Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie have always been considered free spirits. Rainbow herself could never have thought she'd ever reanalyze her entire life for the sake of one person. But when she and Pinkie are put in charge of caring for a young sickly friend during the course of a legendary icestorm, the two learn quite a bit about self-sacrifice and growing up. Also there is a tortoise.
Not featured on equestria daily! (that place scares me kinda)
This story features your daily allotment of: sad things, happy things, and sappy things!
Authors Note:
I have the educational level of a kindergartner so if the story is kinda iffy you can blame the public education system! Hooray! In all seriousness I just wanted to write something cute.
edit:
the illustrations were sketches by me that were inked and colored by a friend who wishes, at the moment, to remain Anonymous. (bronies scare him).
I don't know that ^That^ is about but I am impressed that you posted the story complete. And I'm wondering how long did this take?
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about a month I think.
1337475 cool
This is the first time I have commented on this site, but OMG that has to be some of the best writing ever. You got the characters perfectly, and it was just so beautiful. Well done
Hot Cocoa with creamy hand-made peanut butter
I see what you did there.
This actually surprised me how much I enjoyed this story. I wasn't expecting much from the first few chapters, but by the end I was engrossed.
I like how you dealt with including conflict in the story. I've read other fics with a similar premise that fell short because the whole story was about how happy Dash and Scootaloo were together, without any real conflict. On the other hand, introducing conflict in a fic like this is hard because it's difficult to realistically portray an orphan having troubles with a potential foster parent while still keeping the whole feel-good tone. You kind of avoided the whole issue entirely by having the conflict being between Dash, Pinkie, and Applejack instead. Well done with that.
However, I will say that this story desperately needed an editor. It's the main reason I wasn't expecting much from this story at first: there are constant misspellings, missing words, faulty punctuation, bad grammar, and awkward descriptions and dialogue in this fic. Not quite enough to distract me from the story, but far more mistakes than there should be. Just a relatively small amount of revising could have made this story a lot better, which is unfortunate.
Finally, thank you so much for never writing “somepony" or “anypony". Seriously. Thank you.
Anyway, well done with this! Good luck with all your future fics.
Edit: Oh yeah, by the way, I would remove the period in the title if I were you.
One of the best story's of rainbow dash and scootaloo. i was this close to a tear running down my face
Motherly Dash is best Dash.
Also, man, those little bits at the end of each scene are epic. Maybe your writing isn't as 'elegant' as something like this, but your jokes and characters are brilliant. Well done.
Those last few paragraphs...
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/yea-fuck-yea.gif
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I love that gif. Never get tired of it.
One day I will know that man's joy.
thats my rating and im stickin to it =P
ratings explained in my profile
What the heck? How does a CLOUD house burn down?
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSf9aEETnvE
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http://ct.fra.bz/i53/5/4/13/f_2c7db0034e.jpg
Eh, so basically I gave it a thumbs up, but only just.
1. There was really nothing to hate. I sorta disliked how melodramatic everyone was, and how quick they were to break down and start sobbing. But it wasn't a deal breaker. Also, I was sorta apprehensive about how much you were stretching the cannon-tone, cannon-plot, and cannon-personalities. Especially how you ret-coned pinky being kicked out by her family. Plausible, yes, but not really implied in the cannon. Finally, Scootaloo. Yes, it's plausible (in the cannon) that she is an orphan with no home. But living 4 years with no adults finding out.... very implausible. I sorta had to squint my eyes and pretend that part wasn't in your story.
2. But your main theme was consistent and strong (motherhood, maternal instincts, nesting, etc.) I'm not sure what 'Sororal' means, but I think I figured it out from the context. All that stuff was very sweet and innocent and lovely. But this point comes with an inherent downside. As another review stated, there is not a ton of conflict. Everything is pretty much peaches and cheerios. Yes, AJ and Carrot Cake were being neighsayers, but they came around without too much trouble. What this story needed was a bad guy. Either a custody agent trying to put Scoot in an orphanage, or a well-meaning older Pony who wants to adopt Scoot instead of RD, or a snooty bureaucratic-type pony who is making it hard for RD to get the papers approved, or maybe even RD's parents or Scoot's parents make an appearance to cause tension.
Then again, maybe that would take from the focus of your story? I dunno. (Btw, I thought your spelling and grammar was fine. If there were mistakes, there wast enough for me to be bothered. )
3. Lets do some math. Bare with me, I have a point.
Lets define: 1 bit = $1 USD
1 New Car (a new technology), conseratively define to be $20,000
in equivalent dollars (based on the price of Model-T's, when they were first being produced in 1908 ($850, 1908 -> $20,000, 2012).)
$20,000 = 20,000 bits
20,000 bit * 1 cocoa / 2.5 bits = 8,000 cocoa
8,000 cocoas / 20 days = 400 cocoas p. day
400 c * 12oz = 4,800 oz cocoa / day = 137 kg cocoa / day = 300 lbs coca / day
I dunno. I guess that's possible. It just seemed to bother me for some reason. Nm.
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I kind of hate to go disagreeing with someone I haven't met from your comments, but I saw this and thought I might give the story a look. I stopped pretty quickly, though. Your prose is really weighed down with your word count. You lost me within the first two paragraphs by throwing out phrases like "winged pegasus horses". That's three words where one will do fine. And that's happening a lot in those first two paragraphs.
