This story is a sequel to Meltdown
Twilight Sparkle struggles with life, loss, and sickness after having saved Ponyville from disaster. The day she asked Rainbow Dash out on a date, unsurprisingly, did not go according to plan. Now that she's recovering, she has to deal with the results of what happened, regardless of whether they are good or bad. At least she has the support of her friends, and perhaps, somepony more than just a friend to help her.
Beware of unmarked spoilers in comments.
Sequel found here!
Chapters (11)
Whew, it is pretty heavy going. But that's good! Emotional impact means you're doing it right!
Will they investiage how the thinsg were satoged?
More I sense greatness in this story and it must not be stopped
Is it possible to charge her with positive Magic maybe some event in the story happens that gives her back her magic I sense something like that might happen and it's not too cliche since it could happen after a lot of painful trials and errors
7557375 Well, she still has her magic, just no outlet for it. I wouldn't be surprised if she works out some kind of magitechnical solution, being the egghead she is...
7573630 Discord could give her an outlet for her magic it could be really limited and then later on she could be repaired completely
7573636 Discord could ruin a lot of plot setups, really.
7573673 I'm saying the damage could be so bad that even if discord gave her an outlet like a horn she would only be able to cast the most basic spells kinda like Lockhart from Harry potter except she actually knows the spell
7573673
I really, really badly want to reply with a clever comment about this, or commentary on it. I really want to. Unfortunately, I've got nothing.
But yes, he would ruin this plot! I already decided to handicap him so he cannot actually help with this.
I did like... most of it. It got a little tedious when we got several paragraphs of Rainbow Dash flying back and forth in her house doing nothing of import. Maybe if there was some contemplation as to the way she was acting around Twilight, instead of just telling us over and over that she felt she shouldn't appear less than perfect at the academy.
That said I am following this and am curious to see where it goes.
I have to agree with Ashes that there's an amount of... extraneous detail, I suppose one could call it? here and there throughout the chapter that could possibly be pared away or streamlined. "Show, don't tell" could also apply somewhat, although I wouldn't say it's too serious.
On a positive note, you've got me really feeling for Twilight here. She's skirting along the edges of a dangerous place, psychologically, having lost and feeling like she's losing everything else.
7595473
I'm still working on understanding that length does not equal quality... Can you give me a direct example of the "extraneous detail" so I know what to look out for as I continue? Also, I'm glad I can play with your emotions!
7592717
I guess in hindsight, I can see that, but at the time I didn't even think about it. The main purpose was to show what she was doing, and I wanted to include a scene with her at the academy, but I wasn't sure how to go with that, so I postponed it. Hopefully, I'll figure out how to write that scene. Thank you for your feedback and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
7596582
It happens to the best writers sometimes, I wouldn't worry about it too much as it was the only qualm I had with the chapter. Keep it up, I'm really looking forward to how Twilight handles the changes.
7596582 I think it kinda stood out the most to me in the scene where Rainbow is shown returning home to shower. For example:
The specific details of her flying up the stairs could probably be omitted, as well as the direction into her bedroom, since they aren't super-relevant to what's going on. As the writer, it's obviously good to know details about the environments that things take place in, but the reader doesn't necessarily need them unless they play a significant role in the scene. Though I imagine it's a tough balance to find; it isn't like I've written anything myself...
In the same scene, this is one of those "show, don't tell" things I kind of picked up, where it might be more engaging to show how Rainbow feels about the shower and its effects on her, if that makes sense?
7597683
Ah, I see what you mean... Thanks. About the second one, originally I had her moaning, but I decided against that...
7596582 So my query is thus, does Twilight gain a full recovery, or is the doctors prognosis of a partial recovery stand out? (Does Twilight grow back her horn?)
7598682
You'll just have to wait and see.
im still surprised the haven't straight up arrest the only guy so far that is clearly a freaking villain i mean come on DR Overlord really people its not hard
chapter length is nice i like it bit of a slow roll to be honest im suprised twi isnt suffering more mental health isues due to the loss of her magic (still waiting for the attempted suicide(well i suppose the whole walking into the core could count as an attempt)) like C.M.L.I.S
Such a beautiful story so far. The writing is amazing I feel so attatched to seeing the story all the way through and yet I don't want it to end! Amazing work!
