• Published 18th Sep 2012
  • 794 Views, 43 Comments

My Little Evangelion - ProfCharles



Neon Genesis Evangelion crossover/alt universe. Second Impact strikes Equestira. Can Twilight and her friends stop the Angels?

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Chapter 4: If music be the food of love, play on (part 1)

Mi Amore Cadenza

I was woken from my drunken stupor by a shrill scream echoing around the apartment. I sighed, and made my way to Twilight’s room, where I found her in the throes of another nightmare—the third one this week. I laid down beside her, holding her head against my chest, whispering soothing words into her ears.

“Shh, shh, its okay, you’re safe, I’m here now.” I carried on whispering as she cried, her sobs muffled by my fur. Eventually, she exhausted herself back to sleep and I set her head down on the pillow. I looked at her, a smile tugging my lips. So beautiful, so brave. I thought. Oh Twilight, how I love you so. As kind and noble as your brother. I felt a familiar pain tug on my heart. No, don’t think of that. I left the bedroom and made my way to the kitchen, opening the fridge and retrieving one of the many cans of cider that filled it. I took a long draught, releasing a small burp at the end.

“Excuse me,” I giggled softly, the ache in my heart fading. I looked at the clock on the wall. 4 am. Damn, can’t turn up to work too drunk. Again. I quickly finished off the can and returned to bed, stumbling down the corridor. I’ll quit drinking soon, I promised myself, recognising the familiar lie for what it was. Slipping beneath the covers, I fell into a deep sleep, my dreams haunted by a familiar white stallion. Oh Shining...

---

Twilight and myself wandered through the impromptu worksite that had sprung up around the colossal corpse of Shamshel, Doctor Whooves babbling on about some science thing. Twilight seemed interested, so I tried to keep up with the conversation.

“I am amazed that the body is in perfect condition! We might be able to get a working S2 engine from it!” The Doctor rambled on, hooves flailing madly in excitement.

“An S2 engine? What’s that?” Twilight asked.

“The Super Solenoid, or S2, engine works on the theory of the same name that I devised just prior to Second Impact. It is essentially a naturally occurring organ that can potentially generate an infinite amount of energy—making the Angels virtually immortal. I've never been able to replicate it in a lab, but now that I have an undamaged specimen, I should be able to reverse engineer one. Or at least I would, if I was the one overseeing the project. Instead, it is being added to the Manehatten-3 project under the directions of my colleague, Dr Dark Matter.” There was a surprising amount of bitterness coming from the Doctor, but he quickly composed himself. “But just think of what we could achieve if we could replicate it—free, never ending energy!”

“Yes,” I replied dryly, “I can hear the coal companies screaming from here.” Whooves snorted and Twilight giggled, causing me to smile in return. It's good to see her laugh and act normal. I thought, remembering last night. We hadn't talked about it yet, or any of her other night terrors. We rounded a corner and saw Princess Celestia talking to a couple of Whooves’ assistants, who were quite clearly intimidated by the large Alicorn. The Doctor galloped off to rescue them, leaving Twilight and myself behind, an awkward silence developing.

“So, uh, do you want to talk about last night?” Twilight asked, surprising me.

“Only if you want to,” I replied neutrally. The silence stretched on as we just stood there, pawing the ground.

“Its the same dream,” Twilight said after a moment. “Every night, the same damn dream, for the past 15 years. And they are in it,” she said pointing at the dead angel ahead of us. “Why? Why are they in my dreams?”

“I don’t know, Twilight, I just don’t know,” I said, placing my foreleg around her neck and holding her close. But Shining knew, didn’t he? A traitorous part of my mind whispered. No, I whispered back, she must never know what happened to him. I will keep her safe.

“I think they’re warnings,” Twilight continued, oblivious to the turmoil within me. “I think another attack is going to happen soon. And I'm scared. Not of dying, but of failing, failing in front of the Princess.” Twilight looked at the tall white alicorn, who had not once sent a glance our way, too busy talking to Doctor Whooves, before looking back at me, tears in her eyes. “And most of all, I’m scared that she doesn't care for me.”

