Hello everypony who reads this. This story is just meant to test the waters. If I get a lot of likes and favorites in the first week of it's release, I'll make this one of my main updated stories. I hoped you've enjoyed it.

Edit: Also If you want, go here to join the group and contribute your fantastic idea to the virtual world of Equestrian Earth!

I can't wait to read more of this story from the first chapter I can tell that this is going to be a great story.

Muy interesante.

I hope you continue, I WANT TO KNOW MOAR.

Looks pretty cool.

The title seems awesome. That and the description are amazing. This better be a good one.

(reads chap. 1)

You... did good. This is great. keepit up!

>>12666051266605>>12665931266593>>12665861266586>>12665821266582>>12665611266561

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw676_130592761239.gif

My first five commentors! (of this story)

>>12666221266622At least you're lucky. I once read this (darn good) fic, and the first comment was a hate comment. Talk about burn.

>>12666321266632 A fic like this before? Gee I hope you still have the link too it. I'm curious about this 'failed' fan fic.

EDIT: Actually, I considered myself lucky for the first ever fan fic I've ever made. It's a gamer Luna fan fic and I'm grateful that the first supporting people to have favorite and read the story were not total grammar nazis. (Cause the grammar for the first six were typed directly on this website, so I don't have access to the auto correct or spell check).

>>12666221266622 But of course

Good start... make sure you get spike involved and hacks his way to the ultimate level

Welp, I'm hook! Now I shall await for the next chapter to come.

>>12666451266645I didn't mean one like this, I just read a somewhat good fic.

What I and the next brony say is good difer greatly, cause when I read a fic I only look at plot, character ,and dialogue. In other words I ignore spelling, grammar and sentence strusture.

edit--(this line edited only) The following is me talking about myself:

That doesn't mean I do that when I'm writing a fic, however. I pay close attention to all things.

And that doesn't mean the fic i have posted is good. Personally I think I don't do well at first person fics. What I have posted is jus' a warmup for my REAL up and coming GREAT AND POWERFUL FIMFiction, which I believe is great.

Dis 'gun be good.

I didn't know Diablo was an MMO.

And you currently have a 100% like ratio.

They should make a game of this story. It's that good.

Hm, seems promising.

I want this game...

Great work!can't wait for the next chapter!!

Okay, you can consider me sufficiently interested in seeing this continue.

Edit - 30 Thumbs up, with 0 down, as of this edit.  I think that counts for something.

I want this game now... damn... if someone actually makes this game for the ps3 or pc, i would get it... you sould get somebody to program it for you writter guy. that'd be sweeeeet

>>12671581267158

>>12670211267021

>>12669061266906

I actually thought that to myself as I wrote the first chapter. If this story were to be incredibly popular. Something like this would probably happen in a few months (1-2 years)

That will probably not happen in a very long time though. I loved the Fallout Equestria fan fic with all my heart and was part of my inspiration to start this story.

>>12668951266895 As for you, Diablo is more like a co-op game rather than a huge MMO. It still has the rpg elements like most MMORPG games have.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

*POINTS AT THUMBS DOWN*

Image: http://cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/bmetal.png

THE FIRST THUMBS DOWN!

everypony panic!

It seems interesting enough. I'll investigate and see what happens.

There better be some good references in here.

Runescape please.

to tired to read but i added it to favorites to read later(if i put it in my read later list i will end up never getting to just like the other 15 stories)

>>12671821267182

Actually, I've never read Fallout: Equestria, but I've always wanted too.

Hell, I've never even played Fallout before.

But this trailer looks awesome! :D

>>12600421260042 In under 2000 words you have hooked me to this. I expect great things from you.

I expect great things.

We need Big Mac in this.  He could be the groups tank considering how freaking big he is.

This... this was needed. Very much so.

Godspeed in your writing good sir!

Oh, and have a moustache.

First, I would ask that you show these next chapters to someone who will edit for you, I found some odd word choices like "incredibly truthfully" and such, sorry

Secondly, please, please, please update quickly. I can't wait to see the rest of the mane six and the adventures they go on. I'm a WOW person myself; Human priest

Ciao darling

If classes are like wow

Twilight = arcane mage

Applejack = fury warrior

Rarity = holy paladin

Fluttershy = beastmaster hunter

Dash = enhancement shaman

Pinkie = subtlety  rogue...pinkamena assassination

If you don't continue this story, the universe will explode. Trust me, I'm a fake doctor .

Dialogue? Stilted. It's bland.

Prose? Mostly awkward. I advise reading it out loud and attempting to fix it.

Beginning? Cliche. And it's not even good to begin with; fix that as well.

You also suffer from 'Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.' I advise going through and fixing that as well.

