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Wallflower and her friends from the gardening club go to the Dunwich Bonsai Fair with The Great Roberto, their prized bonsai tree. Seems like it's going to be a normal trip – as normal as a crowd of bonsai tree fanatics can be.
That is, until the clowns start showing up...
Set roughly in the same continuity as It's The End Of The World As We Know It and Dungeons and Dimwits, but actually self-contained.
Preread by hawthornbunny, FanOfMostEverything, Kirtai, and Krack-Fic Kai.
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based on a true story?
10626322
Luckily not
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Damn, I was gonna say we should hang out.
Farmers also have all the tools and ususally a wide space to bury the bodies. Also, you don't hear about the gardeners because they don't find the bodies.
Actually, bunnies can eat their newborn. I've seen it. So theoretically you could dispose of a body like that.
After reading this, I've two questions:
1) What the fuck is this?
2) Can I pay you to make more?
10626415 Gardeners do not bury the bodies.
How wasteful.
That's what compost piles are for.
I'd never forget you, Samey.
Anyway, another Samey classic. Insane conversations, situations that seem implausible but actually flow logically, asides that make me go, "Wait, WHAT?!" It's gonna be a ride.
Appropriately enough, I'd forgotten I'd preread this.
Wonderful stuff, especially this take on Best Human. Looking forward to more.
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Meanwhile, I forgot to reply to comments, but then, I had a crazy last week, so to speak.
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One could say this fic is unforgettable...
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Sooner or later the body does end up in the ground. Just in a more useful form.
10626415
I guess you'd need more bunnies to dispose of a body, though. Pigs can eat more, I guess.
If this is foreshadowing this will become the most awesome story ever.
Also wally/Muffing interactions are the best and I want more.
I don't think Wallflower should there. Going anywhere prominently mentioned in one of H.P. Lovecraft is a terrible idea.
That can be taken so many damned ways...
Well, we have the setup for wacky/possibly lethal shenanigans. I can't wait to see how we end up where they did in the prologue.
If she keeps that up, she's getting a face full of friendliness pellets.
Aligned electron spin axes.
Not sure how to feel about casually lewd Best Human, but I am enjoying Wallflower's overwhelming awkwardness. Definitely looking forward to seeing how this leads to their arrest.
10637027
Cue "Saving Private Blush"
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Yeah, Dunwich Fishing Competition never ends well...
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We'll get there soon.
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Lewd or European?
I'm stealing this one
Honestly, other than the voices and images, I don't think normal Wally is much different than high Wally
Lily, if you stopped eating them yourself you could turn a profit
That's why I answer my phone with the camera buried inside the pillow
When will people learn that you don't need drugs to set up a cannibal operation.
I'm not gonna lie that sounds delicious.
Hey! Another reason to like you. You're becoming one of my favorites very quickly.
So, now the clown thing starts making sense. I'm still hoping for that tank.
Great chapter, I can't wait to see what madness comes next.
I knew Wallflower was gonna get high. And now we've sent in the clowns. This is gonna get wild.
I mean, strictly speaking, she's not entirely wrong.
She's not a valkyrie, but she does play one on TV.
No, you've got to eat the merit badges! That's where all the nutrients are!
Depends on the Harley. The original BTAS costume covers the whole body and has a hat.
Poor Wallflower. At least she didn't embarass herself too badly given her pharmeceutically altered state... for a given value of "too badly." Now, let's see just how badly this pub crawl goes.
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A cannibal operation, however, comes in handy when you get munchies.
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Bonus points for absorbing the girl scout's powers.
It's only natural
This got me laughing for a while
Wallflower: *vietnam flashbacks*
I loved this, specially because I also like chekers and get those youtube recomendations.
So the jig is finally up. I really loved Wallflower's angel and devil, and now I guess comes the conclusion to this madness.
I felt like I was high reading this.
