- Member Since 11th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 9th, 2023
TJAW
America enjoyer, NATO enthusiast, military history and geopolitics appreciator.
TJAW
Joined 11th Jun, 2012 ·
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Yay, you did it!
Unfortunately, this story rushes through first contact situations, like almost every other Halo crossover. I would consider revising.
750465
Thanks for your input. I have a list of possible revisions to make, along with plot journal and such. I'll put it near the top of the list and try to see what I can change to improve it.
Any constructive criticism is welcome!
farm1.staticflickr.com/131/319047856_dbf1ef3e92.jpg
Another halo crossover? Seriously dude? Seriously? There's like a billion halo fics out here, what gave you the clever idea of making ANOTHER one? Admins should ban this shit! You heard me knighty and Poultron!
750488 s2.favim.com/orig/37/fuck-funny-gtfo-lol-meme-Favim.com-301723.jpg
If you don't like it, then why are you here?
Don't mind him, this is a great story.
750500
Because I want answers, who in their right mind would write something that's been written a gagilion times?
750488
Sir, I respect you opinion, and understand that the basis of it is the over-abundance of Halo-MLP crossovers. However, I have no intention to make a story that translates to being Michael Bay in written form. In fact, I'm somewhat insecure about how short the action sequences are before being interrrupted.
750508 Why are you writing a second person Twilight romance story when it has been done a gagilion times? Sorry about that, it's just that you are one of those people that aggravate me. You just pop up and dislike and get the hell out of here faster then Nixon in office. The reason why is because these two have pretty good compatibility. They were meant for each other.
(I might check out your story.. I'm a huge sucker for second person Twilight stories)
halo whit pony yes i like it
750500
Thank you.
Hmm, Halo terminoligy... You know I will look through this to see if they are correct right? If not I will pm and comment you like the Covenant glassing a planet...
750562 Don't mention it. On chapter three right now. Are you in need of a pre-reader, or do you have that covered?
750569
I don't have one, but my grammar is pretty good, and so is my spelling. Microsoft Word picks up most of my errors. But I'd like one.
750595 I've got you covered.
750602
So... How should I set you up, and what'll you do? I know that I can put a password on the story so people can see unpublished chapters if they have the pass, but I don't know how to give it so someone so only they can see it.
750608 Well, you need to send me a link to a new chapter in a private message with the password so I can read it. You can't make it work for only one person, so pick a password that you'll like. I'll try to make sure that you don't forget anything important or anything like that.
750595
That being said, I would like to offer my services.
Aside from that, I have a few things I would like to say about the story:
First off, before I forget; an AI name Hal of all things is asking for trouble.
Secondly, from what I know, SPARTAN super soldiers don't exactly freely give out their names to just anyone; especially an unknown sentient alien species that they just met.
Now, my knowledge is more based on SPARTAN-II's, so I'm not perfectly aware of the III's mannerisms and behaviors; especially given how they weren't trained to be government killing machines from childhood like the II's.
Even so, any military personnel would be more likely to give out their rank and designation than their name, for example: Instead of "You can call me Mark", he would say, "I am Colonel SPARTAN A-077."
That's all I've really put together right now (I need to stop staying up late to read fanfiction...), but there are a few other things that bothered me throughout the first three chapters.
All in all it's a good story, but it does still need some streamlining and polishing before people will sing of your brilliance throughout the land.
...okay, a lot more for that, but you get my point.
Given how this is your first story, I'm overall not surprised with the quality of work that you've put out here. My best suggestion right now is to find a good beta reader and editor to help smooth the story out; and once you've done that (even if you haven't, just take the extra time to make sure you've got everything together) just keep writing. Your style will improve over time, my story is pretty much a living testament to that. The later chapters will likely be much better than your first ones, so don't get discouraged by anyone that might say they don't like it.
Another thing for your writing career in general (especially if you don't get an editor/beta reader/ whatever); it's a good idea to wait a day or so after finishing a chapter to publish it, because immediately after writing your mind will be... "biased", to an extent, and you'll want a fresh outlook on it. This is something I've kind of struggled with in my own story.
TRUST ME
I'M FROM THE INTERNET
im liking this the the prolbem i think is that you kinda went into the diplomacy thing a little to quickly
750684
Hal: Name changed to Emmerich. He was supposed to be a reference to Hal "Otacon" Emmerich from the Metal Gear Solid series in his name and the avatar he used.
SPARTAN-IIIs: SPARTAN-III supersoldiers varied in recruiting age, from 3 to 7, and were all orphans of the Human-Covenant War. They were an initiative by Colonel Ackerson of the UNSC Army, with the backing of ONI Section 3, to create mass-produced, expendable supersoldiers. Many of them were issued the MJOLNIR Mk V (B) and allowed to customize it heavily. Those who were allowed to operate alongside regular soldiers were referred to as SPARTANs, as the IIIs were kept secret from the public, unlike the IIs. Lastly, the altered augmentation process, whic had no fatalities at all, unlike the SPARTAN-II augmentations, had some different, more beneficial effects, such as improved long-term memory. So they could actually remember their names.
Names: Given the semi-diplomatic the nature of their mission, the SPARTANs of Knife team were ordered to use their names if they were asked them, in order to foster trust. The UNSC would definitely want to be on friendly terms with any alien species they met, given their last experiences with aliens.
