Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

FoME's Something New Under the Sun (Antiquarian's "A 14th Century Friar in Celestia's Court")

Author's Note:

[Comedy]

This is a riff on a line from Antiquarian's A 14th Century Friar in Celestia's Court (207,616 words at time of publishing, [Gore][Violence][Death][Dark][Adventure][Comedy][Human])

A 21ST CENTURY SUMMARY OF ANTIQUARIAN'S FIC: A former Knight Templar, veteran Crusader, and current friar finds his way into Equestria just in time to help the Mane Six face down an unholy threat boiling up from the shadows. In one scene, as Celestia unearths what few records remain on the last time those forces threatened the world, she mentions how even the historical record on the modern Bearers is already blurring into myth. And worse.

There were times when Celestia looked forward to somepony different appearing during a court session, a breath of fresh air from all the endless favor-currying and attempts to outmaneuver a mare who'd been playing the game for over a millennium.

Then there were times like now. "Let me see if I understand you correctly," she said to her latest petitioner. "You believe I crafted the Bearers like golems, specifically for the purpose of wielding the Elements."

Sordid Truth adjusted his glasses and nodded. "Twilight Sparkle first, of course, as a trial run and proof of concept. The other five followed shortly."

"As opposed to six mares stepping forward when destiny called."

He snorted at that. "The odds of such perfect candidates just happening to live in a village of a few hundred ponies defy all reasonable belief, Your Highness."

Celestia silently counted to ten, letting the sunfire that hungered to consume all idiotic conspiracy theories settle back down in her heart. "I am afraid, Mr. Truth—"

"Doctor Truth. No matter what those sheep at the university said afterwards, I still earned my degree. No offense to actual sheep, of course."

"Of course." Scorn lay in those two words like the heat of August, invisible yet oppressive. Sordid didn't seem to notice. Celestia counted to twenty this time. "I am afraid, Dr. Truth, that there is a key flaw in your... interpretation."

He raised an eyebrow. "And that would be?"

"You believe that I, or indeed any sane being, could deliberately create Pinkie Pie." After a moment, Celestia added, "With all due apologies to Goodmare Cloudy Quartz, of course."

A wide-eyed Sordid Truth nodded. "Of... of course."

Comments

[Georg]

The answer to so many questions in life is : Pinkie Pie.

[Eruantalon]

9811920 Irrational, but real.

[Speckle]

Pinkie Pie is the answer.
Doesn't matter what the question is