A distress call from a distant colony has caught the eye of the North American commonwealth. The original human colonists have been forced into slavery and degradation by an invading force. With one war over, humanity will go feet first into another.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very detailed story, I could probably never write like that, and I enjoy detail! Of course when writing a few errors slip by, so just pointing out some spelling errors! And maybe add more commas?
In the description: Mean while on the earth like colony
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Masive spires that would turn decades-
survive the Nerve gas would ether suffocate
sent down there teraformers (Should be a their)
Humans are survivors and there was now doubt in her mind (I think you meant "no")
-------------------------------------------------------------
Hope this helps somehow
Overall good set up. But I feel as if your underselling a bit. In my perspective for a fic like this a longer first chapter is better. Also got to talk about the bit of a plot hole here. If we are that far ahead in tec how the hell did they fall under pony rule. If this young woman at least knows what mother earth and human kind is truly like. Because if the enslavement is that resent that humans would still be raising all kinds of hell.
So I don't know if you will rewrite this chapter or not but if you do try and make earth feel more like myth and beacon of hope kind of thing like bible. (Note i am not a religious person so sorry if I offend anyone). Otherwise I want to see how you go from here. Been a while since I have seen one of these kinds of fics
I wish I had the ability to write a good story. I've been wanting to write a story similar to this for a long time. But I just think it will turn out to be shit.
