Trixie in a journey of friendship.

by Alchemystudent

Friendship is weird

Author’s note: Warning-What you are about to read is a my insanity being unleashed, you might laugh, be weirded out, or run from the computer screaming and wanting to hunt me down like a dog. This fic should not be read if you are nursing, pregnant, Zutara fan, balding, have a long nose, think the world is round, have allergies to fans, are allergic to air, or have a X chromosome. Side effects of reading a fic where I lose it are: loss of sleep, sanity, desire to live, bunny attacks, random attraction to Fluttershy, Poison, gasping, pestilence, wanting to go to sleep during the day, sparkling, and Flutterdash.
“Why are these people coming after me with this fanfic?” Fluttershy tries to fly away.

Trixie’s bag of Tricks

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A black mare watches the Earth float across the sky, her mind thinking of only one thing-revenge. In her mind, she still remembers how her sister threw her into this moon prison, left to suffer a millennia of cold, warm less nights without so much as a touch of another pony. How she could not wait for the bonds of enslavement to be broken and for her eternal night to begin, “NIGHTMARE MOON!” An armadillo like creature appears before the mare, and is promptly blasted by a random lighting bolt spell.

“I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE INTERRUPT MY THOUGHTS! Now where was I? Eternal hate for sister-check, Desire to break free-check” Nightmare moon checked off some more of her list while the creature got up.

“You must listen to me Nightmare Moon, your days as an evil queen are doomed. I am an oracle from an alternate dimension that has great knowledge.” The oracle produced a sphear while the pony shrugged, her starry mane floating in space.

“Fine, tell me oh Oracle, what wisdom do you have for me to tell me why I am going to be beaten.” The mare in the moon got onto her knees, a board look in her eyes.

“ Your plan will fail due to one thing you did not count on, the power of Celestia’s student, Twilight Sparkle.” The creature showed an image of Twilight heading into Ponyville, “Even now she is heading there to meet allies that will help her activate the Elements of Harmony and defeat you.” He then showed images of her defeat and the power of the rainbow, complete with a sign that says, “taste the Rainbow motherfraker!”

“ So, What you are saying is, to ensure perfect victory is to corrupt the innocent Twilight Sparkle, make her mine, and use her as my personal weapon.” Nightmare Moon rose up smiling.

“Well…Yes that would be what you could do, but your plan will be foiled because…” The creature was interrupted.

“And Since Twilight would be only one of two ponies to know of the power of the elements I would safe and the night would last eternal!” Nightmare moon walked around, “Wich also means I can find away to get her to use the elements for me. OHHH THANK YOU!” The black mare wrapped her hooves around the oracle.

“But, I…I was….” The oracle stood there dumbfounded.

“You know, I was thinking of how my plans could be foiled and now you have just told me everything thank you.” Nightmare moon clapped her hooves together happily.

“This was just to tell you of how you could be beaten, so you would…see…how you were gonna fail…I was trying to tell you to give up.” The oracle thought to himself. “Man, I stink at this job.”
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Celestia looked up to the heavens, watching the night sky float overhead. She could see the stars moving towards the moon. The white Alicorn smiled, all was going according to her plan and soon her beloved sister would be back home where she belonged. She knew she should’ve set the elements of Harmony from imprison to cure, how on Earth could’ve she missed that switch she will never know. Luckily, Twilight is observant enough to note small details, “Celestia, my queen, the chariot to Ponyville is ready.”

“Oh, just hold it up for a bit and tell no one that I am not coming. I want it to look like I am very late.” Celestia smiled her most evil grin as she turned herself into a young unicorn with a light yellow mane, a sun on her flank for her cutie mark.

“Mam? Are you going to play another trick like you did three years ago?” The soldier asked.

“Oh you mean the one where I made the sun blue for a few minutes and pretended the sun was going old?” Celestia, now as Sunny Daze smiled as she prepared to teleport to Ponyville.

“No, that was two years ago mam. Three years ago you pretended to be a tryant and hold the sun for ransom until you got 400 cakes from Hoofington.” The soldier said as he watched Celestia teleport away.

Once Celestia arrived at the center of Ponyville where she was expected to appear, she could see the people already looking nervous. She, in her disguise, had to hold back a giggle as she heard the ponies give out their explanations as to why she had yet to appear. Then she watched with a smile as Nightmare moon make her appearance, giving out the speech about Eternal night, “Oh, sister…always a flair for a dramatic…little did you know that I have had a mole, “ sunny plucks the mole off her right cheek, “And, I have my ace in the hole. Thats right Twilight announce to the crowd who that mare is and…What the Frak!”

“So, you are the beloved student of my captor. Greetings Twilight Sparkle!” Nightmare moon smiled as she wrapped her misty hair around the purple unicorn.

“You know me? Wait what’s goin…AHHHHHH!” Twilight screamed as the smoke enveloped her turning her mane and coat black, her cutie mark into a starry sky.

“Oh, real original sis. Black, why not give her a name like eclipse to show her change…”Sunny was interrupted by Nightmare Moon’s announcement.

“Now arise ECLIPSE!!!” Nightmare moon laughed as Twilight arose, her dark eyes looking around the crowd, “Now if you all need me, I will be at the palace of the royal pony sisters, getting my home ready and prepared for the tribute. I you want us, please make an appointment. HAHAHAHHAH!” Nightmare moon enveloped her servant in the smoke and disappeared.

“Well, there goes my a plan, guess I am going to have to nuke the planet again…maybe a girl in G5 will be able to save Luna. No, bad Celestia, cant keep nuking planets every time a plan goes wrong. The Transformers still haven’t recovered. I need a new plan, Well I guess plan B will work.” And with that Celestia teleported away.

