Where did the Bloodstone come from? Dragons don't have true magic, and certainly not the ability to create a magical artifact such as this.
This is the question Twilight sent to Princess Ember to find out just how the Bloodstone was made. Unfortunately for Spike, he will be the one required to figure it out. With a trigger of runes, Spike will be sucked back into the vision and life of one of Equestria's most heinous villains and powerful sorcerers: King Sombra.
Proof reader: ScrambledCrackers
Cover artist: Jbeau3D
Chapters (4)
I really like it so far!!!!
I can't wait to see more!!!!
One Crystal to rule them all, one Crystal to find them,
One Crystal to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
7162583 dang it. I could have made a reference.
7162655 You should have!
Anyways the story is really awesome
Wow. That was an awesome take on the history of dragons. I feel like I am watching a scene from starship troopers. It's asking if I want to know more, and I am frantically pressing yes.
I wonder why the dragons never came? Or maybe he miss said for them to burn Equestria?
Well, by this point the dragons knew Sombra had control, so maybe they thought ahead and restrained themselves, or moved far away so they either couldn't respond, or wouldn't have been able to make it in time.
This is good. I'very enjoyed this little piece of dragon history you've created, and I hope that there will be a sequel some time in the future. Do note however that you have repeated the vision scene from the final chapter. You might want to fix that.
7165990
I feel the need to tell a story now. After reading this comment, I went to see a good friend of mine, Mr. Hand. Mr. Hand, as I walked over, decided to meet Mr. Face. I then promptly fixed it. Thank you for pointing it out.
I know killing it’s a last Resort but just locking them up just Delays the inevitable
This has Sombra, thus I am intrigued.
The touch of mystery is nice.
Remember not to write out 'part 2' like that. Also, how did Sombra get his own version of the RCV? Couldn't he just shout?
This is a really nice story so far. You write clearly and are good at describing actions and body languages. Your dialogue is also smooth and suits your story. I really like your idea. It's new and fresh! If you added your story to more groups over time it would really help out with getting it some love.
(Also, changing the other tag to a dragon tag would probably be best.)
If he's in the Empire, why is he so aware of places like the zebra nation, and implying they're close enough to conquer with ease?
The chapter started off with a touch of confusion, but it cleared up as it went on. Your combat writing is solid, though I wouldn't call crystal shards and such 'missiles' as a descriptor. However, unless something is in the next chapter, it might have been best to add just a little bit of foreshadowing here for Sombra's banishment.
Okay, last chapter and nice conclusion, but you need to start spacing things out when it comes to telepathic conversations!
Overall, this was a pretty strong story. My critique from before still stands. As for improvement, a sense of overall atmosphere is something you could try to write more strongly. You have tone and character down, but overall story atmosphere needs some work. And while you've done something distinct with Sombra here, and that's refreshing, you had a lot more room to characterize him too.
8886932
Thanks for the critique. I'll definitely work on improving the atmosphere. You got any good resources and/or reading for improving atmosphere?
8887118
A thesaurus, probably.