Ah yes, the out-of-towners version. A proper Dunwich Horror is even bigger, incorporates alien geometry, and is entirely invisible. Also, eating it may cause you to see visions of Yog-Sothoth. Who is often represented a a collection of silvery spheres. Bubbles, one might say...
Yeah, this sandwich was practically made for Best Human.
Also known as the Wilbur Whateley.
Now that's impressive.
Oh dear, she's speaking in tongues. Looks like they did put on the Great Sauce of Yith.
Nah, Flash is too much of a sweetheart to flee the country over that. Besides, if that's enough to make you skip town, you shouldn't be dating Best Human in the first place.
I didn't know this was a Rollercoaster Tycoon crossover.
So... it cut out just after she finished looking up what closed down the park? Or was Muffins on the creepy, abandoned amusement park's unsecured WiFi?
I half-expected someone to say "Oh, you're Wallflower Blush! Sorry about that."
I think Wallflower's best defense is that this is too convoluted and ridiculous for anyone to make up. Plus, the photo in the pub is actually a fantastic way to corroborate the story. We'll see what the local police think of the situation soon enough.
Peak Muffins and peak Wallflower.
How could this be any better :)
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Then there's the Dunwich coffee shop, where the barista will make sure your Mega Grande has a foam face on top.
(Dunwich is actually pretty normal nowadays, except for the occasional underground noises. Oh, and avoid digging in any of the oddly symmetrical hills. And also stay away from Improbably Deep glen...)
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Meanwhile, I'm pretty good at chess, but whenever I try checkers, I get owned.
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So she is a Great Old One after all
The park doesn't like people revealing its secrets, I guess.
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Also, don't check out the sewers (although this may have been Derry, Maine).
I swear, someone has to punch her for that line. :D
Oh, so this is where the dead clown comes in. Also, I hear you on the wrid YouTube recommendations, Wallflower.
So... 90% of the dialog in this fic? :D
Oh, what a cliffhanger! I do hope they'll all be okay!
What do you mean can't Wally? Do you lack coordination or has the state forbbiden you to do it?
Powerful phrase. Familiar phrase?
I'm not sure I do either
Are you assuming Wallflower smokes?
You see Wally, you don't punch a nose with your fist, you need to hit them with the lower part of your open palm in an upwards motion so your forearm absorbs all the impact.
She defeated the Dunwitch Horror, you guys are just snacks in comparison
Oh no, they got Scootaloo!
Great... now what was the second step?
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/36d85e5d-de29-479c-bfc4-ca7e6be9a733/dcwla9p-7fe6531f-b2b6-4813-9791-7c19a87eab6f.png/v1/fill/w_1192,h_670,q_70,strp/demon_wallflower_blush_by_legendary_spider_dcwla9p-pre.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOiIsImlzcyI6InVybjphcHA6Iiwib2JqIjpbW3siaGVpZ2h0IjoiPD0zODQwIiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvMzZkODVlNWQtZGUyOS00NzljLWJmYzQtY2E3ZTZiZTlhNzMzXC9kY3dsYTlwLTdmZTY1MzFmLWIyYjYtNDgxMy05NzkxLTdjMTlhODdlYWI2Zi5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9NjgzMCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.u_24hPBf7J8Qkz_p13yPM0LFtf3H6F4KUYG0WkOgXJ8
I'm surprised this continued after the confusion got cleared. Will Tempest come save them with an AK? Will the clows have a tank Wallflower can fight against? I can't wait for the next chapter.
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"What do you mean can't Wally? Do you lack coordination or has the state forbbiden you to do it?"
I imagine Wallflower is forbidding Wallflower from doing it. Coordinated or not, if you've never played before and have never learned the rules and techniques, some practice is required before you graduate from "embarrassingly bad."
This doesn't sound right.
"Doctor Sour Note"? Sour Sweet's parent in this take on EqG?
Eh, he does that with every pretty girl he meets. It's like Princess Celestia and stained-glass windows, only on a tighter budget.
With Flash, it's a valid question.
