32 and Me
“Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you.”
This was always the hardest part. That moment when the conversation just kind of gradually ebbs away and a certain tension fills the air. Everypony always went silent when the importance of this statement really sank in.
No one ever started an easy topic like this.
This was the very same sentence Twilight used when she broke the news that she was moving to Ponyville and she could still remember the way it had taken the wind completely out of her parents.
Both Night Light and Velvet looked at their daughter, their smiles fading to a neutral and vaguely concerned expression. Clearly, their memories of that very same conversation were also fresh.
“What is it, sweetie?” Night Light asked, his voice steady and not betraying a hint of emotion.
Velvet reached towards Twilight, placing her hoof upon hers. “Is everything alright?”
Twilight nodded and tried her best to offer a smile. It seemed to put them at ease, but only a little.
“I’m dating a pony,” she said.
Velvet beamed. “Oh, my gods, I’m so happy for you!”
Night Light chuckled and patted her on the back. “Who’s the lucky stallion?”
“Actually…” Twilight took a deep breath, trying her best to hold onto her smile. “It’s Moondancer.”
She watched in utter despair as both of her parents’ smiles rapidly fell to petrified horror. Her heart shattered into a million little pieces, and a hollow sense of disappointment began to burrow within her gullet.
She had taken the plunge, said her piece, and was now about to dive straight into the jagged rocks of rejection rather than the comforting waters of acceptance.
Night Light got to his hooves and let out a long pent up breath. He turned away from Twilight and walked a few steps further before running a hoof through his mane.
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.
Twilight could feel tears in her eyes. “Are you two upset?”
“This is my own damn fault,” Night Light muttered under his breath.
The first tear broke free. “Dad?”
“Should’ve seen this coming from a mile away.”
“Night Light,” Velvet hissed. “You’re upsetting her.” She sighed and squeezed Twilight’s hoof. “We’re not upset it’s just…”
“You don’t like that I’m dating a mare?” Twilight growled.
Both parents froze, their expressions instantly deadpanning.
“Oh, dear gods no!” Velvet yelped, waving her hooves frantically. “No, no, no, no. That isn’t it at all. We have nothing against you dating a mare.”
Night Light rushed over and placed his hoof against her cheek, using it to wipe away her tears. “Yeah, we aren’t mad about that, sweetie. We were like… eighty percent sure that you were going to end up dating a mare anyways.”
Twilight sniffled, shaking her head.
Then what was their problem? Couldn’t they see that Moondancer was perfect? The mare was pretty much her ideal match! They had shared hobbies, similar interests, and she had an excellent taste in books.
Night Light sighed. “The problem is uh… Moondancer.”
“What’s wrong with Moondancer!?” Twilight snapped. “She’s a fantastic mare.”
Velvet held up a defensive hoof. “She’s an excellent mare. It’s just that… maybe she isn’t the right mare for you.”
“Yeah how about that Rainbow Dash, filly,” Night Light offered. “She seems pretty hot.”
Both Twilight and Velvet looked sharply at Night Light, each cocking a brow.
Night Light looked between them before shrugging. “What? It’s true.”
Velvet rolled her eyes before returning her attention to Twilight. “Or how about Rarity?” She paused, pursing her lips. “Wait, she doesn’t come from a Canterlot family, does she?”
“What’s going on here?” Twilight asked.
“Nothing’s going on, sweetie.”
“Clearly something is. Moondancer is a great mare, and I’m lucky to have her in my life. Like for real, we were practically sisters growing up.”
She noticed her father wince.
Wait, Moondancer wasn’t her…
“Okay, I have a confession to make,” Night Light admitted.
Oh no.
He sighed. “Where do I even start?” He glanced at Velvet. “Any idea?”
“You see, sweetie,” Velvet began, “me and your father had a rather interesting relationship with a few unicorn couples in Canterlot.”
“Still do,” Night Light added with a grin.