7721628 hay don't say that. As long as you have fun writing it and you think it's good that's all that matters
Nice story can't wait for more
All I can really say is that I like your taste in books, I recognized the series that you got The Lankies from.
Are you hyped for the next book in the series?
The ponies are fucked
7730728 what series is it from? I am now very interested...
This is a crossover of MLP and the Frontlines series by Marko Kloos
Celestia, you f#cking idiot. You just created a martyr!
*inhale* KKKKKHHHOOOOOOOORRRRNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!*the commenters voice reverberated, echoed throughout the multiverse, until, it reached into the Warp, and into the the Blood Gods hearing, he then gave a small, unnoticeable grin, knowing wthat the child was feeling*
Do you hear that? it sounds like FREEDOM
POINTS AT CELESTIA
Before I continue further in this story, I got two questions; are the Equus able to travel through space or are they using their advanced magic to travel from world-to-world, and my second question, are we going to get a three-way war, The Humans, Lankys, and the various races of Equus?
Oh and I got the perfect song for this story:
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I̵̴̯̮̮͐̀̈́̍̒͌̏̾͢ ̵̮̦̲̜͔́ͧ̔̈͂̓͡Ả̈̾̃ͪ͏̧̜̞̼̤̱̗̮̞̯Mͫͤ̇͋̄̿ͯ̂̉͡͏̰̗̮̟̳̖̱̥͖ ̤͖̥́͐̽͑̇̽T͙̘̫ͭͩ̊́͢͞H̡̺͇͉͔̺́͗̍͗͋̂͗͝Ę̰̼̥̖̤̝̐̈́͢ ̢͖͇̲̖͎̼̗͔̅R̲͖̙̅͌ͯͩͦͭ̉͠E̯͙̭̟̭͈̭ͧ̐̋ͩ́ͅǍ̡̠̻̜̰͉͗͌ͧ̿́P̧͙̅́͟Ë̢͚͙̰͊͛ͪ̏ͅR͓̼̥̠͔̼̖͐̀̐ͮ͘͡.͈͛́ͬ̐͛͂̅ͦ̉
̫̫ͨ͛̌́ͯ̒
̨̣͚ͥ̽̌͛͆ͨͨ̑̚͜M̛̻̠̼̳̬̦̘͊ͫ͑̍ͦ̔ͮ̋̔Y͖̲̻̖͍͇͔̺̊̏͗͜ ̛̝̘̬̗ͫ̀ͮͦ͗ͣ͜R̥ͮͮ̿̎̃̀́͡Ą̵̩̘͂͊ͦ̄̌͊ͧ̌ͅǦ̶͈̞͈̦̞ͣ͗̈́ͮË̹̼̞̳̘̼͓́ͬͧͥͥ̔̉ ̮͎̺͖͕̝ͣ̾̓ͧ͐̀ͫ̃́I̘̜̲̹̲̿͋̌Ş̭̦̘̪̓̈͗ͣ ̷̢̱̝ͮ́̒̒̃ͬ̓̈́́W̧͋̌ͭ̎ͩ͏͎̟͓İ̱̰͍̱͎̩͍͌͑̾̽̎ͫṪ̞̪̗̝̓̅ͦH̴̘̞͑̐͛͐ͦ̇͆̑O̧̜̲̞͇̪̠̻̅̌ͤ͋̀̽̆̋ͮ̕U̢͇̮ͭ̾ͪ͆̉́͟T͙̖͈̗̩̟͎ͩ̍̂̆͂ͬͅ ̴̼̘̬͒͂͘͝E̹̬͕̘̗͓̰ͩ̽̑̐ͫ̀N̠̟̘̱̱̗̭̜ͦ̂̍͢D͙̫̹͔͔͒ͩ͜ͅ.͉̓̓ͧͫ̋̈͌̌͘