The question isn't "Why didn't Wallflower get a demon form?" It's "Does anyone remember Wallflower in her demon form?"
Okay, it's a stretch, but I like the idea of her becoming some unspeakable, Lethean horror that the mind refuses to record.
In any case, the cross-eyed cavalry is likely on the way, but Best Human does have to track down the clowns. We'll see where this goes from here. And who's looking after The Great Roberto in all of this?
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i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/650/747/aaf.png
(although I must say it's the first time I researched cheese for a fic).
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Probably a bit of both (she managed to injure someone with a ball).
If she does, no one remembers about it.
She needs to work on her combat skills (guns tend to run out of ammo, after all).
Die fighting and go to Valhalla, I guess.
Also, that's some nice demon form. Shame no one remembers encountering it.
10671395
How so?
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Mother, to be exact. Though funnily enough, her parents were not named in It's the End of the World as We Know It, even though her siblings, uncle, and at least one cousin were mentioned by name.
I just imagined Timber having a whole basement of them. Unless he gave it to Wallflower, then she probably keeps it on some kind of "I spoke totally normally with someone" shrine.
Even Wallflower doesn't remember that form. It had way too many dimensions to comprehend.
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Hard to describe, but the "I had to get" doesn't flow right?
It feels like a stutter when you read it out loud.
Edit: wow, managed to reply to myself.
I actually looked up the bit about the fax machine. Samey, nice job! :) Anyway, all's well that ends... well? Hmm, the gang's all alive and only slightly mentally-scarred. Yeah, this was a good ending for them.
And thus ends another wacky adventure with some shenanigans and hopefully a sequel. :D
Great fic, Samey. Just damned funny with some good action sprinkled about.
Muffin is best narrator
bte
van
Ooh, Scooby reference.
What a wild ride. I find the thoguht of Muffins getting high terrifying taking into account her usual way of thinking, and also, her view of Wallflower got me laughing everytime it happened.
Great work Samey! Can't wait for your next proyect!
PS: Sadly, there was no tank at the end
Flawless logic.
I like the implication that Flash and Muffins both found artifacts of their own.
Hilarious madness throughout. And a friendship between Wallflower and Juniper... maybe. Very different personalities, but if they can find some common ground, they'll be able to make something work. Still an iffy prospect. In any case, thank you for a wonderful exercise in absurdity.
So... Tempest is Russian or just the soldier of fortune who travelled far and wide?
10682627
Fixed
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Not as good for the clowns, I guess, though I think the guy prefers prison over Wallflower.
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The latter. Funnily enough, my first idea was to make her swear in Chechen, but then I found out that if Chechens curse, they usually do so in Russian because swearing in their native language is considered serious business.
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Now I wonder what'd happen if they did. And which of them would be scarier.
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There may be a tank in the sequel, though...
I didn't pay these two much attention at first, but then...
I've a feeling that most people aren't gonna get that reference. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, waiting for the amazing extended live bonsai solo (part of which will probably be played with a violin bow)
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Does the bonsai have two main branches?
I feel like this is somehow your fault:
derpicdn.net/img/2021/3/30/2582286/large.png
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Hmm, are they being shipped?
The Holiday Special is a masterpiece and certainly more canon than any of the Disneywars bad fanfiction.
I don't care whether it's Wally or Waldo. I am pissed at how the classics have been censored to heck and back since the 90s.
Taking out the topless lady on the beach and putting the mankini on the Olympic Stadium Streaker is one thing, but what's the big idea with replacing the train-hopping hobos with space aliens? And there was nothing offensive about Ali Baba and the Land of Flying Carpets. Kuso.
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I guess someone got offended by that. But then, it's literally the first thing people usually think about.
Same
I asked one police Spec Ops guy who was on service in Chechnya, and he said that "don’t shoot" in Chechen will be "Gerz ma detta".
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Well, guess this one is shorter and easier to say.
Muffins' descriptions of the Shadowbolts are the best.