I wiped away her tears with a hoof. “Oh Twilight. Remember this—I will always care for you, no matter what,” I said, before kissing her lightly on the forehead. “Now enough of this crying, don’t you have a date to get to?”

Twilight stomped a foot in frustration. “Its not a date! Pinkie's just a good friend of mine, that's all.” I laughed at how easily she got wound up.

“Okay, okay, whatever you say. Either way, you're going to be late.” Twilight went wide-eyed at this, and shot off towards the exit, leaving me behind chuckling in her wake. After she had gone, I turned around, only to find myself face to face with Celestia herself. “Your highness!” I stammered out.

“Cadance. Walk with me,” She said, turning and walking away. I quickly caught up with her. We wandered down through the worksite in silence. “Tell me, do you really care for her?”

I stumbled, the question surprising me. “Yes, Princess. Deeply.”

“Good. Someone has to.”

“Do you?” I asked, wincing at the brashness of my own question.

“Do not forget yourself, Cadance. You are no longer a princess.” I lowered my head in shame, unwanted memories rising unbidden. “But to answer your question, no, I don’t. At least, no more than any other pony in Equestria. Maybe, in another time and place, I would have. But the last 14 years have been harsh on everyone.” We stopped, and I realised that we had simply walked in a circle, returning to where we had began. Celestia looked me in the eye. “Look after her, for she is more important than you realise.” A shiver ran up my spine as Celestia walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts. More important than I realise? She makes Twilight sound like a tool, a playing piece. Is that all we are to her? And for what purpose? Oh auntie, what happened to make you so cold?

---

Later that afternoon, I stood in an observation booth within Nerv headquarters, many miles below the surface. Before me was a large hangar, in which an EVA—Unit 00, codenamed MOON—stood. Tall and equine shaped, as with Twilight's eva, the prototype EVA had a few differences. Where Twilight's was purple, MOON was grey, and it had no cutie mark. It also lacked the horn module Twilight's had. Overall, the prototype EVA gave of a sense of incompleatness, as if it hadn't been finished. Its repairs had been compleated, and Luna was fit enought to attempt to pilot it once more. Hopefully we won't have a repeat of the last performance. I thought, thinking back to the disaster one month ago.

---

“Okay, initiate start up sequence,” the Doctor commanded to his assistants. The MOON’s eyes lit up with a green glow as the entry plug containing Luna was inserted to the back of its head. The Princess and I stood stock still as it took one step forwards, then another and another.

"The synch ratio is spiking!" called one of the Doctors assistants, a white unicorn with a spikiy blue mane and red sunglasses—Vinyl Scratch, I think she is called. "It's all over the place—we've lost contact with the pilot! the EVA is going beserk!"

The Doctor began screaming orders, but I could only watch in horror as the MOON slowly, casually and deliberatly lifted a hoof and kicked the observation booth, denting the solid steel wall and cracking the reinforced glass. It roared and struck out again and again, trying to crush Celestia, who just stood there, staring impassively. The room began to fill with orange foam, hardening on contact with the air and restricting the movements of the MOON. Suddenly, the entry plug ejected itself, flying out of the EVA and slamming into a wall, crumpling under the impact.

"LUNA!" Celestia screamed, her face showing the first emotion I had seen on it in months—fear. She galloped out of the room, reappearing a few minutes later in the hanger. Ignoring the now deactivated Eva trapped in the rapidly solidifying foam, she dashed over to the crumpled entry plug and ripped off the door with her magic, pulling a bloody body out of the hatch, cradling it until the paramedics arrived.

---

"And end the test. Well done, everybody, the test was successful," the Doctor announced, bringing me out of my reminiscences. I looked around and realised that the test had gone off without a hitch whilst I was lost in my memories.

"So Luna can return to active service now?" I asked, the Doctor nodding a confirmation. Good, I thought, Twilight won't have to fight alone anymore. No sooner than I had finished speaking alarms began ringing thought the base. There are no drills booked today, which means...