The place Hoofington, where a small stage is erected, “Ladies and Gentlecolts feast your eyes on the GREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRRRRRRRRRIXIE!!!!!!! Now, Trixie knows of the eternal night situation and the fact that we could all eventually die from cold and the like; however, this does not mean that we should be bored or denied the greatness of me! So Lets start the show!” However, before the light blue mare could begin her show, she was whisked away by a giant hand. In a flash, the young and fabulous unicorn (description provided by Trixie) was transported to an underground bunker.

“What, where is Trixie. What have you done, what do you want?”

“What I want, oh powerful Trixie, is you. I have an urgent request from Celestia.” Sunny Daze came out, trying her best to compliment and woo the stage pony.

“Oh, Has the Princess finally realized her mistake and has decided to take Trixie into her school and give her the praise that Trixie so rightfully deserves?” Trixie looked into Sunny’s eyes with hope/

“HAHA, no. But Celestia needs you to go to the Everfree forest and go and get the elements of harmony to save all of Equestria!” Sunny said.

“So you expect Trixie to risk life and limb, risk her life to find something that probably doesn’t exist so she can face off against number 2 on Equestria’s most deadly?” Trixie looked, one hoof almost out the door.

“Yes!” Sunny nodded and then heard the door slam and the sound of hoofsteps racing out the door.

“NO! Trixie is by no means stupid!” Trixie continue to run, her tail grabbed by a magic hand.

“But if you do you will get fame and glory.” Sunny said.

“Trixie has reconsidered and has decided to go.” With that Trixie raced off.

“WAIT, don’t you need some help…from some…well, I can see where this is going.” The young unicorn brings out her copy of the legend of the Mare Do Well and begins to read as she waits.

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The everfree forest, a dark place, with dark feelings, with dark ideals, with dark…ok will someone turn on a light? *CLICK* thank you.

Trixie stood before the entrance to the forest, ready to achieve greatness. She knew the road to be tough, but she had no fear in her body at all, “I don’t care what you tell Trixie, good narrator sir…but Trixie is frightened out of her mind!” Trixie looked at the camera. The blue unicorn walked slowly into the woods, her mind on the prize. She had picked up a map of the forest from Big Bob’s plot convienice emporium and snack bar from just down the street and began to follow it to the letter. Coming across a cliff, the filly decided it was best to walk around it. This was her downfall as the cliff gave way, causing her to fall and hit several rocks on the way down. Slowly getting up she adjusted her hat, “Hmph, Trixie has faced worse!” Trixie then heard a growl right behind her. “GULP!” Slowly turning around she faces a giant Manticore. “You do not frighten Trixie you big cat. Trixie was taming beast like you when she was but a foal (the Manticore in question was a little bitty kitty with a temper problem) You sir are no different! TAKE THIS!” She then whipped at the Manticore several times, only to watch her whip cut into pieces “OH boy…this will hurt.”

A few minutes later, Trixie walked slowly away, her body covered in cuts, stabs, and bites. The Manticore was busy picking his teeth with Trixie’s wand in the mean time. Trixie soon came across a raging river, ignoring a crying sea serpent. Undaunted, Trixie decided to do the only thing she could do, “This will be easy for Trixie to swim in.” The next few minutes of the young filly’s life were filled with misery and pain.

Walking deeper into the woods, Trixie kept on mumbling to herself about the reward that was to come from this adventure, “fame and glory, fame and glory. Hmmmm?” She looked about herself to see that she was now surround by life-like trees that resembled monsters. “Well, they are just trees, what could they do” Trixie then noticed that they began to surround her.

Slowly they walked to her chanting the same thing, “Raping time raping time raping time”

Backing her up to a wall, stretching out their hands to her, “Wait, what are you…No! You wouldn’t” She watched in horror as they put their branches onto her legs, rubbing as she began to struggle, “ No, don’t, not that, don’t touch me there…no, NO NOOOOOOO!!!!!!”
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“This is Lyra Heartstrings with a public service announcement.” A lime green unicorn popped out, blocking the scene in question, dressed in a sexy newscaster uniform, “Rape is not funny. It is a horrible and violent act that is in no way sexual or fun. IT can leave a person horribly scarred or traumatized and should never be used for a one off gag or plot point at all. It should never be done…unless its in a game that you and your” She slowly turns to see BonBon dressed in a princess outfit.

“Oh, please you mean old tyrant, don’t hurt me at all…I am so innocent.” Bonbon said with a seductive smile.

“Lover are pla…ying.” She has a big smile on her face, “Anyway, This Lyra reminding you all that rape is not funny, unless its Trixie, then its hilarious. Especially with trees.”

“Lyra, I am slowly getting away.” Bonbon began to playfully slip off the bed.

“SIGNING OFF. COMING SWEETIE!” Lrya dashed off
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Trixie stood there, dressed in a purple robe as she looked over the carnage. Panting she looked at the chainsaw in her hoof and then up to the camera, “Groovy.” Trixie stepped over the logs and firewood to continue on her quest. She soon came a huge chasm with a broken bridge. “Trixie knows no fear, Trixie can easily teleport herself across here.” With that she jumped the ledge, feeling thee air beneath her hooves. Concentrating hard she began the teleport across the space. Feeling the spell was complete Trixie began to hop around, “yes! Trixie was able to do it without experience traumatizing pain…Why cant Trixie feel the air?” Trixie looked down, and sees air. “Oh, S@##@” and with that she fell down the chasm, taking a few minuets to climb back up to the castle. Panting, she continued to repeat her mantra about fame and glory as she stood before the castle.

Inside the castle, the first thing that she saw was Eclipse sitting in the middle of the broken stones of Harmony. The dark pony looked up at the disheveled and beaten mare with an inquisitive look, “Just who are you, little pony? Why have you come to the home of the queen of the night?” She slowly stepped down, her eyes gleaming.