750508
Ok, I'm going to make a suggestion here but it's extremely risky. You may possibly die from it but you may not have to worry about MLP/Halo cross fics ever again. Stay with me here because here we go.
DON'T LOOK THEM UP, DON'T READ THEM, FIND A DIFFERENT STORY
And just like that, the problem was solved. Have a nice day
750631
or google docs
not bad i'll see where this goes and to the haters out there this is fanfiction meaning it is up to each writer to decide what the want to write and so what if someone wants to write something thats been done before lots of things have been done before we're just doing our way anyways let me know if you need any help with the halo univeres for cannon sake or anything i would be glad to help
755276
Thanks. I've pretty familiar with the canon, having read most of the books except Glasslands and the Forerunner saga. That said, it'd be nice to have a little backup with the canon. I'll look you up if I need any help!
752863 What? Not reading something you don't like? Blasphemy! Blasphemy!
758173
I thought it was pretty obvious this guy does not like MLPxHalo crossovers. I don't recall saying anything about not reading anything else
I like the good grammar and use of a wide vocabulary. You definitely have the writing ability to make a halo crossover work, but as RandomEncounter said, you rushed a bit through the first contact. The mane six seemed a bit too readily accepting of Mark to be realistic, 'cuz I know if I was a four foot tall horse that scared pretty easily, I'd probably s*** myself at the sight of a 6 foot soldier. Imagine their reaction from their point of view, which is basically like an ant looking at a lizard and saying "welcome to antville!" you know? Love where this story is going though!
759517
Well, they are Anthropomorphic. (Ponys with Human Traits) So, maybe they just thought he was another pony at first. Er something
759517
Hell, even as I write chapter 8 right now, the ponies don't entirely understand what kind of situation they've gotten themselves into!
I just wanna say that ponies tend to be pretty accepting of new things whenever I watch the show, as long as the newcomers don't display hostility; however, some of them are wary in the story, and there'll be an isolationist group showing up soon.
And may God give me the strength to finish this fic, even if Halo 4 comes out before that happens.
Hell yes. This is good stuff man. Next chapter please?
765608
Not until after it's been proofread dude; my grammar and spelling are pretty good, and Word helps a lot, but after I copy-paste it onto the site, I have to re-space the paragraphs and re-italicize. Not to mention finding the errors that Word missed, and polishing the story itself. Hopefully that'll be done by tomorrow.
But even then, I've still gotta play as much Xbox 360 as I can!
765689 Thank you my good sir.
Twilight X Human?
Sounds good to me.
765842
What? I'm not doing anything of the sort!
765858
Just kidding.
765861
As was I...
765858
Oh c'mon, don't be a wuss :P
Also, why are they using Mark V armor? Why not the current Mark VII, or even the slightly older Mark VI (The Chief's armor)
766716 In Halo 3, the description for the mark V helmet says that it was upgraded to work with the mark VI armor systems. Maybe that? Either way, it still looks damn cool.
766716
766787
I'm using Mk V (B), the variant featured in Halo: Reach; most of the weapons, equipment and tech Eagle Sword uses are from Reach. Also, the Mk V (B) is much cheaper and more modular than the Mk VI because of it's slightly older nature, while still being superior in most ways to the regular Mk V.
And BTW, the picture of the SPARTAN in chapter 1 in Mark. If you wanna see what Ethan looks like, here's a link:
I'm indifferent about whether or not this turns into another Twilight/human ship.
What I'm wondering is how Twi's research into the war will advance the plot. 
Don't tell me; I want to be surprised.
Looking forward to however this whole thing turns out. Will there possibly be more Covenant during the shore leave?
Anyway, let me know if you need any more help with the story (proofreading, et cetera). I'm glad to help however I can.
767376
>Indifferent to Mark x Twi shipping
Okay, good. But that won't really culminate for a while.
i like this story its very different from other Haylo stories
768416
How so?
jizz in my pants. lol
in all seriousness, this is a great chapter and i'm looking forward to the next.
Unless I misread it, it said they were spartan III's? That is something I hate. The game completely screwed with the III'S. Originally, they all used SPI armor, we're trained in groups of 300-500, none got ranks above petty-officer, and only 2 ever made it past 18.
Great fic though. Can't wait for more! Also, what's your gamer tag?
768676 well you are not just showing a huge all out war from both sides with the ponies stuck in the middle the covenant are more outnumbered in ships and you are showing a more human side to the spartans and peacfulness good job
770706
It does get more action-y later on, but I'm trying to make this story more about the characters than the war itself.
Thank you.
770401
Well, I try to find a balance between the canon of the books and the games, so there'll be some violation of canon, plus some artistic liberties. I just figure that at this point the surviving SPARTAN-IIIs would be equipped with the same Mk V (B) armor as Noble wore. And yes, I know that at this point the IIIs are being integrated into the IV program and equipped with GEN 2 armor, but I'm just sticking with what's familiar and known. But thanks for the compliment!
My gamertag is TJbrena
ZOMGWTFBBQ!!!!1!!
What kind of ass was he referring to? Heh heh.
774283 well i for one have been apreciating this story