"There's an Angel approaching!" Octavia said, confirming my fears.

---

"Are you okay?" I asked Twilight as she changed into her plug suit. She nodded, but still looked unhappy. "Did your date go well?"

"It wasn't a date!" Twilight all but screamed at me, causing me to laugh. "Yeah, it went fine," she said, sighing.

"But..."

"Pinkie is leaving town for a couple of weeks. She said she couldn't tell me where she was going—it's a surprise, apparently."

"Well, two weeks isn't that long, and I am sure that she had a good reason to keep it from you." Twilight nodded at my words, just as Luna walked in.

"Congratulations on passing your synch test, Luna!" Twilight called out, startling the blue alicorn. "Here, I got you a gift." She began to pull out a brightly coloured parcel from her saddlebags.

"A gift?" Luna said, clutching the parcel with a confused expression on her face. "We have never recieved a gift before."

"Are you going to open it?" I prompted. Luna quickly tore off the paper to reveal a large book.

"It's a biography of Star Swirl the Bearded!" Twilight exclaimed happily.

Oh Twilight, you and your books. I thought to myself. Although I was surprised to learn that despite all your reading, the only spell you know is you telekinesis. My eyes wandered down to her rather fine looking flank. Especially since magic is supposed to be your special talent. I suppose the lack of a proper teacher didn't help, even after civilisation was restored.

I looked back up, noticing that Twilight was still talking animatedly to the bewildered alicorn. I took notice of Twilight's expression, how close she was standing and a myriad of other visual clues. Ah, so that's how it is, I thought to myself. Twilight is infatuated with Luna! I almost giggled with delight. This was something I could help with. Turning away slightly to hide my actions, I cast one of my signature love spells—nothing major, just enough to give things a slight push in the right direction. Celestia did order me to look after Twilight, after all.

Turning back, I was met with a surprising sight—Luna had embraced Twilight in a hug. Maybe my spell was stronger than I thought, or perhaps Luna was also attracted to Twilight.

"Thank you, Twilight Sparkle," Luna bellowed.

"You're welcome," stuttered Twilight, flattening her ears.

"Come on you two," I said, "into the EVAs now." They nodded and left for the hanger, whilst I headed to the command center.

Upon reaching the command center, I looked around. Up on one wall was a large view screen with feeds from both EVAs, their entry plugs and from various cameras around the city. In front of the screen was a bank of computers connected straight to the MAGI- a group of three AI's who managed the day to day runing of Equestria among other things. Sat at the computers were Vinyl and Octavia—they seem to do everything around here. We can't be paying them enough—with Doctor Whooves looking over their shoulders. Behind us, up on a balcony, was the Princess, aloof and indecipherable.

I took my position besides Whooves and looked up at the screen, which was displaying an image of the latest Angel- codenamed Ramiel. Where do we get these names from? I wondered, before gasping in surprise at its colossal size. The previous angels had been large, yes, but roughly the same size as an EVA, or a medium sized skyscraper. Ramiel, however, was easily half the size of Canterlot-2, a huge mirror-blue octahedron, hanging in the air, defying the laws of gravity. How can we beat this one? I despaired.

"What's the plan, Princess?" I asked.

"Twilight ascends to the surface first, to probe for weaknesses and hold it off, whilst we equip the MOON with a rifle. Once Luna is ready, she will join Twilight on the surface and move into a support position."

I nodded, accepting the simple, bare bones plan for what it was—without proper intel, we were at a distinct disadvantage.

"Launching the MAGIC in 5...4...3...2...1...launch," Octavia said. Moments later, we saw the MAGIC appear on the surface several miles above us. Twilight dashed out of cover, opening fire with her rifle only for the shots to become blocked by an A.T field.

"I'm detecting a large energy spike," Vinyl informed us. I watched with a fascination that quickly gave way to horror as Ramiel fired a laser at Twilight, striking her EVA in the chest. Her scream of pain echoed around the command center as the LCL in the entry plug boiled.