“Well, pony formally known as Twilight, you have been graced by the GREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRRRRRRRRRIXIE!” Behind her, fireworks came out of no where and a neon sign proclaiming the pony’s name appeared, “An Trixie is here for but one reason and one reason only…to defeat you.” She pointed her hoof out at Twilight, a sneer across her face.

“Oh, and how are you going to do that my dear?” She looked Trixie over, surely a meek and beaten pony had no chance of winning. “What chance do you have against a pony powered by a god.”

“By showing you what an easily killable, easily beaten and bruised, completely mortal, and pony with magic that can even HOPE to compete with a god can do!” Fire then surrounded Trixie in a beautiful torrent of flame and power. Her eyes burning with loads of fire and magic, it began to impress eclipse with its beauty and raw power.

“I, I have never seen such raw power like this.” Eclipse watched as the show mare continued to chant and bring forth the pure power of the flame to generate a huge fireball. In the distance somepony began to play Rob Zombie’s Dragula as Trixie unleashed her fire ball at the unicorn. It hit her with a huge torrent and blaze (record scratch) “However, I am not so easily taken down by such untrained magic.”

“uh, Well of course you wouldn’t be, that is why Trixie was just giving out a small demonstration of power. Here is the real magic of lightning!” Trixie watched as the lighting just powered a 10 watt bulb that Eclipse brought out “Water!” a torrent of water just merely wetted a plant,

“Earth” Eclipse then petted the new pet rock
, “AIR” She then threw Ang at eclipse who just caught the airbender and sat him down.

“ Ok, so magic is useless against you. Then behold Trixie’s horn fighting prowress!” She charged at Eclipse, horn against horn. Each one matching each other move for move, their horn colliding in sparks. Trixie would make a few jabs, sometimes even making contact and hurting Eclipse, though Eclipse was able to return in kind. Trixie rolled under a few of Eclipse’s cuts before bucking her chin. Trixie was then levitated by an Alicorn spell.

“Well, what do we have here, a jester? Hmmmm, you did do your job excellently I will give you that…however, I do not need rebels who think they can defeat me! OFF WITH YOU.” With that, Nightmare Moon put Trixie into a giant slingshot and shot her off into the sky.
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“No, Pinkie don’t give up! The world needs you, remember why you need to do this in the first place!” Sunny reached the end of her issue of “The Legend of Mare Do Well” and was shocked by the twists and turns that the issue had taken. “Oh I do hope the next issue comes out soon, to leave it hanging like this would be horrible” Sunny looked into the camera as she said this.

Crashing through the bunker a few minutes later was Trixie, broken and very badly beaten. Sunny calmly used a healing spell on the young unicorn to get her back to life, “Trixie seemed to underestimate the power of the god.”

“Yes, maybe it’s a good idea to reconsider strategy.” Sunny opened the door for Trixie.

“Yes, this time Trixie will do something new and exciting!” Trixie said standing upright and bold.

“Yes? You will head to Ponyville and get five allies who can help with the tests and prove themselves to be element bearers like yourself and become friends through fire and use that power to return the two ponies back to normal?”

“No, why would Trixie do a thing like that?” Trixie said looking at Sunny perplexed, “Trixie was just thinking that this time, she will head there with all of her tricks!” And with that Trixie ran out the door.

“Oh well, I wonder if nuking the planet from orbit is still an option?” Sunny went back inside, phone in hand.

12 hours, 14 minutes, and three seconds later.

Sunny looked at her watch and put a bed near her as she went back into her phone call, “Look, Nolan, I know it’s a pony but you could do your usual in depth look into why a hero is a hero with this. You can still do all your usual dark and moody stuff with this. Heck, you can be as realistic as much as you want, because I know you love it. Whats it starring? A strong female protagonist…talk to Whedon huh?” Sunny watched as Trixie fell through the hole and onto the bed, “Talk to you later. So
Trixie how did it go?”she asked hanging up her phone.

“B…Better than expected, the trees were nice enough to ask Trixie out before the violation could begin.” Trixie said as she got healed up.

“So, will you now go with my plan?” Sunny looked at Trixie.

“You mean, go to Ponyville, get allies, and save the day? Yes, it just crazy enough to work! I am OFF!” Trixie said as she ran out the door.

“You most certainly are.” Sunny said as she began to call Whedon about directing the Mare do Well film.

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“Ok, Trixie tried to use teens with attitude and they were busy with some demons. Tried a group of eco-teens and the less said about that the better, tried a death star and now Nightmare moon stole that from me.” Trixie slowly sipped her milkshake in Ponyville while a Dalek in the background continues to blast everything in sight, “Trixie eve tried Daleks! What type of
allies was Trixie supposed to GET HERE?” Trixie slumps her head down in tears.

“Your tears make me feel bad for you, Shake?” The Dalek gives Trixie another pinecone shake.

“Thank you.” Trixie said as she wiped her tears.

“You are Welcome…EXTERMINATE!” The Dalek then heads off, only to be bashed in the face by a pair of orange hooves.

“WHOO, things certainly have been gettin awful weird around here!” The orange pony sat down with Trixie, ordering herself a small soda. “So, what y’all moping around here fer?”

“Well, Trixie has been sent on a glorious quest from the princess herself to defeat Nightmare moon herself and so far…Its failed” She takes another quick drink, looking at the direction of the Everfree forest.

“Wait a minute, Celestia chose you? Why?” Applejack looked at Trixie weirdly.

“Because she can see greatness when she sees it. After all, Trixie is the best she is at what she does.” Trixie pointed to herself with a smile.

“ Is that why y’all haven’t been able to beat her yet?” Applejack asked with a smirk.

“No, its because Trixie lacks resources and…h…ha…he…H…E…:L..AAA….Hea…Assssit….” Trixie fumbled on her words for a bit.