As of now, this gets a downvote.

Considering he lives with her and would probably love playing MMORPG games, especially with his friends, it's a wonder Spike wasn't invited to play.

Eh... *scratches behind neck* Certainly has promise, at this point it's a fave and a upvote from here.

Hmm... this premise interests me... I will watch this.

>>12600421260042

Image: http://kelfen.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/moar.jpg

Image: http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/58-michael-moar.jpg

Just sayin'

...This is going to be both epic, and Hilarious. Fluttershy's likely a druid of some sort, maybe a ranger. AJ I can see as the warrior type, brserker mayb. The others... Eh I got nothing offhand.

MOAR! MOAR DAMMIT!

Looks interdasting.

I dunno how you feel about constructive criticism or why you're writing, author, but I feel like giving some. Feel free to delete and/or ignore this comment if you want, though.

"The Beginning Arc" is pretty bland and unimaginative, not to mention "arc"s are things that you don't really have to explicitly label -- the divisions between one and another should be evident to any reader who's paying attention.

Your first paragraph has no relevance to the story, and is mostly identical to the bland first paragraphs of a thousand other ponyfics. It does nothing but waste the reader's time. Delete it, and your story will be better.

Twilight Sparkle, a lavender mare,

We know who Twilight Sparkle is and what she looks like. The best thing about writing fanfiction is you can rely on people already knowing about most of the characters.

calmly sat on her couch in the living room today. Doing nothing but enjoying a nice cup of jasmine tea and a nice book

1. Delete "today". It's not really necessary and gives the sentence an odd feel.

2. "Doing [...] book" is a dependent clause, not a sentence of its own. You should join it to the sentence preceding it with a comma.

calmly sat on her couch in the living room today, doing nothing but enjoying a nice cup of jasmine tea and a nice book.

You can tell if something should or shouldn't be a sentence by whether or not it tells us about something performing an action.

"Twilight sat on her couch."

This is a sentence because it has an action (sitting) and something that's doing the action (Twilight).

"Drinking a cup of tea."

This isn't a sentence because it doesn't tell us who or what is drinking the cup of tea.

You can sometimes use sentence fragments as whole sentences if you're going for a specific effect or writing the dialogue of a character who speaks in a certain way, but generally you want to use full sentences.

Carmine already mentioned that your writing suffers from "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome", which is what we call it when you do this:

The blue mare looked around the purple unicorn.

Ninety-five percent of the time, you should use a character's name or a pronoun (she, her, etc...) when referring to them. We already know what they look like, and using little descriptions in place of names can get very confusing and weird -- the reader has to keep breaking out of the story and thinking "who was the purple unicorn again?" Even if the reader only spends a split-second doing that, immersion is still broken.

If you're worried about repeating names or pronouns too much, experiment with different sentence structures. Having lots of different kinds of sentences makes your prose flow nicely and stops it from getting stilted.

Honestly, it is kind of stilted at the moment. It's better than a lot of other prose I've seen, but you could stand to mix up the way you write sentences a little -- just read some good fiction (books from the library, stories in the Pony Fiction Vault, etc...) and keep practising till you get a handle on that.

“You may designate me as ‘The Goddess.’”

The word "designate" means "give a name to", like your parents may have designated you as whatever your birth name is.

It's not really appropriate in this context -- I think you were going for something like "call me" or "refer to me as". English is a slippery language, full of these words that mean almost the thing you want to express.

Also, random indentation is random. Remove those TABs.

On the upside, your dialogue punctuation is mostly perfect. Most authors get tripped up on that, so well done for getting it right.

I'm a lot better at critiquing language use than anything else, so I'll just leave you to your story now. In any case, not much as happened yet so it's hard to really judge.

So it's like Warcraft Second Life for ponies?

I smell .//hack

"The World" is calling. Looking forward to read more.  

thumbs up for happy wheels

Okay. I hate to be that guy here because you have an interesting story going, but get a proofreader.  The problems you have here can't be fixed with spell check. You're using the wrong words in many cases and your grammar needs fixing.

So, what MMORPG are you basing this on?  Earth Eternal?  Because I really this awesome World of Warcraft/ponies crossover the other day (World of Ponycraft, by CapnChryssalid), though that may be partially because WoW is the only MMORPG I've played in-depth (besides RuneScape, but that was YEARS ago...)  And Team Fortress 2 is an MMOFPS, not RPG.

“You may be wondering why I seemed to be such a downer,” she said. “Well I don’t know much about the mare I was based on but from what I can tell from memory data, this one was incredibly truthfully down to the bone. I’ve been told that she did this sometimes to tease others, or as modern ponies may call it, ‘rustle their jimmies’.”

oh god, here it comes

“Really? Who told you that?” Twilight asked.

