A Desert Tale

by Seanessy

Epilogue

“So that’s what all the fuss was about?” the white unicorn asked sitting in the hospital bed, her leg almost completely back to normal thanks to a shot and some special herbs from Zecora.

“Hehehe, eeeeyup! But Ah learned my lesson, first place don’t qualify who Ah am. My friends and family will be proud of me no matter what.” Applejack admitted, blushing.

“Annnnnnnnd?” Pinkie raised an eyebrow.

“And never try and find mah way outta a Pinkie Promise!” The gang shared a laugh.

“Sorry again for leaving you, guys, I don’t know what we were thinking,” Twilight said, “Although if SOMEPONY had turned back when I told her to then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

The purple unicorn raised an eyebrow at Rainbow Dash who blushed and put a hoof behind her head. “Hehehehe… Sorry, guys!”

“It’s quite alright, darling; it was… a rather enlightening experience.”

“Oh? Anything worth writing to the princess?” Twilight asked.

“Actually, now that you mention it, yes. Spike! Take a letter, darling.” Spike pulled out some parchment and quill. Rarity cleared her throat and everyone had their eyes and ears on her.

“Dear Princess Celestia, I learned that sometimes you can find yourself in a situation with little to no hope. You will come upon challenges in your life that make you feel as if you can’t go on. But Pinkie Pie taught me that, although all odds seem against you, and life seems unfair, sometimes the best way to get through it is to smile and tell yourself that everything will be alright. Your faithful student, Rarity.”

The pink pony smiled and Twilight nodded as Spike sent the letter off to the princess.

“Alright, ya’ll, let’s get outta here and let Miss Rarity rest on up!”

All of the ponies left, except Pinkie Pie. Rarity smiled at her. “Thank you, Pinkie Pie…for giving me the hope I needed to go on.” Tears welled up in the corner of her eyes and the two equines hugged. “There’s one thing I don’t get though. You almost let that train hit you, darling. Why?”

“Well, I couldn’t make you laugh with jokes or my clever rhymes, so I thought maybe physical humor would get you to crack a smile.”

“All that just to get me to laugh?”

“Element of LAUGHTER…duh!” said the pink pony as she giggled.

Rarity raised an eyebrow and shook her head. She couldn’t believe she actually learned a friendship lesson from somepony with such an eccentric thought process.

“Seeing you hurt wouldn’t have been funny Pinkie… so I guess we could say your joke would’ve been… a TRAINWRECK!” The unicorn laughed at her own joke. She looked at the pink pony who shot her a bemused look.

“Whyyyyy dontcha just let me stick to the joke making?”

“Of course, darling.”

The two mares shared a laugh and hugged each other tightly. “But ya know what still gets me, Rarity? That raincloud.”

“Oh, right, so peculiar. It was gone as quickly as it came too.”

“Guess it’s just one of those things we’ll never know.”

******************************

Princess Celestia sighed happily as she sipped her tea. In a nearby open window, a raincloud drifted in. The elegant alicorn raised an eyebrow and approached the cloud. She tapped it gently, and a gray pegasus, with a blonde mane popped from the cloud and looked around. Princess Celestia smiled and shook her head.

“Somepony got turned around again, didn’t they?”

“Princess Celestia? Awh, did I take this cloud to Canterlot instead of Ponyville again?”

“Yes, Derpy, I believe you did.”

Derpy smacked her forehead with her hoof and the princess laughed. “I just don’t know what went wrong!”

The End

Comments

[Blazewing]

Excellent work! I could actually see this happening in my head, as if it were an episode of the show.

[Kingcam]

I Liked it.
Good job.

[Bed Head]

A bit of cute, harmless fun. The short chapters made this a quick read also, though it might have worked a little better as just a one-shot if it was going to be so short.

Never the less, I found it to be sweet and well thought out. Hats off to you.

[Ponydora Prancypants]

I think the real lesson is not to leave your friends to die in a Celestia-forsaken desert.

[Lucefudu]

Interesting, albeit a bit rushed. Everything happens too fast for my tastes. I think you should've took your time into making Pinks' and Rarity's emotions more... tangible, I guess. Make us really see Rarity's irritarion/anguish/hope and Pinks' hope/sadness/determination (okay, the last one is alright now that I think of it). No errors that were glaring to the eye, but a bit more of descriptive narrative in this story would do it worlds of good. This is a nice work with an original concept, but it certainly can be improved further.

That last part with Derpy was... well... bad. I mean- okay, you had to explain the sudden raincloud appearance, but it could've been done a little better. I understand that it exists as the "last joke" of the story, but it would be better to expand that session with a lil' chat between Celly and Derpy and then bring up the subject of the raincloud, ending with Derpy's seemingly iconic phrase. As it is right now it seems (to me) like telling someone a great romance story and end it with "and then they fucked" just to get a few laughs out of something (somewhat) serious.

You should also consider making the chapters bigger (personal preference here; I like big chapters {5k at least}) or merging some chapters. I mean- they serve the purpose of ending certain transitions, not just to randomly divide a story. This could've worked out as a 6k one-shot.

(Not really an issue with the story per se, but the cover art was spot-on. I would suggest a little more work on the description/synopsis as well)

[GraveHaunter92]

It was a pretty sweet story, nice work

[Dan50]

That's our Derpy!

[Faust Fan Five]

Great story! Not as good as Darling Sugarcube, but this one is definitely still worth a read.

[Lenora Goff]

Man, that was awesome.

[Paint Splatter]

That was adorable and a very good lesson to learn, it seems like most fanfics forget that part. Also, the ending was great.

[Seanessy]

1195902
Thank you so much! I loved your comments! They brought me so much laughter and joy!
1200253
Thank you so much!
1233381
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!

[Seanessy]

1031624
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
1031991
Thank you!
1032024
Thanks so much! You're right, it would've been better as a one-shot. Idk I was in some kind of mood where I wanted people to feel like they read more and separated everything by chapters.

[Seanessy]

1033015
Thank you for your in-depth analysis of my story! Your notes have been taken into serious consideration! The Derpy part was really there to end the story on the comedic note, since this was supposed to be more of a comedic story anyway. It came out more Adventure-like though so I could see how that ending would seem rather tasteless.

[Faust Fan Five]

1234291Thanks! I haven't read the Darling Sugarcube sequel yet, but I'm definitely planning to. Also planning on reading future stories of yours!

[Alpha Scorpii]

This was a very cute story! It made me laugh and d'aawww.

[Sugar Spoon]

Felt like watching an episode. You really got their character's down.