Velvet ignored this. “And well part of this dynamic is that we would occasionally throw uh…” She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through her teeth. “We used to be really into swinging?”
Twilight paled.
“And well one of the other couples who used to attend these things was Ruby Ember and Brass Band.”
“You know, Moon Dancer’s parents,” Night Light added.
“I don’t think I want to hear this,” Twilight muttered, feeling her stomach doing its best to drop through the floor.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Velvet said, “it’s best that you finally know the truth. Clearly keeping it from you wasn’t the smartest idea.”
Twilight didn’t respond and Night Light nodded to himself, obviously taking this as permission to continue.
“And well,” he said, “we soon discovered that Brass Band was infertile but we knew that he and Ruby really wanted a foal so…”
“Oh no,” Twilight muttered.
“Your father decided to do them a huge favour and go bareback with Ruby,” Velvet said.
Twilight blinked, watching the world swim before her eyes. Was it possible to faint from bad news? She desperately wanted to find out and let the sweet embrace of unconsciousness overtake her. Anything was better than having to hear this.
She blinked once, and then twice. Yet soon the world recovered, leaving her at the sadistic mercy of her parents’ stories of bedroom depravity and intermarital affairs.
“I see,” Twilight mumbled. “So, you’re saying…”
Night Light nodded. “You and Moondancer are half-sisters.”
“Didn’t you ever wonder why the two of you have so much in common?” Velvet asked. “You know, same natural affinity with magic, same personalities, and don’t even get me started on the physical aspects.”
“Huh,” Twilight breathed. “Is that why me and Moondancer have such similar manes?”
Velvet shrugged. “I have no idea. I’m a writer not a geneticist.”
“But it’s possible,” Night Light said.
It was now time for Twilight to be stunned into silence, her gaze focused upon the wall past her parents. All she could focus upon was that wall, studying the pattern etched expertly into the plaster, picking up on every little detail and imperfection it had.
She was disassociating and she knew it. Yet, in that moment, she hardly cared.
“Twilight?” Night Light asked.
She shook her head, knocking herself free of her stupor. “Huh?”
“You alright, sweetie?” Velvet asked.
Twilight snorted. “Yeah of course. Just discovered that my mom and dad are swingers and that my brand new marefriend is actually my half-sister.”
“Oh, thank the gods,” Night Light breathed.
“What?”
“You two are still a new couple.”
“Why is that important?”
“It means you haven’t had a chance to… pollute the genepool, yet.”
Twilight shook her head. It felt oh so heavy.
“Is there anything else I should know about?” she asked.
Night Light cleared his throat, chuckling as he once again ran a hoof through his mane. “Well your mother was kind of the breadwinner of the household and a single dad could get kind of lonely on his own. So, me and a few of your friends’ mothers formed a book club.”
“And let me guess.” Twilight sighed, feeling the weight of a thousand implication bear down upon her. “There wasn’t exactly a whole lot of reading going on at these.”
“Oh no!” Night Light burst out, laughing. “It was actually a totally legitimate club. It’s just… what we did afterwards wasn’t one hundred percent… bookish.”
“You can thank their club for why Minuette and Twinkleshine have the same birthday,” Velvet chirped.
Night Light sighed fondly. “Gods that was a really good threesome.”
Twilight felt her stomach lurch. “Oh gods.”
Realization dawned on her, as a long-forgotten memory crashed back to the forefront of her mind, impacting with the force of a small explosion.
“Is this why Mr. Shine calls you ‘the bull’?” she asked.
Night Light chuckled. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“And how are you okay with this mom?” Twilight asked, looking to her mother pleadingly, practically begging her to make sense of all this.
Velvet shrugged. “Your father always asked for permission ahead of time and never got jealous when I wanted to go on one of my gangbang binges.”
“Your mother used to take on three or four stallions at a time,” Night Light quipped.
Twilight went green. “I… really didn’t need to know that.”
For a second, all three ponies were silent.