"Activate emergency teleport!" I ordered. "Bring her back down here now!" A bright flash indicated that my order had been followed. I glanced at the screen showing the inside of the MAGIC's entry plug, an unconscious Twilight floating in it, parts of her fur burned off.

A motion on the main screen caught my attention. A drill had extended from the base of the Angel, and was currently digging its way through the earth. I did a quick calculation in my head and came to a terrifying conclusion.

"It's right above us," Octavia said, echoing my thoughts. "And it's coming straight down."

Comments ( 29 )

This chapter was a lot of fun to write. It started of as yet another Twilight chapter, but if you saw the earlier blog post I made, you would know that it consisted of 700 words of Luna walking in a circle whilst Twilight freaked out. So I scraped it, and decided to write it from Cadance's perspective instead. This allowed me to give her a ton of (much needed) character development and explain a bit about her personality. Also, that love spell she casts it going to bite someone on the flank. One Xantos Gambit derailed by the power of love, coming up!

Oh, and in case you missed it, Cadance mentions that Twilight does not know any spells. This is important.

The chapter title is a quote from Shakespear's Twelfth Night, which I found oddly appropriate for a Cadance chapter. So all Cadance chapters are probably going to be called this unless I think of something better.

Chapter 5 will be part 2, in which Cadance creates a plan to stop Ramiel. In chapter 6 we return to Twilight, who will meet a new love interest (so we have Cadence, who loves Twilight as a Shining Armour substitute, and Twilight who loves Luna and the new character, but is also physically attracted to Cadance, despite seeing her as a big sister), and in chapter 7 we get the long awaited Pinkie chapter, who then (finally) becomes a main character.

1522414

whats the facehoof for?

1522461
i was trying not to c, now hush, i'm reading this :facehoof:

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group:Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: My Little Evangelion
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): Example. 6
Pros
You've really managed to transport Neon Genesis Evangelion to the My Little Pony World at the same time managing to keep some My Little Pony aspects
This mysterious Princess... I mean Not-Princess Cadance is really egging the tension levels of the story and I like it.
Cons
It seems a little rushed at sections. Such as Twilight agrees all to easily. If I remember enough from the anime episode, Shin took ages just to figure himself out. Then again Celestia wasn't his mother.
More information can be given on Twilight's day to day life.
You may want to elaborate on the weapons Magic and Moon can use because not everybody knows Neon Genesis Evangelion and while you got most of the background down, people will be more interested in learning about how those machines work.
Notes Section (how you can improve your fic, at the very least an elaboration of Pros and Cons section)
I need to go so I'll fill this in later!
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Canterlot: Her Creation and Her Architects

1864388
Thanks for the review! I promise to look at yours as soon as possible.
Grammar: you have me a 6/10. Any advice on improving (other than practice?)
Pros—that's excactly what I was going for, so glad to know its working.
Cons—Twilight isn't Shinji. Shinji hates his farther. Twilight is seeking the approval of the Princess. I'll make sure to go over Twilight's motivations in an upcoming chapter. Twilight's day to day life—yeah, I have that planned in an upcoming chapter as well. Throw in more exposition on the Eva's, got it.
Notes—fill this in soon, please!

1865769 Good! I'll be expecting that update. You might also want to take this off mature and put it into Teen because I don't think this is mature (there are some gore, but it's rather light to be honest) you might want to check FAQ rules or Wanderer D's How To guides (just search they'll pop up). As for grammar... its actually pretty good, but I think a proofreader from the Proofreaders and Proofreading group (you know that massive one on the 1st page of browse groups) will be able to help get any of those advanced grammar and pesky commas. Good luck with your fic!

1866559
I am writing the next chapter this very moment (which is important, as the last update on this fic was back in october...). And yeah, the gore does feel very teenish. Orginaly, I was planning to have some sex scenes, but then I realalised that I don't feel comfotable writting clop. So theres going to be some implied sexy times, but not enough to justifiy a mature tag.

As for proofreaders-I have had some bad experiances with proofreaders, both on my side and theirs. But I'll look into it.

