Not much else to say, but I do want to thank Incognito for his tips on how to help with my terrible formatting. I just hope I did it right, cuz I have a tendency to not follow tips correctly...so...yea.
Sorry for not commenting last chapter. Had some things to do. But anyway: you are improving, don't worry! Still a bit iffy on your formatting, but I have started to notice changes. First, your paragraphs are much shorter making them easier to read. You have also begun to clear up the speech a little bit. It's not brilliant but it is more spaced out. Just keep at it, and remember -- new speaker, new line!
EDIT: If you want me to be an editor or proofreader for anything you want, just ask, m'kay?
wow they have horrible names for dating fluttershy+twilight sparkle= flarkle?, maybe twishy? fluttight? if anyone can come up with a good name for this tell me
I'm not sure if I observed that timeline correctly, buuut... Twilight was send on this 'vacation' for three days, right? So, if she returns to Ponyville tomorrow... she's in Canterlot for two/three days. Yes? And she was send there by Applejack. She agreed to this only because AJ promised - AJ promised - that 'they' would continue Twilights efforts to find Fluttershy. And what exactly were Fluttershys so-called 'friends' doing? Rainbow was getting laid. AJ bucked apples and... was kinda sorta getting laid... softly...? And we didn't hear a word about Pinkie and Rarity. Hopefully, at least those two were actually searching for Fluttershy.
Welp, now I can see why Twilight hesitated to trust a search-party consisting of their 'friends'...
Sorry for not commenting last chapter. Had some things to do. But anyway: you are improving, don't worry! Still a bit iffy on your formatting, but I have started to notice changes. First, your paragraphs are much shorter making them easier to read. You have also begun to clear up the speech a little bit. It's not brilliant but it is more spaced out. Just keep at it, and remember -- new speaker, new line!
EDIT: If you want me to be an editor or proofreader for anything you want, just ask, m'kay?
nice adorable chapter
and about Celestia, she was well as you put it so nicely in the authors note "all suspicious and stuffs"
wow they have horrible names for dating fluttershy+twilight sparkle= flarkle?, maybe twishy? fluttight? if anyone can come up with a good name for this tell me
twi'shy maybe? (pronunced twyshy.) i don't know, never was good at this sort of thing.
You know what made me laugh when I read this one? the music my computer played while reading the first part with Dash and Vinyl^^
Hmm Celesta not accepting fiilyfooling? oh this just stinks of drama, and i love it.
Ohh i'am so nervouscited to reed the rest of this.
2985657 my guess is that Celestia also had feelings for Twilight, and now sees Fluttershy as a threat.
I'm not sure if I observed that timeline correctly, buuut... Twilight was send on this 'vacation' for three days, right? So, if she returns to Ponyville tomorrow... she's in Canterlot for two/three days. Yes? And she was send there by Applejack. She agreed to this only because AJ promised - AJ promised - that 'they' would continue Twilights efforts to find Fluttershy.
And what exactly were Fluttershys so-called 'friends' doing?
Rainbow was getting laid.
AJ bucked apples and... was kinda sorta getting laid... softly...?
And we didn't hear a word about Pinkie and Rarity. Hopefully, at least those two were actually searching for Fluttershy.
Welp, now I can see why Twilight hesitated to trust a search-party consisting of their 'friends'...