sindragon
Joined 28th Jun, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- GamingPoptart · 13k words · 105 28 · 2.9k views
- ponylover · 34k words · 269 107 · 8k views
- GamingPoptart · 4.2k words · 55 12 · 1.1k views
- Ultra Sonic · 48k words · 57 22 · 2.5k views
- Pegasi will rule · 146k words · 264 39 · 4.5k views
- jbaker13 · 3.9k words · 126 18 · 3.2k views
- GamingPoptart · 5k words · 38 9 · 565 views
- ShadowStallion · 25k words · 249 26 · 4.5k views
Featured In25
Clopfics11,546 stories ·15,814 members
- Celestia & Luna4,435 stories ·2,702 members
Human in Equestria16,976 stories ·16,820 members
Luna Is The Best Pony4,629 stories ·7,264 members
- Fan/fic/ Theater 3000144 stories ·336 members
Humans falling in love with ponies.2,411 stories ·6,065 members
- United Kingdom of Bronies166 stories ·44 members
Shining Armor and Cadence1,011 stories ·761 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.231 seconds
Total duration
603 users online
889,434 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Before I read this story, I am very confused on how this guy came to acquire a cheetah and a wolf. What kind of animals is this guy's family rising?
too many spelling errors, untill they are fixed you get a down vote from me
seems okay..... will like to see more^^
CHOO CHOO
Alright. Like a broken record I say get a proof reader.
You have random periods and apostrophes.
Spelling errors and tense errors. 'I have change' for example. Can I have your change Luna? Should be 'I have changed'
Humanxpony is just...
WHOOSH!
I think it has potential. A little work and some proofreading would definitely help. I support this hope to hear more in spite of bad reviews and thumbs down.
1203231 I kind of set him as a helper ,for the zoo. Who help look after some of the cubs,pups when the zoo doesn't have time for it.Or room,it happen a lot at most zoo's. That they have basically foster family's, for the younger animals. 1203255 I can understand what you mean, I try my best but with the main problem with the 2 types of learning Disabilities I have. Which are Dyslexia and Dyspraxia. Basically it effects my speach ,spelling, writing,gramma , social skills etc. It somthing to do with the brain, im not sure the scince behind it. But I will have it for the rest of my life since there no clue. The best way I could describe it , would be. My mind tell my body to do something, but time it get to the part of the body.It get mixed up of confused on what it supposed to do.
I am trying to look for a beta for my story,but so fare. People say they would do it,then they walk of the side of the earth.
www.aboutlearningdisabilities.co.uk.....ilities-category.html
1203278 Thanks ^.^
1203462 I hope I can change your mind.1203650 Like I said to jamaca627, Plus if you don't like these story's. Then don't read them,im not forcing people to read them.Plus I did give a warning saying,this was a HumanxPony paring. 1203972 Thank you ,like I said to jamaca627,plus I will try my best maybe prof read it. A few more times.Before posting it.
1204057 I would be happy to help proofread for you if you want?
i want a wolf pup and a cheetah cub
Train Wreck's pulling into the station, and oh boy, have we got a treat this time.
First of all, the grammar need SERIOUS work. Others have said that already, but it bears repeating. Especially annoying is Princess Luna's continued use of the Royal Canterlot Voice and Old English after the events of the wedding, especially addressing her own sister. Not to mention the complete lack of understanding of Old English grammar. "THOU AM PRINCESS LUNA" is further from a sentence than most I've ever seen. You know "thou" means "you," right?
The OC protagonist... yeah, I don't care that he's human, orphaned, or a zookeeper. I've all but given up on the quality of HiE stories, so I don't even bother anymore. But the name "Sin" is one of the worst Gary Stu-sounding names I've ever seen, leagues beyond "ShadowBlade" or "Girokon." Dark and brooding names are among the WORST for a character unless the reader can be convinced that it's warranted, and here... you sound like you're trying to write this guy to be a new Batman. But with zoo animals instead of bats.
And don't fucking get me STARTED on OC X Luna. HUMAN OC X Luna. That sort of thing tends to be wish fulfillment of the worst kind: some poor excuse for a writer desperately wanting to get with someone important and writing a story where they or some caricature of them do. I've seen the premise done right exactly ONCE ("Through the Eyes of Another Pony"), and even then, the human had turned into a pony and it was a serious moral issue when it came time to admit his love. I mean, technically he's still human, so he's inevitably going to find attraction to another species wrong despite the new body he's inhabiting. Here, you can't even get away with that; when the sex comes, it's gonna be straight-up bestiality. Even IF he's a zookeeper and and helps the breeding of the animals he cares for, that's going to be ungodly creepy.
