It was an average day for Shor Vadum zealot and descendant of Rtas Vadum who served as a fleet master in the covenant civil war.
Shor was trained in every weapon system in the galaxy and is the youngest ship master to ever serve in the human-sangheili alliance. But not even the
training of both the strongest forces in the galaxy can prepare him for today. This day will change the rest of his life.
How will he react when a world full of talking ponies needs protection and how will they react to him?
Halo crossover
more parts on my deviant art
carmine30
parts are unedited
Chapters (5)
what do you think
no flames
and got any suggestions for future chapters?
I would like see where this goes. I do have one thing, i noticed that you jumped to the next line in the middle of a sentence or the end even though its at the beginning. Is this an accident or is it your style of writing?
I can only sugest using the help of "pre-readers" (choose a few people to read the fic before you post it. this way they can find flaws or thing u might change in the story). I olny say this because there are an awful lot of grammatical mistakes....not hating, i'm just trying to help you
. None the less, a geart story, might evolve into something epic in the future 
610737 Master Chief is still infinitely more Sue than any Elite He can take out an entire armada with a pistol and an Assault Rifle. Besides there are no weapons in EQ so all of his skills are useless
work on your grammer. You have many misspelled words and capitalized words that should be capitalized. other than that seems legit
611010
I never denied that, or claimed he was more Sue than the Chief. I'm not excusing the chief either.
Sues still aren't fun to read about.
611058 no no they ar not
Ok well i finished reading CH 1 and your text is all fucked up its really bad. When a new person talks new paragraph but if not it can be in same paragraph
Just one thing I have to say: WORT WORT WORT!
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/261/8/f/wort_wort_wort_by_danieljc2008-d2z0j9f.jpg
Seems like a distantly workable concept, but you need a lot of help on the editing and proofreading side of things.
this it the hypest shit
(A/N i know the stile is really bad i am trying my best with what i have which is well number one i am dyslexic.
and two i am using shity notepad because i don't have word so i am sorry i am trying my best here. chapter two hopefully wont have as many errors in it.)
also i have a few beta readers know so future chapters hopefully wont be this bad.
Its going very well, I cant wait for chapter 2!
Great start, and also I'm thinking of rewriting and correcting this, as long as I will be credited if you decide to use my rewrite!
Rewrite should be done soon!
"However only seeing action on the first battle of Reach. Bur perfect for this kind of situation."
I assume "Bur" was meant to be "but" also, the period should be a comma "," . Also, try leaving out stuff like ". So yeah....really important...." it kills the mood given by the Elites, try and make it sound more, eh, "This pony appeared important amongest the rest" or somethin' like that.
Good start/concept.
chapter 3 and four are coming soon
moar damnit
Question?
how do you think i shuld start the next chapter
1. leading up to the battle.
or
2 start with the battle
thank you
for reading
they have four jaws just wanted to tell you
I think one
10000 diamond dogs vs agent tex
winner flawless agent tex
what I think that kicked mother fucking ass more
also I'm first
You should get a Couple New Proof Readers
I am working on it
Hey prophet, I'm not really interested in this story anymore so I'll be un-watching it, but I'll still proof-read for you ^^;
611808 get open office :) it's free :) although you have to go to tools > language > for all text > English, otherwise it's good :)
i have some writers block so it will be some time before i update my story sorry.
if any one has an idea sent me a message.
1040698 most bad ass song i could think of as they walk back to the barricade
I think breaking benjemins song 'blow me away' would suit this battle scene very well.
MORE!
More
Noice