1866586 I'd actually recommend you asking Inky Jay the admin for our group to give it a once-over, he's an excellent grammar proof.

I'll need a raincheck on that review. I have ALOT :pinkiegasp: of work that needs to get done, on top of edits to my story: Lord of the Ponies - The Friendship of Equestria. Expect a review in the first week of the New Year.

1877565
Fair enough, take your time.

Sparkle as the brat Shinji? So much want!

Can´t wait to read how a pony Evangelion are going to look like, or a Angel for that matter. How you are going to cram all that Cristian terminology into the world of ponies, or if you ain´t going with Christianity what else you put in thats place are also a interesting question.

Can´t wait to stick my fingers into this and write some words about it :pinkiehappy:

And here is some fate to your story that you can use as company until I come back with some feedback:

1898507
I'm ditching most of the christian symbology—I'm only keeping the names of the angels, and I am ponyfiying many of them.
I want this story to be more psycological than religious.

1898536
Hmm interesting take on it then, especially because all that symbolism that gets shoved down our throats are half the serie for me. But each person their taste.

And being even more psychological than the original series... Oh boy we are going to see many mind fucks then:pinkiehappy:

1898553
Well, the only reason Gainax put the symbology in is because christianity, at the time (i dont know about now), was "cool and exotic". It doesn't actualy mean anything.

Since I come from a western, christian culture, its not quite as "exotic" to me, so I decided to leave it out.

And yes, there shall be many mind fucks. I actually mind fucked myself with this one.

1899550
Thanks for the feedback!

Right now can I see Twilight as Shinji, Celestia in the role of Gendo and Cadance in a possible role as Misato, but I could very well be wrong with this one.

Yeah, that's roughly right. I say roughly, no character is a perfect match.

but I fond the "jump" in the end rather weird

Yeah, that's been bugging me as well, but I can't think of a better way of putting it.

Another little thing is that you used hand here "I was left in the hands of a friend of hers", a humanized term, but that is a mistake that all can do, so nothing big there

Whoops! I'll fix that.

1899834
Ugh that horseless chariage thing is stupid. Going to swap it out for automobile instead.

Whooves also doubles up as Fuyutsuki.

Twilight dosent know about Luna because this is set just after the nightmare moon thing, and for plot reasons that didn't happen as it did in the show. She was also raised by Cadance for five years, so she picked up a few things here and there, but everyone was ignorant of Luna until she just showed up one day.

Yeah, details are a big issue for me. It didn't help that I was writing based on memeory of the first few episodes of Evangelion, so I what of the stuff I wrote was more detailed in my head—I sometimes forget that only I can see whats in my head.:twilightblush:
I'll consider going back and fixing a few thingss.

1903047
The Rei/Luna thing? All I did was flanderize their two most promenent features—Rei's lack of emotions and Luna's loud voice and second person proununs (although I did modernize them as I couldn't find a quick and easy guide to Elizebethen English). I'm as surprised as you are that it worked out so well.

The we-me thing? I am so glad someone picked up on that. I'm rather proud of it, espeically since I didn't plan it or its implications until after I wrote it in.

Pinkies bubblyness is just a shield she uses to protect herself. Don't worry, I'm going to break it soon. As for the rock farm thing—most explanations I have seen are to do with either Pinkie being Pinkie, or magic. Can't we just have a mundane explanation for once?

Nitpicks—thanks for spotting those, I clean them up.

1920541

That and the giant purple penis formed tentacle monster... I have seen to much anime

You should have seen the universtiy anime group last year. :facehoof: We had seen all the good stuff the year before (and we werent aloud to watch it again, oh no), so we were left with the Anime jerks not-quite-pornographic stuff. Heck, the only reason we didn't have overt porno was because schoolkids used the same building as we did.

The first segment was really good at grasping the attention, but I do really think that it would have the impact that you wanted if it was longer.

Pacing is something I am working on, but yeah, over too soon.

If I was a professor that wanted to get a teen girl into a big fighting robot to save the last of my race would I not state it like this.

