Nibbles

Nothing says romance like your half asleep marefriend covering your wings in tomato sauce.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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TimesX

TimesX #1 · Aug 5th, 2017 · · ·

Not bad at all, good range of vocabulary and good descriptions, I leave a like for that.

A major flaw I found (not worth a dislike but still very major IMO), is how you use commas way too much. Every sentence has more than 2-3 commas and it just prevents me from completely immersing myself in the text. Every time a clear idea is about to be expressed, there's an interruption to the process which just leaves you hanging. I suggest you find a way to fix that

Don't worry, it's a common mistake alot of writers (such as I) make so don't fret too much. Hope to see more from you :)

Storylover-Vodhr

Storylover-Vodhr #2 · Aug 5th, 2017 · · ·

8346574
Thank ya!

Yeah, I've always had that terrible habit. I think it comes from my mental reading; I put a comma wherever there would be a short pause, like a breath or bit of hesitation that wouldn't warrant a triple period. But still, thank ya! I'll try to keep a closer eye on the extra commas.

Stormgnome

Stormgnome #3 · Aug 12th, 2017 · 1 · ·

Ten minutes of writing and you churn out this?
That's like really good or fast or both!

And honestly, it's Rainbow's fault Twilight ruins her wings, she should have brought along a healthy supply of napkins.

Ughlee

Ughlee #4 · Aug 28th, 2017 · 2 · ·

all i thought of during this piece of work even though it isnt accurate is this encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTYIJ8AODjr09ITRHFYGyK3VHeisRFBaQCEgJdRBQRrTIJhHFS9qg

Vupsi

Vupsi #5 · Nov 3rd, 2017 · · ·

Wha- I don't even. What did I just read?!
That was a masterpiece. That was freaking hilarious!
And you wrote this in 10 minutes?! How is that even possible?! Are you sure you're a human?