Going back in time, The Doctor takes his companions to the early years of Princess Luna, and Celestia.
On the way, they see the defeat of Discord, The destruction of the Crystal Kingdom, and the eventual transformation of Luna, into Nightmare Moon. All the while, they're searching for the answers to the Elements of Chaos, and the role that they played in these events.
And in the end, everypony will see the Princesses in a new light.
Offshoot of: Off The Record
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/22486/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-off-the-record
Chapters (2)
Oh boy! I love reading 36k word oneshots! It's a shame I barely have the time between homework and my own writing. I'll have to chip away at this a little bit at a time.
OMFG 36K OF YOUR WRITING
MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!
Oh, hey, a new stor36000 words?!!? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?? ... ... ... Still, I'm OK with this
Over 36K?
Lets have a go at it!
Another massive side fic?!
Wow, always a good. Keep up the good work, I look forward to seeing where this story goes as it goes on. It's really sad and really good and yeah...keep going.
2406352
It was actually longer, but i edited it down, to keep out some parts that dragged on.
But yes, it's another massive side fic
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/128757%20-%20animated%20apple_bloom%20being_cute%20cmc%20Cutie_Mark_Crusaders%20scootaloo%20Sweetie_Belle.gif
NO! WHO WAS IT??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Honeytiger likes this.
god damnit 36k words, Eh ill start when I get back from baseball. (Curse you now I have to write that essay.)
I planned on sleeping... Sucks for me.
Your brother was right,this story is definitely a good read. Cheers for the good reading
2410072 I guessed that too! Either her, or one of the Mane 6 :D
2411871 ... You're good .-.
2412140
CMCSACC
2411871
My guess is RD
2413979
You will. After all, this is a continuation of my main story. I have plans for Luna and her descendant in later chapters.
Thanks for the sweet cliffhanger. It felt real nice.
2412140 Pffff... I'm more modest than you'll ever be!
I will say something about this giant chapter later onward (hopefully I won’t forget), but for right now, I’ll post this giant C&Cs in its place. However, I will go ahead and say great job on the chapter, and simply keep it up, heh.
C&Cs:
…feeling like nopony way listening to her...
> Replace ‘way’ with ‘was’.
Two inseparable, Alicorn sisters, who had grown up best friends, in a world that often had no friendship whatsoever.
> Add ‘as’ after ‘up’.
Besides them having both wings, and horns, they were about as average as any two ponies could be.
> Remove the first comma.
So, he insisted that he join them on their quest to save Equestria from Discords rule.
> Correction: “Discord’s”.
“They’re so small to!”
> Correction: ‘to’.
Just a few months ago, we were living off scraps of Discords chocolate milk rain clouds.
> Correction: “Discord’s”.
As long as they were together, Luna was confidant they could handle anything that the world threw at them.
> Correction: ‘confident’.
...the Everfree forest...
> Capitalize ‘forest’.
A loud precession was heard, playing various instruments, marking the beginning of the coronation.
> Not sure, but I think you mean ‘procession’.
Their friend, attack planner, and leader of the messenger team, Bolt...
> Remove the second comma.
...I’m Star Swirl the Bearded, formally, the professor of harmonious magic, under Discord himself.
> Remove the second comma.
Celestia and I, wanted to thank Bolt for everything he has done for Equestria…
> Remove the first comma.
...for Equestria, without him, we wouldn’t be here right now!
> [Option 1:] ...for Equestria. Without him, we wouldn’t be here right now!
> [Option 2:] ...for Equestria, and without him, we wouldn’t be here right now!
…that she was over thinking this.
> Correction: ‘overthinking’.
“I’m not an egg head!”
> Not sure if you did this on purpose, or it is an error that is meant to be ‘egghead’.
The Doctor, Dash, And Derpy all watched as he read the sign.
> I don’t think ‘And’ should be capitalized.
...in celebration of Discords Defeat.
> Correction: “Discord’s”.
Inside, they could see Bolt, and Princess Luna involved in a deep kiss.
> Remove the second comma.
The two of us have become… Involved.”
> Lower the casing on ‘Involved’.
Luna sat in her room at the top of the crystal castle...
> Not sure on this, but capitalize ‘crystal castle’ if it is a particular name.
[On any cases that is similar to: “She… She was pregnant…”.]
