- Member Since 2nd Dec, 2015
- offline last seen 17 hours ago
Twisted Brew
I am not drunk enough for this right now...
Twisted Brew
Joined 2nd Dec, 2015 ·
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Well, a new story to track for this year
Apparently maverick is immune to cyanide.
Alright, this looks interesting. I'll give it a shot.
There were a few typos here and there, but nothing too terrible or distracting, so that was nice, but there was one thing that was incredibly distracting. You frequently slipped into present tense--often mid sentence, or even just for a single word out of a sentence--and it got progressively worse the longer the chapter went on. If you only fix one thing before moving on to the next chapter, that should be it.
9401033
I went through the story and fixed whatever I saw. Sorry about that. I was drunk and impatient so this never got to my editor when I posted it. If you see anything else, please let me know.
Did you just put an operator from the game rainbow six siege into mlp and turn it into a clopfic??
I... I can't do this...
I can stand OwO what's this with maverick but for fucks sake don't do clopifcs about him!!
9401208
I'm not sure if I should be glad to tell you this or not, but I'm not even sure what 'Rainbow Six Siege' is...
9401656
Ok good, just didn't read it yet because i thought that it was going to be from that... I'll give it a read now...
Honestly, not terrible on the "subtle RGRE" front. Having the roles shown via the way they are treated rather than the over blown "stallions are delicate little flowers and it's a crime to hurt their anything!" Or "poor stallion hasn't had his dick sucked, we should all freely service them whenever!" statements. A simple bit of hesitation and reluctance to treat them roughly with some minor favoritism towards the more attractive stallions, maybe some unspoken rules holding mares back from actually hitting stallions even of they might get really angry with them.
Maybe a few of the more edgy mares talking about how "they don't care if it's a stallion or not, someone hitting them gets hit back" or some other things that spotlights how "shocking" or "contraversal" someone hurting stallions physically is. Don't flood the story with them, but slip one or two overt displays in every few chapters and otherwise keep it all in the subtle ways they interact such as who is going just a little bit more out of their way to appease the other.
Another one i just thought of would be how a mare might not want to really touch a stallion's clothes without permission and that going through them would be kind of a "creepy" taboo plus the idea of a stallion wearing a mare's sweater strikes me as a pretty hilarious yet clever way to lampshade the whole RGRE theme though and I would tremendously approved of such a display. There is also the more subtle rules about how and where you're allowed to look at stallions vs mares and whether or not it's considered creepy or flirting, especially if you play off the idea that shorter mares would be near eye level with a human crotch.
Am enjoying the set up. can't wait to explore the world you created.
His name's Maverick? Like Maverick form rainbow six: Siege? This Maverick?
ubistatic19-a.akamaihd.net/resource/en-us/game/rainbow6/siege-v3/r6-operator-maverick_332731.png
9410341
As addressed in a previous comment on this very chapter, I have no idea what Rainbow Six Siege even is.
9410392
Video game, he is a character the player can choose to play as. Another story had a character named Buck but also went by Blackbeard, both of wich are also characters within the game. Maverick is a call sign however and his real name is Erik Thorn.
9410693
I picked the name Maverick because of the meaning of the word 'Maverick'
9410900
Ok, no big deal. Like the story though.
I think you are doing well so far. At least that is my opinion.
From what i’m reading you have a good idea of how the universe works and I am very much enjoying the writing style. Can’t wait to see where you take the story. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Considering that his reaction, for the moment, to any pony other than the nurse is to run away screaming, I don't think so.
Speaking of the nurse, are you sure that it's supposed to be Nurse Sweetheart? 'Cause Nurse Sweetheart is a slightly chubby earth pony with a pink coat and a pink and white striped mane. The description in the story fits Nurse Redheart, though.
Overall the story's good, as far as that goes what with this only being the second chapter.
9491014
I didn't realize that there was actually a nurse sweetheart...whoops.
Too late now!
9491027
Ah, well that explains it.
9400811
Apple pips do not contain cyanide they contain amygdalin which releases cyanide when it is digested. It takes about 144 pips in one sitting to create a fatal dose which is about 18 apples. Maverick will be fine.
9400811
I've eaten apple cores my entire life and I'm...I'm mostly fine XP
9565857
Ah, good to know.
9630596
When is the next update coming up please tell me
9630599
Hopefully within the next week
9631507
Thanks i look forward to it
Thanks for a great chapter and i can't wait to see more of this great story please tell me it's not going to take so long for the next update please i wanna read 📖 some more
YAY! New chapter! Thank you benevolent writer!
Good Stuff!
9648411
I update at least one story every month. I'm following a pattern. If you check my page, you can see a section that says what's been updated and when.
9649344
Dear author please tell me that you might update this story in June.
9649344
Dear author please tell me the next update is coming out soon. I know you are in tough times but i really can't wait for more of this great story.
9649344
Dear author please update this great story it one of my top favorites stories on this site.
9649344
Dear author please tell me the next update is coming out soon. I really wanna see what's going to happen next.
9649344
Please update.
This is now my favorite chapter of this amazing story. Keep up the amazing work dear author i look forward to seeing more of this story.
And thanks for the update dear author.
Everyone loves mahogany, except those inbred northerners. They probably get off to cedar like the weird rednecks they are
Honestly bud I don’t mind the infrequent updates. I very much enjoy your writing and it’s a treat whenever I see a new chapter of this story. Take all the time you need man and honestly I do hope things go better for you.
9410392
Please tell me an update is coming out soon.
9649344
Please update.
9649344
Happy new year.
9649344
Please update this great story.
9649344
Please update.
10037286
Sorry for keeping you (and everyone else) waiting. I've been a bit preoccupied due to a recent death in the family and a collapsing business (Both literally and metaphorically). I'm a bit behind on everything here, but I'm working on updates now. I have one update already sent in to my editor for another story. I will begin working on this one shortly...after I wake up...and drink a pot of coffee.
10041167
I'm sorry for your loss and i hope things start to get better for you.
Thanks for the update author it was great.
I can't wait for more of this amazing story.
No, he estrus hasn't caused too much trouble."
No, her estrus hasn't caused too much trouble."
You know, I don't know in Equestria, but often times nurses, had a bit of psychological training to connect with their patients and help them recover faster, since they feel secure and comfortable. So I imagine most of it started with her training also starting to kick in.
Also, don't hospitals, are equip with psychologist for situations like this ones? Or even worse situations for different types of victims? Maybe since Maverick is opening up so much, either Sweetheart or her doctor friend could recommend the psychologist on duty in the hospital to talk with Maverick so together they work the final face of his recovering, slowly re introduce him into society.
I mean for how bored he is right now, it will stand to reason he will try it at this point. Sweetheart and the doctor have giving him a better perspective on ponies, Harmony is proved that he is ready to talk with others once again. And at this point he has two chooses, either accept the offer and have an excuse to go out more even if little by little, with the option of eventually finding a job (by the by, with his fingers he will be set, as 'the guy' that you pay to fix things, a constructer worker, a baker, or in a spa salon). Or go into a nearest forest, start a camp, construct a house just far away from ponies and start a life in the wildness, with Sweetheart coming for visits.
Oh mav, you think you caused less trouble for yourself when you said you and her were together. But wait till the rest of sweetheart's family knows from her dad and want to visit or the "couple" come to them Lol