I have no heart and my avatar makes everything sound sexual. Also, It's pronounced "sam-ee".
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The Shadowbolts, tired of getting ruthlessly killed off whenever they play Dungeons and Dragons, decide to make Twilight their new DM. For Twilight, the game soon turns into a struggle to maintain her sanity amongst half-orcs, barbarians, vertically challenged necromancers, and seductive bards. The line between success and a total party kill gets thinner with every dice roll...
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Sanity is for the weak anyway.
The only thing I have to say is
https://m.Everyone in the party of my current campaign has some fire resistance. Thankfully, no one's proposed Operation: Smoke 'Em Out. Yet.
I honestly find that quite hard to believe. You can't tell me Rarity isn't managing at least four different social media empires. Though it probably does help when Sweetie Belle interfaces with the system directly.
"Would it be weird if I named her Sunset Shimmer?"
"Extremely."
Twilight, dragons can produce viable offspring with plants, oozes, and possibly elementals, depending on how you interpret "living, corporeal creature." Biology is very rarely a concern in this game.
Uh, Twilight? Not going to express any concerns there?
'Is that a threat or an offer?"
"Yes."
Speaking as a DM, there is a delightful bit of schadenfreude in getting people to actually roleplay their more absurd ideas. And I do love how Twilight does have a fair amount of the same Crystal Prep insanity as her former classmates.
This looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. Looking forward to seeing where you go with it.
Haven't read it yet, but A+ for the nostalgia in the chapter 1 title. Lawl.
As a DM only, I can 100% relate to Twi on this.
A new Samey fic? Praise Megan! :D
And this is exactly as funny and as well-written as I've come to expect. top kudos, dude. :D Oh, Twilight. What have you gotten yourself into?!
This is great, i have to say i love how chaotic and crazy this is (kind of reminds me of another story i had read), i also love how Twilight seems to be rolling with it instead of being overly serious and/or freaking out at the other Shadowbolts actions (i see that a little too often in mlp/dnd crossovers), this was a nice breath of fresh air.
I also liked the explanation of why they needed Twi to be the DM, as i can totally see Sugarcoat being a killer DM and Lemon Zest making things go too erotic.
My favorite so far however has to be Sour Sweet/Sour Elf, just for how violent her elf gets at the drop of a hat.
Oh and sorry if me putting a link her, i just thought it would be easier to do it now instead of getting asked for what the story was by other people latter on.
Edit: Wait why is their a Juniper Montage tag on this?. . .
Oh no, they're murderhobos!
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/642167995120091136/699093555137871972/image0.jpg
Okay, first chapter in and I really am liking this. Hopefully, Lemon will get the chance to name her pony.
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This seems to be the motto of my EqG stories.
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Even more so if Sugarcoat is the DM
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I guess someone eventually will...
Also, I think Rarity can manage social media just fine, but when the computer goes blue screen of death, Sweetie Belle has to put it back into shape (probably by talking it out of it).
The pony is actually named Lyra Heartstrings
She knows that there's no way to stop Sugarcoat once she goes full evil
Oh yeah, that's always the funniest part
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Oh yeah (also, is it really 22 years since Baldur's Gate came out?)
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She'll soon learn why Sugarcoat prefers to kill everyone off early...
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Juniper will soon appear as Twi's assistant and chronically-killed NPC. Also, Sour Elf is best elf.
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Except of Sugarcoat, she's a murder-and-recycle hobo.
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Well, who wouldn't?
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Fact: splitting the party in general is a terrible idea. Especially if the DM/GM is murder happy.
And what edition is this story based on? I do have a .pdf of the White box/0e.
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5e with some creative liberties, I'd say.
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'98, I believe, yeah. My junior year of college. I can still faintly remember sitting at my desk playing it with the roommates and looking out the 5th floor window in the dorm. Edit: "Squeaky wheel gets the kick!" Thinking about it, I could legit pull off a Minsc cosplay.
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huh. Well if it’s what ya got it’s what ya got.
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Huh, and I was like, 8...
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Ah that makes sense, thanks for the heads up.
Agreed
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Yes.