“Hmm, I believe it was somepony named Celestia.”

Image: http://i886.photobucket.com/albums/ac70/tha1nonli/black_guys_laughing.gif

Diablo's not an MMO! Diablo's a single player RPG that Blizzard's decided MUST be online at all times because they want all of their players to be connected to their friends via BattleNet at all times, and it annoys me that I am required to be online and subject to lag and connection issues to play a single-player game. However, the AH is nice.

Looks interesting, so I'm gonna track.

May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

Shire Folk

ah nuthing like a great MMORPG this'll be good :3 im wishing it were already real heh please continue! upvote from me!

MOAR. I need MOAR. I also need this game, but I need MOAR of this fic. As a player of a few MMO's, I can see myself really getting into this fic fast.

is there a refence to rs here?

Upvoted and fav'ed.

MMORPGs are part of the last 8 years of my life, and now to mix this with ponies? Awesome.

hmmm, is Fluttershy druid or berserker... or cross class?

Being an MMO player myself I'm interested to see how this goes, so both a like and Track on this story from me.

So Twi's playing a Basic mage she might regret that as time goes on but let's just see what happens with the rest of the Mane 6 aswell

Another video game fanfic?

I haven't even read and it just feels AWESOME!

Can't wait to see it!

Vaguely reminds me of Hack/slash from back in my anime days...will track. Keep up the good work.

>>12682721268272 Y-you. I! Ah! Uh...

Image: http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/24541__safe_rarity_animated_sweet-and-elite_faint.gif

Image: http://nextlol.com/images/36280-so-much-win.png

Tracking.  This looks GOOD.

All the best ideas come to those in showers...

Awwwwww yeeeeeeeeah

Have some moustaches

>The description

>The concept

>This first chapter

Note: How much abbreviation, leetspeak, and jimmies-rustling will be involved?

THIS STORY WILL BE SO AWESOME!

Hmm... Interesting concept.

As for suggestions, all I have to show you is this:

Image: http://th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/080/d/6/spike___dragon_raid_by_mysticalpha-d4tcix7.jpg

"The Goddess" IS EZIO'S REINCARNATION!!!!!!!!

>>12666451266645

I'm saaaaaweeeeeeee, but I just can't help it.

To her right lied  lay her wooden table that was grown right out from the floors of the tree house.

My suggestion: add in Spike.

Please sir. Can we have some more?

>>12706021270602 I have a new one coming out today.

>>12706761270676

Yay!

>>12707651270765 not just yay. HELL YESSSSS!!!!!!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Spike_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Fluttershy_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_2.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Queen_Chrysalis.png

Fallen Earth fic? Insert Equestrian version of some strange hybrid of a bunch of MMOs?

Hmm.. it does raise the question of 'traveling,' as with most games, 'movement speed' gets you from one place to another... though will it also be a numbers based? Or skill based MMO? In which Twi might be freaking out as a giant axe would crack her upside the head and instead make her go, "... wait what? a scratch?" *little 5 flies out form her wound*

I do wonder... what kind of player Twilight will be.. the rager? The Min-maxer? The, "Oh hey a staff member is here, I can bash him in the head with all these questions!"

Having been a Hazard team member, as well as a Blizzard tester in day. (Back in the day. ... way back in the day)

My head hurts from all the PMs I received regarding them. ... oy vey the memories. ... I wonder if Twi if she meets a staff/GM. ... ooh I wonder what they'd LOOK like. Curses, now my imagination is running from me. Curse you sir!

7 people have already read World of Ponycraft and liked it better.

Aside from that, there's NO reason this should be disliked.

>>12708431270843 Actually it's not based on Fallen Earth (sorry to burst your bubble). But it was one of the very many mmos that I'm taking elements from to put into the story. There's this place in the story where-

well actually I wouldn't want to spoil it now wouldn't I?

Image: http://cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-dlaugh.png

>>12708481270848 Well there are grammar issues. And like I've explained in the author notes at the bottom, my one editor is busy with the Luna Plays fan fic. Btw I've checked out the World of Ponycraft fan fic, and it has the same number of dislikes.

I think these people are just plain haters of mmorpgs.

I think she should be playing 'Equestria Vs Earth Online' as her first MMO. Yup EVE Online is a great MMO for twilight!

First Thought when seeing Equestrian Earth...

EMPIRE EARTH IS SPREADING!!!

>>12706761270676

Yay

I demanded MOAR

And now I will get it.