“Help with taking down the god of all night? Well, then I guess I should help you out then!” Applejack said, chugging down the last of her drink.

“Really, you will be Trixie’s cann…I mean helper?” Trixie perked up with a smile. “Why?”

“Because, I have a few things to point out to our new Queen, her whole entire “Eternal night” deal is ruining all of our crops, cutting into our business, and making Granny Smith grumpier and grumpier. I plan on telling her that we need the light one way” She claps her hooves together, “Or another.”

“Trixie likes your plan, lets go.” Trixie smiled as she stood up and proceeded to walk away, “And who are you by the way?”

“The name is Applejack. Please to meet you Trixie.” Applejack quickly shakes Trixie’s hooves.

“Wait, how did you know Trixie’s name?” Trixie looked at Applejack.

“Because you talk in the second person. Its really quite weird.” Applejack said as they continued their walk.

“Talking in the second person, Trixie has no idea what you mean.” Trixie said.

“Hay, were you guys talking about taking on that Nightmare Moon creep. I’m in!” A rainbow mane Pegasus flew just above
them. “The name’s Rainbow dash”

“And why do you want to be Trixie’s personal pony she…Trixie means ally.” Trixie looked up a Dash.

“Well, for one thing she has done something to the princess and if I save the princess then the wonder bolts will have to acknowledge me. Second, she corrupted that student of the princess-Twilight. I knew her for only a bit, but no pony deserves to mind wiped like that! I was kind of hoping for her to hang out around here once in a while.” Dash said landing next to them.

“OHHH! Are we having an adventuring party? I loooooove adventuring parties! Can I join can I can I?” A pink poofy haired pony said popping out of no where.

“Pinkie? How long have you been listening in?” Dash asked, jumping at the pink one’s random appearance.

“Since the line break a page ago!” Pinkie said jumping to join the small line that was forming as they walked further on.

As they made their journey they eventually encountered a marshmallow unicorn who was pulling a small cart behind her, “OH hello there and where are you going?”

“Oh we are going off to meet up with Nightmare Moon! How about you?” Pinkie asked excitedly

“Well, after seeing the dreadful wardrobe that the queen was wearing, I decided to get some brand new clothes for her that would look simply dashing on her.” The young mare pulls out a few uniforms to show the girls.

“Rarity, the girl is threatening to wipe out everything by starvation and coldness and you are thinking of dressing her up?” Applejack looked at her confused.

“Well, just because one is going to destroy the world because she has no idea how environments work, does not mean that she should look drab while doing it!” Rarity said, looking rather indignant.

“Wait, starvation? But what about all of the innocent creatures? They need food too.” A yellow Pegasus said fluttering behind them, “Oh, sorry…I didn’t mean to speak out loud, I just wanted to point out that all of this darkness is hurting my little animal friends too.”

“Well then, you should talk to the queen directly and make her know what she is doing!” Dash said, flying behind Fluttershy and nudging her forward.

“Oh no, I cccouldn’t she will not like that at all.” Fluttershy said as she tried to stop dash from pushing her, but failing.

“This is perfect, perfect, PERFECT!” Trixie thought to herself with an evil glee, “ With five ponies I have the most perfect cannon fodder. I’ll throw the unicorn as a javelin to trick Eclipse while using the innocent one as a whip to beat the tar out of Nightmare moon, then will use the hyper one as a pony shield to gain the elements while using the boisterous one and the stupid hick as beating tools. It’s the perfect plan.” Trixie then clapped her hooves together gleefully.

“Hey, you weren’t thinking of using us in painful ways to stop nightmare moon were you?” Pinkie asked popping up to Trixie.

“No, no! Trixie wasn’t thinking of it at all.” Trixie said with a smile.
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A few hours later, the girls find themselves walking across the cliff that had hurt Trixie in the past, “Uhhh, you guys go ahead of Trixie, she will follow behind you guys.”

“Honestly, you are afraid of this cliff?” Applejack looked disbelieving at what she said. “Look, it is really stable just follow me!” Applejack said, pulling Trixie along the cliff until they made their way down to the floor. This left Trixie speechless as she looked back up, remembering her two earlier falls. Just when it seemed like Trixie was about to thank someone for the first time, the Manticore appeared.

“SO!” Trixie adjusted her hat, bringing out a whip and looked at the Manticore. “You have come back to challenge Trixie for round 3 eh. Well, jokes on you…this time TRIXIE IS PACKIN!” Trixie then drops her whip and brings out a bazooka. The Manticore, though in pain, smiles as he remembers the fun he had with this girl and will look forward to his plaything again.

“Wait!” Fluttershy jumped in front of the bazooka and went to the Manticore, she then proceeded to fix him up and sent him on his way.

“You mean, all Trixie had to do to avoid pain, slashing, and biting was just to make him feel better?” Trixie asked, eyebrow raised.

“Well, yes. Didn’t you read the old myths?” Fluttershy asked.

“Trixie failed English, why do you think Trixie has a problem with first person pronouns!” Trixie yelled.

“Well, shoot, I can teach you about that…you see first off…” Applejack began with her lesson as the heroes continued on their journey.

(The lesson here folks, is to pay attention in school and read)

As they made their way to the raging river, Trixie seemed to finally get her lesson in, “So when you are referring to yourself, you use the word I? Tri…I mean, I think I am starting to get it. But Trixie will still talk in the third person, because it is more fun this way.” Trixie then looked at the raging river, while Rarity began to have a nice conversation with a sea serpent.
“ Stand back, this river is dangerous, we might need the two Pegasus to lift us over one…”

“Darling, will you stop trying to get yourself killed and walk over here? Steven was nice enough to give us a walk way.” Rarity said, waving her arm as Trixie looked very dumbfounded.