Velvet and Night Light glanced at each other, sheepishly. They continued to smile politely as their daughter returned to disassociating to an increasingly concerning degree. Eventually, Twilight’s eyes fluttered as she seemed to snap back to reality.
“What about Lemon Drop? She’s not one of my half-sisters, is she?” Twilight asked.
Night Light sighed. “I’m afraid so.”
“But… but the two of us have nothing genetic in common. Different manes, different affinities towards magic, heck our coat colours couldn’t even be any farther apart. There’s no way we could share any chromosomes.”
Night Light chuckled. “Funny story about her coat actually.”
“Honey, she probably doesn’t want to hear this,” Velvet warned.
“No… I’m ready,” Twilight assured them.
“Well you see, Lemon Heart’s mother, Raspberry Lemonade, had a hobby that involved a certain type of… aquatic sport and we’re assuming that’s why Lemon Drop’s coat is so… vibrant.”
Okay, she was one hundred percent not ready for that!
“THAT!” Twilight roared before feeling her fury evaporate in a hopeless instant. “Doesn’t make any sense. NONE! None whatsoever.”
“But here we are,” Night Light said, shrugging.
He then stood up and walked towards the mantel, picking up a framed photo.
“This has to be my favourite picture in the whole world,” he commented, placing it beside Twilight.
Twilight glanced at it, noticing that it was of her and all of her Canterlot friends.
No, not Canterlot friends.
These were her sisters.
“Lyra?” Twilight asked.
Night Light nodded. “Didn’t you ever notice how she had my eyes?”
Twilight glanced at the photo and that at her father’s caring expression. Both Lyra and him had the same golden hue in their gaze.
“Holy shit,” Twilight breathed.
“Are you going to be alright?” Night Light asked.
Velvet sat down beside her, draping a comforting hoof over her shoulder. “I know it’s a lot to take in but we… well we never thought this would ever come up.”
“And we didn’t want you to do anything you might regret,” Night Light added.
Twilight chuckled and hung her head.
“Honey?” Velvet asked.
“You want to talk about regret,” Twilight muttered.
Night Light’s expression fell. “Sweetie?”
“I am really regretting the fact that I lost my virginity to Lyra, right now.”
Night Light winced. “We should’ve seen this coming.”
“We really should’ve,” Velvet agreed.
“Anything else I should know?” Twilight asked.
Night Light and Velvet looked at each other as if daring the other to speak first.
Twilight’s expression fell even further into despair. “Oh no.”
“We…” Velvet began, glancing at Night Light.
“We have absolutely no idea who Shining’s biological father really is,” Night Light said.
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I don't know, this is a magnificent idea.
oh my *god* gara
Here's an idea follow this up with a short story on the episode where Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack discover that they might be related and have Applejack and Pinkie Pie in a relationship and Twilight not be surprised one bit. She would be like, "This is surprisingly not the strangest story I have heard."
"But Flurry Heart—"
"We're ninety-nine percent sure that was all Cadence."
"Just because you got wings doesn't mean Velvet has some kind of 'latent alicorn' gene. That would just be silly."
"Dad, with all due respect—which really isn't much—you don't get to call anything silly after that hypothesis about Lemon Hearts's coat."
This was awful and I loved it. Excellent exercise in crossing the line an even number of times.
That was an amazing exercise in awkwardness.
what a great idea, should also throw in prince blueblood is twilight half brother
9791656
That would be going a bit too far with it...
...
Okay, maybe it would explain how he’s Celestia’s ‘nephew.’
I don't buy it.
Moondancer being Night Light's kid I mean. Velvet's kid I absolutely understand: flat, purple striped mane, lighter coat color, it would make sense. But NightLight? That's just weird.
9791698
that or make it how ever few generation in nightlight family going back one male was quite a stud and knock up many going back to one who knock up one of the princess 1000 plus years ago
Two things. One, what's that idea about why Lemon Heart's coat is yellow? I don't understand what they mean. Second, damn her parents get around...
