My name is Kaen Gold I was just looking at new spell books all was good and fun, but the day I open the oldest spell book in my collection of books changed everything.
The next thing I know I'm on the floor with a fire mane and a familiar looking alicorn towering over me calling my Sunset Shimmer.
Now Life is going to get interesting.
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You have managed to make a single sentence as long as a paragraph
6838558 wall I don't thing the wold have aprovd my story so fast. I was going to fix it after wolds.
The Story is awesome.
But.....
You need an editor, I almost didn't understand some of the sentences you wrote. But still! The Idea of the Story and the Story itself are awesome
A few things you need to work on: pacing and spelling. It was a little rushed in my opinion. Still, I'll keep tabs on it, for now.
that was hard to read at points.
other than that it's sounds like an interesting story once the ball starts gaining momentum.
man good job I love the story so far keep it up see you next chapter
Um....
Who is Sunset Summer?
Oh, Luna... Oh sweet Luna that was painful...
The sheer number of spelling mistakes, grammar issues, and what I hope to Celestia's sun were typos, is staggering. It's absolutely huge. Are you dyslexic? Because I've worked with dyslexic writers before, and the effect is comparable to their work, both in general grammar and story structure. Though to be fair, it was better than the majority of the work I've seen in that vein.
If you're not dyslexic... um... sorry.
Grammar aside, the story was very much rushed. The pacing was way off, and I feel like we never got to see... Kaen? Is that her name? Anyway I feel like her character wasn't really developed. I feel like I don't really know what she is like... But that can be fixed with time, and by putting her in situations which draw her out of her comfort zone... such as while she's adapting to being pulled of of her world, being slotted into a body with few analogues, and dealing with being forced to wear an identity not her own. But instead of getting to see any of this, she just shrugs it off as she's taken to the hospital wing. I personally think most people would have had a different reaction to this. Perhaps something more along the lines of "Holy buck, what the hay happened to me, how do we fix it?" Just a thought.
And then the timeskip. Those two days were ripe for describing how Kaen (still not sure on the name) is adapting to the small issue of how she's a pony.
Also, two days and she's able to put up a complex spell matrix that a) produces a force field enveloping the palace, b) modulates the permeability of the force field based upon the intentions and complex reasoning inside a ponies mind. No offense, but even if she has been studying this for years, she has next to no practical experience, so she should not be able to pull this of without glitches or issues. Am I getting to a point? Yes I am. The fact that she's so good at using her horn so soon after obtaining one, pulling off incredibly complex spells such as this, is the mark of a Grade-A MARY-SUE. She's perfect. Too perfect. There's no struggle, no conflict. nothing! She has immense magical knowledge, immense magic power after her power-up, and apparently immense magical skill to boot!!!!
So... what is she going to do for the rest of the fic? The only way you can keep her like this, is if you make her slowly slide into the darker side, eventually villainizing her and calling upon a new hero to save her from her decline. Twilight is a possibility, Cadence also.
Only you can save this character.
Why timeskips? Why?
And the wings?
I'm sorry, but no. Just no. No, no no.
I can't read this anymore, it's too painful.
How is the search for an Editor going??
Well I like the concept of the story but it's so hard to read it. I try to switch the words in my head to make it sound better. Yet if you can review it for yourself and just read it through you'll see for yourself. I can see the potential in it to be a really good story. Just work on it when you have time or you can ask for help to do it.
6853873 She is the character in the story, that had replaced Sunset Shimmer. We all know what the original Sunset is like, Sunset Summer is the author's version of her character, only made good instead.
Well I like the idea of the story
, but there is heavy selling checking require. I'm not sure if this not your first language, or your young in terms of writing 
. Still a little rough to read, but its generally a good story, and I would love to see where you take it.
6965404 no it is my first langueg but with a desabelat that mack it hard to read and writh with the bad teachers mack it hard to mack a story.
6965660 Understandable
. I will state that the story is good and I like what I read, do your best and good luck. 
Awesome story but you have some spelling errors that need to be corrected. But I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Good story can you do more please
Question: Update?
7163273 working on to others people are asking for.
7163334 Ah ok.
The grammar, at times, tortures my inner grammar nazi, but the story in overall is pretty good
interesting so far, the only thing i find strange is that Shimmers proxy stole the life of the other and diden't bat an eye about it.
