Twilight Sparkle has learned an advanced spell that took weeks to master and finally puts it to the test. It works like a DNA paternity test and tries it on her friends to demonstrate. But then she tries it on her family, she discovers something unpleasant. Will this be kept a secret or will it tear Equestria apart into chaos? Better yet will it ruin her sanity?
*Knotwist as editor/proof-reader*
Page generated in 0.246 seconds
Total duration
815 users online
385,395 hits today, 2,454,720 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
zgeek.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/so_wrong.jpg
I'm gonna assume this means incest somehow and hope it doesn't turn into clop.
Wel, well, well. This just got interesting.
Hoo, boy.
So, no color for plain old "that's the same person!" results?
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7bjvpfcsh1r3k1m8o1_500.png
Sorry, but I don't like this. The entire story is littered with sentence fragments, and the tense jumps around too much. You even used both "Applejack" and "Apple Jack" in the story.
The storyline is actually fairly original and I'm interested to see where it's going, but the grammar just puts me off.
Wow, this story's doing better than either of us imagined! 13 likes within about an hour. Pretty good if I do say so myself.
1292183 and I will honor your wish to improve this
Okay, this is actually alright. Only one thing- You do know what a comma is, right? See, it's right next to the period you seem to love so much. Don't worry, it's not cheating if you use it once in a while. Just tell her that you're going bowling.
1295519 lol. Thank you
1292099 My Guess? It would glow the same as the 'affirmative link' color, just really really brightly. Or, to borrow from Kevyn from Schlock Mercenary:
"Who can I be more closely related to than ME?"
It's possible that Twilight's father donated to a sperm bank, and his sperm was the sperm used to bring Candace into the world.
You are aware that the odds of a first-generation inbred child being born mentally challenged is barely higher than the odds with any other couple, right?
...never mind; nobody wants science when they're here for funny pony stories. I'll just go sit in the corner.
1306177 it's just people/ponies over-reacting instead of doing the research. thanks for the info as it does help.
Wait a minute. Weren't there two chapters? Why am I only seeing one now?
1309492 there was two chapters before but I had to take it down because everyone was complaining it was unreadable because of grammar here and there. I had him check over the first chapter so I can update with the edits. He should be looking at the second chapter sometime when he is not busy. I apologize ahead of time.
1309510 :D You color coded the spell. Yay! Less confusion for the yay! :D
(Twilight's Father) Wait.... Cadance is my -what-? *thinks back, remembers one night he woke up in bed beside Celestia* .... fffffffffFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png
Not a very smooth way to break the news Twilight
And the weather forecast for the next chapter (brought to you by the weather team channel) is:
A 100% chance of a category 5 s**tstorm.
1311077 Well this is Twilight we're talking about. She's never been known for her subtlety.
1311767 No. No no. This will not fit into the existing catagories, friend.
... In highschool, once, I was granted access to a storm simulation computer. I decided to test the effects of the hypothetically most-powerful hurricane ever-possible on 1 average american home.
... The windspeed on this storm measured -just- shy of 1,000 MPH.
The house was wiped from the map like a nuclear weapon had hit it.
...
That is the level of fecal weather-anomaly that is INBOUND AT THIS TIME D:
Uh-Oh......
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/124/115/Shit%20just%20got%20real%20Celestia.png
Why the heck does this keep popping up as updated in my favorites section when its still only got two chapters?!
1316594 oh sorry, to make a long story short i accidentally uploaded the incomplete version of chapter 2 without knowing it. My editor contacted me this morning saying it was not complete so I finally put up the right version.
1316603 Thanks for clearing that up.
1316607 yah i goofed
1316614 Happens to the best of us.
1311077 Nonsense. it's smooth enough. About as smooth as extra-grit sandpaper. ...Against your dangly bits.
Like Discord said: "When all the truth does is make your heart ache, sometimes a lie is easier to take." Awesome story author. Just one q though, why the random tag? The premise is a bit like that I guess but will it be SOL or just sad and random. Cheers.
Well............ That fan is nicely shit covered.....
1316686 I'll be honest. This story started off being something serious and sad but then it got a bit ridiculous as it went on such as Twilight's imagination getting all out of whack where it started to feel like a different story.
Well, the forecast from the previous chapter seems to be correct.
That's some glorious PanickyTwilight you got there.
Y'know, it'd be easier for Twilight to have not said anything at all...
gameinformer.com/cfs-file.ashx/__key/CommunityServer-Components-UserFiles/00-00-55-19-52-Attached+Files/4572.tumblr_5F00_lrocgkLILx1qfgjtno1_5F00_500.gif
...just saying. It ain't lying if you never said anything.
Hmm... Chapter 3 doesn't look like it's been proofread yet. I see a lot of errors. You seem to have trouble determining where one sentence is supposed to end and the next is supposed to begin. This chapter also has difficulty keeping the tenses (past, present, future) consistent.
In chapter 2, which has clearly been proofread, I still see some minor punctuation erros, such as missing commas, commas where semicolons need to be, commas where colons need to be... that sort of thing. However, that doesn't really matter. It's just my obsessive compulsiveness being nitpicky.
1319524
Just so you know my editing skills compared to most are this
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mavie9qBmm1rthf2xo1_500.gif
Yeah, plus I was wake too long.
Hmmm, looks like it has potential for a story. I see that you take a break from sad-mood with some comedy, such as Twilight thinking about Shining Armor and Cadence. Which is nice but hope it doesn't break the overall mood you want to established in the story.
I uh... I couldn't help but notice.... uh.... status says .... on hiatus? *sad face!*
EDIT: Oh, also... Orion, that was the wrong answer. The only right answer is something along the lines of 'I was a damned shortsighted fool, and it will never happen again, I swear to Celestia"
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7u4vqiGKx1raopxuo2_500.jpg
A couple spelling and grammar issues that could use some ironing out, but fun nonetheless.
(And Dashie's fantasy just made the whole chapter. Great stuff!)
...Waaaait.....
D: Noo....
That's .... that's the Liarjack face D: That means.... That means...!!!
...
Rainbow. Pass me the hard stuff. D: *chugchugchug*
That fantasy
....... GAH! The images!
Get them out of my head! Ew ew ew ew ew ew!
I have been scarred for life
*shudders*
That was terrifying!
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/135/710/130660655896.jpg
Yeah, You said it Pinkie; you said it.
1397380 HOLY SHIT I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT?! FUCK I'M STUPID!
1399704 *passes you the booze* :|
The imagine spots. Oh Celestia.
I like these. Another!
1399704 So I guess it's implied that, yes, AJ and Big Mac ARE Applebloom's Mommy and Daddy.
...
I love it when stories throw that particular mindscrew in there.
1420875
True but I edited it and I didn't see that. Now I feel stupid.
1421375 I am jealous of editor - you get new chapters of Too Good to be True before the rest of us *sad face!*