Twilight Sparkle's parents ask her a big favor of taking care of her little sister for a couple of weeks. Seeing it as a way to bond with a sister she barely even sees. She takes on the responsibility only to find out that things are not as what they might seem. Can Twilight make a barely existing relationship between sisters into a proper one? Or will Twinkle be counting down the days until she goes back home?
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Needs Alternate Universe tag.
1774266 will do
1774266
You do realize that most Fanfics, if not all, are consider alternative Universe. Besides, Alternative Universe is fitting if the cast and settings was placed in a different themes like Steam-punk, Sci-Fi, and all of that other good stuff.
1774747
Anyhow, really nice story like it how you made Pinkie Pie look like a jerk this time around (although unintentionally). Twilight and her 6 siblings huh? Well who said you can't have fun with adding more siblings? I'll be looking forward to more of your work man, keep up the good work
Best regards
1776810 Pinkie is just Pinkie, I don't think she was trying to be a jerk sometimes she just gets carried away because you know how she is when it comes to new ponies and parties.
1776898
Oh of course, I was being stupid and show how her over-the-top tendency to throw parties, that is easily made on a whim , has really worked against her in this chapter.
Nonetheless a great start, no story that I have read thus far hasn't shown the undesirable, if not unexpected, results of sad and depressing feelings with Pinkie Pie's First Welcoming Party. so kudos to you for some great originality man
Already loving it.
Your concerns with the disorders are unneeded. A.D.D. makes it where somebody had problems paying attention and if they get frustrated they typically resort to anger and violence. Agoraphobia as you already know causes panic attacks when certain conditions are met. (Agoraphobia can actually be triggered by several stimuli, not just large crowds.)
While the A.D.D. can make it hard to pay attention when something doesn't interest them, if something does catch their interest, be it good or bad, they normally will focus only on that which has grabbed thier attention.
Ex Good: Video games,aother interests
EX Bad: Fears
This means that when Twinkle started having her panic attack it was all she could focus on.
Don't get me wrong, Iike this story and want to see where it goes. I also wanted to try and help out the author with a little bit of extra information on the ways panic disorders and attention disorders can influence each other.
Nice story by the way.
Twilight has 8 siblings? Is that inspired from a quote by Velvet in The Vanishing Star, where she told Van that she and Night Light (that's the name I prefer) tried for 9 foals?
1787282 yes please I do need help understanding this disorder a little bit more
1787954 well it was a little inspired, i usually take things from my previous stories and work somewhat of an idea out
1788535 No problem. Feel free to ask me any questions regarding the matter, I'll be happy to help.
1788623 well, in my first note I was asking if it was possible for the two disorders to co-exist in the same person. i read some stuff and it seemed a bit vague if it could.
but the story is going to reveal one thing at a time as stated but not very well, that her parents don't seem to be on board with the idea of her having ADD because of their family is nothing but success (examples: twilight, shining, other story the vanishing star). probably a punch towards their pride on one end.
1788640 Yes they can, though normally it wouldn't be too pronounced. Most people however debate this topic, but there have been cases of personality disorders with another (normally less pronounced) disorder on the side or vice versa.
Yeah, I can see Twinkle being a blow to their pride. Which means if Twilight and Twinkle get along well, she might get custody? Though I'm kinda curious how Spike will react.
Huh... how about that. the main character of the Vanishing Star has a conflicting personality disorder but it never crosses his mind, its sort of what the reader is supposed to pick up on. As for Twinkle, yeah I can agree with the blow to pride but i don't think the parents are like that to just send her off forever. Then again yes they did send her away to get a job done so that might be saying something when it comes down to the whole "Work vs. family" ordeal.
please make more ....... PLEASE
Although I like the first chapter, nothing much really happened with the second chapter here. It seemed not to focused on Twinkle Star, but instead with the side characters that is Zecora, The CMC Crew, and Twilight Sparkle. Even though these part of scene would have been enjoyable as a side plot of the story, there were too many scenes with them and not enough screen time with Twinkle Star. With the events that played out here, there is nothing that happened in this chapter to help carry forward the plot, to which makes me wonder if you have everything planned out as to what you want to do in this story.
