• Member Since 5th Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Toon


Comments ( 54 )

Aside from needing some more punctuations in the middle portion, it was a very nice story do see a HiE struggling with alcoholism and trying to coping his new circumstances. I am interested in what role Luna is going to take in this story, is she going to be more of a psychologist counselor for his adjustment. I wonder if drinking was already a problem for him before he arrived in Equestria and what does he do to still be able to afford paying them at the bar? Looking forward to seeing more of this and good luck. I just noticed that you have other stories, it'a shame it went under the radar I am normally captivated HiE turn ponies, but it's been such a hard time for me it must have slipped. Keep it up and good luck.

10953455
THANK YOU SO MUCH! Sorry sorry :twilightsheepish: I've been trying to break my surface level of writing and really flesh out and give more depth to my thoughts and ideas that come by like "what if I wanted to make a story of blank" then I listen to music to help my motivation so when I make these I rarely get any if at all feedback and I struggle with what I can make, when I see these stories have potential and no real viewers with comments or notes I feel sorta disinterested, I obviously still try to keep it up but this has helped a lot in terms of a viewers perspective so, thank you so much! It means a lot that someone could see the same potential in a story that I also hold, I'll definitely keep this one up with updates so stay tuned :twilightsmile:

10955198
from the looks of you didn't posted it in almost any writing groups and that is why it was almost never noticed, you might want to fix that I can think of a dozen group it could be in.

10955201
You know...somehow, It slipped my mind to do that:facehoof:

10955203
okay I think you would need a little help with the groups you could be in

I definitely agree with everyone here and I'm looking forward to your updates. Definently liked and followed

I’ll be sure to follow your story with great interest

After ambushing him like that, I don't see how Luna can actually be trusted. There's nothing to say she isn't just going to repeat what she did before and lure him back somewhere else to beat answers out of him for.... the crime of existing, I guess.

Not a bad story, but I would suggest you get an editor. You keep mixing up your and you're quite a few times, women instead of woman, and it is obvious you do not know your thou's from your thee's and your thy's, so until you figure that out I'd also suggest you stop using those terms.

10955770
i like to think the author was drunk while writing

10955242
Hey pal want to send me the links to those groups?

This is an interesting start.

Monk
"Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil." - Reykan

I'm loving it so far, my only gripe is the lack of punctuation at the end of a quotes. But overall very nice, keep up the amazing work!

Nice to see a continuation for the story, I wonder why Luna brought him at Canterlot castle after the meeting at the bar? I would wonder how he managed to pay his bar tab when he firs arrived at that town and if he still has to pay for it. I wonder how his first interaction with the ponies went for him initially, as a delirious pony who thinks e is a human? those the fact that he is a outsider means that he could get special treatment, will he have to stay in the castle or will he be sent away later at a remote far flung area of Equestria, or will he get a proper primer in how to function in pony society. I could guess he could stay at that castle, to keep a close eyes on him and probably give him a job as a servant or staff to keep him busy, or even a personnel valet of Luna or Celetria, through I don't know how his alcoholism might become a problem still. I am honestly hopping he doesn't get sent permanently to Twilight to learn friendship lessons as it's already been done to death with other HiE and it would be nice to see more castle intrigue or geo-political stuff or even magical ones, he might make for a great guinea pig for the court wizards. I am assuming that he is an earth pony right?

Also if you are ever looking to commission a cover art for your story please let me know in a PM, and here is a demonstration of my speedpaitning videos; enjoy.

"General Brisk, I believe we have informed you that we would like our new guest treated with the upmost kindness you could muster, did we not?"

"Utmost kindness" seems extremely hypocritical to hear coming from either of the princesses after Luna's first impression, considering she proved herself in one moment to be actively hostile and malicious to Eric. Luna went from hello to unprovoked hostility, so her dragging him off somewhere while delirious can only been considered a prelude to more of the same. Hopefully Eric doesn't trust or tolerate them at all.

10973028
I feel that's a bit much considering that there's likely a lot we don't know that happened when he was blackout drunk.