> If the second part is not the beginning of a new sentence, do not capitalize it.
While Luna was in the hospital, The Crystal Kingdom was taken over...
> Lower the casing of ‘The’.
“You’ve got no patients whatsoever!”
> I think you meant ‘patience’.
...a group of her elite guard, walked through the halls of the Crystal Kingdoms hospital.
> Correction: ‘guards’; “Kingdom’s”.
...the captain of the guard...
> Correction: ‘the Captain of the Guard’. Also, is it just ‘Guard’, or do you mean ‘Royal Guard’?
“I will not sit and wait for news of my sisters wellbeing.”
> Correction: “sister’s”.
Sombra’s army consisted mostly of crystal unicorns...
> I think you need to capitalize ‘crystal unicorns’.
Upon seeing the entrance of the Princess, the unicorn teleported itself away.
> Capitalize ‘unicorn’. Do so with all ‘Unicorn’.
Levitating the large pony that had corned Bolt off the floor...
> I think you meant ‘cornered’.
“Oh are you?”
> Comma after ‘Oh’.
Dax collapsed on the ground next to Bolt, Struggling to stay conscious himself.
> Lower the casing of ‘Struggling’.
“Even Stallion, Mare, and foal was killed.”
> Lower the casing of ‘Stallion’ and ‘Mare’.
“Before Luna and Celestia march on The Crystal Kingdom”
> Need an ending mark; lower the casing for ‘The’.
I REALLY over reacted…
> Correction: ‘overreacted’.
The night had passed fairly quickly, and The Princesses...
> Lower ‘The’.
The Canterlot guard...
> Not sure, but I think you might want to capitalize ‘guard’.
...Luna sopped caring about everything.
> Correction: ‘stopped’.
Celestia, The Crystal Kingdom, Her own wellbeing...
> Lower ‘The’. Don’t know if you did ‘Her’ on purpose, so I am just going to assume you did.
“The foal that Bolt carried in his arms, was the foal that I carried for twelve months!”
> Remove the comma after ‘arms’. Also, I thought it was posed to be eleven months...isn’t it?
“Just Like every other night.”
> Lower ‘Like’.
The captain of the guard...
> I mention this before...
...then there would be no need for a Princess of the sun!
> Capitalize ‘sun’.
...but, she was sure that Luna would be figuring that out right now.
> Remove the comma.
“You have to S-stop me now!”
> Lower the ‘S’.
Night Mare’s arguments, and shouting could barely be heard...
> Comma after ‘shouting’.
“Who cares?” Twilight shouted, as everypony, save Pinkie, ran away.
> I think you meant: “Who cares!”
...I only the four of us should be going.
> Remove the ‘I’.
...the royal guard...
> Correction: ‘the Royal Guard’.
[In regard of the ‘Night Mare Moon’...]
> I know that a few used this name variation, but I have to ask, why? The name made no sense at all, at least when used like this. It is like using ‘no body’ for ‘nobody’, which doesn't exactly mean the same thing.
> I could probably said something better than that, but I'm a bit too tire and lazy to deal with it.
2429328
If you'd like, for future chapters, you could copy-paste the text, fix my errors, and then you could send it back to me.
I'd be happy to credit you as my editor.
Just an offer though, feel free to decline.
2433877
I know this might be a silly question to ask, but what do you mean exactly?
2434695
Well, if you wanted to the fix errors after i post, by copying the text into your own document, and send the edited version to me in a pm or something, I'd replace the chapter with the one you edited.
2441796
Probably only for the big chapters, like this one, but I'm afraid that I am not so sure about the smaller ones. True, it might be a bit easier on me if I do, but to be honest, I would prefer to see you improve as a writer more.
oh come on everyone its fairly obvious who the last descendant is.
2445089
Take a look at my earlier chapters, those are much worse than now. And you're right about the longer ones. My regular chapters don't have tons wrong with them, and probably not worth that much extra time on your part.
Also, i know i overuse commas. That's something i'm working on.
2451404
First off, stop beating yourself up, you silly. You're doing great, so don't say that any of your work isn't worth the time, for any reason. With larger chapters, it is just a lot harder to spell-check, mostly since it sized usually discouraged any editing attempt, even the very author that created it. Smaller chapters are a lot easier to C&Cs and can be useful to help improve the author, and the more I see an author improved, the more I feel proud of doing something that was helpful in the long-run.
