Awkward Conversations And Other Stories

by No one is home

Holiday Special (April Fools): Tales of the OuterVerse

Dayglow and Pink Pastel dropped into existence in the middle of a crowded sidewalk filled with ponies of every description imaginable.

“Wow,” Pink looked around in confusion, “That was an incredible adventure we had across the pony multiverse. Am I correct in assuming we’re never going to speak of this again?”

“Yes, Diane,” Dayglow nodded grimly, “None of anything that happened in between the train wreck and our arriving here will EVER be discussed again!”

“Even the part in World War Sombra when you and the tatzlwurm…” The monstrous pink changeling quickly found herself muzzled by an extended tazzlsnake.

“Especially that part,” Dayglow muttered.

“Hey,” somepony behind them complained, “No fair, teleporting to the front, some of us have camped out all night to get a decent view of the Parade.”

“Ooo,” Pink bounced with excitement, “There’s a parade?”

“Duh,” the pony, a green and blue earth pony, rolled his eyes, “It’s the annual Neon Baby Jeebus Parade. All the Princesses are going to be in it.”

“Wait,” Dayglow cocked his head to one side, “Did you say ‘Neon Baby Jeebus Parade’?”

“Yeah, it’s the celebration of the birth of Zombie Jeebus. Jeez, you aliens could really put at least a little effort in learning Equestrian culture,” the pony grumbled, when a voice began to cheerfully narrates over a series of overhead loudspeakers.

“Welcome everypony,” the voice proclaimed cheerfully, “I’m Flim 1278.”

“And I’m Flam 1278,” a second cheery voice cut in, “Welcome, everypony to the 1016th annual Neon Baby Jeebus Parade. The parade is sponsored this year by Farthing Industries. Remember, everypony, if it’s not made by Farthing Industries than it’s probably illegal.”

“And don’t forget,” Flim’s voice boomed over the crowd, “When you need clones, think Flim Flam Cloning, a series of faces you can trust.”

“Flim Flam cloning is a subsidiary of Farthing Industries,” Flam informed the audience, then continued, “Our parade opens with the Colt Cuddler Colt Choir Burlesque. Can you believe, brother, that there was actually a time when colt cuddlers were not even accepted in equestrian society?”

“Frightfully barbaric, brother,” Flim concurred as a group of singing stallions danced by wearing socks and glitter paint, “What pony would condemn such adorable stallions?”

“I know, brother,” Flam agreed, “And coming up behind them we have the League of Angry Filly Foolers, all the way from Fillydelphia.”

A group of coltish mares wearing lumberjack shirts marched by scowling at any stallions in the crowd.

“And, here come the Wonderbolt Crusaders,” Flim’s voice was tinged with excitement, “That means the Princesses are next, brother!”

“I know, brother,” Flam’s voice cracked with fangasming.

A platoon of ponies of varying breeds marched past with military precision. Each pony was dressed in a standard Wonderbolt uniform, each emblazoned with a prominent red and gold shield.

“Oh! There it is now, the Royal Friendship Float,” Flim practically squealed with excitement, “Carrying Reigning Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and the Princesses of Harmony!”

Sure enough, a large rainbow colored parade stage floated slowing down the street, carrying Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony, all alicorns, and all of stature rivalling Celestia herself.

“Oh, and there’s Princess Starlight Glimmer, Princess of Friendship, riding atop Prince Consort Spike the Dragon,” Flam pointed out with some interest.

“They are such an adorable couple,” Flim supplied, “And here come Princess Sweetie Belle, Princess Applebloom, and Princess Scootaloo, co-Princesses of Cutie Marks.”

“And Princess Scootaloo would like the audience to know that appearances to the contrary she is NOT in fact under-age,” Flam continued.

At this Princess Scootaloo wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, drawing wild cheers from the crowd and an eye-roll and a face-hoof from Sweetie Belle and Applebloom respectively.

“Seriously?” Dayglow whispered to Pink, “They’re ALL princesses?”

“Oh, lookit Charlie!” The pink changeling pointed furiously.

Oh, look at that brother,” Flim narrated cheerfully, “It’s Princess Big MacIntosh, Princess of Cross-Dressing!”

“Always a crowd pleaser,” Flam happily interjected.

Princess Big MacIntosh smiled and waved at the crowd drawing thunderous applause as he passed.

“Somehow not as surprised as I should be,” Dayglow shook his head and laughed quietly.

“And here comes Princess Silver Highlights, brother,” Flim’s happy voice droned on, “Princess of shipping with Princesses.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Dayglow face hoofed.

“Well, you gotta admit, he’s the best at it,” Dayglow didn’t bother asking where Pink had gotten the popcorn, “Or I guess it’s her again…”

“How many Princesses ARE there anyway?” Dayglow asked of nopony in particular.

“On this planet? Or all together?” A clearly biped ponie walked up beside him and commented helpfully.

“I like the future, Charlie!” Pink giggled happily as the parade marched on.

Author's Note:

Super-Fun-Happy-April-Fools Chapter! Follow the continuing adventures of Charlie and Diane as they return from the dead and explore the Far Off Funky Future of 1999, in the even-more insane sequel to Awkward Conversations, Tales of the OuterVerse!

Comments

[Boulder]

Kiki you fool of a CAD!