10974875
I say it because there's been a lack of apologies and/or reassurance that Luna isn't still hostile and viewing him as a threat that must be dealt with.

11075104
Just uploaded a chapter! Hope that satiated your hunger for a bit, I'll try to work more on this story! :twilightsmile:

Nice to see an update on this story again, hope to see more.

Can't wait for next chapter 😊

Una

Good chapter! Iook forward towards the next update.

This is an interesting concept, but the writing needs significant improvements.

man uploads 2 chapters at once with no context, what a chad

11078728
Same. Personally I'm questioning if the author was really intending for Luna to make an apology, because this chapter seem more about Eric going on about how has no right to complain and should forgive them and be grateful for all they've done. Doing this makes it seem like the author is trying to say Luna did nothing wrong and Eric should be apologizing, which is kinda fucked up and just makes things worse.

Tl;dr The chapter reads like the victim is apologizing to the wrongdoer, instead of the other way around.

So leaving out how she attacked, accused, and nearly killed him? Doesn't make sense to me, wasn't he just thanking them?

11149372
Near the end of the chapter you know Tia cringed and with that information in line with no actual mention of the whole thing I think you can see where the next chapter is going to be about.

Sorry missed the notice, nice update still

"I'm a lost cause really, I've done too little and wasted so much and I feel like the scale is tipped, what I've done and can do are at odds and there's no way I can truly put more weight of good I can do or even balance it, I feel lost, there's no more worth to my heavy soul and I hope I can at least atone to some sins before I regress and become less than who I was. I feel like being here is a curse that I deserve, some glimpse of what a world could be with real good and love, a show to what my hollow soul can't, even in the smallest fraction, equate to.

You realize this describes over 90% of the people on this site, right?

Monk

Just so everyone knows, this is not really properly looked through, but I wanted to get this out there, since you all waited so long. So please excuse the bad writing, I usually go through a process of fixing errors but again I wanted to rush this one.

11149372 I hope the author's note was enough of a clarity onto the subject, I by no means meant to make it look like a victim apologizing, I'm sorry it came across as such.

Well this helps to clarify what was going on with him before he arrived in Equestria and that Luna didn't exactly follow the flaw that she is supposed at least 'act' like she is not above it, and that it will add to him not being able to deal with the reality of his situation at the moment.

Looking forward to see how he will try to deal with his alcoholism when it's been a staple of his life for years now.

Keep up the good work

11169289
I am beyond embarrassed at that, thank you very much

11151013
not me.
i have so soul.

Hmmm interesting story, I await more too see where this goes.

Just reread this story and I am truly interested in where it goes. Keep it up!

If any earlier readers got here, I apologized for not properly putting this as the latest chapter in the order lol. Anyway this concept of It and Him will be explored onto the next chapter. So if you're not quite grasping what it all means don't worry, it will be touched on very soon.

OH! I didn't realize uhhhh Happy Fourth of July!

11291201
It ended for me less than two hours ago, yet thanks nonetheless (and great chapter too) 👍.

Oh shit, it just got updated! Hell yeah!

Glad to see this again, I do hope to see more a bit sooner then the timeframe between this chapter and the last. :P

Anyways good chapter, I love the plot you have going for this story and I hope to see more while also seeing where we go from here. Keep up the awesome work

Theres a few grammar errors, would reccommend getting a proofreader

Between Eric and Luna? She already burned that bridge, so I don't think she can really be considered friend material.

I think it's a good idea to show the dark side of alcoholism with the dude being violent drunks and that it will be a real struggle to stay supportive with him in trying to help him in stop drinking, and solved his unresolved personal issues that a way before he arrived in Equestria. It's clear that he has not build up resistance to whatever that triggers anxiety to out of control. I would supposed that he never had a stable family life maybe, along with predispositions for it. I wonder how Ponies usually deal with alcoholism especially belligerent subjects, I would assume that he would need a serious shock to his system to them him to wake up at how it's destroying his life.

The story's great, but the grammar could use some work.

They really aren't going to be able to just force him to get better or use their authority, if they really want to help him they'll need to painstakingly build a positive relationship back up.

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