Twilight sparkle, Princess Celestias most faithful student is summoned to the castle and is asked to come alone to talk with the Princess about something that could be the most important lesson that she could teach her, what does twilight think it is and why is Princess Luna presant when she arrives?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, it has a lot of minor grammar issues that could be edited and fixed.
Also, I'm confused.
"Giving Rainbow a nudge in the arm, "Whatever, I'l get you back someday for these remarks Rainbow," turning to where her little brother sat next to Rarity," Spike I'l say this once dont eat too many cakes and you have to behave when your at Raritys alright."
So you're saying Spike is Twilight's little brother?
Otherwise, pretty good, keep it up.
Hey I like this. The concept of Twilight being born a thousand years ago and slept all the way up until a few years before Luna's arrival as Nightmare. This is an interesting start of a Fic. Upvote and Faved. ^^ It does need a little work but it was a really cool fic. Keep it going.
3325613 haha its because Spike was brought up as being Twilight little brother in this fic it will be explained more later, sorry if its confusing im just new to FIC creating and need to layout my chapters better, give me an hour or so and chapter two will be up.
3325618 I will try my best to make it thouroughly more intersting, hopefully the next chapters *attempt* at comedy will lighten this fic a bit but apart from that thankyou so much for reading it,
SERA
I still feel that even with the basis behind my story it lacks something so If anyone has any idea to what could spice the story up give me a pm and I'l have a look, I'm starting chapter 5 soon so it won't be long till the next chapter.
Odd who Want's to pony nap twilight. It makes no since. Oh and check out my new night saga story on fanfiction.net. I'm having trouble with an arc.
grammar errors and such but nothing really bad enough that the story isn't readable. I'm liking this story and this back story for Nightmare Moon is a LOT more believable than canon NMM is. I'm thinking blueballs for the noble that's causing problems
like, faved and follow
3369747 I'm not the greatest with grammer but I try, still I try to make the backstory thorough and believable as best as I can without it taking over the story itself,
3369739 Kidnapping no but Trying to get dirt on her for blackmail maybe we'll soon find out, just had a writers block for a bit hopefully I can get back on track and post a few more chapters soon,
Thanks for the comments guys they'l be more soon
3369771 tried not to be to bitchy, just saying because believe me I have NO right to say much since MY grammar and punctuation is hideous
!
3369856 don't worry I'm not saying it was bitchy I'm thankful someone realizes the mistakes, just saying I do try, plus I'm just thankful you commented, not too many people ever do so thank you
I like this chapter very much but I must point out you have Your and You're mixed up. Your is ownership of something and you're is 'You are' combined. ^^ Nothing major though.
3370192 Thank you, So its like E.g.
thats your sandwhich
refer to object
and
you're going home now
refer to person
If so from now on Il write like this, thank you
3370439 thank you, thank you, thank you, you're awsome
I love.this story
but it needs a new bloody update 
3696183
wow I really neglected this story, I will have an update soon, I have been working on some of my other projects is all because they have become quite popular, I can't promise a date but within the next few days I will do some chapters
3696191 yay
so an alternate ending.
3961260 yes but its a little mix and match, I will be posting chapters of this every so often so I have put it on hiatus due to the fact my other stories are dominating my time currently.
How are you going to run your own kingdom if you work for Twilight, my little Princess?
And you have seen my wolf form in my profile pic but I wanted to show you my new pic. It is my pony form. In this form I am known as 'Prince Blazing Darkness'.
3961626 Your almighty form is awesome and your new pony form is soooooo cool~ I am trying my best my lord, it is just that I have been very Ill for a few months and it has slowed m progression quite a bit but do not worry, I shalt make haste in the new chapters and have them posted very soon.
3961626 As for working for Twilight, I am training to be an even better Princess by carefully watching her, apparently she is a really good Princess.
3961654 Take your time my Princess. You know how much I like you and I wouldn't want you trying to work while you are sick.
In fact, if you would like me to, I can send a clone of you with the same knowledge and personality to work for Twilina so that you aren't so stressed and overworked.
3961682 Iwould very much like that if you could, I would be ever so grateful my lord
3961694 Then I shall do so at once! And you don't have to call me by a fancy title. You are my little Princess. You may call me Darkness if you wish.
And even though I am older than you could possibly imagine in pony years, in Cosmosian years(that is the name of my race, of which I am the last.) I am only the equivalent of one of your ponies in their late eighteenth year. In fact, next month I will become the Cosmosian equivalent of a nineteen year old pony. I am just slightly more mature sometimes.