The rest of their journey took them to the place of the raping trees. As the sight of all the trees entered her vision, Trixie immediately covered herself and backed up. “No! You don’t want me, take them, they are all virgins…at least I am sure the pink haired yellow one is!” Trixie shivered.

“EXCUSE ME!” Rarity looked at Trixie, angry at the comment.

“Trixie, what are you talking about?” Applejack asked as the trees began to move.

“Raping Time, Raping Time.” The trees began to move closer to the 6 girls, evil intent gleamed on their faces.

“Hold on, why do you want to rape us?” Pinkie asked.

“Because, we are very very lonely.” The trees said.

“Well, I can help with that. Here!” With that, Pinkie pulled down the screen and put the trees in a singles party with plenty of female trees. “Here, you can find a girlfriend here!” The pink pony smiled and then pulled up the screen to see Rarity strangling Trixie.

“HOW DARE YOU CLAIM THAT I AM A CHEAP HUSSY!” Rarity yelled, very peeved.

“Well, you are the one with the most clopfics on FIMfanfiction.” Trixie said.

“LIES!” Rarity yelled as she looked into Trixie’s with a killing intent.

“Oh, don’t worry, it was probably just a small joke on Trixie’s part, Rarity. She did use it to tell us about the raping trees.” Pinkie said with a smile, trying to get Rarity to smile about it.

“I guess so. But if she tries it again, I will have her mane for my new dress.” Rarity said, an evil smile on her face.

The last leg of their journey took them to the gorge, and again Trixie was expecting to try to pull the same stunt she did before. This time, though, she watched as Dash flew over to the otherside and began to fix the bridge for them. Trixie couldn’t help but smile as she walked with her cannon fodder, almost forgetting her previous plan to use them as weapons and have them help her. This thought continued to intrude on her mind as they made their way to the lair of Nightmare moon and Eclipse. The two ponies of Darkness sat on the throne seeing Trixie and the others walk into the room.
“Oh, and what is this, my personal jester here to offer a good laugh once again?” Nightmare moon asked looking down at Trixie.

“No! This time Trixie is here to defeat you, why? Because this time Trixie has…FRIENDS!” As Trixie made this declaration, the room glowed in a brilliant light and the stones that were once the elements began to arise and transform.

“These ponies have shown Trixie through their honesty, kindness, Generosity, laughter, and loyalty that Trixie doesn’t have to be alone in her battles. She can be big enough to admit that she would need help and that help in turn, makes the adventure all the more great. For having a team on her side made this adventure truly magical!” Trixie yelled, as she did the elements appeared on each one of their perspective owners. Lastly the tiara of magic appearing on Trixie’s hat as they are overcome with the pure power of harmony.

“NOW TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERFRAKER!!!!!” And with that a powerful rainbow shot out of Trixie and the others to wrap around Eclipse and Nightmare moon zapping them.

“Oh, I have wasted my life” Nightmare Moon said as she is hit with the rainbow.

A few minutes pass, and soon everyone recovers as well as the sun once again returning to normal, “ Well…where’s Trixie’s fame? The glory, the crowds!” Trixie yelled, looking around.

“I am afraid they aren’t coming Trixie, this was more of a way to save my student and young sister.” Celestia said, appearing before them all.

“TIA! I am so sorry about being evil and cruel!” Luna said, racing to her beloved sisters’ side.

“And I am sorry too, princess. I allowed myself to get caught by the power of Nightmare moon and…”Twilight was stopped mid apology by Trixie.

“WHAT? Trixie went through hell just to reunite your sister and to fix your student? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Trixie has never been so insulted in her life!” Trixie then threw down her tiara at Twilight’s hooves,

“HERE! Take your stupid element, it looked horrible on Trixie anyway and take these friends of Trixie’s TOO! Trixie can’t believe this! OF all the bad…” Trixie mumbled and grumbled as she stepped out of the castle, then stopped turned around, “But…if you ever need Trixie again for help or maybe to just hang out, We cou…” At that point she was grabbed by Pinkie who pulled her into a hug.

“Well of course you can! As a matter of fact why not stay with Twilight? You two could learn from each other.” Pinkie said happily.

“Me, at the library but I have got to stay with princess Celestia.” Twilight said looking up at her teacher.

“I think that would be a great idea, Trixie can learn about friendship from hr new friends and you can learn how to better yourself by reding books, training her, and making new friends.” Celestia said looking down at Twilight.

“Wait, learn about…does this mean?” Trixie looked up at Celestia with a big grin.

“Yes, you will be Twilight’s student and study buddy.” Celestia said.

“Eh…it’s a start.” Trixie said.

The end

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Authors note: The story you have just seen is true, in a different universe. The spelling mistakes, grtammar errors are all my fault. I had no idea what I was doing writing this, it came to me out of no where. I had a thought while watching Sonic Underground about the oracle who told Robotnik about the prophecy and how you don’t really do that to the bad guy. I then though about what would happen if nightmare moon had that info and then thought about Trixie’s journey and how different it would be if the vain one tried the journey. I also did this in an attempt to branch out into just pure comedy instead f the adventure tales I usually come up with. The rape gags come from my love of the evil dead trilogy and my hate of rape as drama in general. If Fluttershy seemed like her intro was rushed to get her in, its because it was…I had no idea why she was going to go with them and came up with something on the fly. Yes, the legend of the mare do well comics gags are based off of that awesome fanfic by JD2K, you should go read that instead of this insane drek. Also, can you imagine how this show would be different now? With Trixie living with twi?

Comments

[ProBrony]

Before I even read it, I can tell you that you should fix your formatting to make it more clean. Make sure your break lines go all the way across, and that your paragraphs all have indentation. I don't know how your grammar is, but normally when there's a format problem there's also a grammar problem, so I suggest reading your story aloud. Anyways, let me read it.