Pacing is an issue too. There's a lot trying to happen in these 1400 words, and you're not giving them enough time. "Sin's" introduction (I HATE that name), his entrance into Equestria (somehow), Luna's existential outburst... those need more time to happen, but you're compressing it too much, to the story's detriment.
I'm sorry, I wanted to be nicer to this, but... I've seen fics walk this path before, and they almost always irredeemably SUCK, whether or not they were meant to. As far as I'm concerned, human X Luna meant it was doomed from the start.
1204625
Harmless Shenanigans with Princess Luna was pretty good...
*pouts*
And I'm writing a HiE story... And it's actually going to make sense, and it's not going to have Human x Pony shipping.
1204444 Yes please that be very kind of you.
1204625 Sighs. if you don't like these HIE. Then why are you, still reading them ?. I already said above about my problems and malfarious has asked to help with it. Plus you having a go at ,Human x Pony's parings. Saying it wrong,when if you think about it. People who make OC Pony's paring with the cast. Are doing they same thing,since it still there crush. As the writer, with that cast person.
1204444 They are the cuties baby animals, Cheetah cubs. Are just a big ball of fluffy fur ^.^.
1205101 It's clear that you have no idea what I do. And what quality of fic I do it to.
And I take as much issue with mane six X OC shipping as I do with this pairing. Even more so, in fact, because it's far more common and far easier to ruin. Most of the worst stories I've read had pairings with those six as the central focus.
Also, I can hardly read your comment. Your English is just as bad as it is in the story.
1205140 All you are is a Troll.Who hides behind a PC, this last time im replying to you.Since I know trolls like you crave the attions, and want people to rage at you. It sad really you rageing at a made up story.
1205070 I'm not saying HiE is intrinsically bad. I'm saying that it's been done to death, respawned, and been done to death again, and usually so poorly that my standards for them have basically disintegrated. At its base, it's contrived and often blatant wish fulfillment.
...though I'm working on the rewrite of the HiE story I hate most. And I'm kind of proud of the work. But I went in knowing of the flaws of the premise and worked around them. This story here is just a travesty.
1205252
I see. I'm trying to write HiE from a whole new perspective, where the human (or at least his caravan) is intentionally trying to go to Equestria, and they end up helping each other, with both sides learning a bit more than friendship.
I more or less hate HiE where it's Human x Pony, especially if it has absolutely no build-up. I'm going to write a HiE for myself as a sequel to the other one, but that's like a couple months away or something. And if I do do shipping, it's not going to be rushed.
1205243 Constructive criticism is trolling now?
Oh no. This is happening again. Another spat with another writer who can't accept the fault in their stories. It's like the debacle with FelixDawn all over again, but the grammar's somehow WORSE.
I don't want attention, and I don't want to attack or offend you. I only want to see you improve as a writer. As you have the capability and right to do, as ALL badfic writers have the capability and right to do.
...and maybe use the story for an MST in the future. I don't know.
1205266 Fascinating. The story I'm rewriting (read: overhauling) featured an instant ship with Twilight Sparkle. Since it was a defining part of the story, I feel obligated to keep it, but I'm fixing it so it becomes a moral issue when the feelings develop and he's not gonna wait a week and a half before bedding her. Hell, I'm making sure to kill the sex completely.
1205336
When *I* get to Equestria, the first thing that I'm going to do is meet everypony. Then I speak with Celestia about stuff, and then I do some studying. Then, after like a hundred chapters, light shippage ensues. But it doesn't focus on the shipping.
The one I'm working on now, though, the crossover, will have human x human shipping, and pony x pony shipping. And maybe some "Demon has a crush on pony" stuff. You know, just for fun.
1205278 Dude, there Constructive criticism which people have post before you. I reply and token their advice and there your type. People wanting to make a name for them self over other people. If you look up, but I reply to you and you don't like my response. I got balls to stick up to my story.
I know I not good speller or grarma, I do my best,with how my dysbllty ,affects my writing. Since I got malfarious to help me with my problems I have. But wait to see you reply about my disliblity.
1205360 Mine... well, the character's not an avatar of myself OR of the author who's SUPPOSED to be writing it. And he's going through the motions gradually. The only one he meets right away is Applejack, and that's only because his entry landed him in a tree on her orchard. He WILL probably meet the others eventually, but they won't play a major role. Except for Twilight, but SHH, that's not supposed to have happened yet. If - IF - he ever meets Princess Celestia, it'll be because those responsible for his being in Equestria will be acting up something fierce.