7627395 Bureaucracy is Magic.
7627405 So yeah, I apparently, can make one day last about 15 thousand words long, which is my goal for each chapter in this story, and I felt that this chapter should only cover a single day... I'm surprised I managed to pull that off.
As far as her walking into the reactor core being attempted suicide... yes and no... For one, at the time, she knew Rainbow didn't hate her, and it predated her losing her horn, but it was more of a lack of desire to try something else/acceptance that it was the only way to prevent a catastrophe that could kill her friends and poison her home. When I went into writing it, my goal was to portray an acceptance of her fate being her own death in exchange for her friends' lives, and originally I had no plans for a sequel. The tragedy tag was actually supposed to be her implied death, but alas, author powers activate! I've somewhat had her refer to that as an attempt at suicide, however. As far as her attempting suicide in the future, I've briefly mulled over the idea of adding that, but we'll just have to see how it goes.
Also, what is C.M.L.I.S.?
7627756 Thank you for your support, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
7628004 Cutie Mark Loss Insanity Syndrome, is a mental condition that is caused by a pony not being able to perform their special talent and can have various effects on a pony ranging from depression to insanity
Its basicly a made up mental condition that a bunch of authors have used and .i consider to be a head cannon illness
I love this so much. I hate how invested I get in a story cause I always feel into it so much. This chapter had me on a roller coaster of emotion from sad to slightly happy to sad to happy to really sad to slightly happy and then at the end I don't even know. You are doing so well with this and I continue to love every chapter that gets released. Keep it up!
I wouldn't worry too much about how much time the chapters cover, you say what's important to the story. You're showing us the reasons why things are how they are. It's working fine. In that light Rainbow has had - and we've seen this - all that time to mull over her feelings, so it really doesn't feel rushed to me.
That being said, I wouldn't mind if it gets a little less of seeing every part of every day.I also feel like Starlight and Spike need to let everypony else know how Twilight is feeling mentally, about being a burden, and get them to be more active in helping her feel better about herself. Sure they have their own lives, but there are enough of them that they should be able to work something out so she isn't always alone spiraling further into her depression.
I had to re-read the last section with Rainbow like three times, it was heeecka cute.
I love the pacing of this story so much, it was perfect in the latest chapter.
Thank you so much for writing this. Looking forward to more!
7667862
I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy re-reading that part myself, so spending three hours proofreading and editing wasn't really all that bad...
Thank you for saying this, reading you saying you had to re-read it because it was cute made me smile.
This story is officially in my top 5 favorites.
7696694
And it's not even finished yet! Which... may or may not be a good thing... I hope I continue to entertain you!
7696779 It's great so far, besides all the grammar mistakes. Those can be a bit tedious to read through, but the premise of the story doesn't falter in the slightest. I still have to try and make sense of it sometimes and mentally place commas where there are too many "ands." Still, like I said, it's a great story overall. 9/10, give or take.
7696859
Can you give me a few more examples of the grammar mistakes so I know what to look out for?
7696935 Well, for one thing, try to not make scenes last so long. Certain scenarios can get quite boring if you drag them on for too long, and can be a bother to read through. Try to get to the point, but also try to take your time getting there. Here's a recommendation: have a close friend of yours read it over and tell you if a scene gets boring or not. It will help a lot with your final product. I'm a pretty decent writer myself, so take it from someone who enjoys scrutinizing every little detail about a story and how every character interacts with each other. I hope this helps.
I can already feel rainbow warming up to her <3. I saw the lack of comments, so I thought I'd let ya know im enjoying it
7718023
Any specific feedback you have for me so that I can improve?
I appreciate that, each comment brings me great joy.
7718789 Hmm well the only thing that was kinda off for me was the phrase "lead the way" that was said 3 times lol. But other than that I'm glad the pacing is going a bit faster and how Rainbow is taking care of her, so if Rainbow is gonna develop feelings for Twi it'd be cool if that could happen soon
but most of all make sure you're having fun writing it!
