Royal secrets revealed

Twilight thought she was the daughter of Twilight Velvet and Night light but when she becomes an alicorn a long kept secret is revealed

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 14 )

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Phoenix Nebula

Phoenix Nebula #1 · Mar 12th, 2019 · 1 · · Chapter 1 sisters secrets ·

umm... okay... wow... this really is quite a mess... I think one of the first things you need to do is keep your thought's in order the story is kind of all over the place. Also, why is 90% of the chapter in bold? You also could use punctuation in several places. I really wish I could point out specific locations but this entire chapter as a whole is a mess and I'm not 100% sure what your thought prosses is to restructure it in a way that fits what you are going for.

Redwalllover28

Redwalllover28 #2 · Mar 12th, 2019 · 1 · · Chapter 1 sisters secrets ·

9504212
I'll work on it.

Phoenix Nebula

Phoenix Nebula #3 · Mar 12th, 2019 · 1 · · Chapter 1 sisters secrets ·

9504222
Good to hear it. I'll look back through this if I have time and try and restructure what I can.

XzareAce

XzareAce #4 · Mar 12th, 2019 · 1 · · Chapter 1 sisters secrets ·

I like the idea behind this and it has potential, I can't wait to see where it goes.

though if i can make a suggestion... it does seem a bit too fast for me to get a good feeling for the characters and scenes that they are in.

Redwalllover28

Redwalllover28 #5 · Mar 13th, 2019 · 1 · · Chapter 1 sisters secrets ·

9504431
I will keep that in mind.

Flaming_Nova

Flaming_Nova #6 · Mar 17th, 2019 · · · Chapter 1 sisters secrets ·

hey man sorry to be picky but you seem to be repeating yourself when you wrote.

Unfortunately they didn't how far that would be. And The thing that confused Luna the most was that a young unicorn that was her sister's student resembled her daughter help save her from Nightmare Moon reminded her of her filly, but she wasn't an alicorn like her daughter.

Flaming_Nova