An interesting start. Of course now it is time to play parrot and repeat the break up the walls of text. One other thing that could help clean this up is just reading over your work at least once before you post. I noticed a few words that were off, along with some missing punctuation marks. The plot is good, even if the initial portion seemed a bit rushed, especially because every pony but twilight seemed to know about Fluttershy's feelings for her. You definitely seemed to slow down when you began the portion with Rainbow though. Overall, it's a good start.
I've only read 'till Lyra is being a target dummy for some Candy, but I've noticed two things that you desperately need to fix.
Your wall of text: Split ti up into several paragraphs, it's much too tiring to read when it's a massive wall. Also the dialouge - every time, and I mean EVERY time someone speaks, make a new line, otherwise it's near impossible to figure out who is talking and who is not.
Okay... read a little further...
Rainbow Dash, and VINYL!? Dafuq... first time I've seen that xD This should be interresting.
And one last thing; You ask in your Autho's note that if we don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. That's quite opposite of what you asked a single line above that.
Criticism isn't meant to be nice, it's meant to point out flaws. Just thought i'd let you know :p
Welp, this is a ship I haven't seen before.
I would work on formatting: walls of text are very hard to read.
You need to split up your paragraphs more aggressively. In particular, each new speaker should start their own paragraph.
You have a good grasp on Fluttershy's voice, and Luna's was alright, but the other characters feel much less distinct.
Other than that, pretty well executed, even if the subject matter's nothing original. Keeping an eye on this.
I agree on the splitting of the text walls, but other than that; very solid start on here! Better than mine, at least.
Good luck! I shall watch this with interest!
Good story, but you REALLY need to improve the formatting.
I tried to read it.
Sorry.
Re-Format this so it is not a gigantic wall of text.
Hmm, FlutterLight eh? This should be a good read.
An interesting start. Of course now it is time to play parrot and repeat the break up the walls of text. One other thing that could help clean this up is just reading over your work at least once before you post. I noticed a few words that were off, along with some missing punctuation marks. The plot is good, even if the initial portion seemed a bit rushed, especially because every pony but twilight seemed to know about Fluttershy's feelings for her. You definitely seemed to slow down when you began the portion with Rainbow though. Overall, it's a good start.
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You must be new here.
It's like saying you haven't seen Applejack X Soarin.
*Stands
agast agahstshocked*God, please, more.
yay twishy! this ship really doesn't get enough love
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Well I haven't seen SoarinJack, but that's probably because I haven't been looking for it either.
Story's good, just what other's said, wall of text can get hard to read.
A WILD WALL OF TEXT APPEARED!
BRONY2893 USED "FLEE"
IT WAS HIGHLY EFFECTIVE!
I've only read 'till Lyra is being a target dummy for some Candy, but I've noticed two things that you desperately need to fix.
Your wall of text: Split ti up into several paragraphs, it's much too tiring to read when it's a massive wall.
Also the dialouge - every time, and I mean EVERY time someone speaks, make a new line, otherwise it's near impossible to figure out who is talking and who is not.
Okay... read a little further...
Rainbow Dash, and VINYL!?
Dafuq... first time I've seen that xD This should be interresting.
And one last thing; You ask in your Autho's note that if we don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
That's quite opposite of what you asked a single line above that.
Criticism isn't meant to be nice, it's meant to point out flaws.
Just thought i'd let you know :p
I enjoy this very much, I give to you a dragon with a mustache!!!
Fluttershy: You're going to LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
Twi: I'm Ok with this
So far so good!
Not bad so far. a bit surprised at Rainbow/vinal but i'am in no position to judge.