A very silly Self-Insert Idea I had. Man, this is going to be fun.

This won't end well.

Guardian Angel of Derpy? Man, he's gonna be busy...

Using your nammmmme? Hmmm, I'll save this for read laterrr!

Who the hell keeps planting all of these bombs? And how exactly does one dispose of two of them and still not decide to investigate who planted them? Hahaha funny story nonetheless; I look forward to more chapters.

i like where this is going .... eating ratpoison and paint? ..... how has the world population of stupid people not diminished yet?

>>11704051170405 Exactly what I was thinking.

MOOOOOOOAOR

You magnificent dumbass you!!

>>11704141170414

Wait wut?

*clears throat*

Anyway I believe one of these is in place for recivieing

*reclears fer good mesuare*

hua mgh!

"YOU BEAUTIFUL MAGNIFICENT DUMBASS BASTURD YOU!"

MOAR AWESOUME!

>>11704651170465 Aw, thank you for those endearing words, you sound just like my mother.

Where is that bomb-planter? I'll get him for trying to hurt ponies! This is a great story, very funny! Can't wait to see what troubles he has to go through to protect Fluttershy... And I just can't believe that he got away with all of those stupid things he did... But reincarnated as a flower? Really?

Looking forward to more :)

it says he'll be in equestria for 9 weeks, but he has to look over 10 ponies?

>>11713731171373 Huh? Where does it say that? I'll fix it right away if you can tell me.

>>11714121171412 “Well, here you are. You’re going to be a ‘Guardian Angel to nine individuals. Keep one of these individuals safe for a week, then move on to the next one. Once all nine weeks are up, you’ll get to be reincarnated as a flower or something.”

then later it says that elijah recognized everyone he had to try to keep safe: the mane 6, scoots, shiny, derps, and celly which equals 10 ponies

>>11714991171499 Oh, ok. Let me fix that...

This is some of the funniest stuff i've read in awhile.

>>11716491171649 Aw, thanks!

baaaad LUCK YAY

Nah, I think he's doing a super duper job.

>>11885281188528 I'm doing a fantastic job! So far, no pony died yet! So far.

heheheheheh

ooooo Rarity.....

lol super hell

>>11894281189428 It's some serious shit.

Godddd, are you actually like this in real life? Just eating rat poison and setting cottages on fire

>>11945271194527 ... Maybe.

>>11945361194536

Funnnn! My weekend activities include sitting around my house and calling wolves to attack people, I'M A FUN PERSON!

>>11704051170405 hes the person who ate the poison ant paint.

>>12057971205797 I'm special that way.

>>11705191170519

>>12058781205878 bro, as MY mother always told me, you put the Q in qspecial... its a silent q... everyone always says i spell it wrong though...

>>12092201209220 Aw, thanks!

Image: http://www.teeshirtuniversity.com/content/images/my.png

*Reads chapter title*

You are a terrible person.

>>12486321248632 Why might you say that?

BASED ON A TRUE STORY

i agree i like this here story

-wargod

Based on a true story huh? Ruining allll the moments by throwing up, and you like Nickelback... Oh dear lord... ANYWAYS! Another great chapter, good job in sewing your hand together, and home economics was terrible for me as well! (things set on fire... So much fire) Great job!

dafuq

Just for you. You earned it.

>>12892661289266 Aw, thanks! What for, may I ask?

>>12892891289289 For being such a handsome devil.

Image: http://i1089.photobucket.com/albums/i341/Urbn47/th_Freaky_Fred-1319344001.jpg

>>12893181289318  

Image: http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Oh+stop+it+you_4b4fff_3819442.jpg

The funny thing is, that's actually how I look. How's you find my seventh grade school picture?

>>12893331289333 It's a long story. A story I haven't thought up yet.

>>12893331289333

Funny that's how I imagine the character.

Cept my version has the hair a bit shorter

I don't know about your definition of normal.....But a person who reads a box that says "Rat Poison" and think 'Huh, what a weird name for a cereal, oh well down the hatch.' That person is not normal.

>>12975921297592 It was an honest mistake to make!

That was just beautiful. I can't wait to read more

>>13049371304937

Image: http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/117/014/GsE3k.jpg

i'd suggest checking out my other fics while you wait. They're worth it, if i do say so myself.

dafuq

>>13324341332434Is so beauteous, no?

yes let there be no logics fuck yeah fuck you logic

>>13324961332496 Logic is useless in my stories. Entirely... useless...