>>12708801270880 Great idea. Have a thumbs up and a fav. But seriously, find a proof reader. There are some serious grammar issues, as >>12683201268320 pointed out. You may wanna take those to heart and fix them. Also, thank the guy. It takes a lot of time to find and explain the errors. I would like to tentatively offer my services as a proof reader. I say tentatively because I'm also writing/proof reading another fic (there are three authors for the fic, myself included. I'm in charge of production and editing) and I may not be able to review everything promptly. But I can get it done. PM me if you're interested in having me edit/proof read.

~spu313

Before I even read this, just reading the description made me think of this:

>>12700821270082 I swear, if you got that from ariablarg I'm gonna be so pissed at her for making the whole "rustling jimmies." I shall give her a piece of my mind. EDIT: So many classes could be done with this story /cry curse my slow PS3 (yes I am commenting/reading on a PS3, Problem?) But please sir, DO go on. If this story isn't finished I shall cry more than rivers, I shall cry oceans! I shall cry until the world is covered underwater/tears and Kyogre rises again and defeats Groudon! Needless to say, you have got me hooked and I shall check this every day. Good Day Sir. REDDIT: Seriously though, the rustling jimmies. Is Ariablarg the reason for this? If so then she seriously made it, and I owe someone $20. Damn.

Interesting, will definitely read more. Love mmo based stories for some reason. That is, stories based on being a mmo, not stories about the lore of mmos.

>>12713931271393

Image: http://cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-dshrug.png

This is something I can get behind -- I'm getting a Dot Hack// vibe from the choice of interface. Can't wait for more!

Will you have yourself in this one as well. I liked Chaotic in Luna plays.

Wait

Will Luna and Celestia be in this as well? I could see them making a guild with the mane six, Big Mac, the princesses, derpy, some others like Lyra and bon bon, and spike.

ITS GO TIME!

I hate that the featured box gets full of one chapter incomplete stories that show promise but often don't get continued, can anyone voucher for this guy?

Wereponies? Okay, let's just clarify something here. Were means man. So a werewolf is a man transforming into a wolf. A werepony would be a man transforming into a pony. What you should have wrote was equeswolf, meaning a pony transforming into a wolf. Sorry, but I'm a big werewolf finatic and I couldn't just let this slide

>>12720861272086 Oh geez, that's uh. I blame 'My Roommate is a Vampire' for confusing me.

>>12668951266895

Well, Diablo and Diablo II weren't actually MMO's, but they did have an online multiplayer mode and D2 used an older version of the BattleNet servers (a version that I highly doubt is still supported).

Diablo III is an MMO, but it's kinda weird. You play alone by default, but you can invite people to your game or join other people's games (known as "parties"). Even if you want to play alone, you need to be connected to the internet because you need to log in to BattleNet in order to play. No monthly fee, but you need to buy the disc/buy a digital copy first.

Oh yes, and if the servers go down, then you can't play. Not even alone, because, again - even when you play alone, you're "online" on a BattleNet server.

Total grammar nazi here! Just you wait...

I'm not trying to ruin your day or anything, but good grammar is ideal.

>>12703461270346

While you mention the correct form of the word, I must contend that 'stood' would be better than lay. Also, there's some icky grammar/flow or something exuded by that ending.

"To her right lied lay her wooden table that was grown right out from the floors of the tree house."

I would make the whole sentence something like this (assuming the table is a desk):

"To her right stood the desk, a useful extension of the living tree which was her home."

That is just me though. I recommend you avoid labeling everything as 'her x' since she effectively owns everything inside, so it's her stuff. Mention possession or ownership only when it's not clear from context. If Rainbow Dash left her game disc here, then it would be "Rainbow's copy of Equestria Earth".

Anyway, resume writing post-haste, please?

Instalike and instafav for the idea. All my win for the presentation.

I don't see Colts of War on Twilight's list of games she consider make her a hard core gamer.

It'd be hilarious if they had orange mushrooms and Twilight died against one

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png

An MLP fanfic similar to .(dot)Hack?!

Must read!

I am curios as to whether I.V.P.'s exist.

Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT4c-ssBVZl_6qhR4oi0U0IOQstbQ3dH70ec2whm7SGfc4Lxy0m

And im liking this. Hope to see a new chapter soon.

Insta faved and liked and I haven't even read it.

>>12727311272731

Wait, did you actually take my idea from the page? That mysterious mare.

Creeper mushroom... classic!

Yaaa an update to this awesome story. Another great chapter I can’t wait to read the next chapter.

It takes hours to get from level one to level two?... And how is it that the rest of the mane six seems to know MMO basics when Twilight, who is apparently the resident 'genius of video games', does not?

Chaotic is a shitty pony name THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT YE JERK, GIVE TH' POOR LAD ANOTHER CHANCE

Looks promising? Be careful with how you characterise the Mane 6, jimmies could be rustled OI!