3961747 That is soo cool~ I am going to be twenty in three more moons, I just wish I had more time to enjoy writing for the great darkness but my doctors have told me I need a lot of rest but I snuck on here secretly for a while
3961763 Then rest you should. And you don't have to add 'great' to my name. As I said you are my new princess, and I hope I can say without offending you that you are my friend(at least here). And don't worry about hurrying your stories along. They say that the wait makes the prize that much better. So I don't want you making yourself more ill by trying to work while you are sick. If I can lay completely still for thousand of years until I could transform without destroying Equestria, then I can wait for your stories to update.
3961822 alright then, thank you, darkness
3961833 Your welcome. Now you rest and get better. I shall talk to you later Princess Serra.
3961852 Good night, Darkness, my friend
3961856 Good night, Serra my friend.
Plenty of grammer mistakes, even though they annoy me I like the story anyhow.
Grammer is better on this chapter compared to the last one.
Though it seems a bit rushed.
Grammer in this chapter just took a great big dump on my lawn and died, did I miss that many mistakes in the last chapter?
3964176 I am planning to edit the whole story soon so it wont be so, underachieved
So any idea of when the next chapter, will be plz be it soon
? Dont feel like im rushing you, take your time so it comes out as awesome as the other chapters
.
4015771 Thanks for the favorite, I am at a crossroads right now since right now I am currently editing and re-posting this story here under a new name http://www.fimfiction.net/story/170100/the-new-moon-truth-behind-nightmare-moon , but I don't know whether to keep both going and see which one is better since they all fall under my multiverse. I think I will keep this one going too so if not this fortnight it shouldn't be too long.
Umm... might we advise that you look at you`'re and your?
4033739 I am currently switching out this story, it will be revised and re-uploaded soon, here is the link http://www.fimfiction.net/story/170100/the-new-moon-truth-behind-nightmare-moon
thanks for the comment
Okay, still reading, but what with how this is written? There are no commas where there should be, commas where full stops should be and almost very bit of dialogue starts without a capital letter.
Well, ignoring all the grammar errors (and trust me, that was not easy) this story is good. Luna did rush things a little I think and twilight was a bit too quick to realise what luna and celestia were saying, but I like this idea.
I find it interesting that, since she was asleep all those years, apparently twilight didn't age. That's an interesting idea and I like it....
I'm only assuming that's the reason though.
On a smaller note, I, guessing this Fic will me with twilight as an alicorn, so the twilicorn tag should be here and since celestia hasa. Big role, since she's twilight's aunt, literally, since she's Luna's daughter, her tag should be her too, and maybe the main six.
This comment may seem long, but it took more than thrice as long for you to read this as it was for me to write it. Damn iPad's spell correction is fucking ridiculous for some reason. Normally it's bearable, but for some reason, right now it's fucking irritating
Okay, but you gave me permission to do this.
*takes a Long, deep breath* it is really fucking hard to follow this most of the time. Commas and speech are all over the palace. Explanations sound more like they're for. Script than a Written story.
I want to feel engrossed in this, but it's really fricking hard.
I'm trying, but it's really taxing. Would you like me to edit this for you so others don't find the same problems.
Not sure when I can find the time to edit it right now, but I could, just so it's easier to read
That's not a plug, I swear. I just want to help
I have to pause and point this out. It's something I've noticed in a lot of fics. It's a small thing really, but it always irks me. Whenever a human reference, whether it be person, people, arm or hand, they should be replaced by pony references, pony, ponies, forehooves, fetlock and hoof.
It's something that ways bothers me when there's no anthro tag. Only when the tag is there do I just view those human refence a like hands and arms without a Second thought. Pony words, people, pony words. These are fics about ponies, after all
Um.... What just happened at the end? Were those changelings? I'm so lost
This was good, but I've noticed something. With word that have es at the end, like dresses, you keep putting a ' instead.
why? It's just confusing.
4362418 well now, it seems someone has found one of my embarressing first stories that is currently under editing. I have been ill this month, just got out of hospital so I will probably be carrying on with the re edits later this month. Its now another story at the moment, its called, "The new moon; The truth behind Nightmare Moon"
4362418 but seriously dude, thank you for reading through all the chapters even with all the obvious flaws this had, thats why I stopped this fic. I will carry on with it soon but it will be in the other story, check that out and tell me what you think. At the moment I have re-edited three chapters, thanks for reading and telling me what you think
Well, eclipse certainly threw me through a loop. Though, from her own reaction, she did not expect twilight to retaliate.
when u finshe this being of hitus i can't waite to read the rest of it anyways good work.