Emperor
Joined 5th Jun, 2015 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I liked this a lot. My only regret was that we didn't get to see Rarity getting fucked while wearing a bridle.
That dirty talk. Whew, always the quiet ones, huh Rarity? Mac saying anything over three words in this story is clearly a weapon to surrounding mare's ears.
I'm all for more Rares smut, but one thing I gotta say, as a critique, is that some of the dialogue here doesn't really work for me.
Specifically, when Big Mac brings up his dead parents and the siblings he didn't get to have while screwing Rarity, which would be an immediate mood-killer for any romantic encounter. Once I read that, it just took me completely out of any raunchy enjoyment I might have had otherwise because it's such a jarring thing to say in the bedroom (and the fact this statement further turns Rarity on makes it a bit weirder). If Big Mac wants a big family, that sentiment could be displayed in more suitably explicit ways than mentioning dead kin.
7093485 Yeah, you're right about that. Fortunately, that's why it's good this is fanfiction and not regular published fiction, because I can actually edit lines after the fact!...and, changed.
7095429
Yes, the line is much more fitting now! Sometimes, when you spend enough time writing something, little things like that can slip through the cracks and wind up undoing some of that hard work. That's why proofreaders are so helpful, they can help catch things like that, but one of the more helpful things about Fimfiction is that writers can edit their stories for correction. I've only published one story myself, but even that had some bugs when I posted it that my proofreaders missed, so even when a story is "done" it's never really done.
That was really good. I love me some romantic clop. It makes the gooey fun parts seem so much more artistic.
7093485
Wow, that's a really good point. Totally didn't think of that until now, but you're right
7091843 maybe in the future, bridle along with reins (unlikely). Until then, there's always fanart
7092227 Kind of the plus side of using Big Mac as a character is that you can show things get serious just by having him TALK
7095558 Yep. As my user page notes I'll occasionally go through some of my published stuff and edit words here and there, sometimes full lines and entire paragraphs outright. On the rare occasion a new scene or even a new chapter entirely to an already complete work.
At least you gave me constructive criticism. I'm mildly surprised at the upvote-downvote ratio so far considering there doesn't seem to be anything controversial about the description or pairing (unless people are looking at just the title and thinking it's vore, which is wow only a thought that occurred to me now)
7095977 I like writing romantic bits in, it makes happy sex just that much more feel-good. That said, I only really intend on writing for cute pairings that I really like, and after this and my last clopfic it quickly descends into very non-popular ships (Braeburn x Strongheart, plausible but it never really achieved liftoff in the fandom, and Starlight x Double Diamond, because he's seen her at his worst and forgave her, was sort of her second in Our Town and I dislike the childhood friend pairing trope). So after those two pairings, dunno what else I might write.
7097753
Feedback is a great resource, and I'm happy to give it! Yeah, now that you mention it, that title does sound sorta vore-ish, but I'm kinda used to weird titles for stories on here.
Fimfiction is kinda weird when it comes to why people downvote things. Sometimes it's just for a tag or pairing they don't like (even though no one is forcing them to read if it's not their cup of tea). I've had someone downvote my writing just because it briefly featured Princess Cadence, so sometimes folk downvote things for the most petty of reasons. Thus, I wouldn't pay that much attention to them, unless the people downvoting go through the trouble of providing some explanation as to why they didn't care for it. That's much more helpful that simple hitting that thumb-down and moving on.
that description has very off-color joke
7097753 to be honest, 63-11 is a decent ratio, I've seen good stories with much lower ratios than that
7166725 off-colour?! But Rara's fur is naturally white
What does WAFF mean?
7355504 'warm and fuzzy feelings'
You like the story?
7355641 It's strange. I'm primarily Fluttermac, but I'm slowly being won over by Rarimac. The only ship I don't like is MacDash.