Actually, I think it is just this chapter that you are having issue with it, due to its size. I don't think you have that much issue with overusing commas in your smaller chapters.
I'm currious to find out who the only living relative is
So I finally read this and IT. WAS. SO. AWESOME!
Seriously, this was amazing, loved every single second of it and if it wasn't for a pesky little thing called work then I'd read it in one go.
And now, to resume the main story so the awesomness can begin!
2466727
Seriously, thanks. I love hearing that kind of stuff. Makes me happy just to read it. I hope you enjoy my stuff as it comes along.
2454327
To you as well. It's always nice to have that positive push. Feel free to do that whenever you like!
SCOOTALOO IS A PRINCESS OMG HAX
Here I was expecting it to be Rainbow Dash due to the mane, but then again a potential living family could blow that out of the water. Interesting choice, though.
Scootaloo is Lunas eventual daughter.
My favourite pony is related to my favourite Princess.
On another note, this chaptr just made me laugh, especially the whole bit about riding the pony.
2485880 Nah, RD was a pretty obvious Red Herring. Scootaloo was the only Logical choice as soon as we knew there was only one survivor.
HUZZAH! I knew It was Scoots since the very first moment I started reading OTR!
I'm a princess, motherf*****, your argument is INVALID! *explosions*
Well,I fell for the 'Rainbow Dash is Luna's great X?? times granddaughter' herring hook line and sinker but it was so worth it. Hmm,Ramsley eh,wonder if Alex and Spike will visit their old pal in Manehatten again
Well, this chapter got some good laughs out of me, so congrats on this awesome work! I must admit that I'm walking on a thin line between expecting the child to be Scootaloo and not expecting her to be, but I think it might be closer to the latter than the former. Eh, nevertheless, this is still an interesting turn-of-event. I can't wait to see her reaction that she is also related to the Founder of the Wonderbolts.
C&Cs:
Luna, Celestia, And Alex riding on Dash’s back.
> Lower the casing with ‘And’, unless you are just trying to emphasize the word, then used a combination of bold and italic. Also, I believe this may be a perfect ‘what the flick’ moment...! How on blazing is all three are riding on poor Dashie’s back like that?! If it just Alex, however, you might want to change your sentence to mention this little fact.
So, everypony filed into Sugar Cube corner...
> Capitalize ‘corner’.
YES SWEET GOD MR. RAMSLEY IS BACK!
I.......
This is one of the best parts of Alex's adventures I have read yet.
Please, continue his story for as long as possible.
I love this story more than anything!
IT'S JUST TO GOOD!
Guess what Pinkie... TOO LATE FOR THAT!!!
So we finally got around to reading this and-
Don't even lie, you were too busy playing Bioshock Infinite.
Can you blame me, I just got it and I needed to play it. But anyway...DO YOU SEE THESE TEARS ON MY CHEEKS, THEY ARE NOT MANLY TEARS IN ANY WAY, THEY ARE THE TEARS OF A BLUBBERING FOURTEEN YEAR OLD.
I have to agree with Sylph, there were some tear filled scenes here for us.
I think it would be a good idea for us to get off of this cliff-hanger and move to the Epilogue.
~Sylpheed and Eli
Dear god, we literally had to stop for like five minutes to laugh at this part.
Ahaha, now to move onwards in this adventure!
~Sylpheed and Eli
2896903
I'm glad you liked it. This was my first real movement into anything even remotely dark (not that i'm going to be doing a lot of that,) and i think it all came together nicely at the end.
Keep up the reading!
2896903
Also, Bioshock infinite was a very good game. I enjoyed it a lot.
Ffffuuuu it's Nightmare Moon, not 'Night Mare Moon' >.<
Anyways that was a very good, very long chapter
3065445
So many people hate me for saying her name that way, haha. Sorry about that, it's just how I did it since the beginning.
Fuck you and your god damn cliff hangars... 30,000 WORDS AND YOU CAN'T WRITE LIKE 200 MORE!!! AGHTGGMKHVFEXSDFJNJNKHJ
*Rage quit*
Ugh, why must it be scootaloo? I mean, I know her character just ASKS for this kinds of attention but... It just seems overused.