I don't know why, but I've always assumed that Dashie has a Crying Fetish.

I watched Regidar write this... he spelt aggressiveness wrong the first time around. Damn you Elijah and your fan-fics!

>>13518851351885 Who the fuck are you?

Yay! A new awesome chapter! And lol, Rainbow Dash on LSD!? Genius!

>>13527161352716 Reverse LSD, don't forget that.

>>13527231352723 Yeah, but it was genius nevertheless...

>>13526031352603 Anthony

>>13543441354344 That doesn't answer anything.

>>13543531354353 I'm two feet away from you.

>>13543771354377 HOLY SHIT YOU'RE A STALKER!

>>13543801354380

>>13544081354408 GET AWAY!

"I'm scout rainbows make me cry!"

I now understand what spy meant...

>>12975921297592 I do this all the time. I have paramedics and doctors by my side at all times. The trick to get perfect death cereal is to add half a cup of redback and rattlesnake poison and use cocaine for sugar. It tastes as good as it sounds.

LOL I JUST READ SCOOTALOO DROPS HER ICE-CREAM

AND IN IT RAINBOW HATES VRYING LOOOOOOOL

LOL DURP

>>13751711375171 Well obviously that fic has it all wrong.

wow this is just GOLD

oh fine stupid commint add thingy

>>14034211403421 I deleted the first two comments, just left the last one on. I don't think we need three versions of those up there.

That said, thank you! I think this is one of the only self-inserts that worked. Ever.

So since you got here, you've made a pony become paranoid of ghosts, Twilight to break he leg and pass out, been zapped, fallen into le woodchipper, been drilled in the ass, seen brain bleach-worthy acts and been fucked by Rainbow Dash. Can't wait to see Derpy!

COVER!!!!!! SHELTER!!!!!! POSSIBLY ANOTHER GOOD STORY????

>>14968931496893 Read and you will find out...

>>14053761405376 I've gone and fucked their shit up.

>>14968951496895

Yesssssss.... You my good sir, are genius. And all it took to convince me was 900 odd words.

>>14969111496911 BASED ON A TRUE STORY

And I'm not even kidding. All of these events all happened to me in one way or another.

Rat poison? Ouch.

Also, who do you know that would do that to a poor, innocent animal?

>>14969311496931 It was an honest mistake!

>>14969411496941

I believe you. But what about the oven exploding? Trying to replicate the Tranquility Lane mission from Fallout 3?

>>14969471496947 No, but I did try and sacrifice myself to purify to DC Water Basin.

>>14969511496951

How did that go?

Also, butthurt

>>14969581496958 I'M SO PUNNY

Oh, I um, died.

But int he game, this was me.

"Radiation? Going in but not coming out? Bitch please, I've been shot, bitten, hacked at, crushed, irradiated, drowned, lit on fire, and blown up more times then you can count int he last few days. A little bit of radiation ain't gonna kill me."

*dies*

Image: http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/004/1/d/roseluck___table_flip_by_cptofthefriendship-d4lbrbe.png

>>14969691496969

-Every game ever- "We have this magical potion that wakes people from the dead which we can use at any time!" Story character is now dying. "He was a good man! We shall now stand idly by as he slowly dies. We'll miss you!" Then immediatly heads to nearest town and buys more of the potion.

>>14969801496980

Image: http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/genius-meme.jpg

>>14969841496984

You make me laugh.

>>14969951496995 Aw, thanks!

BTW

New chapter is up

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NEWWWWW UPDATES! TWO UPDATES IN ONE DAY THOUGH?! WOAAAAH THERRRRE!

>>14970181497018 OH GOD I'M A SPEED DEMON

>>14969981496998

I can die happy right now, becasue a smile has been permanantly glued to my face. It's been there for about five minutes now.

>>14970261497026

YOU'RE JUST SO AMAZING, YOU GET A STICKER

Oh dear, this is too amusing.

>>14970331497033

It's still there, past me.

>>15067571506757

Image: http://img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/61abc71d46732ee81f51d053c7db1080/http://i728.photobucket.com/albums/ww283/Adamantyx/14381-fluttershy-yay.jpg

>>14970331497033 I think- I think you should see.... see a doctor.

Since Elijah didn't exactly lead the best life

YOUR NAME IS ELIJAH? LOOLOLLLOLOLL

>>17045331704533 Lol.

Finally! Such a long wait, and it was so worth it!

>>18129211812921 Tell all your friends.