̵̨̙̠̝̩̅ͣͅ
̤̜̦ͩ̇̐ͬ̎͋F̧̛̰̱ͩ̀͐̍̂̄Ų͙̯̤ͮͫ͢͜ͅR͈̠͎̺̗̐͐̓̅͂Ỷ̞̮̮̥̈́̿̀̆̈́̌ͨ ̡͕̻̞̣̀ͧͨͨ̾͊ͫͬ̕G̴͎̯̜̣͇̃͗̇̐Ū̗̼͈̤̼̊̋̅̋̈́ͭI͉̙̓̋ͮͩ͗ͤ̋͛ͫ̀͘D̦͇̮̯̱͎͖͖̄́E͖̗̩͎̝ͩ̊̾S͑̆̑͊̊̆͏̥̫͈͖ͅ ̧̠̪̲̬̄ͯͯ̀ͅM͗ͬͧ͐͐҉̛̞̳̥̮Y̴͚̰͍͔̻̓ͥ̓́͌̾ͤ͊͟ ͎͓̬͎͕ͬ͞W̴̶̪̗͕̎̃͋̋ͅË̹͈̤͎͔͚̔̍A̡̛ͮͭ̒̈́҉̜̠̝͓̜͈̼ͅP̔̇̑̍̚͝҉̠͖͉̘̮̝O̸̙ͬ̌̀͊̑̋͊̅ͅN̢͇̭̩̱̜ͯ̀͋̕͞S̞̜̃ͬ́̑ͨ͡͝.̶͒͏͎̻̰̜̣
̶̈́̊̉ͪ̒͌ͧ͞҉͎̳̤̣̫̖
͈̹̥̰̯̖̋͑́̇͒ͭ̆́V̹͉͖͔̮͉͆̆͑͑͊͗̕E̬̖͓͇̲̗͎̦̹ͮͯ̄̃ͮ͊Ņ̞̝̂Ǧ̨͈̪̑͂̀̚͠E͌ͬͨͣ̓̋ͭ̾҉͖̱̣̲̠Ḁ̷̡̮̮͊̉ͩ̉̿ͥN͖̅͂͌̎C̷ͯ̔̒̉̋͂͆́͒͏̤̝̝̜̣͇E̵͇̝̳̾ͦ͢ ̭̩͈̭̻̂̓̏̌̉̚͠I̺̠̙̫̱̘̹͙ͦ̉͆̈́̐ͦ͐͑̉S̸̠̖͔̝̟̖͔̈́ͩͥ̾̈͌͛ͅ ̡̖̣̗̲̲̒͆̇ͅM͍̱̫̈́͑́͝Y̪͖̦̝̳͎̯̹ͮ̅̔̊ͥ͟ͅ ͙̹̬̖̦̘̲̋̽̿͟S̷̢͓̟͙͙̣̳ͤ͋̈́͟O̷̧̡̘͗̇ͭͥ͑N̨̍̈͠҉̟͕G̠̱̖̩̭̫ͥ̒͗ͬ̈̽ͪͭ.͉̹̝̲̫͛ͯ̃ͥ̇̉̔̊
̇͂̎̓̂ͧͩ͏̢͎̻͞
̸͉̟̦̭̘̟͌ͦͯͭ͢M̓͜͏̯̙͖͈̜̗̭Ẏ̢̡̦̓ͤ̍͗ ̋̕͏̺͙̟͕̮̩͔̣̺F̩̩͇̮̲͇̞͗ͤ̉ͅA͎͚͕͆ͦ̏̽̾ͬͦ͌I̴͎̮̜̲̹̋̿͒͠T̡̮̤̩͖̪̤͑ͭ̔ͬH̞͍̭͚́ͬ͛̚̚͡͝:̵̠̝̗͈̮̘̰̻͔̑ͩ̋͂͜͞ ̵̧̎ͦ̓͆͗ͯͭ̀͏͙̼̳̬̣Ȗ̷̝̦͖̬̫̭̦̝̉͑̀̀̿̐ͮ͟͞Ņ̫͎͖̯̹̗̪̺ͭ̌̉ͨͭ͌̌̈́̀Y̶͔̤̹̬̺̪̟̭̦ͣ̂̍̀̄̾͊̚̕I͓̪̹̠̹̘ͬĘ̛͖̙̳͈͚̩̖͍̰̇̾͛ͩ̄ͧ͂̚̚͝L̫͈͚̺͈̳̰̉̂̀̍́͠͠D͗ͯ́҉̦̼I̗̹̰͚̹̙̭̹ͬͣͥ̀͗Ṅ̍̓͂͆̈́̎̚͏̢̖̙G̨̲̲̣̗̎ͫ̿
̈ͦ҉̬̫
̛͎̦͎̦̻̝̈́̇ͪM̨̬̟̆̓ͪͤ̓̆Y͚̲͑͑͌̊̾̔ͤ ̪̠̩͛̎͜͝P̵̢̗̣͕̑̊̅ͪ̇O̮̤͇ͤ̉ͦͨ͆ͩͬͩ̕͞W̸̭͕͖̙̰̼̟̹ͨ͢E̷͈̩̠̼̋͛͆̈͑ͣ̈͝R͔͍̤͎͖͇͇̭̐:͚͈̹̞̩̇ͯ̈́̀͢ ̱͙ͥ̎͌ͣ̑ͣͧ͘A̼̻͍̟̘̭̼̱͛ͦ̈́̐̕ͅB͔͕̣ͤ̍͌̓͜S̛̤͍̲̤̰̪̽͂ͨͥ̂̎͞͡O̥͇̬̙̼̘̒̐ͧ̊ͬ̇ͫͦ̑Ļ̗͕̺͙̤͖̰̠͇́̑͆ͬͣ͌ͯͩͬƯ̤̤͒̊T̸̘̳̟̙̳̍̊ͫ̕E̍̆̔̽͐̀ͪͫͪ҉̙͇̠͙̥͖̣͇̹́́
̝̫̱̭̱̍́̓ͧ̾͋̋ͩͣ
̨̘̹͈͕̬̼̳̯̃͆̄ͯ͊́M̨̯̲̘͍̬̞̻̺ͬͯ͑͌ͨ̂͝͡Y̶̐ͦ͌͏̗̣͉̩̣͕ͅ ̪̝̲̥̹̿͋ͪ̐M̥̜̾̇ͧ͛ͬ̆ͯ̚E̡͕͍̳͕ͬ̈ͬ͌ͯ͐͟R͉̩̠̫͋ͯ͑̌͌͆ͭ͡C̡̻̝̼͖ͮ͊ͯ̑́͂̒̚Y̶̳͍̭͇͓̪͒͌͛ͬͤͅ:̖̘̮̻̬̖̳͒ͫ̒͌͊ ̷̎ͯ̇̓̎̐̏͋̈́͞͏̝͖͓̝̱͎Ã̜̠̲̝͖̲̥̭ͭ͊ͧ͛̄̕B͍̻̺͔̩̭̫̯̣̌̄̈́͂̓͊Ș̷̖͕̟͎̭͍̯̈ͭ͂̽͒ͯE̵͎̥̳͎̅͂̋ͯN̢̛̦͕͋͗T̷̴̘̼̺̩̳͇͔ͦͥͧ́.̧̲̘̥͚͍͐ͨ̈̏̎͋̓̊̔͝ͅ
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and then Celestia realized she fucked up
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4633023/images/1243053832138.jpg
Prologue: Oh for crying out loud I get that the humans were miserable after the Lanky war, but ponies took them in servitude as well.