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Biology's even less of a concern when you bring The Nymphology book into play. There's a spell that allows for Medium creatures to get it on with creatures the size of pixies.
Biology ain't shit.
Welp, this is the best true to DnD I have ever read. It reminds of so many of my sessions, where I get dragged into messes I don want to be in.
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The dumbing-down of the tabletop rules in 3rd Edition onwards might arguably be an improvement, but what they're doing to Baldur's Gate 3 is unforgivable. Give us back our THAC0 and our trollops and plug-tails!
As someone who plays in two OBWN games, is there a story for the VtM game they were playing? As a D&D player I love this story.
They actually did make the Nausicaa glider a few years back.
https://www.makery.info/en/2016/11/08/il-a-realise-le-planeur-de-nausicaa/
s3-eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/makeryfiles/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/hokkaido2.jpg
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Unfortunately, there's no such story (though it'd involve enough lesbians to consider writing it).
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Huh, that's awesome (Sunny's model is probably not to scale).
And this is why a necromancer can be really useful.
So Indigo and Sour are doing killing contests like Gimli and Legolas? I can get behind that
I enjoy this very much!
Also, if I get a picture of the characters, I would be willing to make a comic(s) of this story.
>skeleton crew
ayyyyyy
I hear the Baldur's Gate narrator in my head (low-fidelity sound and all) when you do that. Thanks, I can't even tell if I hate it.
By the by, it's "a eunuch" (not "an"), for the same reason one writes "a unicorn" (it starts with the hard y-sound). Except for artistic license and characters speaking improperly, that is.
Another great chapter, perfect balance of action, comedy, and snark.
Your pun is bad and you should feel good.
Well in the end at least the sailors got to kill a halfling/hobbit and our hero's? got the ship they wanted, though i find it interesting that we didn't hear Sour Sweet's reaction after Lemon "healed" her. Anyways other then Sugarcoat almost getting hanged it seems things are going pretty smoothly so far, but i have a feeling that will change pretty soon, i mean you can only go so far with a group like this before things start to get derailed.
I am surprised you didn't go with the borderlands reference when it came to naming Lemons pony.
Heh. Skeleton Crew, eh? I see what you did there.
Great stuff :)
Change the "know" to "ken" and this would be so perfectly Scottish.
Hard to argue with that.
Cue flashbacks to the Gord the Rogue books.
however
faze
Onan was killed for disobeying god, but of course Catholic traditions latched more onto the spilling seed aspect of it. Gotta protect the tiny homunculus babies so they can be safely planted and begin to grow.
"Actually," said Lemon, "while we're on the topic, Lyra's been trying to get up the courage to ask you about a 'portal'? You founding Aperture Science, Sparky?"
"No comment."
This is D&D we're talking about. There's definitely a pirate elf variant race buried in some nautical supplement. They're like Darwin's finches when it comes to specialization.
So... Sugarcoat rolled the dice to see if she was getting drunk? Where's the Mountain Dew?
Wait, what domain gives clerics baleful polymorph?
I was wondering about the pony in all of this.
Ah yes, the traditional battle cry of the packrat adventurer: "I have a belt pouch."
Cure (adjective) wounds is a touch spell. No one said how you had to touch someone to cast it... though this method may interfere with the verbal components.
And yeah, I was wondering if the staggering lack of Profession (sailor) would come up. Of course, where there's a will (and plentiful onyx,) there's a way. Though there's still the matter of navigating...
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("Every Sperm is Sacred" plays in background.)
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Of course, why waste a perfectly good corpse.
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Well, who wouldn't.
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I don't think I can draw that well, but Sour Elf looks kinda like in the full pic on my blog (though with pointy ears and generally more elvish), Indigo's character is basically Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan the Barbarian (though with the same hair colour as Indigo), Lemon's character has her colour scheme but is taller, with horns (like every tiefling) and, as you can guess, wears a somewhat stripperific outfit. Sugarcoat's face is covered by her hood more often than not, but when it's not, her halfling looks deceptively not evil (his real name is Jolly Sackville-Baggins).
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Well, things are going to go pear-shaped pretty soon...
