Awkward Conversations And Other Stories

by No one is home

Awkward Conversations: The Embarrassing Story of Iam Noone

"Okay, Diane," Ki glanced around nervously, not sure why his former roommate was a changeling, although it did explain a lot of things, "I know you're pissed. You have a right to be. I lied to you.. alot, but will you please stop looking at me like that. This isn't the usual, 'you tie me up in my sleep' gag... Pear cobbler, Diane! PEAR COBBLER!"

"Secrets and lies," the pink changeling hung over her prey with obvious intended malice, "Why won't you tell me the truth? You told me where your from, you've told me what you really asked for. You even told me about your sweet little dream about Z-978. Why won't you tell me about Mr. N?"

"Iam Noone," Ki bowed his head in defeat, "His name is Iam Noone."

-=-=-=-=-

It started years ago. Before I had even heard about this world. I've told you about the show. Don't look at me like that, we were drunk... well I was drunk... but we DID talk about that! Anyway, this was before there was a show. Nobody on my world knew anything about this world. Much less that it was an actual place. And me and Spright, yes my friend from upstate New York, we wrote this comic: Atabnae - the Embarrassing Story of Iam Noone.

We published it ourselves and I doubt if more than 50 people in our home town ever even heard of it. Our distribution method was less than ideal. We mostly passed out copies at local punk rock and metal shows. We did a couple of issues, but then we started making videos for a local death metal band and the comic was forgotten. If I knew there was any chance it could become any kind of real I would have destroyed it with fire. As it is, Spright took most of the original art with her to New York, the rest was lost.

That should have been the end of it. But years later, I saw the show and fell in love with your world. And... Okay, Diane, I'm not proud of it, but I brought Iam Noone to your world. I didn't know it was a real world! You have to believe me! Even if I did, I had no way of knowing that things I wrote could end up here. I thought a drug addicted lobotomized human in Equestria might be fun, so I wrote a collaborated chapter in this anthology story this guy I met on the internet was doing. Then it spun out into a series of badly written stories that mostly resulted in me almost getting trolled out of the fan-fic community. This time I did destroy it with fire. Erased all the stories from the internet.

The guy I wrote the first story with disappeared sometime around then. I never heard what happened. Always figured he probably just found something better than writing pony stories on the internet. And again that should have been the end of it. Even if the stories were real, I had left Iam dead, and had long since destroyed the stories themselves. But I couldn't stop. Right before I went insane and got sent away by the words, I wrote another Iam Noone comic. This one with Iam as a ghost. I don't know how he got here, but It's my fault.

-=-=-=-=-

"See," the pink changeling traced a chitinous hoof along Ki's face, "That wasn't so hard, now was it? Now there's no secrets between us, Charlie. Isn't it better this way?"

"Please, Diane," the human begged, "Cut me loose, I gotta get out of here! He's going to kill me Diane!"

"I'm sorry, but that would be against the rules, silly," the changeling flipped her straight, pink mane and giggled happily, "But don't worry, I'll come back to play again real soon. You're gonna love the next game we play. We're gonna make cupcakes! Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Ki slumped in defeat as his last hope bounced merrily out the door.

-=-=-=-=-

"Did you learn anything useful, Cupcake dear?" Mr N tried to keep his smile. It always went better with her if you could keep smiling, though if Nopony were to be honest with himself, the pink mare terrified him.

"Nope-a-Roony, Mr. N," the changeling tried unsuccessfully to stop bouncing in place, when something occurred to her and the world for one moment stood still, "Why does everypony keep calling me Cupcake? You know my name is Pinkie Pie."

Mr. N swallowed hard and reached slowly for the security buzzer.

Author's Note:

A little expositioning for everyone who's never heard of Iam Noone before the last chapter (probably all of you ). It's also one of my favorite Internet aliases.
For further reference it's not actually the first time he's appeared in the Silververse. There was also this comic that came out of a bit of friendly trolling between me and David during the Silver Sky story:

Not my best work to be sure, and almost certainly not canon, but I'm oddly not ashamed of it.

And now you know. And knowing is at least half of some bullshit.

Comments

[Dravkwn]

That comic is a tasty treat.

[No one is home]

6976387 Like most of the Silververse it was born of a typo and much trolling.

[Daremo]

know your pissed - know you're pissed

*****
Happy to read and enjoy another chapter! The powers that be seem to be arrayed against Kiki in ever growing numbers, but he seems to be made of tough stuff. Now if only his friends can catch up to him.

so I wrote a collaborated chapter in this anthology story this guy I met on the internet was doing.

I never made the connection between this story and you before now. That's awesome!

[No one is home]

6977386 What's crazy,is when I go back and re-read that (damn, I hope I write better now ), it kinda drops sideways hints that Iam is a changeling, when he says he's "more or less human" and "it's weird that you would ask if I was a bug".