Aw it's going to be unrequited love the entire story isn't it
I can't really predict where the story is going next though, and it hurts me to think of Twilight being pulled apart like this. Any hints on where this might go?
7735109
The general trend will be beneficial for Twilight.
More cuddles!
Why did you make the chapters so long?
7768427 It's a personal goal for myself, "Prove that you can write 15k word chapters and get them out biweekly." I've mostly succeeded with it thus far.
dam it all i really though it was Dr overlord i mean seriously if i worked a reactor and i had a fellow worker called Dr overlord i would keep my eye on him
7801214
In his defense, his name was Overload. Not Overlord. Which might be even more suspicious considering that he just happened to work at a nuclear power plant...
I think you are doing a great job with this story. Your writing style seems to favor long involved scenes where we get lots of detail and I feel that reinforces the characterizations. That type of writing I think really fits the story you are telling. It needs that rich depth to allow us as readers to really feel Twilight's plight and Rainbows struggles. With out all the little minutia you include I don't think we would feel day to day hour to hour what they are going though quite so thoroughly. There are plenty of stories that this style would make it a slog to read but for this one in my opinion it is what makes it stand out.
7804243
Thanks, I'm glad you think I'm doing a good job and that this story stands out... It's kind of hard to judge how well I'm doing without feedback. In some of my other stories I've struggled with having enough detail in scenes, and in this it almost feels like there's too much detail, but I was aiming for that to add depth and development to the story. I've read a few Twidash stories where Rainbow's had an injury, but I don't remember reading one with Twilight being injured, but I'm sure they exist, and I keep that in mind when writing this.
Most of those stories I've read were relatively short and rather to the point, so I figured that going into more depth and drawing it out would help to set this story apart and add lasting impact. There's some stories I've read that I've wished were longer, and that may be playing a part in the detail I'm putting into this story too.
I still struggle with adding detail, though. Describing settings and subtle character actions doesn't come that easy to me, although writing Twilight in this story is easier since I have given a lot of thought to her state of mind...
He quickly looked around and met Rainbow's gaze, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave..." he said and then trotted passed her
Whether they need room to work or not, I'd stay there with my friend no matter what and nothing anyone could say would change my mind.
It didn't help that you were there," he snapped, then immediately regretted it as Rainbow clenched her eyes shut.
Rainbow opened her eyes and looked at her hooves. She realized she was still wearing Twilight's regalia and shifted her weight from embarrassment but didn't take it off. "S-sorry..."
He sighed. "I... I'm sorry. I Didn't mean to snap at you like that... She's doing worse than she looks. We're going to give her a transfusion in about half an hour. Hopefully, that'll help her..." he trailed off with a grimace, then shook his head. "Her body is shutting down," he said flatly. "Her immune system has been compromised, so please keep your distance from her. I don't even like letting anypony aside from doctors or nurses in to see her, but Princess Celestia said that her friends could see her."
This is why I hate hospitals- you have doctors who act like they know everything when some have no idea what they're doing and they only cause more emotional and mental suffering for partners both platonic and romantic. If I had a doctor who snapped at me or a friend like that, I seriously consider breaking their nose.
EMTs and Paramedics, who actually let outside people help in a situation like car crashes in whatnot, because they KNOW THEY NEED HELP and are willing to let people at least think they can do something, are much more preferable to me.
Twilight smiled sheepishly, "It's... really interesting, Rainbow. I think you-"
"Nope!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Not happening."
*snicker* and just like that, I got my daily dose of comedy.
Twilight scooted her body around to face Princess Luna. "Have you found anything?" she asked.
Luna shook her head, "Twilight, my sister still does not wish you to concern yourself with the investigation... We are making... some progress, but it is slow going."
She's asking if YOU'VE made any progress, not if she can JOIN. Ugh, sometimes you gotta hate confidentiality.
7863710
You don't like how doctors try to act professional or competent in a job with lots of uncertainty?
christ on a motorbike, am i reading an auroradawn story?
omg