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One could say Sugarcoat became a pungeon master...
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Thanks for the suggestions
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Well, I guess the latter part is easier to remember
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"And before you ask, Sunset won't tell her anything either..."
They probably grow trees to naturally become ship-shaped or something like this. Speaking of nautical games, I recall reading about a 7th Sea campaign where the large part of the story actually took place on land (that is, until the players started to suspect the GM was too lazy to learn the rules of sea battles).
It's probably a silly place.
Well, Lemon occasionally forgets about the pony (or most of her equipment, for that matter).
And I'm not afraid to use it!
Also, speaking of healing, back in the high school I knew a girl who'd cure other female players by what derpibooru calls "asymmetrical docking" (it was usually asymmetrical because she had quite large assets, so to speak.
I should start a Monty Python references counter...
10437479
Heh. By the way, since you like D&D, you might like this I came up with a while back: https://www.deviantart.com/regreme/journal/The-ideas-that-wouldn-t-let-me-go-808128721
I don't think I can draw that well, but Sour Elf looks kinda like in the full pic on my blog (though with pointy ears and generally more elvish), [What full picture??? I only see the rainbow in glasses so I don't know what you mean.] Indigo's character is basically Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan the Barbarian (though with the same hair colour as Indigo), [Fascinating! However, I am imagining a barbarian in a leather jacket. Need more detail] Lemon's character has her colour scheme but is taller, with horns (like every tiefling) and, as you can guess, wears a somewhat stripperific [I did not expect that, but okay. Any special patterns on body/face? Such seems to be a common thing for tieflings to have as Birthmarks] outfit. Sugarcoat's face is covered by her hood more often than not, but when it's not, her halfling looks deceptively not evil (his real name is Jolly Sackville-Baggins). { am simply imagining a hobbit with a cloak]
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I mean the full cover - I cropped it because it was too wide for a coverart:
camo.fimfiction.net/Rt7uk10DHsFgnxK-UTF8cw0RyZgJ_PpvxPFkXG2Kta4?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.discordapp.com%2Fattachments%2F361571374210220034%2F752998657040842863%2FDungeons_and_Dimwits.png
Also, leather jacket for Indigo may work (actually, in the books Conan didn't just run in a loincloth all the time; I recall him in full plate during battles). As for Lemon's markings, she probably has some, but I didn't think that deep about it.
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I imagined something like The Invincible but organic.
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Heh.^^
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The newt thing is a reference to Monty Python.
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I'm aware, but thanks for the consideration.
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Btw, I forgot: Gmork is as ugly as you can imagine an orc/gnome hybrid.
Deliberate Monkey Island reference?
10446731
Not quite, but this works too.
Pirates of the Caribbean aside, the undead piloting a ship is a pretty old trope.
Words to live by.
That is a quality Sugarburn.
Lactose Intolerance... kind of works for a band name. It may be better to save for the third album. You know, the one that doesn't stick the landing, making everyone wonder if the band was just a lightly longer-lived flash in the pan, but then fourth one drops and it's their best work yet.
Sandalwood as Juniper Montage's cousin... I can't tell if that makes sense or not. Shipping him with Sugarcoat truly boggles the mind.
A legitimate question at this point.
Ah, we're going by the "the skeletons can use the nautical skills they had in life" approach. That works.
Obligatory:
Shadows that violate how the actual lighting should work is Evil Omens 101.
"Force of habit."
"No 'sorry'?"
"I figure you owe me another few dozen."
I must say, I'm intrigued by this take on human Moondancer.
Even chaotic evil has standards.
That just feels like an oversight on Tolkien's part.
This story has made me tremendously grateful that my party is nowhere near this self-sabotaging. Let's just hope Twilight wakes up in her own bed tomorrow.
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Cantor Zoom is Sandalwood's dad in this universe, which kind of makes sense if you assume a familial resemblance. That makes Juniper his cousin.
So, the first scene on the boat with the skeletons? This is what I thought of.
:D
Anyway, another great and glorious chapter. Gargamel, friggin' Gargamel! And just... everything here, Samey. Funny and insane and just pitch-perfect.