[Alchemystudent]

2191819

Sure go ahead and read it

[ProBrony]

Name of Story: Trixie in a journey of friendship by Alchemystudnet (part 1, I guess)

Grammar Score: 3/5

Pros (3): Concept is funny, trollestia has the potential to be believable, and so far (before the Clopton Forge thing) I can follow where you're going.

Cons (3): Missed oppertunities for the funny, grammar and formatting issues, and pacing is too quick.

Notes/Comments:

thing-revenge should be thing, revenge, or thing— revenge.

I'm not sure what's going on with that first "Nightmare moon!" dialogue.

Most of your dashes should be commas. For those that still need to be dashes, use alt+0151 to create the long dashes, like this: —

“Fine, tell me oh Oracle, what wisdom do you have for me to tell me why I am going to be beaten.” should probably be "Fine, tell me, oh oracle; what wisdom do you have for me about my downfall?" You have tell me in the sentence twice, which, besides feeling unlike something Luna would say, is redundant.

Board -> Bored.

>He then showed images of her defeat and the power of the rainbow, complete with a sign that says, “taste the Rainbow motherfraker!” I'm not gonna say that you can't do this, but maybe it should read like: He then flashes images of her defeat at the hands of the mighty (pick a funnier adjective) rainbow. Above it, written in ghostly like letters, was the phrase "Taste the Rainbow, motherbucker!" The joke can get a chuckle, but the way you word it diminishes it's impact I think. I'm no comedy writer, though.

Also, watch your tenses. The beginning of your story everything is happening *now*, but here you suggested it's happening in the past. You should stick to one, and I say use the present, as it adds to your writing and humor (in my opinion).

“And Since Twilight would be only one of two ponies to know of the power of the elements I would safe and the night would last eternal!” Rephrase that. Actually, all the dialogue around that part before the break to celestia could be written more natural, and more funny.

The Oracle's last words should probably be internal, as I would assume NMM would hear it and changer her mind. Additionally, maybe ad some background to the oracle by having him explain hisself to NMM. His presence is kind of random, but the reason he's there doesn't have to be.

Use a semicolon after "the while Alicorn".

>"She knew she should’ve set the elements of Harmony from imprison to cure, how on Earth could’ve she missed that switch she will never know." wut

>Luckily, Twilight is observant enough to note small details, “Celestia, my queen, the chariot to Ponyville is ready.” should be a new paragraph. Every time a new character is speaking, make a new paragraph. In the event that a character has a long speech, break that into paragraphs as well, and end each one with a single quote instead a double quote; add the double quote when the speaker is finished.

>“Mam? Are you going to play another trick like you did three years ago?” The soldier asked. may be funnier as "A sodiler watching from across the room shakes his head, remembering his queen's past shennanigans. "Your royal highness, are you really going to play another trick... *again*?"

I believe Sunny Daze is someone else's OC, so you may get chewed out for that. But idk.

"The soldier said as he watched Celestia teleport away." That implies it's happening at the same time, where I think it would be funnier to take out the "as he watched", and split it up into two centences. Celestia should also probably be cackling as she disappears.

Maybe Celestia shouldn't teleport to the center of Ponyville, as we only see Twilight teleporting in the show (even Celestia never teleports on screen). That would probably be a dead giveaway. I'm thinking in aback alley, and she walks into the crowd. It implies more sly tactics.

First, it seemed like she was going to ride a chariot to Ponyville, which means if she teleports there she arrived incredibly early. That length of time isn't properly conveyed. It would be funny to have Celestia use that early time to prank random citizens, and then make her way to her own scheduled appearance. Also, the entrance of NMM should be told out via Celestia's perspective. Maybe have her roll her eyes at the dramatic entrance, stuff like that.

Frak should probably be buck. Frak is from stargate or startrek, right?

This section, with NMM and Twilight and Celest should be rewritten and made more clear. I can piece together what's going on, but a reader shouldn't have to think too hard.

Crowd reactions could be used for good humor. Maybe someone askign "Who is this bitch, and why should we care"(in reference to twilight), but with a more in-universe appropriate word.

Make it clear when Celesti is talking to herself or is addressing NMM, because I can't tell. Use italics when she's talking to herself.

Use only one exclamation point.

I should be if.

Celestia's monologue after Eclipse's appearance shoudl flow better, and be more "logigal". It's more fun to follow random logic (say, pinkie feeling like a picture is wrong, so she turns the house to set it level) instead of completely random (pinkie feels a picture is tilted, so she breaks a window).

WTF is going on with this Clopton Forge nonsense?

Ok, I'm going to stop right here for now. I have to leave.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: It's called Modulation, you can find it on my page.

[Alchemystudent]

2192817

Yeaaaaah, the Clopton Forge bit was just a weird random bit of nonesense that I put in. It was just a reference to one of my pen names and was a kind of a joke on random side stories that pop up. I guess I should have also written "No not there, in another scene you fools!!!!" I was going for a scene change to an even that I didnt want them too, I wanted it to be something stupid. I think the joke kind of fell flat here now I think about it more. (A few other jokes to me feel kind of flat but you havent gotten to them)

Also I kind of wrote this before I became aware that Buck is a thing (nowadays I use it in my writing a lot, surprisenly...its with Dashie) so I used frak...mainly because its what I use all of the time. I am not a fan of swearing and only use it as a last resort. But I see where you are getting at with the changing of the line ruining the gag.

A lot of the other stuff you pointed out I agree completely and can understand how this would improve my jokes and humor. Thanks for the review

[ProBrony]

2192918

Name of Story: Trixie yada yada yada, review part 2

Notes/Comments:

You should establish hoofington better. No need to describe it really, just make that sentence flow better. And again, paragraphs breaks are a must. The main blog that is posted on the side of the front page of fimfiction.net had a good entry about paragraphs breaks. Even I read it.

