• Member Since 8th Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen Dec 11th, 2016

sungeeky60


i love to write about mlp because its 20% cooler than anything else

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Discord has a masive crush on Fluttershy. Of course he hasn't told her but in someways he acts like he does. One day after hours of pranking every pony he strolled down to Fluttershy's cottage and he knocked on her door but he was in a trance by her singing voice and he quickly turns into one of his disguises and it wasn't thought out properly. He turned into a pony version of Chaos. Will Discord win the heart of the Element of Kindness or will a certain Somepony get in the way?!

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 19 )

Hope every one likes this I tried my best I'm just a begginer so please give some positive feed back please thanks.

6942003

First off, asking for positive feedback is terrible. Don't ask for positive feedback. If you have to asking something, then at least ask for 'constructive criticism' or 'when you dislike, tell me why'

Second, use grammar. If you used grammar at all, at least in the title and description, then people would actually consider reading it.

Try those and maybe people would actually read it so they would respond. I didn't even read it, I just looked at the description and title and said to myself "Ugh."

6942003
Hi!

So, welcome to your first story! I'm happy you tried your best, sungeeky. However, as cute as this story is, it seriously needs an editor, and/or a proofreader. You should touch up on basic elements of grammar and spelling, such as capitalizing names, and using commas after someone is speaking. I won't go into all of it, but I'd be glad to see you improve.

Here's the link to the editor group: Looking for Editors.

The instrutions are in the group, but all you have to do is post a request in the forum. You probably already know this, but I wanted to direct you just in case.

Keep writing, but keep in mind that you do need to accept all criticism, good or bad.

Have a nice day,

Harmony Pie:heart:

It's okay concept, but I don't know why nopony will use the pony form discord already has in the show. (Twilight's Kingdom pt1) In there, he was just a unicorn, making his pony form an Alicorn is just begging for somepony to look at him questionably. (No offense)

7123785 It's totally fine and I just wanted to make the story a bit diffrent and a bit crazy I guess, really I just wanted to see if it would be a good. Version of himself but I may make him a unicorn if a lot of people are like he is an alicorn so chapter one will change.

I...can't...read it all! I'm so sorry but your grammar and writing all together needed a lot of work before publishing it. Missing periods, idea scenarios, fast paced progression...it all looks rushed. A story needs tending care like planting a seed. First, you need to rake the dirt, then burry the seed, then water it every day until it grows into a blossoming flower! Writing a story is like a seed which you are tending until it opens up and becomes ready.
You have amazing ideas, but with those amazing ideas come editing, changing, and proof reading if you want people to see it in full glory.


7123833 yeah I know but this a bit of a new thing to me since I have never done this before and I'm trying my best and I tried to fix the grammar but I'm TERRIBLE at it and I'm asking one of my friends to edit my chapters because she is SO good at English and stuff. And thank you for telling me.

First fix that title, it should be Fluttershy, The Mare Who Touched His Heart. Because titles count as names and names have to have caps like Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie ect.

I think it's very good start for first story:pinkiesmile: The plot is very simple, but also nice:pinkiehappy: To say it short, I just really like it :pinkiesmile: Plus I love Fluttercord :twilightblush:
Sure there are some grammar issues here and there, but hey practice makes perfect, right? :pinkiesmile: I'm definitely looking forward to next chapter :pinkiehappy::heart:

Ok I'm gonna make chapter five soon and does any one have any suggestions they would like to inform me about just go ahead ok thanks.

Discird? Who is Discird?

Sinning voice? How does Fluttershy's voice cause her to sin?

Element of Kiddness? Wow, that sounds a lot like the Element of Laughter, but Fluttershy would just be making jokes and kidding around, right?
:facehoof::facehoof::facehoof:
Sorry dude, you get a thumb down.

You know what I don't care about this story anymore I'm gonna put it on the cancelled option and I going to revoke my submission because I'm tired of doing this and people doing a thumbs down but I guess that's life but any way I'm stopping this series and NO ONE WILL GET TO SEE HOW IT ENDS!!!!

I have just one word for what to do next. Mind control. ...Okay, two words, still, have Sombra put a spell on FLuttershy so only the power of true love can break it.

7241976 omg that's a awesome idea I will use but in a way witch would be a bit weird but it will be worth it so thank you for the idea and I promise that I will use it.

Hmm....the sneak peak is good, but it could do with just a touch of tweaking. What you're doing is awesome, but seems a bit rushed. Maybe if Sombra used temptation while also confusing her heart into thinking she loves him while he does the spell might work. But, it's your story, so you can do what you want.

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