• Member Since 13th Feb, 2018
  • offline last seen April 18th

Unknown Ficwriter


Comments ( 10 )

Some dialogs can use improvements (particularly those when the spoken sentences are short), otherwise it's decent so far, I guess.

If I would be able to better formulate what exactly can help to make the general flow to be better I would add that as well.

GLHF.

I haven't read your new chapters yet, but I was wandering why the story had so few view, when I saw the story was only in one group. At the very least you should place it within The Writers' Group

9372550
Thanks for the advice, I was feeling slightly overwhelmed about all the groups.

9373968
NP, you should also consider joining a group called Shameless self promotion, can't link right now on phone, it's a good place to advertise your story.

Finally got caught up on this story. It's looking good so far, so I'm interested to see what happens next.

Hurray! Another chapter!

Hmm, now what will Chrysalis do? Hmm....

With the plot development like in the last 2 chapters, it may need either “random” tag or a serious WTF sentiment. Right from the point of Chrysalis reveal.

Simply because the whole story before and afterwards might as well be 2 separate ones with only tie between them being Octavia and Vinil mentioned once...

9625908
I know that the last few chapters appear to have gone off the rails but an explanation is underway. Having strayed from the original material, the story has taken on a life of its own and I'm just here for the ride.

9626122
Eh, it's not like I mind the fact that this time the plot is different. Just the way it's executed.
Sadly it feels like a waste of a quite significant part of the build-up.

GLHF.

Login or register to comment