- Member Since 9th Nov, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 21st, 2022
Mr Dorito
Anime is Japan's revenge for Hiroshima
Mr Dorito
Joined 9th Nov, 2014 ·
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Oh please tell me that that's the Yamato
6891726 Maybe
6891749 I'll tell you this much, they will use some US equipment, but it mostly varies with others.
Humans in their world or from ours? If from ours America must retaliate.
6891772
Hidden U.S. Japan Russian coalition?
6891772
To me the pic seems to be the Iowa
When it says that what could fight against them the first thing that I thought was U.S. and the U.N.
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSFudBvQt-NQK_xwFZjEzArjfHj6WfLy5OaTNG0RCFkQaXcraw61w
THIS IS WW3: WAR ON PONYS
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQEBF-96hw-rkCksj7eF7msUaACATLV3Q6aGauba4NumAyKbcTL13OzXg
6891774 You'll see the backstory next.
6892109
Alright!
Someones gotta post it...
A destroyer named Harmony, is anyone else picking up on this oxymoron?
I swear that picture is a .gif and it's shifting ever so slightly...
An interesting premise. I look forward to what may come next
the bullshit is real towards the ponies.
...........
I'm sorry, wat?
.............
media.giphy.com/media/tPdYQaW6oCIOA/giphy.gif
Let's just- let's just look at that again, shall we?
Zoom in a little bit.
Focus on the subject matter.....
Now let me just, let me just...... I can't even, I-
I'm sorry, I was just filled with unyielding rage; I don't mean to be an ass, but I'm going to be an ass. The story has problems, no build-up, spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and repetition out the wazoo, along with other things that I'm most likely glossing over. Don't take this the wrong way, try to improve upon your writing, take some time with it. Look it over, or maybe get an editor, at least keep writing you'll probably improve. Good luck, and G-d speed, maybe I'll come back to this.
6893127 You mean people speak properly each and every time? Every word uttered by them is perfect in every way?
I don't mind such things like that in spoken dialogue. It makes the characters feel more real. Now, if it was something outside of the dialogue box, sure, it would be an editing issue. However, as sapient beings are fallible and sometimes forget the proper grammar from gradeschool due to life being life, things like this happen:
6893177
That argument would have merit if the author had shown that the character had a tendency to be repetitive. Whether due to a lack of intelligence in the character, a quirk in their speech, or as you've suggested, it could be an honest mistake on the character's part. However, as shown in the video, Austin said, "Allow myself to introduce....... *insert description of awkward pause here* myself." The scene shows Austin pausing due to his choice of words, and how he's hesitant as he does so. Blinking, gulping, tilting his head, all indicators of this.
Now, the author did none of this(which is another problem I have with the story, it needs more descriptions of what's going on, especially during dialogue, it's more telling than showing right now) which leads me to believe that this is a mistake on the author's part. If he had described Quick Strike and the Captain reacting to the repetition --hell even adding ellipses to indicate an awkward pause-- then yeah, sure, I'd agree with ya. But they didn't. And while I'm assuming that the repetition isn't intentional as opposed to what you're suggesting, I feel pretty safe with that assumption.
nice pictures, have you thought about adding music?
awsome
The dialogue feels a bit forced at times, and although having two ponies have a relatively pointless conversation made them feel a bit more like real people. The way you wrote their dialogue made it drag on despite feeling rushed.
Your descriptions are very lacking, don't rely on pictures when you could show us what we should be seeing. Stories are about imagination, let us use ours.
The premise seems interesting, done before but interesting. Hopefully your writing will improve in future chapters.
6893988 Maybe
6894105 Thank you and I will do my best to improve the story.
6893224
6893127 Thank you for pointing that out.
6894105 Actually, I will use pictures at least for the Humans since I'm basing off their equipment and vehicles off actual ones. Equestrian vehicles and weapons will take time, but I will do my best to describe them.
Gah I cant wait till the next chapter
The humans have help and Equestria will pay for their enslavement of an entire race.
Interesting idea you have going here. Will you give a timetable of how long humans have been enslaved?
6898279 I may after a few chapters. Will take a while to think about it, but I will simply because of the number of rebellions.
so just curies what country did u bring in or is it a imaginary country
6898665 You'll see.
the silouettes remind me of fleet of fog O.O
Im gonna like where this is going.
NEED MORE
. When's the next chapter??
6919768 Working on it. I'm at school right now.
this story is looking good already
6921364 Thanks
One would think that for such and advanced empire there wouldn't be any ''unexplored regions'' left on the planet... my bet is that there's a previously undiscovered country inhabited solely or mainly by humans and the equestrians are probably either trespassing or the country is preparing to invade.
Take it slower by the way, it felt rushed.
I think they are selling the Equestrians a little short here. I feel that there is a very good reason that ship was missing weapons and it could have been sent as a pawn. Good chapter now how will e ponies react?
6937595 Maybe
When I looked at the first pic I thought,
not sure whether or not to be happy it's not.
My reason is that i'm stuck thinking of the wolfenstein naizs.
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6937622 I really hope this story the humans win
6937627 I'll help you with that. Try thinking of them WITHOUT the Swastika.
The amount of pictures in place of description really throws me off.
Impel Down. One Piece reference?
6937627 I'm stuck with the Nazi's from Hellsing Ultimate.
6937746 Yeah, I love reading the One Piece comics.
6937740 Just to let you know, I'm pretty terrible when it comes to describing.
6937762 Fucking lad.
6937766
You really should practice on it then. Photos in place in place of description is very distracting and will cause a lot of people to stop reading.
Visualize what you want then try to describe it, see how you do.
6937740 Agreed.
6937622 As to your taste in music, I prefer Rebirth by Bone-Thugs N Harmony. Fitting? I like to think so!