The flow of the writing is good, don't get me wrong. You have a nice voice, and the sentences are well put together. But they're about twice as long as they ought to be, given the amount of content they contain.
Since I'm bailing after two paragraphs of overburdened prose, obviously I can't talk about characterization or story. It sounds like those things are good, judging by other comments here. But I'd need more encouragement than this to try to find out. Reading this feels a bit like trying to wade through a sea of marshmallows.
Congratulations on making the feature box, and I'm sure many readers will be willing to put up with this and enjoy your story. But moving forward, I'd definitely work on tightening up your prose.
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I think you might have the 'feature box' and the 'latest story updates' box confused. The feature box, as it is now, is the same as it was this morning.
As for the rest, it strikes me as rather hypocritical to complain about prose being too burdened when you spent 4 paragraphs in a comment doing the exact same thing and making only one point.
Not that there's anything really WRONG with that, it just strikes me as rather funny.
I'm not encouraging you to read the entire story. It's not a good story and I'll be the first to admit that. I am not a writer and I have no editor, nor want one, and the last thing I'd really want is to be popular for fanfiction based on flash cartoons. I make these so that my imagination will leave me alone once in a while. Take that as you will.
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I assure you, this did hit the feature box, which is pretty darn cool in my opinion. It slipped out, which is a little unfortunate, but the only reason I noticed it and clicked through was because it got the big-time treatment, however briefly.
And yes, I was aware of the irony of writing as much as I did when I read so little. But, perhaps as a way of emphasizing what I was saying, let me point out that my entire comment was 30 words (or 12.5%) shorter than your first two paragraphs.
Anyway, if you're not actually interested in writing, feel free to take my comments with a grain of salt.
Great start! I love your style and the way you describe scenes and characters so well. I can't wait to read the other chapters
I'm loving it so far!
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Hmm!
So it DID hit the feature box.
I wonder why though? This story has a good chunk of views but I wouldn't think nearly enough for someone to take notice. Be it an admin or some other technological puppetmaster.
how high were you when you wrote the piniata part?
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Not high enough.
Honestly chocolate skittles was the worst skittles they ever did make. Like little sour tootsie rolls. Never again.
sure there are a few gramar and terminology errors but dont be so hard on yourself. no one honestly gives a fuck about that shit and if they do then they are not trying to enjoy the story. This is honestly my new favorite scootalove story. most of these types are very short and you cant get into the story. i finished the last 3 chapters this morning and it took a lot of dicipline for me to close my lap top to get some sleep last night instead of finishing it.
Seriously great story. I got to say though i am wondering if you are on drugs when you wrote this, some parts such as the piniata dream were fucking trippy
Pegasi having nesting instincts when caring for foals is now part of my headcanon. Somepony draw it!
Why doesn't this story have more views?
This is a beautiful Dashie and Scoots adoption fic. *Gives a Cookie and a round of applause*
first, Motherfuckers!
you know.... a fanfiction about the cakes raising an orphaned pinkie pie would be fairly badass. just sayin
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god I love samuel l jackson
Why is there no picture of Scoots in the soup bowl?
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And Filled With All of the D'AWWSS
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Damn Straight.
the first scoot and dash story I read on fimfiction
aww are the other scoot-dash fictions gonna be as enjoyable....
really a nice story, as well as the expression, keep it up!
Nice story s?o far keep it up.
1368602 Oh no spike!
Was this by any chance related to weird al albakerky? "Small crunchy lemony candies that he loved so very very much."
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yes actually. I hide lots of subtle little references to things I like in my stories.
man this story is good but that pic of pinkie kinda scares me cus of the cupecake stuff
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Are you ever going to do a follow up fic? I'd really like to see what you do with a PinkieDash ScootaFamily fic.
Wait, didn't AJ give that sweater to Lyra?
Twelve weeks later and I still ponder the same question. That image needs to be immortalized in color. It could then be sold to clinics as an anti-depressant.
Okay. That picture does kinda make up for the lack of Soup-aloo.
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I CONCUR!!!
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.
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Wait a second.
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Hm, doubtful. My stories are all sort of like one-shots. They sometimes have references to each other for no reason other than that I'm a pompous douche, but theres no real...canon or anything to them. I'd thought of adding a few more chapters like an epilogue of sorts but every time I get an idea, I find someone else has written it, and usually written it far better!
I'm writing something very long at the moment. It'll probably be done within the next month. I always write these totally out first then slowly submit them chapter by chapter fixing things. It's not an efficient process but it does keep me motivated!
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You've entered a time loop
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You mentioned others writing what you thought of for an epilogue. I have never seen a Pinkie or a PinkieDash ScootAdoption fic. What fics do you recommend?
and while that is a slow process. I can see the appeal to that approach. And while I'll miss following what'd happen next. I sincerely thank you for a great fic, and I can't wait to see what fics followed closely to your vision of endings of this fic. It'll be like a choose my own adventure.
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Honestly I can't remember them off the top of my head.
I rarely log into this site and when I do I tend to forget all the functions it has. Like the "Favorites" system.
So many stories that I adore and cherish are pretty much lost in the sands of time for me. And the search function here isnt very good either so I apologize that I can't really recommend something fitting. I wish I could!