- Member Since 24th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen May 4th
Carmine Prophet
Veteran, nerd, lover of Sci-Fi, and generaly angry black min. X box gamer tag: A Shiny Latias.
Carmine Prophet
Joined 24th Mar, 2012 ·
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Sequels2
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Carmine Prophet · 130k words · 95 30 · 2.2k views
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Carmine Prophet · 6.1k words · 8 3 · 185 views
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Very detailed story, I could probably never write like that, and I enjoy detail!
Of course when writing a few errors slip by, so just pointing out some spelling errors! And maybe add more commas? 
In the description: Mean while on the earth like colony
-----------------------------------------------------------
Masive spires that would turn decades-
survive the Nerve gas would ether suffocate
sent down there teraformers (Should be a their)
Humans are survivors and there was now doubt in her mind (I think you meant "no")
-------------------------------------------------------------
Hope this helps somehow
Overall good set up. But I feel as if your underselling a bit. In my perspective for a fic like this a longer first chapter is better. Also got to talk about the bit of a plot hole here. If we are that far ahead in tec how the hell did they fall under pony rule. If this young woman at least knows what mother earth and human kind is truly like. Because if the enslavement is that resent that humans would still be raising all kinds of hell.
So I don't know if you will rewrite this chapter or not but if you do try and make earth feel more like myth and beacon of hope kind of thing like bible. (Note i am not a religious person so sorry if I offend anyone). Otherwise I want to see how you go from here. Been a while since I have seen one of these kinds of fics
I wish I had the ability to write a good story. I've been wanting to write a story similar to this for a long time. But I just think it will turn out to be shit.
7721628 hay don't say that. As long as you have fun writing it and you think it's good that's all that matters
Nice story can't wait for more
Revenge with a side of death
7725889 it is a dish best served cold. And there is nowhere colder than space
True that prophet
Intresting... Keep going.
I'm liking where this is going.
Do you have a proofreader? This chapter is unfortunately full of spelling mistakes, and the flow of the story is affected by it.
Here are some corrections:
Thermometric- thermobaric
Sais- says
Donst- don't
Punctuation is missing at points, mostly commas when you are listing details.
Hope this helps.
7727406 no i dont have a proofreader
7727752 You should get one. I would do it, but my schedule doesn't give me the time. I can go over the chapters once they're posted though, and send you the revision via PM for you to look over and post. I can't guarantee a time frame though.
If you ask the comments someone will help.
Cool thanks
I can sense it in the words of the description that the hammer of justices is falling on anville of destruction while the fires of war burn in the hearts of angry men and women of war roaring in outrage, I can hear it the war drums that beat like the hearts of millions if not trillions of human hearts. Let the bloodshed begin!
All I can really say is that I like your taste in books
, I recognized the series that you got The Lankies from.
Are you hyped for the next book in the series?
7730728 oh ya
The ponies are fucked
Damn son its getting good keep at it
Can't wait for more
What is this a crossover of?
7734591 a little bit of frontlines.
7734404 ditto
Ha revenge at its finest. With tons of death
Interesting
Oh shit that was badass and nice with the rainbow six rap lul can't wait wait for the next chapter. And a story were shining armor is killed right out the bat give me more plz
I can't wait for the human fleet encounter.
"Hello, i'm Fleet Admiral Badass, commander of the bad day you're having."
"You're a human?!, IMPOSSIBLE! Why do you have our princess?"
"Why do you have our colony?"
"Wha..."
*BOOOM* pony parts all over the galaxy.
RIP UEC fleet can't wait for next chapter
7783039 yeah sounds about right.
7783039 hehe.......The Ponies think themselves the strongest. Meet Humans, the one species who are too stubborn to give up and fight harder the more you try to force them to bow. Think of Humans as a fire, one that won't go out no matter how much you try to douse it.
I love this so much. Please keep this going.
oh god yes can't wait for more
Please sir/Madame may I have some more? But in all seriousness please keep going with this, I love it so much.
hardcore killing Cadence with flushing her out of an airlock.
Damn this shit good!!!!
Keep it up my Friend
This is soooo epic
I want moreee
Marshmallows anyone?
img.memecdn.com/Duke-Nukem_o_106070.jpg
I got really excited while reading this and my heart was beating so hard it felt like my it was trying to get out of my chest. Had to take some deep breaths to calm down.
You need an editor just saying
7789539 I know. I posted it on the need an editor group or whatever its called.
Loving the space battle. like how you had the human fighters fight and move like Colonial Vipers ( BattleStar Galactica 2003 series) and Starfuries ( Babylon 5).
I love space battles. To bad "they" had to ruin the party.
Would you look at that, I got here before all of you.
I've never really seen space battle that much so I can't really comment on that.
But I can say nice chapter and that crap just got real. I wonder how this will turn out.
Those bastards got roasted
When is the next chapter coming out?
7791497 i actually write when the ideas come to me. Or when im at work. which is why chapter 7 came out when it did. But in answer to your question it should me soon.
Nice chapter, good job with the music
This is very entertaining more pls
Those Lankie bastard was remind me of combination of the Covenant from Halo Series and four eyed bastard Batarians from Mass Effect Series.
i hope to see excution of Celestia bitch who i think almost equivalent to the Prophet of Truth from halo series.
by the way nice excution that Pink bitch.
I've been wanting a story like this for a long time. Thank you good sir!