Ah, you have probably heard of My Little Pony: Friendship is magic, well, I have, anyway. And if you've heard about it and have a firm grasp of knowledge on it, you've probably known of Twilight Sparkle, born a unicorn and discovered the magic of friendship and eventually became an alicorn.
But what if she was already born an alicorn, and to shake things up further, she's born as an anthropomorphic version of herself. Now, come on with us as we go onto this wild heck of ride of a story.
Hey, author's notes here. Twilight is the only pony changed into an anthropomorphic version of herself, the rest are just in their default selves. And yes, she's born an alicorn in this story, and no, Equestria Girls will never happen.
Anyways, enjoy the show, err, I mean story.
Hmm a bit odd but buck so am I LOL. So I will see where this ride goes.
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One comment and whoosh! We're off. That fast? Well...
Hold onto your asses, cause HERE WE GO!!
Oddly enough, I was not turned off by the word Anthro because the title suggested there was only one, and that that simple fact was the very premise of the story. I am intrigued. Inspection of the story tags and description confirms, appeases, and inspires this intrigue. You have done well thus far. I shall now read.
Well, this is a bit of a mess. There's a lot of potential in it—don't get me wrong—but you need to clean it up. Run this through a proofreader. Most word processors such as wordpad, and microsoft word will have a grammar and spellcheck built in. You've got misspellings, tense slips, and entire word mistakes littered about.
On top of that, this pacing is extremely rapid. Slow down, describe scenes, describe emotions, describe surroundings.
Obviously, this is an amateur fanfiction site, so I'm not expecting you to be a professional author, but you piqued my curiosity enough to look at this story, so I would very much like to see it, and you, improve.
Alright, I’ll bite. Let’s see what you have in store, and hope this isn’t a bore.
All I can say is that, this is an intriguing start to the story. Yeah, the stuff about the aliens was weird, but it DOES help the fact that Twi was born both an alicorn AND an anthro make more sense. Of course, being born an alicorn will give her a bit more common ground with her future niece Flurry Heart (even if Flurry won't be born an anthro) plus being born an anthro will give her some common ground with Spike (since dragons actually ARE technically anthro by nature in Equestria [i.e. they can comfortably walk fully upright and use their upper claws like hands]). Hopefully, the other kids and nobles aren't going to be TOO cruel to Twi just for being different.
Sorry about that. Got carried away.
At any rate, I will certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also be quite willing to respect the fact that you probably have a life outside the computer room.
Odd, but funny
I think the aliens could have done better without caps lock, but otherwise I can just assume thier commentary was a meta joke.
Good start to this story, but why not any Equestria Girls movies, after all wasn't Sunset still Celestia's student before Twilight?
Looks interesting. Defanitly something I'd continue to read.
not bad per-say but the speed verses the length is way out here's the math (slow+short=good) (fast+long=good) (slow+long=good) take one of these times update speed and you get a grate fic , now this means you use the 1st one is fast in update's 2ed is medium in update's 3rd is slow in update's it's all about what you do as a fiction-neair and I've read a lot of fanfic to come up with this math stuff and I'd love for any pony tell me I'm wrong on it
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You’d be surprised how fast your story can get noticed, am I right?
Well, would you look at that, Mr. Popularity.
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And I can tell you, this may or may not be the last we see of the Mechadrons.
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And I can tell you, this may or may not be the last we see of the Mechadrons.
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She'll remain exactly the same.
If EqG is not to come, is Sunset to just be left in a slum? It’s a rather terrible fate, considering how she becomes great.
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Read the next chapter.
Alright, this is the second chapter. Enjoy.
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Heh, very. I haven't been expecting that.
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Heh, you made a rhyme.
All I can really say is thanks for getting the next chapter up. I DO love the work you put into the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. I have to admit, I DID love the little glimpses into Twilight's childhood. It would be ironic if, one of the reasons her magic hadn't seemed to develop yet is because, her human side actually connects best with her Earth pony portions (as an alicorn, she technically has the potential of all three tribes, but Earth pony strength would probably be the most compatible with her human side) . And yeah, I DO love the fact you are trying to include a role for Sunset despite not touching Equestria Girls.
At any rate, I will VERY certainly be looking forward to more, but, hey, if real world matters force some unavoidable delays, I can respect that.
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Especially with an idea that you haven’t seen on this site. Good story and original idea. Keep up the work.
Gifted UNICORNS you fool, that error was uncool.
~~EDIT: Well, that was an embarrassing mistake. Though, in my defense, I’m not quite awake.
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It was no error, silly. Look in the author's notes.
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Earth pony strength not so much, but "stamina = human" makes sense when you consider that humans can outlast any other species on Earth by several miles.
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It has been amended.
The last sentence is missing part of it.
An interesting idea you have going, I wonder how the next few years are going to be going for her?
good fallow-up there
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Fixed.
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Did it.
That middle name kinda scares me.
Well this is an interesting development. The premise of the story interested me. The actual execution of the first chapter was both cringe and curiosity-inducing simultaneously.
VERY good job on this latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-ups are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked the chats between Twilight and Spike as well as her first meeting with the Apples.
Though, I have to say, AJ, "'not judging by appearances'"? Honestly? Try telling THAT to Zecora (though, to be fair, if Twi learns a few potions from Zecora it might help her learn at least A FORM of magic). :-D
At any rate, I will very certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also respect the need for real world concerns to take top priority.
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Haven't you seen the line about the parasite that turned Luna into Nightmare Moon?
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Why? It was the first thing that knocked into my head.
If you know any good middle names, let me know.
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Yeah, I DID see that. I just didn't comment on that. Sorry about that.
Wow.
You upload fast.
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I know, right.
Hey there. Thanks greatly for getting the next chapter up. And sorry again for forgetting to mention the stuff about the Nightmare Parasite earlier. That WAS actually a pretty good detail.
At any rate, very good job once again, on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly liked the interaction with Fluttershy as well as the little nod to Twilight's original Equestria Girls look.
Yeah, I'll very definitely be looking forward to more of this.
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Oh snap. Wait until the Nightmare Parasite matures into a new form, until it gets destroyed by the Elements, of course.
this is glorious you have know idea how ling i been looking for a story like this
A parasite?! See, this is what happens to simple life forms that get exposed to solar radiation for a millinia with an alicorn’s non-aging body. Now we’re stuck with a mutant space monster that’s going to start laying eggs everywhere.
Thanks, Celestia.
that will come back and bite applejack in the bum when zecora shows up
Well, we clearly saw that silly, but if you are new, you have not meant anyone yet.
It is met anyone yet.
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You said it right.
Well... Frick.
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I know right? What were you talking about?
Enjoy what I have in store.
Sorry I took a while getting around to reviewing this. Nothing to blame except self-admitted laziness. Anyway, you DID do a great job on this chapter. I particularly liked Twi reflecting on how the town has treated her thus far and the revelation of the Nightmare Parasite's new form .
I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this, but will understand if patience is required.
I wouldn't mind longer chapters just saying