Describing trixie as the "light blue mare" could be done smoother. It's fine how it is, but honestly for this story it might not eve be necessary. Maybe. Don't quote me on that.

I'd change the parentheses around (description provided by Trixie) to brackets []. Just a style thing, there's nothing wrong with it.

"Trying her best to compliment and woo the stage pony". Delete that out of your story, and make the reader come to that conclusion by what Celestia actually says. Also, at least give a throwaway paragraph to describe the bunker, maybe even going so far as to mention objects inside that clearly indicate it belongs to Celestia, or hit where it is. One of the funniest jokes I saw when I was a kid was when Hercules (Disney) was blindfolded and brought to a secret location, and instantly knew where he was when the mask was taken off. He didn't have any believable reason to know, but it was just funny. "Oh man, nice yacht".

Trixie is redundant when talking about risking her life. Also, unless numbers are over a certain amount (I can't remember if it's 100 or 1000 or whatever), they should be written out. That '2' should be a two. Also, you missed a joke for Sunny to inquire who is number one.

>“Trixie has reconsidered and has decided to go.” With that Trixie raced off. --- For flow purposes, I feel it should read...

"but if you do, you'll earn fame, glory, gold, and a free complementary spa in canterlot.

Sunny Daze suddenly found Trixie seated in front of her. "Trixie has reconsidered, and despite your terrible offer has decided to go to Freverlee forest".

"Everfree".

"Whatever." With that, Trixie raced off.

Something like that.

Everfree should always be capitalized. The opening paragraph would also be more funny if it was inner monologue by Trixie, and she asked who was reading her mind at the end. No need to answer it. Also, think about formatting that click for humor. You could do it in line with the text, or give it it's own separate paragraph. Should you use asterisks, or make it italicized?

When trixie speaks in that second paragraph, it should be another paragraph. I'm done telling you when to fix paragraphs, that guide should help you enough.

Big Bob's should sell something else, and be listed in front of plot convenience. Or, possible, make it more ridiculous. Either "Big Bob's Used Carriages and Plot Convenience Emporium", or "Big Bob's Magically Enhanced Plot Convenience Emporium". Something like that.

Describe the Manticore different. The parentheses have to go. Do it when he shows up.

How did her whip get cut to pieces?

Don't make the h in OH capitalized.

He should be using trixie's wand as a toothpick, since he didn't actually take chunks out of her. More importantly, when did trixie have a wand?

You missed some funny to be had with the selfish Trixie interacting with Steve Magnet, especially when he's used to unicorns being nice to him.

Why were the next few minutes of the young filly's life filled with misery and pain? Leaving things to the reader's imagination can be very funny, but in most cases in your story you leave too much. They say you should show, not tell, in your writing, but you're not doing either sometimes. More importantly, when was Trixie a young filly? The CMCs are young fillies.

I'd have Trixie singing "Fame and glory" to herself to raise her spirits, but that's just my opinion. Or maybe "Trixie kept mumbling to herself about things like rewards, fame, and glory...."

Rape jokes, man. They're gonna be a hard sell. They're not impossible, but you have, all of a sudden, Trixie getting raped by trees. Maybe she escapes, but we as readers don't know that. You should be less explicit, and just say touchy feely trees or something. Maybe they should chant "pretty lady" or something. You can imply the rape, without saying it, and it'll come off as better. I personally don't get offended with rape jokes, but you gotta keep in mind your readers (and your rating).

Aha, you cover the rape thing. But still, don't explicitly mention it till Lyra says it. Also, for extra funny, don't describe her dress as a sexy newscaster. Have her pop out, say her spiel, THEN describe how her outfit was practically falling off her and was so revealing (don't actually use the word revealing). It'll be funny, because we'll get an implied rape scene (but with funny overtones), a mare saying rape isn't funny, but then that mare wearing revealing and slutty clothing. As a word of warning, you're toeing the line of "if you wear slutty clothes, you deserve to be raped". I understand the comedy, but some extreme feminist may not, and they'd have a good reason not to. Your story, though.

Lyra's dialogue isn't finished. Also, Bon Bon should always be two words, and their dialogue exchange should be smoother. Maybe Bon Bon should be the camera girl?

Don't use all caps unless it's the Royal Canterlot Voice. Exclamation marks should be enough.

Where did trixie get the chainsaw? Or is that part of the joke? Is that a call out to Ash (never saw the movies)?

Trixie's dash across the chasm should flow better. Watch a skit with Wiley E Coyote, and imagine how you'd narrate it to preserve the funny.

Your transitions from area to area could be smoother.

As for swearing, besides buck, you could probably come up with some equally effective in-universe swears. For an example, an elderly pony might say "By Starswirl's beard!"

Trixie wouldn't know what Eclipse looked like, so describe it from Trixie's point of view. Make it funny, where Eclipse obviously has a better design than Trixie, but Trixie refuses to acknowledge she looks better. Make it like that "2/10, would not bang" meme. That way we get introduced to Eclipse as Trixie, and you get another joke out of it.

How can Eclipse be Queen of the Night? What is NMM doing? I know you probably mean that Eclipse is a guard for NMM, but make it more clear.

Would Trixie know Eclipse used to be Twilight?

"But Trixie is here but for one reason, and one reason only— To get rich. Unfortunately, that involves your downfall."

*powered by a goddess. Titles are important.

Why is Trixie all of a sudden going Super Sayain?

When you make real world references like Rob Zombie, you're going to have to give them a horse pun. It's like an unwritten rule. And instead of having somepony "in the distance", just have Trixie summon minions or the castle janitor or someone do it.

