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Luna has been plagued with vivid dreams of Nightmare Moon, and from what she's encountered, she doesn't know who to believe anymore. Is this the same evil mare she had become? Or just a misunderstood pony looking for love? Now Luna must decide: friend or foe?
Super special thanks to my editor SpaceCommie
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it is an edit of the first chapter. i am slowly redoing the entire story and splitting it into chapters when each section is revised. i will delete the first chapter soon.
i sort of liked it all in one chapter, it gave a certain feel to it
i read this when you first put it up. I agree I like it all in one chapter, but for editing urposes, I can understand why this would be easier. IT was still the BEST story I have ever read from this fandom. You continue to amaze me
just wanted to say first the cover pic is the fucking cutest pic of luna and nightmare of all time
I want more now :C.
And now some randomness:
Ooh, she's going to be docked 3 points from the judges! Isn't that right, Self #2?
That's right, Self #1. Such an amateur move from someone of such age is a massive error, and the judges are going to tear her score apart on this one.
2703912 god if she did that during a dressage test she'd be screwed
2704220
That she would, Jim (don't ask-- it was Jim, Bob, or Chuck.) Let's just hope the next challenge goes much better as there's plenty of opportunity for her to rectify this issue. In other words, write the next chapter whenever you get the time. I'm itching to see what happens next
Please,
MOAR.
i demand MOAR NOWS
Why numbers when grammar demands words?
I would go back and quote all the grammatical mistakes in this, But There were to many to count, I would recommend getting a pre-reader
2706787 I have a pre-reader. We're working on it right now
2707117 Ok, excellent my dear boy
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I have to say, I still miss the days of the 40'000 word chapter.
Do you still have that draft?
Would you be so kind as to re-post it, perhaps once you finish this re-write?
2712208 absolutely! I warn you though, I'm not going to fix the grammar, which is horrendous. I can send you the draft now if you would like, because really after the re-write it will be the same save for different grammar
2707227 i'm a girl
2712370
Many thanks.
271237225.media.tumblr.com/25ef083afd7bf0bd7477070ee03179f3/tumblr_mi8berLwVy1qf4nxzo1_400.gif
MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
2713785
Good choice in music
Please,
MOAR.
its over 9000!
2714117 Thanks.
2717575
YW. The Lullaby for a Princess and the one you posted always hits me right in the heart and/or give me goosebumps. Why does this fandom possess such talent and skill? xD
2717627 I have absolutely no clue. Other franchises are as worthy as this one of such a great fanbase, but this one seems to be one of the best.
2718081
I wonder if 10 years down the road, I'll look back and go, "Equestria... heck yeah..."
and then proceed to rake in billions of dollars and create one of the greatest corporate empires of all timeI guess we'll see ^_^.2718138 I'm gonna beat you to that corporate thing... You will be silenced by my CORPORATE ASSASSIN NINJAS IN ALL CAPS. >_>
2718287 i'm really sorry to be rude, but can you keep these sort of conversations in rivate messages with each other? They really don't have much to do with the story, and I get excited every time I see a notification
2718362 All right. Sorry.
2718400
Do you really think you can beat
Umbrella CorpPony Corp? Hehehehehe...You go sister! media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loxpo09HEV1qzstls.gif
Yay for frequent updates!
2723132 working hard just for you guys!
Please,
MOAR.
THIS STORY IS AWESOME! SPREAD WORD NOW FOR MORE LIKES>
We all know that feel.
Watch out Luna! Moon is not all you think. Great update as usual :)
Nightmeir Woon.
(insert cute Nightmare Moon pic here)
*master voice*
I want moar...
HorseGirl.
This chapter needs some editing done, I will spare you pain by going back and pointing out every mistake here.
Also I would say there should be a slight re-write with how good old Nighty INSTANTLY turns from "I am going too kill you" Into "Best sister ever" Mode.
Private message me if interested, And I shall offer my assistance
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2894298 Nightmare is lovely
Let's see how Nightmare will respond to this...
I did not see this when it was only one chapter, so I'll have to wait to see how it goes. I do hope you have help with your editing, because there are a LOT of typos. Some of them result in confusion, such as:
...Yeah, thats a rather silly example.
Also, I don't think the word "raspberry" is being used correctly. It generally refers to the tongue being out with the sound being made. Outside of Nightmare Night, I can't really picture such a regal pony doing that. A better word would be "snort", especially considering this is an equine we're talking about.
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clop: parallel for "buck", ponifed version of "f***"
New vocabulary accepted!!!
N1GH7M4R3 M00N: RAWR!!!
Made My Fucking Night...
3086028 w00t 1337
3088421 Nightmeir Woon: rawr rawr rawr.
Try and find the cute image of Nightmeir Woon.
Adorableness Overload.
SQUEEEEEEEEE
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As these chapters are fairly old, I've resisted nitpicking the spelling and grammar as I sometimes do to stories; but a line was crossed and I really can't read this anymore WITHOUT pointing out some of the more headache-inducing errors. Other than that, I'm enjoying the story quite a bit!
The two ponies waked through the dimly lit, halls; the silence of the night, making each hoof step sounded like a falling bomb that radiated throughout the palace.
First: walked, not waked. But more importantly, the grammar is entirely wrong. I love semicolons, and I admire your desire to use them; but this is not the way, and your commas were very gratuitous and incorrect as well. (For one thing, semicolons can't be used except where a period could also be used (i.e. both sections could be a complete sentence if you wanted them to be), or when separating items on a list when commas might be confusing.
The two ponies walked through the dimly lit halls, the silence of the night making each hoofstep give off a sound like a bomb that radiated throughout the palace.
In your original sentence, their hoofsteps sounded like falling bombs, not exploding ones, and specifically sounded like falling bombs that were each radiating through the palace, when you meant to say that the sound was radiating (and not hypothetical bombs). Here is a second corrected version, using a semicolon:
The two ponies walked through the dimly lit halls; the silence of the night made each hoofstep echo through the palace like a bomb.
Celestia and Luna’s thrones stood together regally in the center of the room; boasting their elegance and fineness to anypony who passed.
Another incorrect semicolon (it should be a comma).
horde of gold
hoard
the same of which she rests on to this very day.
"of" is erroneous and can simply be removed. Either "which she rests on" or "on which she rests" are fine. Or perhaps you meant "the same one which she rests on", which is also fine.
All though she had once been jealous
Although
nip it in the butt
The BUD. Nip it in the bud. (This is the one that made me crack.)
“And why does thou threaten my rule?”; Does thou not think
I don't believe "does" is in any way right. The modern word is "do"; the archaic form is "dost", unless I'm mistaken—not "does".
ha regal blue mare no longer glared back
a (simple typo)
God damn it
God? You have to be careful here, what God is Luna referring to here? Are you planning to introduce Equestrian religion to this story, or would shortening it to "damn it" be more appropriate?
The not-Celestia’s voice always cooled Luna down in her fits of rage. Celestia never got angry like Luna did. She puts on a calm face and saves her anger until she is in private. ‘Why do I always have to go insane?’ thought Luna ho-humly.
Why on Earth do you have that one sentence in present tense? It should be "She put on a calm face and saved her anger until she was in private." Also, "ho-humly" is both not a real word and pretty awkward sounding IMO. I suggest "glumly" instead.
Luna rolled off her back and on to her glared out into her darkness.
This sentence is incomplete. Either tell us what she rolled onto, or just say she "...rolled off her back and glared..."
Gaining more speed than any pony c, Luna
Missing stuff again.