That family tree must be a pain to track.
9791747
Its-a very lewd
9791764
No shit. Kind of obvious with Twi's reaction
9791612
Democracy approved of it, of course it's good.
9791616
:)
9791624
*Shrugs* "Earth pony culture."
9791638
Glad you enjoyed it. Always a pleasure to see your comments.
9791654
I mean it is a Twilight Sparkle fan fiction.
9791656
Who the heck is the mother?
9791752
It's more like a family circle at this point.
9791766
Its piss
It was a great story, giggled like mad all the way through.
Night Light is best thot.
Granny Smith
I can just imagine a sequel where Shining finds out about this... and loses his mind in the process
This headcanon makes more sense now. Canterlot’s going to win the flush itself out of the gene pool.
9791767
i don't knew, no one knew how he is related to the princess most guess are that the princess were adopt by princess platinum or one of her daugthers, and he is from that line. or they uncle marry one of princess platinum's daughter and that line lead to bloodblue
9791842
granny smith is female so it be her son Bright Mac,
And here you though 32 refered to the number of chromosomes. Surprise! Enjoy the new siblings!
9791851
Or she was given a schlong. Functionally the same thing really
Magic of Wuv
Considering Shining and DJ Pon 3... weeeeeell...
Might wanna ask Vinyl Scratch where her dad was 11 months before Shining was born...
They're lesbians, though, so it is okay. Everything is okay so long as its lesbians.
9791747
Golden showers, or the peeing fetish is also known as "Water Sports"
Oh gods, I died laughing at this. Still giggling as I type this.
this was great
9791855
"Celestia we have a problem."
"What is it Luna?"
"It would appear that half our kingdom has been sired by er... Twilight's father."
"..."
"..."
"I mean I can understand it. He does have that whole DILF thing going on."
9791883
9792009
Wait is this a fandom meme I wasn't aware of?
9792249
This is the type of comment I love to see. Thank you so much.
9792272
Aww thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it.
9792307
Well besides the fact that the have near identical colorings, there was a series of fancomics, "5 things you didn't know about -" and the one for Vinyl started off with the idea that she and Shining were actually twins from Night Light's first marriage that got split up when it ended.
… heeheeheeheehee…
Honestly if I were twilight at this point i'd just be like "Fine incest it is "
9792307
Multiple writers have done bits where Shining and Vinyl are either siblings, the same pony, or otherwise closely related.
Given Luna's affinity, I'm sure she was the result of Twilight getting so upset at her father she sent him back in time 1100 years or so...
This was amusing.
I also feel it'd be fun to see Twilight meeting up with her Canterlot friends and try to explain this. Let alone Shining Armour XD
This... was... brilliant
Genuinely curious as to whether or not Celestia would have known, given that Twilight's Canterlot friends made up most of a classroom at her school. Parents' Evening must have been weird.
Thanks for writing!
9791842
Fancy Pants.
9791883
9792009
9792307
Alabastards.
9792471
giphygifs.s3.amazonaws.com/media/S3Ot3hZ5bcy8o/giphy.gif
Night Light: "So, when do you plan to follow in her hoofsteps?
: "No. Just... No."
Interesting story!
The next family reunion might be awkward...
hey can i have your permission to post this on wattpad?
or could you publish it yourself? , I wonder what people would say about it.
hey can i have your permission to post this on wattpad?
or could you publish it yourself? , I wonder what people would say about it.
9791752
Ah yes, the family wreath...
"Sweetie, your Dad didn't get his current name because he lit up ponies' days, if you get my drift..."
Unum de multis, Night Light?
9792635
Well, given that she probably expected one of them to be an Element of Harmony, odds are she twisted the rules a bit to make sure they all stayed together. (And any half-sister of Twilight's could probably at least keep up in the academic department.)
...
I like it!
9792645
third guard from the left.
Amusing as this story is, I do have the tiniest of complaints. I get the reference in the title, but I think it would have been better if it was "32 and You".