bias against Flawless Tango. Just ignore me.
By the way, if Dinky wants to bind herself. She needs to talk with Mango and Strawberry.
Something that no one will understand, but I vote Dinka for president! :P
Sorry my last post was this short, but was sleepy them. Yet I know I wanted to mention a lot more things when reading it.
I like how forward Dinky is and she isn't afraid of sexual things. Kinda reminds me of me when I was young. In the beginning I like her was sneaking and observing my surroundings. I, like her managed to find sexual things. Tho all I could find at home was an anatomy book in Russian. Of course I didn't understand anything, but the pictures! There was also this book with sexual positions. Later on the internet came to the rescue!
Anyway I can definitely see her trying to match her mom with Arhip when they meet.
As for her comment about tying her mom. I can definitely see that happen. There are a couple of fruit bat ponies that will definitely be happy to help. Also since most of the things in this story connect at some point. I can use my 'prophetic powers' like Dinky and predict we are going to see Rainbow Dash at some point again. However she has hard time standing in one place. Tying seems like a good remedy against that. I imagine Dinky being taught by the bat ponies, or more in her character. Spying on them to learn how to do it. Not only Princesses can spy you know!
I also love the scene in which Derpy got her cutie mark. She needs show that dance to Arhip. Not just recount it from memory, but actually demonstrate it to him, in a lot more details then the brief explanation here in the train. Of course a certain filly will be told to get out for that moment. However I don't see her agreeing to that part, or at least she will get out, but again spying can be applied here as well! It all will depend on where and how it happens, but it HAS to happen!
11312026
cs6.pikabu.ru/post_img/big/2015/03/24/4/1427175449_1235390296.jpg
I'm glad that you at least paid attention to the fact that I told my version of how Derpy got her cutimark.
I didn't quite understand that. Where did you get this from? I didn't write about it. Or are you starting your fantasies again?
11312202
My bad she meant tying herself, but still tying was involved!
Everything else in my comment is valid!
I apologize to all readers... But I accidentally published an incomplete chapter (8)! Yes, there is eroticism there. But I have to keep my promise. I'll show you the dance, through Twilight's eyes. Therefore, I returned this chapter to the editorial office. I have to work hard.
There are so many note worthy things to understand and comment in this chapter. A single one won't do it justice!
Main thing for me in my extremely biased mind, is the impression which both Celestia and Luna left me with when they entered the room in their black and golden latex outfits. Supported by this 'boss like' track that accompanied them. I had chills going through my spine. Did I mentioned I'm extremely biased towards these mires, in a very good way?
This party is just going to be awesome with big chances of rutting. Tho for some pink alicorns maybe even others. We shall see. Orgasms can happen even without rutting, as we saw!
On a very different note, I fear for Arkhip. Apparently his visit to equestria has started with 2 very naughty bat ponies. Then later on a very naughty princes of love high on aphrodisiac tincture mixed with estrus. Purple book worm and two BDSM like queens! Will he survive his new life in Equestria? It's all an uncertainty at this point!
That being said, I loved the 2 bat ponies and the game they played with him. Very nice fruit salad to greet him in his new life on this planet with many possibly 'lonely' mares! Their game was fun. Could he repeat it later with them or possibly others, maybe princesses? I guess we will have to keep reading to find out. I know quite a few that can use such a game in Equestria and even have fun with it.
I appreciate the occasional play with udders and tits. In stories with human females, the male almost always pays attention to the breasts as well. For ponies it should be the same with their version of breasts! Sadly I find very few stories even mentioning that part of the pony anatomy.
On another side note I want to order fisting of at least a few more ponies as the story goes along. It was quite fun. You have no idea how hard it is to find a good story with it in a pony world!
11368093
Yeah, the chapter turned out to be really long and intense. I only read the whole thing in two evenings.
However, thanks for the comment, my friend. As always, you know the plot, and the most piquant details, right after me. You even have the privilege of knowing what's going to happen in the next chapter before other readers.
The impressive appearance of Celestia and Luna in the room of Cadence to participate in the party, all accompanied by a music track, is what I also like in this chapter. So I lost count of how many times I reread this moment.
And it would be logical to assume that it is these sisters who will show spectacular scenes in the next chapter. Besides, I'm just looking forward to when the image of these princesses, who are also in seductive costumes, will be ready.
I officially declare that this author was accused of something he did not do, and as a result, this account was banned. But I promise that the continuation of this story will be written already on my account. It will be "volume 2" and it will also have a link to this initial part of the story.
11392413
This musical track was planned to be used in the description of the "Arhip and Twilight Dance" scene.
camo.fimfiction.net/YrwumMIkmDcN8vNJwxh1Pqat9daiu1_qnFlICHsgX18?url=https%3A%2F%2Fponerpics.org%2Fimg%2Fview%2F2022%2F9%2F16%2F6515957.png
But now all the following chapters will be written by me and continue the story of Arhip. In these chapters, he will finally be able to get acquainted with Vinyl Scratch and Octavia, as well as with Derpy and Dinky. Then he would go in search of Minuette.
And of course, the Princess of Love will visit Arhip many more times.
Правильно, нахер таких друзей!
Лире Хартстрингз опасно всматриваться в ночное небо...
А чего такого проклятого в песочных часах на крупе Минует?
11470792
Это то, что является ее недостатком. В ее Судьбе. Она не имеет постоянства. (Читай дальше) И О! Спасибо за комментарий, мой друг!
11470792
А все ровно, тебе понравилась эта глава? Ведь я вкладывался по полной, когда писал. Я вложил душу.