Doctor Whooves is a little amoral, and to him this is really basic and simple information. Like gravity pulling everything down. Also, since the only people who would read this are eva fans, I don't feel that I am spoiling much.

(Twilights thoughts, show vs tell)

Show vs tell is a skill I have had difficutly picking up.

I found it a little bit hard to buy the scene where Twilight talks with Ms Cake about her sexuality.

That scene only exists as a slow down point between Luna and the battle. But yeah, It could be better written. It does feel wierd, but I always imagined that Mrs Cake is one of those people you can't hide anything from. Bad pacing finished it off.

Nitpicks:
1. I'm gonna leave that in the air for now.:trollestia:
2. I've been capitlising Pegasus, Unicorn and Alicorn throughout (Or at least, I should have been(I read a writing guide that said one was as good as the other as long as I didn't swap them around.). I was maintaing consitency.
3. that sounds better.
4. techincly, writing it without a space is just as valid, but I have recently adopted using the space. So my argument is invalid.
5. LYRA!:flutterrage:

Thanks for the contiuation of the review!

1920598

Also, since the only people who would read this are eva fans, I don't feel that I am spoiling much.

The thing is that there could be a few that sees this story, or only have heard about Evangelion but not read/seen it. Beside that do you limit yourself in a way. You do not let the reader think over the things, you serve them on a silver plate, and that is almost never fun. A little doubt is a good thing in a story, it is after all not going to be Evangelion with horse puns, but a crossover. So each time you give away things like that are you opening a door, instead of just letting it slide a little bit so the reader is curios. I know that you have read PH (Hate the story, and are actually going to try to talk about the story in good light, so bear with me) so let take an example from there. Most people that are going to read PH have read the original, so they know the lore about what happened with the mane 6, but PH does only hint at it, showing a little bit at a time. That is a good way to create interest, promise the reader something, and then only show half of it, or explain it in a different way. Almost no matter what you do do you want a reader that are excited for what there is coming next, and the lore about the EVAs is a good hook. And right now have you told almost anything special about them, or a lot of the things we was uncertain about in the show.

I think I want to get to the core that hinting stuff are never bad. If you do it to a person that already know the lore by heart are you going to make him/her fell special, I love when I know the lore in Fo:E before the characters does. Then is there the persons that know the lore, but have forgotten some of it, you have a second change here to get a hook into them. And the new ones, although they will be rare, would not get the awesome experience we had when we learned the stuff.

Beside that could you do something else than the show did, small things but still. And when you show it all like this are that hard to do

1920710
Yeah, I see your point. Feed my audience tidbits, enough to keep them coming back, but not enough to spoil it. Glad you mentioned it, because in a coulple of chapters time I was planning on dropping a really big secret. Now I know to handle it with more tact and to drag it out.

Let the last review commence!... Or the last review for now at least.

When Cadance ask Celestia if she cares for Twilight would I not let her answer like that. First of all is Cadance a lover rank than Celestia, and they are both working in something that looks like the military, where rank means all. Secondly do I not think that it is fitting for her character to answer that out loud. If I wrote that scene would I let her go silent, without any emotions showing. Make her that stone face that we all know and hate from the show, hiding behind his hands, hiding his eyes behind those reflective glasses. And thirdly would it have a bigger impact to not even want to say that you don´t care, than to say it out loud. To be silent says that the question is important, and in this case, that she couldn´t care less about Twilight.

Oh Ramiel, my favorite angel. One of the few that I think would have a real change to actually win, because we time and time sees in the show how powerful you are, and yet do you want to play with your drill and are giving the heroes a change. I can´t wait to see more of your awesome action:pinkiehappy:

There is actually only two more things I want to point out. When you change perspective like you did here would I also say that you should try to change your teller style. The story are one told to us by the character, or it should fell like that, and if you don´t change what there is in focus does it just look like a gimmick. I know that there was some heavy focus on Twilight, but I would not say that that was enough change. And this chapter seemed really short. Normally when I read one of your chapters does it fell like I am "full" and need some time to digested things, here was I surprised that you already have used 2K words, because what you used them on made it fell like my normal 1/1,5K read.