Did she really disslike her family that much that she would go " Magic YAAY!" and dump her family and friend, feeling nothing about it?.I could see that the first week she would bee on cloud nine with meeting Celestia and the characters from the show and the magic. But after that, ye not happy times. If you fix that and hire/get a editor your golden.
ooh and more updates, Its a cool idea.
Can you do more chapters please
Do you plan on continuing this?
7693568 yes but not right now.
I can Proofread for you sir
7693972 ....WHAT!????
7694503 One thing I notice: your story and your older comments are... kind of abysmal in pacing, organization, and spelling.
But your more recent comments, even though one was short "yes, but not right now." and the other was a simple and enthusiastic what, while they may not be much to go by, I think that the first one is an improvement.
One thing you can try to do to improve upon yourself, is to read other's works, and learn as you read. Pay attention to how the writer gives it a consistent pacing. Look up the definition of a word you don't know, if you can't figure it out by reading around it. Pay attention to the words, so you can remember spelling. When you're able to read a chapter that is 1000+ words, and not feel the need to focus on anything because you know how it's all spelled and what they all mean, that is a sign that you have successfully trained yourself in the art of written English, and at that point you can start trying to write your story. As a guy who relied more on this informal form of training than any of his English classes, I can personally vouch for this. I still can't think of anything good to write, though, and when I went on with an idea anyway, it got the hate train fast and hard.
If you want the cold hard version of what I think about this story, from top to bottom, I shall leave that part of this comment behindnthis spoiler:
1: The pacing is everywhere. One second it goes from walking down stairs to the brother and then jumps back to the library with a book, describing a yellow beam and some kind of sudden soul seperation and jump. then there is no description of a transition to the scene of the... I'm going to call it the "mirror accident." And there is no excuse for the transition from lying on her side to being in the hospital, and that's not even the worst of it. The worst of it is in chapter two. You can't just make the basis for a personality like that and skip time until the time frame of plot focus approaches, then skip back, then forward some more, etcetera. What should have been done, is several chapters to develop and/or help to envision the character for the reader, and once you think the character has had enough adjustment/development exposure, start introducing more and more time skips to accelerate the timeline to the point of interest that you want to set the story in.
2: There is no detail. Where the pacing ranges from rushed to super rushed, attention to detail is at an all time low here.What happened between the mirror accident and the hospital? What did the memory injection feel like? How tf did the main character space out enough in her rage to not notice BlueBlood, the Focus of her rage at the time, had already run off? Why does the main character just seem to pick life right back up where the previous host/soul left it, relying on the injected memories to guide her? Why is she able to pull it off so easily without getting confused for a moment before whatever the topic of confusion is shows up out of her injected memory? What happened to the idea of two different people having two different personalities, and if the main character does have a different personality from the body's previous host, why don't the others suspect anything to be different other than her being a little more cry-prone?
3: There are some baaahahahahad plot holes, excusing my goat imitation. Some of the stuff from the lack of details part applies here too, so I'm gonna put them down anyway. Why don't they suspect a personality change? What exactly was in that book, to give the main character power rivalling an alicorn's? If there really is no personality change between the two, what stops the main character from doing exactly as her body's original host did, and going to the EqG world?
4: The grammar. Everything from the spelling to occasionally the entire paragraph structure. 'Nuff said.
I'm tempted to ask if I could take the base idea of the first chapter, and make it into my own story, just because I hate to see such a good story idea like this go to waste. I've been wanting to get back into writing for a while, anyway. I might have to bring out the CMC beg eyes, too bad there isn't an emote for it.
It needs some editing but good work!
Me is confuzzled.
instant favorite because of the Main Character turning into the one character I love the most from MLP: Sunset Shimmer!! <3
Bonus point for recognizing that. Many seem to overlook that aspect of being an Alicorn.
Another point for that. Also,
Oh. I was guessing
With some proofreading and some... continuation, this has the potential to be a stellar story.
I should note that i find this immediately relatable. I used to have a fascination with Wicca (i still believe in something close to that religion). However, i found out that a good indicator of a witch/warlock's power is their hair.
So... yeah. Since at its longest i have a near-afro, i gave it up.
... So, Twilight is a 'container'? What are 'runa's? How do you give 'punta's? ... You probably need a beta-reader to catch these errors. For these examples I think you meant: 'commoner', 'rune', and 'punishment'.
... Now I'll envision a little lavender milk jug with Twilight's cutie mark for awhile.
More please.
Aw why'd you cancel your stories?
hay do more chapters