As a result of being deserted by their friends after the Canterlot Rodeo, Rarity and Pinkie are forced to hoof-cart it home. Will they make it one piece?
Chapters (7)
- Member Since 29th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 4th, 2017
Seanessy
As I stroke each letter key The only thing that concerns me Is that my fingers dance so well To create a perfect story to tell
Seanessy
Joined 29th Jun, 2012 ·
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Excellent work! I could actually see this happening in my head, as if it were an episode of the show.
I Liked it.
Good job.
A bit of cute, harmless fun. The short chapters made this a quick read also, though it might have worked a little better as just a one-shot if it was going to be so short.
Never the less, I found it to be sweet and well thought out. Hats off to you.
I think the real lesson is not to leave your friends to die in a Celestia-forsaken desert.
Interesting, albeit a bit rushed. Everything happens too fast for my tastes. I think you should've took your time into making Pinks' and Rarity's emotions more... tangible, I guess. Make us really see Rarity's irritarion/anguish/hope and Pinks' hope/sadness/determination (okay, the last one is alright now that I think of it). No errors that were glaring to the eye, but a bit more of descriptive narrative in this story would do it worlds of good. This is a nice work with an original concept, but it certainly can be improved further.
That last part with Derpy was... well... bad. I mean- okay, you had to explain the sudden raincloud appearance, but it could've been done a little better. I understand that it exists as the "last joke" of the story, but it would be better to expand that session with a lil' chat between Celly and Derpy and then bring up the subject of the raincloud, ending with Derpy's seemingly iconic phrase. As it is right now it seems (to me) like telling someone a great romance story and end it with "and then they fucked" just to get a few laughs out of something (somewhat) serious.
You should also consider making the chapters bigger (personal preference here; I like big chapters {5k at least}) or merging some chapters. I mean- they serve the purpose of ending certain transitions, not just to randomly divide a story. This could've worked out as a 6k one-shot.
(Not really an issue with the story per se, but the cover art was spot-on. I would suggest a little more work on the description/synopsis as well)
"""And Pinkie, that pony’s so random who knows what she’ll do to me? She’ll probably turn me into cupcakes or something!” Rainbow exclaimed.""
Oh sweet Celestia. I see what you did there, and it wasn't anything pleasant. I let your use of 'somebody' instead of 'somepony' slide... but this... this... is unacceptable. I wont dislike it. But no like cookies for you. All you get is this: ಠ_ಠ
Dear, Cupcakes is a fanfiction that everyone has an opinion on, but I will tell you this. It is overdone, people referencing a grim-dark story in the middle of a funny fic, unneeded and out of place
sorry
It was a pretty sweet story, nice work
That's our Derpy!
Classic Pinky.
Popcicles should be popsicles.... I hope?
You can't die, Rarity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1038120
I thought it was funny....... This story is honestly a good one... If a little short.
Good song, "Smile Smile, Smile!" And good advice. And it takes less muscles to smile than it does to frown.
Great story! Not as good as Darling Sugarcube, but this one is definitely still worth a read.
Man, that was awesome.
Awwww… poor Pinkie
now I have to get a Derpy to cheer me up. 
wow… that actually worked 
Actually, the writer refrenced two stories, cupcakes and one where Rarity makes dresses out of her friends. Wait, I know these stories exist…
Anyway, this story has THE MAGICKS
I think that sums it up.
That was adorable and a very good lesson to learn, it seems like most fanfics forget that part. Also, the ending was great.
1195902
Thank you so much! I loved your comments! They brought me so much laughter and joy!
1200253
Thank you so much!
1233381
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!
1031624
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
1031991
Thank you!
1032024
Thanks so much! You're right, it would've been better as a one-shot. Idk I was in some kind of mood where I wanted people to feel like they read more and separated everything by chapters.
1033015
The Derpy part was really there to end the story on the comedic note, since this was supposed to be more of a comedic story anyway. It came out more Adventure-like though so I could see how that ending would seem rather tasteless.
Thank you for your in-depth analysis of my story! Your notes have been taken into serious consideration!
1234291Thanks! I haven't read the Darling Sugarcube sequel yet, but I'm definitely planning to.
Also planning on reading future stories of yours!
This was a very cute story!
It made me laugh and d'aawww. 
Very good...
Felt like watching an episode. You really got their character's down.