Nitpicks:
"Pinkie's just a good friend of mine" I do not think that you can you a contraption like that, or it is looking weird in my head

"...eva..." There is some places where you forget to capitalize the name. Beside that are EVA not a all capitalized name? Just like NERV and your MAGIC?

1920929

First of all is Cadance a lover rank than Celestia

Celestia does rebuke Cadance for that. As for the staying silent thing, I wanted it out in the open how much Celestia cares about Twilight. However, I could perhaps have been more subtle with it.

Oh Ramiel, my favorite angel

I'll make sure to dedicate more time to him, then.:pinkiehappy:
But yeah, he's so huge and imposing and powerful, and comes ridiculously close to getting into the NERV headquaters (not as close as a couple of others, mind you). This guy is totaly boss.

When you change perspective like you did here would I also say that you should try to change your teller style

This was my first time jumping to another characters perspective. I tried to change it, but obvioulsly didn't pay off.

And this chapter seemed really short.

This chapter was really awkward to write, and I am not to fond of it to be honest. The next chapter (part two) makes up for it in my opinion. But yeah, not a lot happens in this chapter. Its more setting up Cadance as a character, which in most stories would be done in the first chapter, but it happened here since this is her first chapter as the perspective character.

Nitpicks:
1. I knew that looked dodgey, but I couldn't work it out.
2. I always assumed Eva was a short version of Evangelion, not a fully capitlised word in its own right.

So the ride are over for now, and it is time for a overall review:

I Doomande of Authors Helping Authors bring to you this review

Grammar score out of 10: 5. There is a lot of things to work on, but readable.

Pros:
1. You brought the world of Neon Genesis Evangelion beautiful into the world of the ponies, making good choices in which pony plays which part of the show
2. Although the material you work with is rather heavy, and known as hard to understand, have you found a way to put in jokes and make it a enjoyable read
Cons:
1. The low amount of details
2. Making the characters seem a little bit flat from time to time by stating what they fell and think instead of showing it with their actions.

Notes Section:
I think that I have explained the pros enough, so am going to talk about the cons.
You should never be afraid of describing a setting or a thing to much, there is almost never a situation where you can show to little with what you write, remember that you should paint a pictures with words, and not just sketch it for us. A useful advise I can give is to think on the reader as someone that are totally new to the story and lore. Your reader does not know how Canterlot 2 looks like, what an EVA is, or even what color Celestia are before you tell them it.

The other con is harder to find a advise to. But try to overplay them. Try to write a whole chapter where they only acts without going into their heads, think on different ways you can show stuff. I exercise could be to write a pony that likes another one, and then find out how you can show that indirectly. Then think on the whole opposite situation. Thy to think on ways you can use the ponies ears, because most of their bodylanguage are in those.

I hope that you have enjoyed your review! And right now do we come to the icky part, I have no story of my own, but would like if you looked at Fallout Equestria: Rolling Bones for me. I know that it is way longer than this story, so I see the "dept" payed if you at least read until chapter 2, although I hope that you are hooked and want to go on after that

1920979
Thanks for your awsomely indepth review! You have given me lots to think on, and I am grateful for it.
Rolling Bones added to my read later list.

On Hiatus? But... I followed this story and looked forward to see more criss cross between MLP and Evangelion, and did come here asking for when I should look forward to the next update :pinkiesad2:. Is there any special reason to that it is on hiatus? Or is there just to many stories in the head at the same time?

2091242
I mentioned it in a blog post, but essentially, it's crunch time with my dissertation. So I have put all but two of my stories on hiatus until I get my diss done.

Don't worry, it will only last until May, and then everything will come back with a vengeance.

2092830
Angels with an vengeance? Sounds like an good enough thing to wait on:pinkiehappy:

2092983
I'd say that gives me an excellent idea, if that wasn't already the angels motivation anyway.:twistnerd:

Shit will hit the fan.
~Filthy Casual

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