While the idea of main character, Twinkle Star, seems pretty good as with the background information that surrounds her, what are your goals on delivering the story and what are the techniques and events that you'll execute to help get reader's hooked into your story. It would seemed that you need to plan out abit more with your story as how what events and subject you want to cover in the story while make it relevant to the main character, since it should focused around Twinkle Star and her elder sister, Twilight Sparkle, as she adjust to her new surroundings in Ponyville and learn how to compromise with her weakness and become a different person in the end.
All-in-all, the story still have potential, but as I said before, you need to focus on what the story is about and planned out on what do you want to cover in the chapter. I mean no ill-will towards you and hope you can make this a dramatic hit as you did with some of your other stories. I wish you the best luck and regards.
PS. I see your inside joke with the book club about the author is a jab to yourself in your own expense.
Sad really cause twinkle and me are kinda the same....... i wish i dont have A.D.D ........meh anyway MOAR!!!!!
Hopefully this doesn't turn into some horror film plot involving ebony. Anyway I like the story so far. Twinkle reminds me a bit of myself when I was younger. Oh, and soon Twilight will learn just how riddlin is. Just so you know those drugs are a scam. The best way to over come add and adhd is developing habbits such as note taking, and willpower. I have been of my meds for a few years now and I have never felt better. Well, except for the ones that fixed the physical issue. Really wish they didn't have such bad side effects.
Anyway, the mental "disease" that needs to be "fixed" ad the quacks put it is a load of bull. Riddlin didn't help me focus, neither did any of their other medication. Sitting down and telling myself to get the job done did more than anything I was ever perscribed.
2009479 yeah I thought about the whole Ebony idea but its just a painting and throws a reference out to my old work. No horror plot because this is rated for everyone. As for scam, I kinda agree once parents start going to one doctor or two that like to pass along and have them buy ritalin or whatever its called. the whole thing is a bit debatable and really I want this story to prove that where Twinkle doesn't need it and there's an interesting girl underneath all of that crap talk while her parents just do whatever.
Hmm, enjoyable read, its satisfying to see things becoming sad and drama for the protagonist by the simplest of actions by those that watches over them for protection. How fitting that it was caused by Twilight's attention to detail where she has to check everything on the list that goes beyond revealing sensible information that creates the entire atmosphere awkward. Can't wait to see more of it, when the time is available.
Good feels. What a great fic. Approved for Twilight's Library as well as a fav and a like
You seem to be updating all of your stories.
2788148 shhh... *looks left then right* not all of them exactly, i'm still working slowly on one while others are still kind of in the hole.
2788451
If B&B Do Equestria is in a hole I am going to shit in a bowl and microwave it then eat it while crying and typing comments on your stories with my toes.
2788504 please be patient, alot of stuff has come up recently that some of these chapters took awhile to make.
2788533
Oh okay take your time. Your fanfiction life, no matter how great, should never take priority over your real life.
2794837thank u
Good chapter. While it's short, it gave a good recovery time for Twilight to realize her mistake and apologized to her little sister, and even revealed her embarrassing moments with her mother. While I would question the logic as to why ponies would want to own a ostrich farm, especially one with only with coyotes, but I realized that they would have some use for them as they have... other livestocks in the show that makes the idea authentic (if you can all it that).
Moving on, I begin to wonder if Twinkle Star's... trouble of 'fitting in' into society is constant with that of her old sister, Twilight Sparkle. Like Twinkle Star after her, Twilight shares little-to-no interest as she would focus on her hobbies and interest that happens to be reading books and studying, which affects her abilities to interact with other when growing up. I wonder if Twinkle Star willingness to go out was sparked by the mention of Arcade games would be like having having Twilight to go out if books are involved in the process when she was young.
But I digress, seeing that both Twilight and Twinkle had shared a similar circumstances while growing up, I wonder if the young sister will follow her older sister's footstep while growing up that makes her as socially awkward as well. After all...
Overall, nice chapter after a few months had passed. Nice reference with that 70's show as well. Keep up the good work man.
thank you for the well thought out review. you went in and examined it then came up with theories and made comments about the series reference itself... i wish more comments were more like yours.
but yeah, thank you so much. it's been awhile i admit, but because of work along with other interests popping up.
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/085/f/9/garrus_vakarian_10_by_johntesh-d4tzju3.jpg
5820304 now start reading all of Mr. Sparkle's lines in Garrus's voice.