There's a MAXIMUM of four OCs, protagonist included, and none of them are getting shipped with canon characters EXCEPT the lead. That ship, and the eyesore coat and mane color, are really all I kept from the original. Even then, the method of his entry is being used to explain away the color, and NOPONY likes it.
And the shipping's gonna be important, but not everything. It's really going to be a slice-of-life thing where he adjusts to life in Equestria and meets the other humans-turned-ponies who got there the same way he did... up until the adventure-style ending.
Know what I need to do? I need to talk to the guy about writing again. I was really happy with the plot outline I conjured up, and it'd be such a shame for it to just gather dust.
1205399 Reread my first comment. ALL OF THAT was filled with the flaws of the story, as well as some tips on how to fix them. Well, less on the tip side, but my point stands. You should REALLY be yelling at the people who are only posting gifs of faces melting and eyes getting drilled out. THEY'RE not doing anything helpful to better this work.
If I can be perfectly honest... I technically have a disability, so I'm in absolutely no position to judge anyone on theirs. I don't let it stop me from writing with proper grammar, though, since it's not one that screws with my ability to read and write. But if it's such an issue with you, and I fully understand if it is, I recommend having someone proofread your story as it progresses. Looks like you've got that base covered now, so I don't need to extend that bit of advice, but advice is what it is. I'm NOT going to be the jackass that says you have no right to write if you can barely manage to. Anyone and everyone can improve.
Now, if it turns out YOU'RE the one trolling, I might just take all that back, but I'll be nice and give you the benefit of the doubt.
1205447 Dyslexia and Dyspraxia,is what I have. It is pot luck for me with spelling ,plus if words sound a like .Say there and their my mind get confused sometimes.
I hate trolls,plus people who fake having disblitys piss me off the most.
I have bully all my life,because of it. I don't fit it,I can spell or write. People calling me stupid etc.
1205504 Are you accusing me of faking my disability, or just making a general statement? Just because it's not a form of dyslexia doesn't mean it has to show in the way I write. It's a learning disability, albeit one that's done a shit job of disabling me.
1205546 General statement
1205592 I am malfarious has ask, I agreed. Im just waiting for him to reply
1205403
Sounds like it'd be pretty cool.
1206797 You do know their pm.
1206883
By 'pm', do you mean Private Messaging, as in the messages we send to other users, or something else? I'm trying to think of what that statement means, sorry.
1206919 Yes
1206948
Then yes, I do have their 'pm'.
1206797 If we ever actually PUBLISH the damn thing, it will be.
1204057 at least it isnt disnomia which is numbers my dad has this
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
1203255
spelling errors fixed, and working on rest of chapters, upvote? lol
awesome cover pic
2158048 Thanks it was made by http://www.furaffinity.net/user/penmark/
truly is a pretty awesome cover art
oh, and there's no need to put my name on every chapter, haha. just at the end of the description, and/or in an author's note is plenty.
Love the cover art and the grammar is pretty much perfect now. Well done Thardoc
can't wait for more chapters!
i can picture the adorable puppy!
I'm assuming that the cub and pup are either genetic experiments, aliens, or natural mutants, or else that the magic of Equestria that seems to saturate absolutely everything is making them smarter than most other young their age and species. Whichever the reason, so far it's at least decent.
Though at what point did the guard disobey orders the first time? It was the pup that attacked him first, not the other way around. True, he objected to not pursuing his interrogation further, but performed no hostile action.
I'm not sure that everybody is aware of this, but Dogs and Wolves are more different than one might think. Even as pups they're much more independent than dog pups the same age, and even though they tolerate Humans if they're raised around them it's not very often that they're happy-puppy-dog about them. If they're cross-breeds with dogs it's far more likely, but you said it was a wolf.
Of course, this IS a fictional story,
so it's not like it really matters in the long run. 
awwwwwww
2166302
2159354 Yeah Dragon and Bri are more smater than the normal cheetah or Wolf. They are based on chaters me and freind rp with.
Well the guard are supersoused to act like the Queen royal guards unless they are order to by the top rank or the queen. Plus I dont think the 2 princess would bee threated by Bri or Dragon
2158600 Be carefure their more two him that meet his cute faces lol.
2158312 Thanks yeap it was made by this person
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/penmark/
2158250 Yeap
2158312
thanks :D
Wow now the adventure begins
I'm really grateful that you are crediting me on such a level, but really all you need to do is put under the description, "Edited by Thardoc Version" or something similar.