That record scrath was painful. They don't translate too well into written word. Try something else. And if the music is being summoned by Trixie's awesomeness, why would it stop when Trixie does something awesome?

Oh, Eclipse shrugged it off. Make it more clear.

Make Trixie's attacks and Eclipse's responses flow better. It's a lot of random action as it stands now. Take the time to show how useless Trixie is.

That Aang shoutout is out of place. Describing Eclipse using airbending (without actually saying airbending but making it painfully obvious to anyone who's a fan of TLA) would get the job much better. Also, it's spelled Aang.

Unless you're going for the absurd, magic sword to magic sword fighting is less clunky.

A spell doesn't have to originate from an alicorn to get her to levitate. Twilight does it all the time in the show. In addition to that, alicorn should probably be lowercase. For examples, manticores aren't Manticores, and dragons aren't Dragons. Alicorn would only be capitalized if it was a title.

A giant slingshot? Why bother when she can just magically fling her? Simply being thrown like a cannon will avoid the "...lolwut" from the reader, I think. Think. Your call. Slingshot does technically work.

"Looking into the camera" is a joke that you should use once. Maybe instead of saying camera, you could suddenly jump to second person. "'Oh, I do hope the next issue comes out soon. To leave it hanging like this is torture.' Sunny looked up from her books and pierced your soul, with an expectant look." It would be funny, because the reader wouldn't expect them to be held accountable, and if the person who came up with Mare-Do-Well ever read your story, it would be a great shot at them. However, I'd save that for something any reader can do, like advising against writing fics with terrible tropes (like Twilight butchering a spell), but only do that if it fits. I'm not saying change it to that. Sorry, I'm rambling.

Don't say that Trixie is broken, describe how she's broken.

"To get her back to life" should be rephrased. It doesn't flow, and Trixie isn't (or shouldn't be) dead.

At this point, I feel this should be multiple chapters. I think you'll snag more readers this way, and let them catch their breaths. I wish I had a break right now.

Instead of "all her tricks", maybe "This time, I'm going to dodge RIGHT and use an iceblall instead", implying that she's not really going to switch her tactics up and that she didn't learn anything.

Celestia wouldn't have a phone in her hand, it would be held up to her face by magic. She also would have rolled her eyes at Trixies terrible tactics, and have asked that nuking question internally, probably in italics.

Ok, I have stuff to do. Just fix all that. Maybe I'll come finish the review later, but this is slow going. Good luck. Also, when you do finish your edits, you should delete my comments so others cant get spoiled by what I've written.

[Alchemystudent]

2193561

I think I'll wait for you to finish your review first, before I make any big changes to the story with the edits that you have made. This will give me time to do work on my two other big stories (Equestria's Mirage and Friendship is Eternal, which I am putting a lot of work at the moment and want to really finish first). However, I do appreciate the review and am greatly enjoying looking at the points you are making. They are a big help for me to improve on the comedy.

Now about the notes (note: these arent excuses for my actions or what I wrote. These are just explinations about my writing and certain ideas)

First about hoofington and the Trixie part, yeah, I should have described it better. I also liked your idea of fixing up the conversation with Trixie and Celestia to make it a little funnier. Also about the paragraph breaks...yeahhhh, this was written before I read that article. I think I would fix that a little bit now that I have read it. I didnt have Celestia say anything about number one because I figure she would already have number one on mind (Sombra...nah I'm kidding, its Discord)

With the narration...I think you have given me an idea for a gag I could do to improve the scene,

As for the comment about misery and pain, I think I should improve it by setting it up with Trixie being confident about her swimming abilities and able to get through the water and then breaking her hopes, Her life was filed with misery and pain because she was thrown into raging rapids.

About the rape scene, I have never tried a rape gag before and wanted to see if I could pull it off effectively. I wanted to use the Raping trees because that would be the most weird thing I could think of and I love Evil Dead (yes, the chainsaw is a reference to Ash and you should go see the movies, they are awesome). I thought I could get away with just a leg rub to be subtle enough and let the reader fill in the blanks in their own minds. Of course, the last thing that I would want to imply is "if you wear slutty clothing you deserve to get raped," That is just wrong. I was more going for a small riff on how in more rape fic stories, the strong female character is raped for no reason and is taken out way too easily. But I think I can see where you are coming from with this.

With the chasm run...yeah...I think that could've gone better (I heard a live reading of this story eariler and was busy thinking of improvements the entire time) I also did the censored swear word because...wingdings are funny.

As for the trixie Eclipse fight, The super Saiyan bit was just how I always like writing fire magic being used by anyone. Also, I agree with changing Rob to someone else. Also, I admit, the record scratch was a mistake...I think I should have found a way to made the attack big and the sudden shock of the loss be more impactful. The horn to horn fight was meant to be a little more weird and that would be the reason for the slingshot.
The rest I agree with and have no explinations for.

Multiple chapters? Really? you think this should be two instead?

Maybe I should, or just delete this story entirely. ITs not because your review or anything...its just that this story feels like something I used to write back when I was 13. When I would just put in random references and sight gags with no rhyme or reason or when I would put multiple chapters into one long fic. Where jokes, random gags, spelling errors, and other things ran rampant because I self edited my stuff. The other fics I have written on this site, the ones that have had been proofread and edited by my peers, they are ones that I am more proud of and want to perfect. Heck, I have a few down on the road that I cant wait to upload to the site that I think are way better than this and are ones I cant wait to write. This story, though I love it like all of my fics, feels like a step back to me and a chapter of my writing I want to forget. Dont get me wrong, your review is important and I take everything you said in to help better my comedy...but I wonder if I should with this. or just leave it alone, a piece of my old life that I can look back on and compare it to how I have grown both as a serious writer and a comedian.

[ProBrony]

2193910

I'm going to reply in a pm.