Spike took a walk in Ponyville, and heard something about a gemstone in the Everfree forest, he checked it out, and does not come back, a worried Twilight formed a search party, but after 2 months of searching, he was persume dead.
1 year later a purple alicorn colt is found unconscious on the apple farm, it turns out it was Spike and three certain fillies fall for him, and found out he's remembering little by little and has to deal with a jealous Twilight, when Starlight starts teaching him magic.
Chapters (16)
This is great, can't wait to read more :)
Good story... that needs some editing...
This story is intriguing and I like to see more in the future.
It'd be an unexpected twist if it turned out not to be Spike.
Thnk guy, there's been a few Spike as a pony, stories like Pegasus or unicorn, but never a Alicorn
good start
Finally a good spike to pony story keep it up. Also why didnt twilight use the memory retrieval spell from when she switched the elements cutie marks?
8317510
Somepony else will do it in a dream, to help him unlock his lost memories
This is a great start to a new story. Can't wait till I see the next chapter.
8318061
So its a journey self discovery fic?
8318433
Not realy more like a trying to adapt to his new body and fitting in with other Colts and fillys his age
8318898
And u even did the best spike shipping spikebloom.
This is incredibly fast paced. You might want to slow it down a bit. Makes sense that they would figure it out quickly but there was a lot of missed opportunity to go into detail about how Spike was taking things. This felt very rushed.
8319168
I know but i have plan's for future chapters that will catch you off guard
8317260
Exactly! It needs to be done!
But seriously: You really need an proofreader!
The concept and the story are promising, but a high ammount of grammar and spelling errors makes it quite hard to enjoy the story.
Other suggestion: Look for an cover art. A high number of potential readers only look for those while browsing stories.
good update, i would have figure spike though twilight as his mom more then Celestia,
After reading this I suspected Princess Luna. (Or maybe the individual he saw was Luna in disguise...)
Other than that I sadly have to repeat what I told in my other comment here: 8322346.
Interesting. All I have to say. I feel as though his memories came back in a deus ex machina type of way, especially since he shouldn't have three of the memories that he saw, since he wasn't there. So I'm assuming that there was an outside force in this,
8329975
I was trying to put it as his inner self telling him to who he was before he was a pony
Nice chapter. Like that celestia is Spike mom. I'm definitely tracking this story
Slowly and steady.
This has a rather good concept but a poor execution. It's pretty good but the only things holding me back are the grammatical errors, not to mention the spelling. It would be good if you hired an editor or improved your grammar and spelling. No hate, here. I'm trying to unlock the best out if this story.
I'm just going to point out some misspellings and a couple of miswordings:
As morning came, the sky cleared up, and Celestia's sun came out. An orange mare, with a blond mane, and tail with 3 apples for a cutie mark, opened her eyes and smiled, and got up to stretch, a yawn escaped her muzzle. She grabbed her stetson, and place it on her head "Glad that storm's over, now i can buck those trees, and finish collecting those apples" she frowned "Maybe i can check on Twilight afterwards, see how she's doing".
And that was just from this paragraph. And I'm not going to get into punctuations. There's are groups on this site for people looking for editors and/or proofreaders. You might want to look into them.
Did anyone notice 2 references i put in there
8350604
Thnx for pointing out my spelling errors i know not to do that again
CHASE MUSIC!!
8351277
I see The Lion King reference between Spike and Apple Bloom.
At the last part I imagined the run meme play as the gaurd said run and Spike doing just that.
8353859
Thnx im gonna try to add little references in the future
Im planning to add a shipping that Spike will be surprised about in the next chapter
8353855
hahahahahaha! 😂😂
8353859
Same. I'm oblivious to anymore, though.
piece
This is a deus ex machina, I feel. And a cliche.
Overall, this is a good concept. Still, I feel as though this is starting to get rushed and jumbled together. In less than a thousand words, four mysteries were revealed. This is going too fast.
Ahh the life of a true prince, gettin the ladies aww yeah. Feel sorry for the guard though.
8354906
Yup ands thats not going to be the only place
8354906
There was a reference in this chapter i hope someone caught it
There needs to be a "silly" tag for this after this last chapter.
Lion king reference.
Easy screwball
I spotted Lion King and avengers.
8357367
He did say that nobody conceived a story like this. It may well not be her.
Can you please re-edit this? You need to start a new paragraph every time a character starts talking.
Ex: "Hey Spike, how are you?" said Twilight, as she trots over to spike.
"Im doing very well. How about you?" Spike says as she walks towards Twilight.
This is a great story though.
Im planning on giving Spike and Apple Bloom that simba and nala close friendship that will grow become love little by little also let me know if you figure out who is Spike other big sister
I decided to update it and make it a Spike x cmc story. sorry about that
8357691
If I had to guess it would have to be one of discord's daughters, but whichever one it is in the is beyond me.
I don't buy the idea that Spike didn't deduce a surprise party. Or that Twilight would give it away.
For the recorded, I predicted that no one would see his new big sister would be.
8361481
Im pretty sure no one saw it coming Discord x Celestia with Spike and Fluttershy as their son and daughter...also the Spike x cmc..i was thinking..."hmm other fillies in Ponyville thinking spike looks cuter as a colt and trying to talk him..while the cmc look on in jealousy
8361758
Is Spike going to become a trigamist?
Good chapter.